Damn. Back handed compliments.

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  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
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    “Omg! You look so great!” is a compliment. The end. smh
  • LittleLionHeart1
    LittleLionHeart1 Posts: 3,655 Member
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    SabotageinStilettos wrote: »
    Are we to the point that even compliments are considered offensive already? If you think “you look great” is a backhanded compliment I would hate to see your post about the friend who didn’t mention your looks at all. This isn’t about her words at all, this is about your insecurities.

    I think we are. And that's why I rarely compliment in the selfie thread. And once you compliment one person, then the others wonder why, I didn't compliment them. Once there was a guy who got offended that the compliments he received were too generic. There are few here that I compliment in the threads, only because I know they are nice real people, and would not take offense, even if my compliment was generic or creepy. At least I took the risk and the time out of my day to do so. Next thing you know colleges will offer a class "The Proper Way To Compliment Online, As To Not Be Offensive or Creepy."
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,324 Member
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    HappyKat5 wrote: »
    I’m about to go to bed, but wanna know your thoughts, because its been on my mind all day.
    So, today I saw a friend that I haven’t seen for awhile (it’s been about 2 months) and she said, “Omg! You look so great!” Backstory, I have always have a positive outlook on life (or at least tried to...I think) but as I got into my car, I started thinking, “Damn, she said I look great now, so did I look bad back then?” It’s such a weird compliment because you want to feel happy about the changes that you made to get healthy, slim down, reverse medical issues and that you are trying make better choices, but it also makes you wonder what people thought of you before. Hmmm?
    Thoughts?

    say "omg thank you" let it sink in how great you look and move on

  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
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    SabotageinStilettos wrote: »
    Are we to the point that even compliments are considered offensive already? If you think “you look great” is a backhanded compliment I would hate to see your post about the friend who didn’t mention your looks at all. This isn’t about her words at all, this is about your insecurities.

    Relax hun, this isn't FaceBook.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
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    cee134 wrote: »
    SabotageinStilettos wrote: »
    Are we to the point that even compliments are considered offensive already? If you think “you look great” is a backhanded compliment I would hate to see your post about the friend who didn’t mention your looks at all. This isn’t about her words at all, this is about your insecurities.

    Relax hun, this isn't FaceBook.

    :joy:
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited April 2018
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    Nothing from what was said insinuates negative criticism, insulting or even sugar coating. This person could have kept walking and said nothing, but they took a moment of their time to notice and tell you.

    Case in point, I got complimented by a complete stranger the other day, it through me off for several moments. It totally made the rest of my day. I looked for confirmation from my husband by telling him what she said but it wasn't just about what she said, it was all about her stopping me to share her thoughts. I was grateful and I will never forget that.

    Gotta learn to take compliments, there are nice people in this world so need to look for hidden agendas as what your friend said was certainly not backhanded.
  • Sunshine_And_Sand
    Sunshine_And_Sand Posts: 1,320 Member
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    Unless someone says, "wow, you don't look nearly as far as you used to...", I assume they are genuinely complimenting me, and I like it when people notice the changes I've made. I also compliment people on positive changes and don't in any way mean to imply that they did not look good before. I just feel that if I want people to acknowledge my efforts, acknowledging others' efforts is appropriate. If I ever offended someone with the compliments, it was not intentional.
    Maybe people are overthinking this?
  • comptonelizabeth
    comptonelizabeth Posts: 1,701 Member
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    jojo6mfp wrote: »
    comptonelizabeth wrote: »
    jojo6mfp wrote: »
    Maybe she was expecting you to look worse than you used to , not in a bad way , you just looked healthier than she expected after so much time ??

    I know what you mean though, I met my daughters future mother in law 2 years after meeting her future father in law and I knew she was old enough to be my mother but was told she looked more my age and beautiful, glamorous, long flowing hair, lovely and friendly . When I met her, she had short bobbed grey hair and she was wearing a sari ( she’s not aisian or Muslim ), I just though aw she’s a sweet little old lady and yea looked glam in the sari, first thing she said to me was “ well your not what I expected “ (I’d put in a little weight on my tummy and was conscious of it ) I jokingly said I’m not that bad am I? She said just different , looking me up and down , I just smiled and continued the conversation to get to try to get to know her, but everything she said was stand off ish defensive.
    I just thought to myself, you know what I may not be whatever she expected but at least I’m true to myself and I don’t snob anyone no matter what their status.

    You just be you and be proud , who cares what anyone else thinks Hunni , laugh it off if they’re petty xx

    Maybe she picked up on you seeing her as a 'sweet little old lady'?

    Not a chance I never offered her a chair or my arm to help her across the road :p

    Ha ha :D
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,833 Member
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    Like getting told that you look great for your age!
    Does that mean that If I wasn't this age that I wouldn't look great??? :worried:
  • HappyKat5
    HappyKat5 Posts: 369 Member
    edited April 2018
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    I really didn’t take it badly (because she is an acquaintance of mine, our children attend the same school). I almost always say thank you to people if they say something nice to me except when some dude years ago said something vulgar (that apparently he thought was a compliment) but it wasn’t, but it did run thru my mind when I got into the car. Like, it could totally have been about my illness, I don’t why, it was just on my mind.
    And trust me I’m the last person who overthinks things, I barely want to think at all
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,176 Member
    edited April 2018
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    I’ve lost a few pounds in the last few years and I appreciate comments/compliments when people I know have noticed. A few that I knew well I couldn’t help but say, “so...before you thought I was a fat *kitten* slob?” Of course if the tables were turned, I’d say, “well...yeah.” But yeah, we have become way too sensitive as a society in too many ways.
  • DaylightDuchess
    DaylightDuchess Posts: 251 Member
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    SabotageinStilettos wrote: »
    Are we to the point that even compliments are considered offensive already? If you think “you look great” is a backhanded compliment I would hate to see your post about the friend who didn’t mention your looks at all. This isn’t about her words at all, this is about your insecurities.

    Well whenever I believe that I am complaining too much, I'll remember this thread! At least my complaints aren't just quantity {numerous}, there're also quality {reasonable}!
  • HappyKat5
    HappyKat5 Posts: 369 Member
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    SabotageinStilettos wrote: »
    Are we to the point that even compliments are considered offensive already? If you think “you look great” is a backhanded compliment I would hate to see your post about the friend who didn’t mention your looks at all. This isn’t about her words at all, this is about your insecurities.

    Thank you your post. I admire people that tell it like it is. I believe everyone is insecure about something in their lives. I’m not just talking about a body, diet, face or haircut) it can be about a job, marriage or what school to apply to or if you even want to go to school. I am insecure but I’m also secure in myself. I’m not trying to defend my post, I was putting it out there to get others thoughts.
  • dnunny70
    dnunny70 Posts: 411 Member
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    How you feel if Friend didn’t say a word about how you looked/changes?

    I wouldn’t let it bother you. You looked great...awesome!!

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