Sharing grocery cost

SabAteNine

I fully agree with everyone who said 50-50. That is fair, right, and it prevents any discussions ever about OWING.

I'm coming from a long relationship, in which at the beginning we were both broke *kitten* students so sometimes, I would buy stuff, sometimes he would. I remember one time we split the humble cart and went to different supermarket checkouts because I had something along the lines of 2.5 USD on my card and he had the equivalent in cash and... well it made sense to do that lol.

But once things started looking up, 50-50 came absolutely naturally. Even when it was not immediately possible. The other one is on a three-month hiatus from the job? We'll make do, have half of mine no questions asked, and then the borrow gets paid back. It just took money out of the relationship equation. We're pretty independent, but in all honesty, it reinforced the idea of being together because we want to, not because we have any material advantage out of it.

Right now I pay all fixed monthly expenses (mortgage, utilities etc) and he still pays me back 50%, and we're married. Shopping evens out, we're on totally different diets, but sometimes he buys and sometimes I do. Both indulge in their own spending passions, and when we want to plan a bigger expense we just... do. I think treating the administrative part of a relationship like an enterprise with two equal partners does wonders for the heart

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HoneyBadger302

I was in a similar situation with my last boyfriend. I was going to rent the house "we" were moving into regardless of him (he wasn't even on the lease and that's how I wanted it), so I let him choose an amount he could afford for rent (within reason of course). It was about 1/3 of the overall rent, and I included utilities in that, but he had to abide by my strict utility usage, too.

When it came to anything else, however, he had to pay his share. Food, we basically ended up buying our own. He ate 2-3X the amount of food I did, and I couldn't afford to feed him. I also preferred higher quality foods (some fish steaks, chicken breasts, fresh veggies, etc), and couldn't have him eating it all up on me. He couldn't afford those foods in his quantities, so we ended up separating them (or if we did split something, like a CSA veggie box, he only got to eat half of it and had to fill in his meals with his own groceries - usually rice was his choice).

To be fair, I wasn't sure how the whole living together thing was going to work out with him, and as it turned out, it was a good thing I listened to that intuition and kept things separate as 5 months later I had to tell him to GTFO since he wasn't even paying what he had agreed to (among other issues).

Be careful on the car front, too. It may not seem too bad at first, but I know my experience was not very good. Pretty soon he was treating my car like it was his own, and not contributing to the car at all - including taking it on longer drives and bringing it back with an empty tank I then had to fill....not saying your man will do that, but just be careful.

Now, maybe your guy is responsible within his means, and you'll just have to decide how to split things up. I don't have issues with things like rent being unequal if you're choosing a nicer place based on what you can afford. If you're choosing a place based on his means, then by all means, split it 50/50.

Veronyk_13

Everyone's responses are so insightful! I greatly appreciate it!!!!!

DaylightDuchess

Veronyk_13 wrote: »

If someone could tell me how to reply to one specific comment, that'd be great lol! In the meantime, to answer someone's question:

The reason why I'm concerned about the budgeting thing is because I'm the type of person that will start saving VERY early for a foreseen bigger expense (example: I start putting a small amount of $ in my savings in March for a trip I'm going to take in February the next year) but HE doesn't use a savings account. Also, I have an emergency fund so I'm prepared if something happens. He lives more paycheck to paycheck with no "cushion" if something would happen. Not that it's a terrible thing, most people live that way. Maybe I'm just overthinking the whole thing and having anxiety for nothing LOL but I just wanna make sure that things go smoothly and I don't end up having to cover for him all the time (I don't mind doing it once in a while) because although I do make more money, I have more bills therefore, the "fun money" I have left is about the same as him.

I guess were just 2 different people financially, and I could talk him into getting an emergency fund going but I don't want him to feel like I'm "babying" him if that makes sense? Like, he's a grown adult and should take this responsibility without me having to do it for him. (Can you guys tell I used to be a financial advisor? Lol.)

Anyways thanks everyone for your great insight, I GREATLY appreciate it! I think we're gonna go with splitting the cost 50/50 since that's what we agreed on and he can afford it. If times get a lil tough I'll push him towards having a savings account for unforeseen expenses, cuz you know, life happens and you gotta be ready!

With such a high income difference, between the 2 of you & you mentioning that he lives paycheck to paycheck, there plausibly isn't enough money remaining for him to even consider starting an emergency fund and/or saving anything, toward a vacation!

Francl27

It's tricky. I'd share utilities and rent for sure... For food, honestly, if you eat different things, I'd almost want to say that you can buy your own stuff with your own money (it would be different obviously if you shared meals).