How to deal with negative people

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  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    ladyhusker39 wrote: »
    scarey0022 wrote: »
    Oh, I don’t let it bother me. It’s not going to hinder my progress in any way. She’s set off by anything, such as her asking what was in the cookies then having a whole fit once she hears the word “protein”. I suspect it’s just one of those “you’re my kid and I don’t want you to be better than me” types of situations since that is definitely her personality. I do appreciate the comments.

    I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. As a mother I can tell you that the most important thing in my life is that my kids have a better relationship with me than I have ever had with my mother. I want to be a source of advice, confidence, kindness and respect to them. FWIW, it's not a mother thing. Like you say, it's her personality. Don't let it become your's.

    All the best, truly.

    same here.its hard having a parent like that.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    Obviously there's a lot more to this story, as it sounds like this is pretty typical for your relationship and for her personality.

    But...I do think sometimes people can have different goals and different philosophies on nutrition, fitness, etc, and that doesn't necessarily make them "bad". I do agree with all of the advice to just STOP discussing diet & weight loss topics. I have a couple of girlfriends who focus on eating organic food and full-fat dairy, bone broth/marrow, tons of essential oils for this and that, smoothies & juicing, etc. I think a lot of their ideas are "woo". Meanwhile, at least one of them (probably both) think my method of maintaining a major weight loss by counting calories is completely nuts and even "slightly disordered" as she puts it. It hurts both sides when the other person is saying they know more or have all the right answers.

    You do you. Just don't let her negativity in.
  • sksk1026
    sksk1026 Posts: 213 Member
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    Sending much sympathy. Keep doing exactly what you're doing. It's working!
  • Chunkahlunkah
    Chunkahlunkah Posts: 373 Member
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    VUA21 wrote: »
    Ignore them. Negative people are everywhere, they are annoying, but oh well... Just ingore the ninnies.

    +1

    This is a tough situation for you because she's your mom and it's completely understandable that, of all people, you'd want support and kindness from her. She's clearly damaged goods on this topic though. In other words, it's not you, it's her. The best thing in that situation is not to engage or invite her into that area of your life in any way.

    Congrats on your weight loss, btw! I think it's great that you've gotten into lifting.
  • Chunkahlunkah
    Chunkahlunkah Posts: 373 Member
    edited May 2018
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    CSARdiver wrote: »
    One of the best things you will ever do in you life is identify negative people in your life and remove them from your life. With family you simply minimize contact with these types as much as humanly possible.

    Covert narcissists/passive aggressive people are an interesting animal. These people don't want results, they don't want success. They want you to feel sympathy for them.

    +1

    From what I've observed, it's not just sympathy they want but also to reduce you to a prop that they use to feed their own ego. But yes, the sympathy part is big. They're always the victim and in their mind that justifies their negativity.

    I'm sorry your mom is the sort who needs her daughter to be "less" than her, OP. I hope she's not an extreme narcissist and is loving and mature at other times.

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