How do I breakup with my sons ex?

gettingfit65

Any advice on how to kindly tell her I don’t think we should be chatting, texting, etc? I just don’t feel comfortable. It’s been 10 years since they were together but he has someone in his life now and I don’t want to feel like I’m betraying them.

nexangelus

Just say what you just said in your post to her, simples. Job done...

projectsix

gettingfit65 wrote: »

Any advice on how to kindly tell her I don’t think we should be chatting, texting, etc? I just don’t feel comfortable. It’s been 10 years since they were together but he has someone in his life now and I don’t want to feel like I’m betraying them.

I'm trying to figure out why it's now, a decade later making you uncomfortable. I would have thought you would have come to that conclusion, well like 9 years ago?

At this point you're cutting ties with a long time friend so treat it as such.

2baninja

Is your son asking you to stop chatting with her? If he is, if your relationship with her is making him uncomfortable then yes, you may want to part, but if he's fine with it and has no problem, they why give up a good friendship, assuming it is a good friendship, of course... I would ask him what his thought are before you end a friendship that you seam to like.

xFunctionalStrengthx

projectbradley wrote: »

gettingfit65 wrote: »

Any advice on how to kindly tell her I don’t think we should be chatting, texting, etc? I just don’t feel comfortable. It’s been 10 years since they were together but he has someone in his life now and I don’t want to feel like I’m betraying them.

I'm trying to figure out why it's now, a decade later making you uncomfortable. I would have thought you would have come to that conclusion, well like 9 years ago?

At this point you're cutting ties with a long time friend so treat it as such.

Exactly. Unless not knowing how to break the ties because feeling guilty of doing so, she's a long time friend whom you communicate with over the years. Regardless of the breakup she and your son had.

It's not really up to him, or someone else, with whom you are friends with. Even if he's uncomfortable with it. Not his choice and you shouldn't be walkin on eggshells to protect him or his current GF/wife. If there's been something that his exGF did that you feel needs to break your friendship with her, that's another story.

I'm one who values my friends and even many acquaintances who I have positive interactions with. I don't believe in breaking a friendship because two people don't get along. It's a problem between them, not you and each of them.

Lounmoun

Have you kept the fact that you have been in contact a secret from your son for 10 years?
Have you at any point tried to get them back together or sabatoge your son having other relationships?
What has she been to you? A friend? Aquaintance? Daughter?

I don't see why a relationship you have had for 10 years after your son's relationship broke up should be an issue or need to change.

gettingfit65

Thx everyone. He hasn’t had a serious girlfriend until this last year. He is aware because he knows we are friends on fbk, messenger etc. She broke it off with him when they were like 17. Crushed him. She wanted to try again after they were in their 20’s and he would have none of it. I told her you have to move on. She’s getting married in a month but it’s like she doesn’t want to let our family go even tho they are now 29. She FaceTimed me the other night.

TavistockToad

gettingfit65 wrote: »

Thx everyone. He hasn’t had a serious girlfriend until this last year. He is aware because he knows we are friends on fbk, messenger etc. She broke it off with him when they were like 17. Crushed him. She wanted to try again after they were in their 20’s and he would have none of it. I told her you have to move on. She’s getting married in a month but it’s like she doesn’t want to let our family go even tho they are now 29. She FaceTimed me the other night.

Do you actually like this person as a friend?

bojack3

I really don't even understand what's going on.....

justkris_gettingfit

There is no kind way of cutting contact off with someone you've been talking to for 10 yrs. Rip the band aid off if you want her to let go of your family and move on, but give her your true reason for it and not this sudden feeling of betrayal. Because that should have happened 10 years ago when she broke your sons heart.

Svanel

Decide. Commit. Take action.

km8907

I still don't understand why you can't be friends. You're all adults. I'm friends with my ex's sister and his mom. Everyone's fine.

Versicolour

I am still friends with my ex's mom (from 17 years old) and we have kept in contact for 20 years. I have been married and he is married - my friendship with his mother has nothing to do with him.

Also, my parents are still friends with my ex (from my 20's). No problem there either.

I don't see any problem

Francl27

I'm in the 'I don't understand why you can't be friends' camp.

snowflake954

Does she ask you about him--try to get information out of you? If not, and you have things in common, then it's an OK friendship. Do you like her? If you un-friend her will you be sorry about it? These are all questions to ask yourself. The answers will guide you.

jgnatca

I’m going to assume you don’t pass on information about your son. I’m going to also assume you have enough in common with this woman to keep the friendship alive.

If that is all true, maybe ask to go out for coffee with this woman and her new mother in law. Maybe you will all end up enjoying each other’s company.

One worry is that this is a woman who likes to keep all her options open, just in case. That is not fair to you, your son, or her fiancée.

If face timing this woman is more a chore just tell her you are too busy at the moment. Stay busy.

gettingfit65

snowflake954 wrote: »

Does she ask you about him--try to get information out of you? If not, and you have things in common, then it's an OK friendship. Do you like her? If you un-friend her will you be sorry about it? These are all questions to ask yourself. The answers will guide you.

Yah she always asks about the whole family and then usually about him. I just say everyone’s good.

jgnatca

My daughter got swamped with suitors as soon as word got out that she was going to be single soon.

One semi-serious suitor was a “keep my options open” sort of guy and as he was feeling her out as a possible mate he was also engaged to a woman in another city. After a while my daughter felt used and backed away.

I am a little concerned that this woman keeps half a candle burning for your son. It begs to wonder if any of the guys in her life are special, doesn’t it?

If you have to be firm and direct for this woman to catch a clue, do so.

gettingfit65

jgnatca wrote: »

My daughter got swamped with suitors as soon as word got out that she was going to be single soon.

One semi-serious suitor was a “keep my options open” sort of guy and as he was feeling her out as a possible mate he was also engaged to a woman in another city. After a while my daughter felt used and backed away.

I am a little concerned that this woman keeps half a candle burning for your son. It begs to wonder if any of the guys in her life are special, doesn’t it?

If you have to be firm and direct for this woman to catch a clue, do so.

Thank you so much!! I feel you get what I am struggling with.

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TavistockToad

CatsIvuE wrote: »

Ghost him, accidentally send a selfie of you with another woman, tell then you don’t have time for them, change your number, change your name, tell them you died.

Or better yet don’t date your sons ex. What kind of father would do this?

:laugh:

justkris_gettingfit

CatsIvuE wrote: »

Ghost him, accidentally send a selfie of you with another woman, tell then you don’t have time for them, change your number, change your name, tell them you died.

Or better yet don’t date your sons ex. What kind of father would do this?

Gold lmao

RoxieDawn

CatsIvuE wrote: »

Ghost her, accidentally send a selfie of you with another woman, tell then you don’t have time for them, change your number, change your name, tell them you died.

Or better yet don’t date your sons ex. What kind of father would do this?

Priceless.

TonyB0588

gettingfit65 wrote: »

Any advice on how to kindly tell her I don’t think we should be chatting, texting, etc? I just don’t feel comfortable. It’s been 10 years since they were together but he has someone in his life now and I don’t want to feel like I’m betraying them.

Are you actually betraying anyone? Do you pass confidential information about one to the other? Otherwise I would think you can continue to be friends in your own right, unrelated to being friends based on their past history.

777Gemma888

Block her number. Delete her from your contacts . Unfriend her. Unfollow her. She'll get the message.

It's pointless trying to ascertain whether she still habours a "secret love" for your son.

You're in a pickle. Considering the ex from whence they were 17 & her feelings VS your son's adult choice and her feelings. This mess is of your own creation. Deal with it. Make a choice. Your son has clearly done so.

Unknown

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jgnatca

How many Facebook friends are acquaintances? Heck, how many MFP friends are any more than comrades at arms?

Lounmoun

gettingfit65 wrote: »

Thx everyone. He hasn’t had a serious girlfriend until this last year. He is aware because he knows we are friends on fbk, messenger etc. She broke it off with him when they were like 17. Crushed him. She wanted to try again after they were in their 20’s and he would have none of it. I told her you have to move on. She’s getting married in a month but it’s like she doesn’t want to let our family go even tho they are now 29. She FaceTimed me the other night.

Why have you stayed in contact with her after she crushed your son when she was 17? You decided to keep talking to her. You can't complain that she doesn't want to let your family go if you have participated in maintaing contact for this long.

If you don't consider her a friend and want to drop contact then you should probably apologize for being fake to her for years and wish her well in her life. Then unfriend her and stop talking to her and about her.

seltzermint555

Lounmoun wrote: »

gettingfit65 wrote: »

Thx everyone. He hasn’t had a serious girlfriend until this last year. He is aware because he knows we are friends on fbk, messenger etc. She broke it off with him when they were like 17. Crushed him. She wanted to try again after they were in their 20’s and he would have none of it. I told her you have to move on. She’s getting married in a month but it’s like she doesn’t want to let our family go even tho they are now 29. She FaceTimed me the other night.

Why have you stayed in contact with her after she crushed your son when she was 17? You decided to keep talking to her. You can't complain that she doesn't want to let your family go if you have participated in maintaing contact for this long.

If you don't consider her a friend and want to drop contact then you should probably apologize for being fake to her for years and wish her well in her life. Then unfriend her and stop talking to her and about her.

I agree with lounmoun. That is a long time to be in touch with someone if you don't consider them a friend.

In the future I think the best thing is to say "I just feel it's best if we don't keep in touch" along with a reason or no reason at all. My ex husband and I divorced after 9 years of marriage. I never really liked his parents and they lived 14 hours away so I had only seen them like 5 times anyway. About a year after our divorce, his mom sent me a friend request on fb (she had just joined). I sent her a pm saying I wished her well but out of respect to my new relationship I just didn't think we needed to keep in touch. Honestly though...my boyfriend from when I was 20-22, I LOVED his mom dearly and when we see each other out & about we always hug and talk a little. She never mentions her son to me and I don't ask. If somehow or another we were around each other often (let's say we worked together), I could see us being friends as two adults. Situations vary.

Healthyhunny231567

I took this completely wrong when I first read it lol

SmurfBunny3

I have four children, three of whom are in relationships that started in high school... both friendships and romantic relationships... never have I been so close to one of their friends/boyfriends/girlfriends that I would maintain that contact after they parted ways.

This seems... weird? To me??