Sharing grocery cost

Veronyk_13

Hey, so, this might not be the best place to ask this but I need strangers' opinions. My bf and I are moving in together and I was wondering what are people's opinions on sharing the cost of living. Here's the situation: I make almost twice the annual salary my bf makes. I obviously have more expenses as well (example: I have a car and he doesn't, but I drive him everywhere). My question is this: When it comes to sharing the cost of rent, utilities etc do most people split 50/50 OR do some people split according to a ratio/percentage? Like for example, since I make 90% more than him, would it be more fair that I paid 90% more than him on rent? Am I being mean by asking to split 50/50? Also, for groceries do most people also split 50/50 regardless of what groceries they buy? I'm asking because him and I eat differently (i.e. I eat healthier stuff and he likes fried snacks) Is it fair to ask him to split 50/50 even though my healthy food probably costs us a little more?

WorkerDrone83

Yikes. Yeah, I say cut the baby exactly in half.
Well, you know what I mean...

Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings

50/50 if you have to ask this question. I may be old fashioned but if I love someone enough to move in with them I no longer see a separation between mine and his, I find making an issue out of money a bit tacky... because, love. I may be in the minority with this opinion… but I’ve never lost a dime or a minute of sleep living this way.

CaliMomTeach

Split all costs 50/50. It is not your job to support or subsidize a grown man. (been there, done that...one divorce and 2 kids later...). He can figure out how to increase his salary. I do not think it is fair for you to support him, but that is just my opinion.

runnermom419

Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »

50/50 if you have to ask this question. I may be old fashioned but if I love someone enough to move in with them I no longer see a separation between mine and his, I find making an issue out of money a bit tacky... because, love. I may be in the minority with this opinion… but I’ve never lost a dime or a minute of sleep living this way.

This. 100% this.

concordancia

Will he be living in a better place that he would on his own? If so, it really isn't fair to ask him to split rent 50/50. On the other hand, if you down graded to make it affordable to him, 50/50 seems more reasonable.

Every couple needs to work it out for themselves. Some couples can't imagine anything other than 50/50, some do percentages based on the salary differential, some just pool everything. When discussing what the two of you consider fair, remember to include household tasks.

For the record, my now husband moved in with me because I couldn't stand his roommate and didn't want to clean his huge house. To avoid any rent/ownership concerns in event of a breakup, he never paid housing costs of any kind. He bought groceries (we had to discuss finances as soon as he started staying regularly because he was eating me out of house and home!) and funded my IRA (yes, the man wasn't convinced he knew how to be in a long term relationship, but he considered a retirement account an appropriate way to balance finances). Our joint car insurance was less than his young male insurance, so he covered that, as well.

On that last note, if he drives your car at all, you may want to look at adding him to your insurance. There could be an issue if there is an incident while he is driving and he isn't named, but shares your household.

DaylightDuchess

What if he doesn't even earn enough, to split the bills 50/50? I believe that the bills should be an even ratio to income, for the both of you! So if you're spending 30% of your income upon the household, then it's fair to expect the same percentage via him also!

JeromeBarry1

I suggest you get a credit report on each of you to inform each of you of the inherent risk of living with each of you.

cwolfman13

Depends. I moved in with my now wife when I was still in college and about a year before we got married. She was already five or so years into her career and she had just bought a home with a mortgage of around 1300 per month. I was coming from an apartment in the "student ghetto" that I paid about $350 per month and was making just over minimum wage and working part time at a liquor store. Coughing up half the mortgage at that point would have been a tremendous financial burden for me as I was barely treading water as it was.

I graduated 6ish months later and started working for an public accounting firm making at least decent money, so we split things 50/50 at that point, even though I was still making less than she was. Relative to where I was before, I felt like a rich man. We're married now, and I make quite a bit more than she does...though her portfolio is doing better than mine...we just have one joint account, so it's difficult to determine how things are actually split.

alyssa_rest

My husband makes way more than I do even when we were living together prior to our marriage. He ends up pouring more into bills than I do. I do what I can, but we've pretty much split it up by salary percentage. I put in what my salary allows and he helps out with the rest. We work as a team for all house/living costs. We each have our own bills (school loans, CCs, etc) that we handle separately. It all depends on what your bills are monthly and what both of you can do. It's worth sitting down and going over the budget, salary, etc.

I don't necessarily agree that it should be 50/50, but I'm not sure what position both of you are in to say.

*Edited to add:
Regarding groceries, I'd make a budget for your grocery bill per month and treat it as another bill.

seltzermint555

I think 50/50 seems fine in your situation but I'd really take an inventory of the whole situation before you take it further (i.e., marriage if that's on your mind).

When my husband and I first started dating, I made quite a lot more than him because he works freelance but was also taking care of his critically ill mother full-time. When he first moved in with me, we split things 50/50 but I picked up the tab for trips since my income was higher. After the first year, his income surpassed mine and now we're pretty equal so 50/50 is easy and we're also married now so it feels like a natural progression to this.

If we ate very differently (even now) I would suggest buying separate groceries and/or snacks.

rsclause

My son the engineer had roommates and would calculate the square footage of each bedroom. After that if it had a common bath vs a private bath a deduction. He is cheap and would take the bedroom that shared the common bath so he would have less rent. Back to OP 50/50 but if your are moving more expensive place than he can afford I see trouble ahead. You two need to settle this in writing before any action is taken. You can always do smaller things like picking up the bill when eating out if you feel the need.

The pay based on ability sounds a lot like Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

TheRoadDog

If the financial earnings were reversed, how would you like it split?

Veronyk_13

Thank you so much everyone for your helpful insight. To answer some of your questions:

1. We did decide together where we were going to move and we had a budget beforehand based on what HE could afford.
2. He doesn't drive my car so I pay insurance and parking entirely by myself
3. He doesn't have credit cards but I have 2 so I pay these myself as well.
4. We did talk about sharing household costs 50/50 and he said he agrees with it and can afford it. I'm just a little concerned that he might not realize how much money he ACTUALLY spends sometimes. (I have a very detailed budget that I follow but, he doesn't follow a budget at all.)

I guess I'm just concerned that even though he agrees on paying 50/50, I don't want him to eventually resent me. I also wanted some insight from people who've been there and could tell me how they felt about it.

Again thank you so much for your comments people!

concordancia

rsclause wrote: »

The pay based on ability sounds a lot like Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

I think you need to go back and read that again.

djeffreys10

Everyone is biased by their own experiences. I was married to a woman who only wanted my paycheck. Regardless of anything we agreed on when dating, once married she refused to have a job or live on any budget. She blew my money and kept me broke and struggling to pay bills. As such, I will never support another adult again. If I am ever married again, it will be to a woman that is already financially independent. And we will split all shared expenses equally.

That being said, I define equally as by a percentage of the income. Because that whole love thing, I expect to pay more. The odds of meeting anyone that makes more than me are not very high. But it is important to me to know that she is equally contributing according to her ability, and not just with me to be financially supported.

DaylightDuchess

Veronyk_13 wrote: »

Thank you so much everyone for your helpful insight. To answer some of your questions:

1. We did decide together where we were going to move and we had a budget beforehand based on what HE could afford.
2. He doesn't drive my car so I pay insurance and parking entirely by myself
3. He doesn't have credit cards but I have 2 so I pay these myself as well.
4. We did talk about sharing household costs 50/50 and he said he agrees with it and can afford it. I'm just a little concerned that he might not realize how much money he ACTUALLY spends sometimes. (I have a very detailed budget that I follow but, he doesn't follow a budget at all.)

I guess I'm just concerned that even though he agrees on paying 50/50, I don't want him to eventually resent me. I also wanted some insight from people who've been there and could tell me how they felt about it.

Again thank you so much for your comments people!

If he's paying his bills regardless of not budgeting prior, then why'd you expect that to ever be an issue? I pay all of my bills 1st/set aside, so that I don't have to budget whatever remains!