Women, would you take this offensively?

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jaina08
jaina08 Posts: 561 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay so I RARELY go to the weight room when I'm at the gym. I've only been there probably 3-4 times in my life. You know why? Probably all of the reasons why all you women are afraid of also, getting stared at by men and not being able to know how to use the equipment correctly. Well anyways I was trying to lift heavy to do some squats. I noticed that someone left 45 lb weights on the dumbell so I tried to remove it. I was struggling for some reason and it was taking me a while to remove it. I was getting really self-concious because I felt like men were staring at me as if I was in idiot. And guess what?! I was right, this man in his 40's went up to me and said, "I just saw you trying to take those weights off and I can't take this anymore, I should help you remove those weights because it's going to take you half an hour to take that off." I just felt embarassed.... I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the weight room anymore, I think I'm just going to use free weights and the lighter dumbells in the stretching area instead! I feel like he underestimated my strength as if I am a weak small girl. I am a strong women not weak... Would you women feel offended? And men, do you find this rude?
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Replies

  • beachgod
    beachgod Posts: 567 Member
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    It was nice of him to help you but his social skills are lacking, to say the least.
  • aquarabbit
    aquarabbit Posts: 1,622 Member
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    I guess it would depend on how he said it, but I personally wouldn't. I would just assume that it was because I was doing it wrong, not because I was a woman doing it wrong. It seems like he was teasing, but still trying to help. If you were already feeling self-conscious about being a woman there it might have seemed like more. Again, without hearing the way he said it or how he acted, I'm not sure, but I wouldn't let it keep you out of the weights room! Keep at it. I'm sure once you spend a few sessions in there your reservations will fade. It'll just take some getting used to.
  • fannyfrost
    fannyfrost Posts: 756 Member
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    Well my opinion is that he could have been nicer about it. However, I think he might have meant it to be helpful.

    The best way to overcome your fear of the weight room is to get a Personal Trainer for one or 2 sessions and have them show you how to use the equipment. There are things I don't use because I don't know how, I plan to get a trainer to show me some of the stuff. I want to start expanding what I do.

    I actually can't do the squats because of knee and am limited with my shoulder, but I really want to learn to use the bars and stuff. A personal trainer can guide you through it. I had one before and he taught me a lot, but now I want more and something different.

    FYI, I find once you know what you are doing most men respect you for doing it. Unless they are macho jerks of course and those guys don't count, LOL
  • water_coloured
    water_coloured Posts: 81 Member
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    I think he was just trying to be helpful because he saw that you were struggling. Maybe he could have worded it differently though.

    You shouldn't be self-conscious in the weight room. Most of the men don't even care that you're there, and they'll pretty much just leave you alone.
  • xiamjackie
    xiamjackie Posts: 611 Member
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    I would probably take it offensively because I am a pretty defensive person. However, I think he was just trying to help you get it off. If I realized I couldn't lift the plate off, I wouldn't even skip a beat asking someone else to help me get it off. It is less embarrassing to ask someone for help than to struggle for 15 minutes and miss that time in your workout. Most people will be willing to help anyway.
  • socrates02
    socrates02 Posts: 143 Member
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    just keep going that what god made men for to help us when we need it . just do your thing and lift gurl
  • TeamDale
    TeamDale Posts: 383 Member
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    I think it was nice of him to help, but his comments qualified him as a jerk. Why can't men show women the respect they deserve?
  • jaina08
    jaina08 Posts: 561 Member
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    And yes, I wasn't so sure if I was suppose to feel offended or not because my embarassment took over feeling that way lol. But maybe you guys are right, that he could of said it in a nicer way. Maybe like, "Do you need help?" Instead of saying that it would take me half an hour to remove it.....
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    Maybe he was pressed for time and needed to finish his squats
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    I think he was just trying to be helpful because he saw that you were struggling. Maybe he could have worded it differently though.

    You shouldn't be self-conscious in the weight room. Most of the men don't even care that you're there, and they'll pretty much just leave you alone.

    this.

    men tend to be more blunt and literal than women. Take it totally at face value, he saw you struggling, wanted to help you out, stated exactly what he thought instead of saying it a bit more delicately.... that's all there is to it.

    DEFINITELY go back to the weight room!!
  • EddieHaskell97
    EddieHaskell97 Posts: 2,227 Member
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    And the bag he came in... What a jerk!
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    not EVERYTHING is about men vs. women. I work out and i do the weights. as a matter of fact, when i asked the female instructor to show me how to use the free weights she kept trying to convince me that "it's too much for you". i finally just did it on my own. I take off plates when I can, and if i know that I can't, i ask for help - there is no shame in that. I can't lift the 40 kg plates because I am not strong enough yet - NOT because I am a weak woman. trust me - there are plenty of males in the world who can't lift 4 kilo, let alone FORTY.

    PEOPLE (not specifically men or women) in the weight rooms will leave you alone for the most part. if you ask for help they will usually help. if you ask for help on a specific move or they will show you how it's done.
  • caseythirteen
    caseythirteen Posts: 956 Member
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    FYI, I find once you know what you are doing most men respect you for doing it. Unless they are macho jerks of course and those guys don't count, LOL
    Agreed!

    I think he was a bit tactless with how he worded it but IMO, the last thing you should do is not go back. It only takes a few times being there to get comfortable with it and have people get comfortable with you. I think anytime anyone new shows up in a spot that is typically frequented by regulars, that person gets noticed. It's just that in a weight room, those regulars are typically men so women might feel more aware of it. I'm definitely "one of the guys" in the weight room now but I wouldn't have gotten there if I didn't just get over it and get my *kitten* in there and start working hard. So, in short, go back and then go back again!
  • yksdoris
    yksdoris Posts: 327 Member
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    so long as he didn't use or imply "little lady" anywhere in the statement of "I'm going to help you because it looks like you're struggling"I don't se any reason to get offended.

    I'm 5'1 - when some idiot has left his 40 kg weights on the squat rack, and put that thing way above my reach, I won't even try to fix it, I'll ask for help. Firstly, because it is basic gym etiquette to clean up after oneself and re-rack the weights properly. Secondly, because if I drop one of those things on my toe, I risk serious injury. And thirdly, that's what the gym staff is for: to help.

    What you should have done is get loudly offended at whichever *insertswearwordhere* didn't clean up after himself.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Well... I don't think he was trying to offend you. I think he was trying to be a gentleman. But if it bothered you this much, then why aren't you using it as motivation to get stronger??

    You don't have to let his comment demotivate you... you are choosing to let it. And that's the real sign of your weakness!
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
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    most men, NOT ALL, in the gym are more than happy to help you with anything in the gym and I wouldn't be afraid to ask.

    If you are one of those women that can't tell a douche from a not douche then maybe I wouldn't ask for help. You can tell which men you should ask.

    I would have asked for help after my first attemp didn't go well. Were you taking a 45 lb plate off of a barbell? Was there a metal ring around the barbell? You just need to squeeze it together then wiggle it off. Sometimes my hand grip can't get some of them so I ask for help.

    I wouldn't be offended by what that guy said. But I would do some weight training research and intro to equipment online before I went back to the weight room.

    BUT I would go back and so should you. And who cares if they stare at you they are staring at you on the cardio machines as well.
    :wink:
  • 1princesswarrior
    1princesswarrior Posts: 1,242 Member
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    Well my opinion is that he could have been nicer about it. However, I think he might have meant it to be helpful.

    The best way to overcome your fear of the weight room is to get a Personal Trainer for one or 2 sessions and have them show you how to use the equipment. There are things I don't use because I don't know how, I plan to get a trainer to show me some of the stuff. I want to start expanding what I do.

    I actually can't do the squats because of knee and am limited with my shoulder, but I really want to learn to use the bars and stuff. A personal trainer can guide you through it. I had one before and he taught me a lot, but now I want more and something different.

    FYI, I find once you know what you are doing most men respect you for doing it. Unless they are macho jerks of course and those guys don't count, LOL

    I agree, use a trainer a couple of times to learn the equipment and to prevent injury.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
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    OP's post seems confusing.

    Can't tell if you wanted help or not.

    Which is the same thing that probably would have prevented me from going over to help you if i saw this.

    Had the guy just said something simple like 'you looked like you needed some help' or, 'may i help you', would it have been a different/better experience for you?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    sounds like he was just trying to help...
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    1) I am not afraid of the weight room, or getting stared at.
    2) You've indicated that you are uncertain how to use the equipment, I recommend a few sessions with a trainer to help you familiarize yourself with the equipment, and that you also make certain that you have a spotter to help you with squat form a couple of times.
    3) When people leave weight on the bars instead of re-racking it makes me want to kick them in the taint.
    4) Either you were struggling or you weren't struggling, you seemed to indicate that you were struggling, but then got offended when someone acknowledged that you were struggling.
    5) If you were in fact struggling you should have simply said "thank you," he was the only one in there willing to give you a hand, something that would not upset me
    6) This would have been a great opportunity to strike up a conversation and ask him to ckeck your form, win/win I'm sure.
    7) The guys in the weight room aren't normally complete *kitten*, it's generally the other people in the weight room imposing their own perceptions and insecurities. I prefer to say hello to everyone and ask them how their family is instead of cowering away and giving up on my goals.

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