"Good" and "Bad" Foods

sabal20
sabal20 Posts: 39 Member
in Food and Nutrition
My partner has developed quite an unhealthy relationship with food. And has started compartmentalising things into "good" and "bad" foods. He also becomes very grumpy if the scale hasn't gone down.

We were making lunches this morning and he said "hopefully by eating more lettuce I'll lose weight", I responded without thinking "you won't lose weight by adding lettuce but by eating less of what you used to put into your lunch". This started a huge fight. He usually eats heavily processed chicken filled with salt and sugar and lots of non chicken ingredients I can't pronounce. He went onto tell me that chicken was a good food and not bad. I said I didn't disagree but that 1oz of chicken had significantly more calories than 1oz of lettuce and a cup of chicken breast had more calories than the same amount of lettuce.

He was the one that introduced me to MFP and to CICO so I can't believe I had to explain this to him.

He went off in a huff and I left for work. I'm really worried about this approach to food. He's often said food and diet is the only thing he has control over. I don't know what to do to help him.

Replies

  • simplyhannahm
    simplyhannahm Posts: 55 Member
    I would maybe suggest seeing a nutritionist with him.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,282 Member
    All he needs to do is create a calorie deficit each day. If he is doing that and logging accurately the scales will move for him.

    Pedantic of me perhaps -but if he is creating a calorie deficit he will lose weight - whether or not he is logging accurately or indeed logging at all.

    OP sounds like one of those storm in a tea cup arguments to me. How about letting him try things his way, even if some of his thinking is flawed.
    Does that matter if it works?
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    I don't have a problem seeing foods as good or bad (I know that's anti-MFP rhetoric, but whatever). I do think how you define what's good vs what's bad is a potential problem. Foods that help you stay on track are good, foods that don't are bad.

    Bigger picture, there's a lot of context missing from the post, because otherwise you'd have to have written a book for your post. Eating more lettuce could help him lose weight if that lettuce is replacing something else that's higher calorie. But it sounds like you know this. As you suggested, you can lose weight eating more food volume as long as the calories are appropriate - is that what he's trying to do?

    Lastly, if he's emotional about this, which it sounds like he is... you have to catch him when he's feeling good about things. Suggesting he's doing something wrong or missing something probably won't go over well when he's already frustrated.
  • acorsaut89
    acorsaut89 Posts: 1,147 Member
    edited May 2018
    The thing I've learned about losing weight and making food choices that are more nutritionally sound is people won't do it until they want to. I was 360lbs at 23 years old and I didn't see a single problem with it until one day I did. And then it all changed. But I had to want to, and then I started reading and researching and figuring things out.

    My suggestion would be to be supportive and give advice if and when he asks for it. If you are in charge of cooking dinner, let's say, you can make the decisions as to what to serve. And then you can make choices that are nutritionally sound. You cannot control what he eats, he's an adult of course, but as a partner it is difficult to see someone you love taking part in activities that you know are harming to their long term health goals. Be supportive and encouraging, and small changes add up over time: like maybe if he's eating highly processed chicken now, the next time you go get groceries choose a different kind of chicken that is of better quality and he can use that in his lunch instead. Small things to change will add up huge over time.
  • FireOpalCO
    FireOpalCO Posts: 641 Member
    acorsaut89 wrote: »
    Be supportive and encouraging, and small changes add up over time: like maybe if he's eating highly processed chicken now, the next time you go get groceries choose a different kind of chicken that is of better quality and he can use that in his lunch instead. Small things to change will add up huge over time.

    Why are you assuming she buys the groceries?

  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    FireOpalCO wrote: »
    acorsaut89 wrote: »
    Be supportive and encouraging, and small changes add up over time: like maybe if he's eating highly processed chicken now, the next time you go get groceries choose a different kind of chicken that is of better quality and he can use that in his lunch instead. Small things to change will add up huge over time.

    Why are you assuming she buys the groceries?

    Good point. I bought groceries yesterday.
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
    I don't think you can help him. He has to help himself. Maybe get a recommendation from his primary care dr for a nutritionist who can help him craft a food plan.
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    I understand where you’re coming from, OP. However, I think you, and a lot of people both here and in general, approach weight loss and nutrition through the negative instead of the positve. Seriously, you made a negative comment about how he approached his food, even when adding lettuce to his lunch sounds like a really legit choice. Sure, there might be better and more perfect choices that pay attention to every single detail and create a nutritious perfection, but adding lettuce is a great start. Maybe your partner, as well as other people, would be more encouraged with their choices if we were more positive about the good/better choices we do make instead of just going straight for the negative or where they could have done better. TBH, I’d get upset too if my lunch was commented like that. It sounds like your partner is really trying, and while his methods may not be perfect, they’re decent and sometimes decent is all we can manage. Besides, decent is hella better than nothing. So often we demand perfection from both ourselves and others (we only want our loved ones to do well!), and we forget that every little step takes us closer to our goals.
  • fitoverfortymom
    fitoverfortymom Posts: 3,452 Member
    edited May 2018
    Hubby and I are both losing weight. I've done it by the book with MFP and weighing and logging, for the most part eating regular foods in quantities that meet my calories. I exercise regularly bu running 5-6 days a week and am usually training for a running event. I meal prep for the week and require breakfast, snacks, lunch, and dinner so I don't get the hangries.

    Hubby has lost weight, also. Not as steadily as I have with more yo-yo-ing, but he's been on a good streak lately. He doesn't log or weigh his portions, but does keep a mental tally of calories. He also does some intense cardio between 1-2 hours a day and creates a good part of his deficit with exercise and carb avoidance. He does talk "woo" sometimes, but by and large knows that it's CICO that's behind it all. He "wings" it each week, although does have a go-to breakfast that works for him. I'd say he eats 300 calories for breakfast and then may not eat again until dinner.

    When I think he could be more successful with some minor adjustments or I see him getting frustrated, I usually tee up the conversation anecdotally like, "I tried eating XYZ and I felt so full and it's super calorie-friendly! Do you want to try some?" Because I'm a meal prepper, I often ask him if he wants me to prep something for him. Usually it's like, "I bought a TON of XYZ food that I want to get through so it doesn't go bad. Do you want me to prep you some, too?"

    I used to get frustrated with his weight loss style, especially as I labored so diligently to calculate everything. I never judge him (and he does not judge me) if there is a moment of weakness or poor eating choices are made.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I do better thinking about these things in terms like "everyday foods" and "sometimes foods"
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    edited May 2018
    sabal20 wrote: »
    My partner has developed quite an unhealthy relationship with food. And has started compartmentalising things into "good" and "bad" foods. He also becomes very grumpy if the scale hasn't gone down.

    We were making lunches this morning and he said "hopefully by eating more lettuce I'll lose weight", I responded without thinking "you won't lose weight by adding lettuce but by eating less of what you used to put into your lunch". This started a huge fight. He usually eats heavily processed chicken filled with salt and sugar and lots of non chicken ingredients I can't pronounce. He went onto tell me that chicken was a good food and not bad. I said I didn't disagree but that 1oz of chicken had significantly more calories than 1oz of lettuce and a cup of chicken breast had more calories than the same amount of lettuce.

    He was the one that introduced me to MFP and to CICO so I can't believe I had to explain this to him.

    He went off in a huff and I left for work. I'm really worried about this approach to food. He's often said food and diet is the only thing he has control over. I don't know what to do to help him.

    Is the issue really that he's not losing? That's what it kind of sounds like. Is he logging? Or has he fallen into the idea that if he just eats "good" food and not "bad" food he will lose? Does he have unrealistic expectations about how fast he should lose?
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,741 Member
    edited May 2018
    Deleted because I had to read the OP like 50 times before realizing what the tone of my post wouldn't have made sense.

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