How to look less approachable at the gym?

Sam29a

I recently re-joined the gym and although I'm glad when I go, I find myself constantly trying to get away from people that just want to chat. I've tried to make sure I'm not using a machine near other people, I avoid eye-contact, I've tried looking really moody, I've tried putting my headphones on (with no music as it gives me a headache), but maybe I just have a really friendly gym, nothing works.

I'm probably coming across really mean, but I have limited time when I go to workout, I'm usually clock-watching the whole time I'm there and have to rush to fit everything in. I'm also very socially awkward, always have been, so I hate the thought of other people listening in to my conversations, I never really know what to say, over-think things after and cringe about it.

What is the best way to deal with this? I don't want to be rude and ignore people, but at the same time, I'd really rather not chat. Especially when I'm all sweaty and gross.

JMcGee2018

Sam29a wrote: »

I recently re-joined the gym and although I'm glad when I go, I find myself constantly trying to get away from people that just want to chat. I've tried to make sure I'm not using a machine near other people, I avoid eye-contact, I've tried looking really moody, I've tried putting my headphones on (with no music as it gives me a headache), but maybe I just have a really friendly gym, nothing works.

I'm probably coming across really mean, but I have limited time when I go to workout, I'm usually clock-watching the whole time I'm there and have to rush to fit everything in. I'm also very socially awkward, always have been, so I hate the thought of other people listening in to my conversations, I never really know what to say, over-think things after and cringe about it.

What is the best way to deal with this? I don't want to be rude and ignore people, but at the same time, I'd really rather not chat. Especially when I'm all sweaty and gross.

Feel free to be rude and ignore people. Unless they are coming up to you asking for a spot, they are being rude by interrupting your workout IMO, especially if you are wearing headphones which is typically a pretty good "don't talk to me" clue. You can tell them "Sorry, I'm on a time crunch and don't have time to talk right now" and go back to doing what you're doing. You don't owe it to anyone to talk to them.

100_PROOF_

I just pop in headphones and politely smile and say "have a good day!" They get the hint eventually.

kitaemma

When I don’t feel like being bothered I have 2 go to shirts, one that says “do not disturb” and one that just says “nope”. They get the job done haha

elisa123gal

headsets.

sgt1372

OP: Sounds like you're on the right track w/the headphones and absence of eye contact.

I would add the suggestion to NOT smile at anyone. Don't frown but don't smile either. Just project a flat "I don't care about you/leave me alone/I don't want to be bothered" affect.

It also helps to be totally focused just on what you are doing, rather than paying any attn to others, which requires you to ignore everyone else in the gym. Something that you say you don't like to do.

However, if you can do this, no one will want to approach you unless absolutely necessary. If you do this and people are still "bothering you," you must be giving off a contrary vibe.

Can't say what that might be w/o seeing you in context but, if you are female, it almost certainly will have something to do with your being a woman, who people view as more approachable by both men and women, and not necessarily anything that you are unintentionally doing to invite the interruptuons.

Good luck!

Sp1tfire

I wear headphones, don't wear makeup, don't smile, and don't make eye contact. If someone talks to me I give curt but not rude answers as needed and keep doing what I was doing.

danniej312

I am introvert and headphones are my best friend. I just pop them in and go about my business. No one talks to me.

foreversnafu

If you want to be left alone you have to establish dominance:
1. Grunt really loud during all of your lifts.
2. Scream "lightweight baby!" after you're done a set.
3. Find the biggest guy in the gym and slap his rear then call him soft.

That's literally it.

Unknown

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Sam29a

JMcGee2018 wrote: »

Sam29a wrote: »

I recently re-joined the gym and although I'm glad when I go, I find myself constantly trying to get away from people that just want to chat. I've tried to make sure I'm not using a machine near other people, I avoid eye-contact, I've tried looking really moody, I've tried putting my headphones on (with no music as it gives me a headache), but maybe I just have a really friendly gym, nothing works.

I'm probably coming across really mean, but I have limited time when I go to workout, I'm usually clock-watching the whole time I'm there and have to rush to fit everything in. I'm also very socially awkward, always have been, so I hate the thought of other people listening in to my conversations, I never really know what to say, over-think things after and cringe about it.

What is the best way to deal with this? I don't want to be rude and ignore people, but at the same time, I'd really rather not chat. Especially when I'm all sweaty and gross.

Feel free to be rude and ignore people. Unless they are coming up to you asking for a spot, they are being rude by interrupting your workout IMO, especially if you are wearing headphones which is typically a pretty good "don't talk to me" clue. You can tell them "Sorry, I'm on a time crunch and don't have time to talk right now" and go back to doing what you're doing. You don't owe it to anyone to talk to them.

I think I'm too worried about offending people, but you're right, I should be more honest. It's nothing personal, just rather not chat.

ninerbuff

People who are SERIOUS about training will have NO PROBLEM telling people "Just gotta say I'm limited on time. Can we chat later?" Concise and direct without being mean.




A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Sam29a

foreversnafu wrote: »

If you want to be left alone you have to establish dominance:
1. Grunt really loud during all of your lifts.
2. Scream "lightweight baby!" after you're done a set.
3. Find the biggest guy in the gym and slap his rear then call him soft.

That's literally it.

Thanks for the tips, I will give it a try next time I'm there

PAV8888

Just keep muttering out loud while doing sets: "kick him in the gut, 1, kick him in the nuts, 2, kick him while he's down, 3" and repeat for each count of three... I am fairly sure I wouldn't approach

Or wear headphones and when someone talks to you point to the headphones and YELL: IS LOUD. CAN'T HEAR YOU! SORRY!... smile or wave, and go right back to what you were doing completely ignoring them.

Might be embarassing if they just want to use some equipment you're hogging... but hey.

jc1961AA

Eat raw garlic and burb in their face when they talk to you

Lounmoun

Say you are too busy to talk right then and keep doing what you are doing.

Sam29a

sgt1372 wrote: »

OP: Sounds like you're on the right track w/the headphones and absence of eye contact.

I would add the suggestion to NOT smile at anyone. Don't frown but don't smile either. Just project a flat "I don't care about you/leave me alone/I don't want to be bothered" affect.

It also helps to be totally focused just on what you are doing, rather than paying any attn to others, which requires you to ignore everyone else in the gym. Something that you say you don't like to do.

However, if you can do this, no one will want to approach you unless absolutely necessary. If you do this and people are still "bothering you," you must be giving off a contrary vibe.

Can't say what that might be w/o seeing you in context but, if you are female, it almost certainly will have something to do with your being a woman, who people view as more approachable by both men and women, and not necessarily anything that you are unintentionally doing to invite the interruptuons.

Good luck!

I think that's just it, I look more approachable and friendly than I actually am lol. To be fair, the gym I go to is full of super friendly people, lots of stay-at-home mothers who are looking for an adult to chat to, lots of men that want to help you out. I think once I've been there a while people will get it that I'm an introvert and prefer to be left alone, maybe it's just because I'm new.

Unknown

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saraonly9913

ninerbuff wrote: »

People who are SERIOUS about training will have NO PROBLEM telling people "Just gotta say I'm limited on time. Can we chat later?" Concise and direct without being mean.




A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Best answer so far !

lorrpb

Say "have a great day" and keep on lifting.

Unknown

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Wheelhouse15

I'm a social butterfly at the gym and on speaking terms with about 80% of the regulars. I won't approach a person who gives of the vibe you do since it's pretty clear you want to be left alone so I think you are doing ok. I don't think most people will say much anyway and most people can take a hint when you aren't interested. If you aren't getting them to stop engaging just tell them politely that you are on a time limit and they should just leave you alone. Most people won't engage a person who clearly doesn't want to be.

Cbean08

When I'm in the zone, I keep my head down and stare at the floor or at my phone. I pretend to be reading emails or looking for new music to listen to. You can't acknowledge people if you don't look them in the eyes. Or, if I must acknowledge someone, I do the "talk and walk." - say Hi, and walk away backwards while responding to whatever they ask. They'll get the picture.

JaydedMiss

you look like me >.> no one talks to me ever, i think its the tattoos XD

Orphia

"Can't talk. Concentrating." Look away.

tirowow12385

Multitask it's 2018.

littlebrittlifts

Headphones in. RBF on. Focused.

goatg

hotchiccy

Rofl!!! I clearly don't look at all approachable while I'm at the gym because the only people who've ever spoken to me are a guy who helped me work out how to adjust a stuck machine and my neighbours who apparently use the same gym! Haha!

Do what do I do?! Tbh, nothing really. I just stick my earphones in and try to look like I'm focused!

CircleJerkk

lmao wow.. opposite for me. People stay AWAY from me everywhere I go. I'm told I have resting *kitten* face and come off as intimidating to people. I can be working out with 3 open benches around me and then when i move, everyone goes over there. Maybe it's the vibe we put out?? I have never ever had anyone approach me at the gym. People look everywhere else but at me when I'm out and about too.

ljmorgi

I know someone who has what she calls resting murder face. Works like a charm.