Feeling so alone on my weightloss journey
quietone44
Posts: 37 Member
I've been eating healthy and working out lightly for the past 40 something days now and I feel really great. The problem is I have no one to share any of my success or struggles with. I actually ended a 4 year relationship with my ex recently because he became so controlling or mad that I wanted to get back in shape. I've lost 14 lbs in these 40 days which is alot but I've work hard for it...I just feel like some days it isn't worth it. I want this so bad. Not just for me but for my kids....who are very encouraging but I don't have many friends anymore because of said relationship...so this is all brand new to me and I'm too timid to join a gym at this point. I'd like to lose another 10lb before walking into a gym. I'm currently 170lbs. I guess I'm just looking for someone who can relate even a tiny bit? Maybe share a success story, a recipe, a workout idea....anything related to weight loss goals I guess.... thanks.
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Replies
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It is not easy doing lifestyle changes of any kind alone, and you are doing several! This is actually a great community for people who share goals. It will likely take a little perseverance to find your crew here but it can be done. Posting is a great start. Crawl the forums for people who make sense and send them friend requests (tell them why in the message when you friend them, it helps!)
Meanwhile, I too am an escapee (MANY years ago for me, but I DO identify) from a sickly controlling, gaslighting manipulator .... .... .... I quit smoking (he didn't) and lost 20 pounds (he didn't) and started working out at home, the only place I could be without being questioned and accused of unspeakable things ... he scathingly referred to my "little" workouts as "your Jane fonda routine". But then he did not miss too many tricks to trivialize or belittle, that was his thing, poor guy. <<-- I started feeling a lot more sympathetic after I realized I was the one putting up with all that and put a stop to it by leaving. I have since also outlived him, and lived well
which has also improved my attitude toward him LOL.
Possibly some (damaged, controlling) people see a partner's efforts to be healthy, look attractive, and take care of themselves as a threat. Unfortunate, but a nicely revealing red flag don't you think? I am so glad you did not fall for that for as long as I did, by the sounds, and congrats on your loss so far.
I have sent you a FR
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Woww! Are you sure you're talking about your ex and not mine!? Just reading your reply was a huge sigh of relief. This is everything I have just went through the last 4 years....which is how I gained the weight in the first place. I use to be so confident and I felt beautiful and strong and HAPPY. Now it's time to find myself again and it's proving to be the biggest challenge I've ever had to face. Thank you so much for your words!! I'm glad to hear there are people out there just like me who have risen above and beat the odds:) 7
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You should look into joining a gym that runs classes. I found at my gym (stopped going for a bit due to an injury) that the ladies in the classes were very supportive. Even if we didnt chat much, there are always smiles and encouragement from everyone for everyone. Might be helpful to get you into the swing of things?4
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You are beautiful 2
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stay focused on you and the little ones . any man should want you to be your best . currently having trouble with my hub who sees my 43.5 lbs lost as a threat and is not supportive . but he is 71 and feeling very threatened. part of me gets that he feels like I am moving away from him but I was damn tired of low energy and sore knees. you can do this , you are doing great so far . come talk here we will offer support . this group is what keeps my sanity on the days hubby is acting like a fart4
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Total respect to you for taking positive but really difficult steps to improve yourself, your life and the environment for your kids.
Join a gym right away!! You do not have to be what you think is a 'respectable' weight to be allowed through the door. My gym has 'Well Done' written on the wall just as you come IN through the entrance and 'Everyone is Welcome' in other places.
Classes are definitely a great way to start, you will get a smile from someone! And if you're nervous, go a little early, tell the trainer you're new to that class and grab a spot at the back of the room so you don't feel too exposed. That's what I did. Also make sure you get a proper induction to the gym equipment, some gyms do this one-to-one, some in a group: either way ask questions. Gyms run by the local council often have the enormous bonus of membership of a trainer giving you a new/updated gym program for FREE every six weeks or so. If you join a private gym PT is pricey but some trainers less so than others. Even having a couple of sessions is a great help to know what the heck to do with a kettlebell or a TRX band! And knowledge is power, it will give you confidence to keep going and to achieve your goals.
You're already doing brilliantly at a challenging time in your life, you sound like a success story to me:-)6 -
Keep going, no matter what challenges you face. That's just life and don't let it get you down or slow your progress.2
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That's why a lot of us find the forums here helpful, we aren't alone, because there are 1000's of us here on the same journey and we can relate and understand 4
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Agree. Keep going.
Your post explains why, after being at goal for years, I still hang around WL boards. Weight loss is really a solitary pursuit. The chances of meeting up with like minded helpful folks in the real world is slim.
Looking for real world support invites a lot of unhelpful noise. Everyone seems to have opinions on diet and fitness. And nearly everyone seems to be willing to share them. And many people are perfectly willing to turn their opinions into directions for exactly what YOU should be doing.
Better to keep to yourself and participate here.
You’ll soon find a lot folks share some of your issues.7 -
You're here. You matter. Keep going!
Look at this thread alone - you've already found a lot of support! Do not let the doubts he put in your mind live there -cast them out and keep doing you. I think he's taken enough of your energy - time to reclaim it!!!8 -
I to have been in a mental and physical abusive relationship, I took up running 3 years ago which helped me deal with the anger, I still am a very insecure person and wouldn’t join a gym either but your welcome to message me and I could be a virtual friend ❤️ x4
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Wow! I almost thought you were describing me. I have since found that as i get my break up body moving in the right direction that everyone is becoming more jealous. I say great! No better way to say that you have moved on than by getting in shape physically, mentally, and spiritually. Keep up the motivating work.2
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MsMaeFlowers wrote: »You should look into joining a gym that runs classes. I found at my gym (stopped going for a bit due to an injury) that the ladies in the classes were very supportive. Even if we didnt chat much, there are always smiles and encouragement from everyone for everyone. Might be helpful to get you into the swing of things?
I'm trying to build up enough courage to walk into a gym. I don't feel like I belong there just yet if that makes any sense. I don't know where to begin and don't want to make a fool of myself. But maybe just taking a leap of faith would do me some good!!!3 -
bernadettenz wrote: »You are beautiful
Thank you!! Hearing that makes me feel like I'm closer to the old me...which is my ultimate goal!! 1 -
stay focused on you and the little ones . any man should want you to be your best . currently having trouble with my hub who sees my 43.5 lbs lost as a threat and is not supportive . but he is 71 and feeling very threatened. part of me gets that he feels like I am moving away from him but I was damn tired of low energy and sore knees. you can do this , you are doing great so far . come talk here we will offer support . this group is what keeps my sanity on the days hubby is acting like a fart
I just wish I didn't waste the last 4 years building on something that was only out to destroy me. I also got tired of carrying this extra weight around with me. I was use to being 130 lbs my whole life so 185lbs feels so foreign to me. I literally don't feel like my true self anymore and that's scary. My kids deserve 100% of me and I will never allow another man to take another part of my mind body or soul ever again...2 -
BackToTheFitFuture wrote: »Total respect to you for taking positive but really difficult steps to improve yourself, your life and the environment for your kids.
Join a gym right away!! You do not have to be what you think is a 'respectable' weight to be allowed through the door. My gym has 'Well Done' written on the wall just as you come IN through the entrance and 'Everyone is Welcome' in other places.
Classes are definitely a great way to start, you will get a smile from someone! And if you're nervous, go a little early, tell the trainer you're new to that class and grab a spot at the back of the room so you don't feel too exposed. That's what I did. Also make sure you get a proper induction to the gym equipment, some gyms do this one-to-one, some in a group: either way ask questions. Gyms run by the local council often have the enormous bonus of membership of a trainer giving you a new/updated gym program for FREE every six weeks or so. If you join a private gym PT is pricey but some trainers less so than others. Even having a couple of sessions is a great help to know what the heck to do with a kettlebell or a TRX band! And knowledge is power, it will give you confidence to keep going and to achieve your goals.
You're already doing brilliantly at a challenging time in your life, you sound like a success story to me:-)
Thank you so much! Your words are very helpful. Time to drag my butt to a gym and take this all one step further in the right direction!!! 0 -
You're here. You matter. Keep going!
Look at this thread alone - you've already found a lot of support! Do not let the doubts he put in your mind live there -cast them out and keep doing you. I think he's taken enough of your energy - time to reclaim it!!!
Thank you so much for your kinds words! I was raised by a strong woman I know I will get through. One day at a time. And I've already got a really great positive attitude towards it all...but reading all these replies has definitely lifted my spirits 1000% !!0 -
I want to thank every single one of you so much. I'm usually not emotional but your kind and inspiring words hit me today and got my teary eyed lol if I wasn't feeling confident before this I sure am now!! I needed this more then any of you know. I will get through this one day at a time and I will get the old me back no matter how hard that fight may be. I wish every one of you nothing but success and great things. I almost forgot how compassionate humans can be!! starting my day with nothing but love and happy thoughts!! 15
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I feel the same way. I’m a stay at home mom of 3 littles under 5. When me and my husband decided that this was the path we was taking I dropped out of school, quit my job of 5 years, and naturally lost all my friends. I’m 25 and I take care of my children day and night and although I’m happy it’s still very lonely. They say it takes a village to raise children but it’s only me we have no grandmas or aunts around. So for 5 years since my first daughter was born I have had my children for every second of their life. I started around 225 and weigh 166 today and my husband is overweight too so I was so excited for us to do this together so we could break out of our routine and do something together but he has no interest. I’m the only one in my little circle trying to lose weight so some days it so hard to sit and watch them eat whatever they want. The days I feel like giving up I keep waiting to hear “keep going” or when I’m doing good to hear “your doing so great” but nothing. But I guess I keep telling myself this is for me. That I will do it.9
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First off, congratulations! First, on having the bravery to end a toxic relationship. You lost more than 14 pounds - you lost whatever he weighed on you emotionally.
Second, way to go with your focus on fitness. You have already started with some great progress, and you are motivated to continue. You should be so proud of yourself.
I second the suggestion to find some classes - you would be amazed at the friendships that can start from those classes, and you will gain motivation from others similarly focused on fitness. And, I say don't wait on getting to the gym. 99% of gym-goers are focused on their own bodies and fitness and not on anyone else. I bet that after a week or so of working out in the gym, you will feel even more empowered.
Again, congratulations!3 -
I have been somewhat socially isolated by circumstances and it is a little tough as an adult to go out and make friends.
I pretty much stick with online support for weight loss.
If it is hard to do the gym right now maybe try something else to meet people. Your local library may have things like book clubs or other groups that meet there. Maybe sign up for a walk or run. Try a cooking or painting class. Whatever you might be into.3 -
I feel the same way. I’m a stay at home mom of 3 littles under 5. When me and my husband decided that this was the path we was taking I dropped out of school, quit my job of 5 years, and naturally lost all my friends. I’m 25 and I take care of my children day and night and although I’m happy it’s still very lonely. They say it takes a village to raise children but it’s only me we have no grandmas or aunts around. So for 5 years since my first daughter was born I have had my children for every second of their life. I started around 225 and weigh 166 today and my husband is overweight too so I was so excited for us to do this together so we could break out of our routine and do something together but he has no interest. I’m the only one in my little circle trying to lose weight so some days it so hard to sit and watch them eat whatever they want. The days I feel like giving up I keep waiting to hear “keep going” or when I’m doing good to hear “your doing so great” but nothing. But I guess I keep telling myself this is for me. That I will do it.
KEEP GOING GIRL!! YOU ARE DOING GREAT!! I have 3 boys...11,10, and 2. I'm only 29 and I too have devoted my life to my kids. No friends. I have my mom when I need her but it's still not the same. My kids don't leave my side other then to go to school. My ex is really over weight too and is a diabetic which is why it was so important for us to both get in shape but his only aim was to knock me off to stay unhealthy with him! You are Beautiful. And strong. And independent. And those little ones need you! And they need you to be 100% . Keep going girl....you got this!!!1 -
First off, congratulations! First, on having the bravery to end a toxic relationship. You lost more than 14 pounds - you lost whatever he weighed on you emotionally.
Second, way to go with your focus on fitness. You have already started with some great progress, and you are motivated to continue. You should be so proud of yourself.
I second the suggestion to find some classes - you would be amazed at the friendships that can start from those classes, and you will gain motivation from others similarly focused on fitness. And, I say don't wait on getting to the gym. 99% of gym-goers are focused on their own bodies and fitness and not on anyone else. I bet that after a week or so of working out in the gym, you will feel even more empowered.
Again, congratulations!
Thank you so much!!! 0 -
I am really feeling the love on this thread, and it seems @quietone44 is also. We can move, we can change, we can choose, one moment at a time. Hugs to all -2
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brightresolve wrote: »I am really feeling the love on this thread, and it seems @quietone44 is also. We can move, we can change, we can choose, one moment at a time. Hugs to all -
Oh I am definitely feeling the love. This thread has kick started so much good in me!! What a great start to the week!1 -
You don't have to be a certain weight or fitness level to join a gym. Sometimes we just have to get over ourselves and DO It! You are doing this for you, not them. I go to the Y and there are lots of overweight and less fit people who come regularly. As long as someone is trying to better themselves, it's all good.6
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Everyone feel free to add me!0
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You are not alone. You did the right thing in getting on the forum - we are all in this. Great idea to join a gym. No one is looking at you or judging you; they are all doing their own thing.
Feel free to add me!1 -
quietone44 wrote: »I've been eating healthy and working out lightly for the past 40 something days now and I feel really great. The problem is I have no one to share any of my success or struggles with. I actually ended a 4 year relationship with my ex recently because he became so controlling or mad that I wanted to get back in shape. I've lost 14 lbs in these 40 days which is alot but I've work hard for it...I just feel like some days it isn't worth it. I want this so bad. Not just for me but for my kids....who are very encouraging but I don't have many friends anymore because of said relationship...so this is all brand new to me and I'm too timid to join a gym at this point. I'd like to lose another 10lb before walking into a gym. I'm currently 170lbs. I guess I'm just looking for someone who can relate even a tiny bit? Maybe share a success story, a recipe, a workout idea....anything related to weight loss goals I guess.... thanks.
I have met some truly amazing people on here.
Frequent the forums and when you make friends, support them they way you want to be supported.
Feel free to friends request me 1 -
This hit home for me. Thank you for this thread, Quietone44....
My DH is supportive (insert HUGE) but......He is also jealous that I've been consistently on a plan since last June (that coincided with a temporary separation from him). It's been slow, but I've lost about 60 pounds. Now that we have reconciled he loves to show me off. However, in the same breath he compliments me, a complaint follows about how unhappy he is, wishes he could lose weight too, is depressed. He can't do a-b-c because of x-y-z. Typical response to someone who is happy to reap the benefits without putting in the effort. Now, I know I sound a bit harsh here, but the truth is, as much as he "supports and cheers me on", he isolates me by his negative self talk. It leaves me feeling like he's truly not proud of me at all. This requires a serious amount of motivation that he has yet to find. It is impossible to explain to others, so I don't bother.
I tried to do the Couch to 5K program... it became a problem for me to be away from the home so frequently. 2 littles under 5....moms know what I'm talking about. So, I just stick to my eating plan.
I understand where you are coming from. Congrats for being brave enough to admit that you were unhappy and I applaud your efforts to take charge of your own happiness! My separation was my darkest hour, and I started my journey in secret. No one knew, and it was indeed, very lonely. I reached out to my MFP community--they helped me through as well.
Take care of yourself!1
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