Recomp, eat less, eat more? Confused!

kimny72

nettiklive wrote: »

collectingblues wrote: »

If you're only happy with yourself when you are technically underweight, or even in that "you're underweight for a Caucasian population, even if your BMI is over 18.5", you need to talk to someone about your body dysmorphia.

You're not going to get permission or validation here that it's OK to restrict back down to being underweight.

erm...but doesn't it depend on your frame...? I have tiny child-size wrists which is why I always assumed I had a small frame. That's why I posted those pictures, to show how the weight actually looks on me - it's not about the weight itself, as plenty of 5'4 women weigh quite a bit more but look fit and smaller than I did at 125, yet on me it looked downright chubby, I hope you'll at least agree. I don't think I looked at all too thin or unhealthy at 110 either. Everyone carries weight differently, and just like some weigh more than they look, it's the opposite for me, people are usually surprised I weigh as little as I do.

I think you looked a normal weight at 125, a bit on the thin side at 110. I think you look to have a low enough BF% in the picture you posted in the other thread that I personally would have a difficult time eating a low enough calorie level to maintain that.

I am 5'4" (and a half!) 125lbs, tiny wrists (I have a tough time finding wristbands and bracelets that fit) and my stats suggest a petite build. I am not someone accustomed to being heavier (I was never technically "overweight"). You look lean, borderline thin to me. There's nothing wrong with that if it's your preference, but you need to understand that once you dance around that healthy/underweight borderline, you will struggle to lose or maintain weight, you will struggle to maintain muscle mass. You will have to constantly police your diet, and that is where the concern you are hearing comes from. You are seeing yourself as heavier than you are, judging yourself against an unrealistic standard (and yes, it is unrealistic to assume you should look the same as you did when you were much younger), you are setting yourself up for a permanent struggle with your weight and your diet. I really do hope you decide to focus on building some muscle and improving your fitness rather than struggling to reach a specific number on the scale.

L1zardQueen

OP. I would seriously toss the body weight scale, it is messing with your head. At least put it away. Change your focus. Get a better goal. Like I want to enter a deadlift competition or enter a mini tri.

nettiklive

L1zardQueen wrote: »

OP. I would seriously toss the body weight scale, it is messing with your head. At least put it away. Change your focus. Get a better goal. Like I want to enter a deadlift competition or enter a mini tri.

Lolololol.

Sorry. Just this is so so far from the realm of my interest that it's hilarious to even imagine myself doing it. Quite honestly, and I know this may not be the healthiest way to think but I can't help it, I despise exercise in spite of forcing myself to do it for fifteen years now. Literally forcing myself every single time, I still hate it. The only physical thing I enjoy doing is leisurely walking and dancing, I used to take belly dancing lessons that I loved, but it didn't truly count as exercise as I didn't even break a sweat. I hate anything that makes me physically exert myself. The ONLY, and I mean sole, only reason I do it is to look better because that's what I actually find motivating. I couldn't care less about actual fitness or strength goals. If that makes me silly and vain, well so be it, but I'm honest enough to admit it.

GottaBurnEmAll

nettiklive wrote: »

GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »

nettiklive wrote: »

collectingblues wrote: »

I sometimes feel bad about my thighs, because I look at other people's measurements in some threads and on some boards, and feel guilty. And then I remember that OK, there's no pinchable fat on them, and I don't want to be like a woman I saw at my park who was running, but had *no* muscle tone -- she was quite literally almost just skin on bone. And then I remember that these thighs can help me run for 13.1 miles, so I'm just going to have to keep them around.

And, I my leggings, because then, they really do look awesome.

I can grab huge handfuls of fat on my hips and thighs unfortunately

No you can't. There aren't huge amounts there. Even the most fit people? Their muscle at rest is soft. Muscle is only rock hard when you're flexing it. I've urged you before to seek help, I'm going to urge you again.

You have skin and yes, some fat on top of your muscles and bones. This is normal and what you're supposed to be like. You have very unrealistic expectations for yourself and unhealthy goals.

Why would you say I have unrealistic goals when I'm even comparing myself to anyone else, just myself a few years earlier, when I was happy with my body? So I know it is possible for me, I'm just struggling to get there at the moment.

Also just for reference and to show how much of a difference even a few lbs really do make on my frame (and also why I really really don't want to get back there), this is what I looked like at my highest weight at only 19 years old; I was only around 122-125 lbs here, believe it or not, and doing hours of cardio a week and constantly dieting and it wouldn't budge, however I was on birth control. Once I stopped, the weight fell off in six months with no real lifestyle changes. But I never ever want to look like this again. And it's only at most a 15 lbs difference with the photo I posted above, so naturally every extra lb worries me.

I am saying you have unrealistic goals because you are only happy with your body when you are verging on being underweight.

There is nothing wrong with you in the picture of you on that beach. NOTHING. Except your perception of yourself.

Your goals for yourself put you at an at risk BMI grouping.

That you are more concerned about each pound and how you look than health is worrisome.

RoxieDawn

nettiklive wrote: »

hesn92 wrote: »

I’m just here to reiterate that you look fine as you are now. You don’t need to lose any more weight. Your legs look like legs, they seem perfectly fine to me. Honestly I feel it’s a little unhealthy to be this obsessed with how you look. If you want to look more “fit” then make time to lift weights.

Okay ...everyone's legs, and other parts, look like said body parts at almost any weight, so why do we have a site dedicated to fitness and weight loss at all? I don't recall saying I want my legs to look like ears, just legs that are slimmer, smaller and more toned. Didn't realize wanting to look better was considered unhealthy and wasn't par for the course for a weight loss and fitness forum. I guess I need to go to a different site. Thanks anyways.

I think you are misinterpreting everyone's comments. No one is saying that you cannot work to get leaner more 'toned' legs. You are looking to build muscle and lose fat, not lose more 'weight' and your legs become even more under muscled. Plus the amount of calories you have to eat to get there surely will not have you feeling your best and not lifting your best. The 'toning' comes from building muscle underneath what fat you do have and then shedding some of that fat, which recomp allows you do, this entails eating the proper amount of calories and the handling of your diet this is how you get there (along with proper strength training program of course).

OP I don't think any amount of weight loss or recomp is going to make you satisfied with your body. I believe that you were looking for confirmation on losing the 7 additional pounds, as many of the ladies here including myself have been working on building muscle and working on fat loss for years with lot of knowledge to help you reach your goals.

In any regard, I hope that you will not always be looking for flaws and possibly always comparing yourself to other people. We all have pointed out the positives, in hopes you would feel better about your goals and best course of action to take. What ever you decide, good luck with your efforts and enjoy your vacation.

GottaBurnEmAll

nettiklive wrote: »

collectingblues wrote: »

If you're only happy with yourself when you are technically underweight, or even in that "you're underweight for a Caucasian population, even if your BMI is over 18.5", you need to talk to someone about your body dysmorphia.

You're not going to get permission or validation here that it's OK to restrict back down to being underweight.

erm...but doesn't it depend on your frame...? I have tiny child-size wrists which is why I always assumed I had a small frame. That's why I posted those pictures, to show how the weight actually looks on me - it's not about the weight itself, as plenty of 5'4 women weigh quite a bit more but look fit and smaller than I did at 125, yet on me it looked downright chubby, I hope you'll at least agree. I don't think I looked at all too thin or unhealthy at 110 either. Everyone carries weight differently, and just like some weigh more than they look, it's the opposite for me, people are usually surprised I weigh as little as I do.

What are some of your other measurements? What's your underbust? Your hip measurement? Your elbow breadth?

I have teeny, tiny child-sized wrists and very small hands, small hips but I know of people who have smaller, a small rib cage but I also have linebacker shoulders and elbow and knee breadth that would make your head spin because they're huge.

Wrist size isn't the be all and end all of determining your frame size.

And no, you did not look chubby at 125.

L1zardQueen

Take up belly dancing again. Do something fun!

anubis609

nettiklive wrote: »

L1zardQueen wrote: »

OP. I would seriously toss the body weight scale, it is messing with your head. At least put it away. Change your focus. Get a better goal. Like I want to enter a deadlift competition or enter a mini tri.

Lolololol.

Sorry. Just this is so so far from the realm of my interest that it's hilarious to even imagine myself doing it. Quite honestly, and I know this may not be the healthiest way to think but I can't help it, I despise exercise in spite of forcing myself to do it for fifteen years now. Literally forcing myself every single time, I still hate it. The only physical thing I enjoy doing is leisurely walking and dancing, I used to take belly dancing lessons that I loved, but it didn't truly count as exercise as I didn't even break a sweat. I hate anything that makes me physically exert myself. The ONLY, and I mean sole, only reason I do it is to look better because that's what I actually find motivating. I couldn't care less about actual fitness or strength goals. If that makes me silly and vain, well so be it, but I'm honest enough to admit it.

There's always vanity involved in fat loss. That's not a secret, and it's not shameful.

I won't mimic anyone else's sentiment that you look fine the way you are because you're not looking for that kind of validation, so I'm just going to tell you what to do to look and maybe feel better (outside of possibly seeking therapy). To the bolded area, you don't need to exercise for fat loss, but what your body looks like when it's been positively stressed for aesthetic shaping, is going to look a helluva lot different than if you didn't move at all.

You're older now and you're fighting gravity. You're not going to get your "few years ago" body back because you can't turn back time. You carry more lower body fat because you're a woman and fat distribution shifts when you've had children. These aren't things that work in your favor by remaining sedentary, doing cardio "that only makes you sweat," or by hyper-focusing on scale weight.

Wanting to drop 7 lbs to get back to your old weight probably aren't going to make you look the same as before either, because I think you'll probably find something wrong even if you do, so unnecessarily dropping more calories isn't going to help. Better to keep maintenance calories and do the thing you hate because it's probably the one thing that's been missing.

You can make some appreciable results by July if you focused on a beginner strength training program now. And in the long-term, like dozens of years in the future, being stronger is beneficial. No one is telling you to lift the world, just lift. And lift consistently.

MegaMooseEsq

nettiklive wrote: »

L1zardQueen wrote: »

OP. I would seriously toss the body weight scale, it is messing with your head. At least put it away. Change your focus. Get a better goal. Like I want to enter a deadlift competition or enter a mini tri.

Lolololol.

Sorry. Just this is so so far from the realm of my interest that it's hilarious to even imagine myself doing it. Quite honestly, and I know this may not be the healthiest way to think but I can't help it, I despise exercise in spite of forcing myself to do it for fifteen years now. Literally forcing myself every single time, I still hate it. The only physical thing I enjoy doing is leisurely walking and dancing, I used to take belly dancing lessons that I loved, but it didn't truly count as exercise as I didn't even break a sweat. I hate anything that makes me physically exert myself. The ONLY, and I mean sole, only reason I do it is to look better because that's what I actually find motivating. I couldn't care less about actual fitness or strength goals. If that makes me silly and vain, well so be it, but I'm honest enough to admit it.

I would genuinely encourage you to look into weight lifting. I started a progressive program with dumbbells about six weeks ago and have already seen impressive changes to the way my body looks. It's too bad that you dislike exerting yourself so much, but don't think that your failure to break a sweat in your dance classes meant you weren't getting a workout. Sweating just means your body is trying to cool off, nothing else. I've been working out in a chilly basement for months now and often don't break a sweat during my workouts, but I've definitely seen benefits.

If the idea of starting a lifting programs is too overwhelming right now, you may want to check out the bodyweight workouts at FitnessBlender.com. They've got tons of videos at different levels of difficulty, and who knows, you might find something you can at least tolerate. Maybe try searching for their "bored easily" videos - these are structured not to repeat an exercise, which can make moving through them easier. Good luck!

Davidsdottir

I started out lifting as a 5'5" 114 lb pear. Through lifting and bulking, I've become a 138 lb hourglass thanks to increased shoulder width. In those 24 lbs, I only went from a size 0 to a size 2 and it's been totally worth it.

briscogun

I get what you are saying, OP. I really do. You liked the way you looked back at one point and want to look that way again. The problem is, that was years ago, you've had another kid since then, you've aged, your body has changed, and it's probably not a realistic goal to try and fight Father Time and look the way you did when you were younger. I think that's what everyone is trying to say. You need to learn to like the best version of who are are NOW, not the version of you from back in the day because that ship has sailed.

Also, you honestly look really good in all of those photos, but you have a picture in your head of how you want to see yourself in the mirror so our opinion isn't really what you are looking for. You're looking for info on how to get back to that one photo you like of yourself. Everyone is trying to tell you that you don't have to do that, you are in a great spot and look good, but you think you should/could look different.

There was some good advice about trying to use body recomposition to help you achieve your results and I would echo those. I don't think a straight "diet" where you eat below maintenance is going to help you look like you did prior because you body is physically different now. You'd be skinny fat. But you say you don't like exercise either. Again, not what you want to hear, but as you get older, this crap gets harder and harder, and you have to work harder and harder for longer and longer to make it happen. No magic diet will help you, you need to put in the work (and that means exercise/strength training if you want to actually change the physical shape of your body).

I just want to reinforce that all you can be is the best version of you as you are today, and that's still awesome! You may or may not be able to recapture that old self of yours, but we want you to know you are ok as you are and try to make THIS person super awesome and happy!

Good luck!

GottaBurnEmAll

MegaMooseEsq wrote: »

nettiklive wrote: »

L1zardQueen wrote: »

OP. I would seriously toss the body weight scale, it is messing with your head. At least put it away. Change your focus. Get a better goal. Like I want to enter a deadlift competition or enter a mini tri.

Lolololol.

Sorry. Just this is so so far from the realm of my interest that it's hilarious to even imagine myself doing it. Quite honestly, and I know this may not be the healthiest way to think but I can't help it, I despise exercise in spite of forcing myself to do it for fifteen years now. Literally forcing myself every single time, I still hate it. The only physical thing I enjoy doing is leisurely walking and dancing, I used to take belly dancing lessons that I loved, but it didn't truly count as exercise as I didn't even break a sweat. I hate anything that makes me physically exert myself. The ONLY, and I mean sole, only reason I do it is to look better because that's what I actually find motivating. I couldn't care less about actual fitness or strength goals. If that makes me silly and vain, well so be it, but I'm honest enough to admit it.

I would genuinely encourage you to look into weight lifting. I started a progressive program with dumbbells about six weeks ago and have already seen impressive changes to the way my body looks. It's too bad that you dislike exerting yourself so much, but don't think that your failure to break a sweat in your dance classes meant you weren't getting a workout. Sweating just means your body is trying to cool off, nothing else. I've been working out in a chilly basement for months now and often don't break a sweat during my workouts, but I've definitely seen benefits.

If the idea of starting a lifting programs is too overwhelming right now, you may want to check out the bodyweight workouts at FitnessBlender.com. They've got tons of videos at different levels of difficulty, and who knows, you might find something you can at least tolerate. Maybe try searching for their "bored easily" videos - these are structured not to repeat an exercise, which can make moving through them easier. Good luck!

Yeah, sweating really is not indicative of effort. I rarely if ever sweat. It's a genetic thing. My daughter is the same way. We don't even sweat when we're hot. I can run in hot weather and not sweat except for my hands and feet.

I used to really hate exercise and hate exerting myself and I needed to start doing it for medical reasons, so I approached doing it in terms of forming a habit. There wasn't room for "I'm doing this even though I hate it". I didn't allow those thoughts. It was like something I was just going to do just like I have to take my thyroid medicine, you know? It was just something I did and it removed anything I used to feel about it out of the equation.

Well, something happened along the way while that habit was forming. I decided I might as well make it fun. Set little goals along the way to challenge myself to do more to keep things interesting. And I'm pretty competitive with myself. Not with other people at all, but with myself? Oh yeah. I got hooked on exercise. Me. A previous exercise hater. Life long couch potato. Affirmed slug. Now I can't sit still all day.

So maybe, instead of thinking of exercise as something you hate that you just do for vanity, just think of it as a habit you want to develop... for... I don't know... healthy bones, maybe? Something positive. Starting with a different outlook might help you a little in your approach to it. If it helps you to know, weight lifting *is* very good for females especially as they get older for preserving muscle mass and strengthening bones, and these are both something important to consider.

Definitely look into weight training, even if you just start with a body weight program. As anubis said, you don't have to lift the world. Just lift. It will get you, over time, a body more in line with what you'd like to see without worrying about what the scale says.

nettiklive

briscogun wrote: »

I get what you are saying, OP. I really do. You liked the way you looked back at one point and want to look that way again. The problem is, that was years ago, you've had another kid since then, you've aged, your body has changed, and it's probably not a realistic goal to try and fight Father Time and look the way you did when you were younger. I think that's what everyone is trying to say. You need to learn to like the best version of who are are NOW, not the version of you from back in the day because that ship has sailed.

Also, you honestly look really good in all of those photos, but you have a picture in your head of how you want to see yourself in the mirror so our opinion isn't really what you are looking for. You're looking for info on how to get back to that one photo you like of yourself. Everyone is trying to tell you that you don't have to do that, you are in a great spot and look good, but you think you should/could look different.

There was some good advice about trying to use body recomposition to help you achieve your results and I would echo those. I don't think a straight "diet" where you eat below maintenance is going to help you look like you did prior because you body is physically different now. You'd be skinny fat. But you say you don't like exercise either. Again, not what you want to hear, but as you get older, this crap gets harder and harder, and you have to work harder and harder for longer and longer to make it happen. No magic diet will help you, you need to put in the work (and that means exercise/strength training if you want to actually change the physical shape of your body).

I just want to reinforce that all you can be is the best version of you as you are today, and that's still awesome! You may or may not be able to recapture that old self of yours, but we want you to know you are ok as you are and try to make THIS person super awesome and happy!

Good luck!

Okay, so just to clear things up because I feel people are misunderstanding:

First, it wasn't "years ago", it was less than four years ago, in fact I was probably in the best shape of my life right before my second pregnancy because that's when I discovered lifting and started adding a bit of a muscle to a body I was already happy with. I don't think the difference between 31 and 35 years old is large enough to warrant many body changes based on 'aging' alone.

What did happen between now and then is I gained the extra few lbs during pregnancy and wasn't able to shed, and also wasn't able to work out consistently due to childcare issues. I also just slacked a bit because I maintained my weight easily with very little exercise for years beforehand so I was just expecting to snap back the same way but didn't. However, there is no reason I would look drastically different now if I got back to that weight - at least I don't think so? In the picture I posted of myself at 110 lbs I actually wasn't exercising aside from some light cardio.

However, I'm totally FOR lifting and have been trying to start a program on and off for the last year and just having trouble keeping it up consistently - husband works long hours, no other help around, kids inevitably kept getting sick and I kept catching it from them and missing workouts and having trouble starting up again. But I don't mind lifting as far as exercise goes - not to say I enjoy it, but I don't hate it as much as cardio lol, and I like that it takes less time and produces faster results.

This thread has devolved into some weird therapy thing and I really wasn't looking for that. I don't need to be told that I looked fine at a weight that in no way reflects my appearance goals, hearing it is not going to make me any happier with myself. I was especially surprised to hear it on a forum like this and from some posters whose own profile pics show chiseled nearly-perfect bodies with not a ounce of fat to be seen. Seems a bit hypocritical and slightly patronizing even, but I get that you guys mean well. And I get that lifting and recomp is a good thing to focus on in the long run.

All I really was asking about in this thread is basically, what would produce most effective results (in terms of visible changes) and be less counterproductive: trying to recomp/ build muscle while still having a decent layer of fat covering up any definition (since I know fat burn in a recomp is painfully slow); or trying to lift and eat at a deficit to 'speed up' the process, in a way. Again, from personal experience, I know fat loss tends to produce a more defined look faster - the whole 'abs are made in the kitchen' thing. I looked most 'defined' when I wasn't actually doing any lifting but was at my leanest. Which is why I thought maybe I should focus on it first and THEN go to maintenance and work to add muscle.
Also there's the simple fact that I already know what I looked like at a smaller weight and that I liked it, but I have never really done a recomp while at a higher weight, and I have no idea what I would look like with that or how long it would take. So it's kind of a leap of faith in a way.

Anyways. Thanks everyone for your input, I do appreciate all the advice.

middlehaitch

Ok. Back to losing those last few pounds and recomp.

When one is losing down to the bottom of the BMI range one has relatively little fat. (Yes, I know your personal perception)
Because there is little fat to lose one loses a greater percentage of muscle. That is one of the reasons when one is in a normal BMI range a 250 cal deficit, .5lbs a week is recommended along with resistance training.

You are at the lower end, so greater muscle loss than a person at the top of the BMI range.

That being said, if you wish to regain the body you had 4 years ago, it would be better to do a recomp at the weight you are at now, without any further muscle loss.

If, when you have done a consistent recomp for at least 6 month, following a programme from the thread I linked towards the top of page one, or one of the 2 programmes I linked on your 'using machines' thread, or hiring a PT, you still feel like you would like to drop a few pounds, then is the time.

You will have built a better muscle base to handle a small deficit without dropping your muscle mass lower than it is now.

Hope that makes sense.

Cheers, h.

anubis609

nettiklive wrote: »

briscogun wrote: »

I get what you are saying, OP. I really do. You liked the way you looked back at one point and want to look that way again. The problem is, that was years ago, you've had another kid since then, you've aged, your body has changed, and it's probably not a realistic goal to try and fight Father Time and look the way you did when you were younger. I think that's what everyone is trying to say. You need to learn to like the best version of who are are NOW, not the version of you from back in the day because that ship has sailed.

Also, you honestly look really good in all of those photos, but you have a picture in your head of how you want to see yourself in the mirror so our opinion isn't really what you are looking for. You're looking for info on how to get back to that one photo you like of yourself. Everyone is trying to tell you that you don't have to do that, you are in a great spot and look good, but you think you should/could look different.

There was some good advice about trying to use body recomposition to help you achieve your results and I would echo those. I don't think a straight "diet" where you eat below maintenance is going to help you look like you did prior because you body is physically different now. You'd be skinny fat. But you say you don't like exercise either. Again, not what you want to hear, but as you get older, this crap gets harder and harder, and you have to work harder and harder for longer and longer to make it happen. No magic diet will help you, you need to put in the work (and that means exercise/strength training if you want to actually change the physical shape of your body).

I just want to reinforce that all you can be is the best version of you as you are today, and that's still awesome! You may or may not be able to recapture that old self of yours, but we want you to know you are ok as you are and try to make THIS person super awesome and happy!

Good luck!

Okay, so just to clear things up because I feel people are misunderstanding:

First, it wasn't "years ago", it was less than four years ago, in fact I was probably in the best shape of my life right before my second pregnancy because that's when I discovered lifting and started adding a bit of a muscle to a body I was already happy with. I don't think the difference between 31 and 35 years old is large enough to warrant many body changes based on 'aging' alone.

What did happen between now and then is I gained the extra few lbs during pregnancy and wasn't able to shed, and also wasn't able to work out consistently due to childcare issues. I also just slacked a bit because I maintained my weight easily with very little exercise for years beforehand so I was just expecting to snap back the same way but didn't. However, there is no reason I would look drastically different now if I got back to that weight - at least I don't think so? In the picture I posted of myself at 110 lbs I actually wasn't exercising aside from some light cardio.

However, I'm totally FOR lifting and have been trying to start a program on and off for the last year and just having trouble keeping it up consistently - husband works long hours, no other help around, kids inevitably kept getting sick and I kept catching it from them and missing workouts and having trouble starting up again. But I don't mind lifting as far as exercise goes - not to say I enjoy it, but I don't hate it as much as cardio lol, and I like that it takes less time and produces faster results.

This thread has devolved into some weird therapy thing and I really wasn't looking for that. I don't need to be told that I looked fine at a weight that in no way reflects my appearance goals, hearing it is not going to make me any happier with myself. I was especially surprised to hear it on a forum like this and from some posters whose own profile pics show chiseled nearly-perfect bodies with not a ounce of fat to be seen. Seems a bit hypocritical and slightly patronizing even, but I get that you guys mean well. And I get that lifting and recomp is a good thing to focus on in the long run.

All I really was asking about in this thread is basically, what would produce most effective results (in terms of visible changes) and be less counterproductive: trying to recomp/ build muscle while still having a decent layer of fat covering up any definition (since I know fat burn in a recomp is painfully slow); or trying to lift and eat at a deficit to 'speed up' the process, in a way. Again, from personal experience, I know fat loss tends to produce a more defined look faster - the whole 'abs are made in the kitchen' thing. I looked most 'defined' when I wasn't actually doing any lifting but was at my leanest. Which is why I thought maybe I should focus on it first and THEN go to maintenance and work to add muscle.
Also there's the simple fact that I already know what I looked like at a smaller weight and that I liked it, but I have never really done a recomp while at a higher weight, and I have no idea what I would look like with that or how long it would take. So it's kind of a leap of faith in a way.

Anyways. Thanks everyone for your input, I do appreciate all the advice.

Fair enough, but understand that we all worked hard for a long time, through years of consistency, to achieve a state of perceivable progress. And there was no clear direction based on your post other than holding onto images from the past, so you can't hold it against responses to suggest otherwise.

As for "less than four years ago" .. it's still years ago (definitively plural since it is greater than 1). And that is long enough for aging changes to take place. There are many people who have let themselves go in a shorter amount of time and comparatively speaking, a 7 pound difference with two children is stellar maintenance. But, children are living beings that literally sap the nutrients and minerals from the mother's body as they grow before they're born. You cannot deny biology. Your body has undergone changes from those events alone.

Your job is to make yourself stronger after those changes have taken effect. Get your strength training done when you can fit it in. Your personal health should be as much a priority as your children for the simple fact that you still want to be able to be strong enough to keep up and protect them. As for weight, strength is going to be limited the lighter you are. Outliers aside with supreme genetics, they don't represent the majority, so assume you're part of the majority and you're going to have to come to terms that increase in muscle mass is going to result in an increase in scale weight, but if you look chiseled because you've burned fat in the process, does scale weight even matter?