"Do you want a donut"?

chandraminick

Anyone else on here getting damn well fed up with people in your circle trying to sabotage you while you're trying to lose weight? I'm 45, and my mother is 66. We live together, and she knows I plan and track my food. The other day we went to the store for plants, but she went off to get a candy bar. On the way out of he store she asks "do you want half of this donut"? I said "No". On the way home, she started telling me about what she was eating this week. I told her that I had planned out my meals, and at what time I was going to eat them every day. She then says "Don't forget I have a jar of peanut butter in the cabinet". So, I say " I just said I have my meals planned out", and she tells me "I know, I just don't care", and then laughs. Today, I passed her in the hallway eating a pack of Hostess donettes, and she says " Do you want a donut"? I said "No, I don't want a donut!" She just continues on into her room laughing at me. I could have popped her in the mouth! Damn sabateur

TavistockToad

She's asked if you want a doughnut, not held you down and shoved it in your mouth...

You're overthinking...

BattyKnitter

That'S overreacting a bit IMO. You are in charge of what goes in your mouth just keep saying no, you don't need to explain yourself or defend your choices just keep repeating NO.

JaydedMiss

My aunt melted butter in my coffee..... THAT is someone trying to sabotage, Sounds like yours just loves you and wants to share

mulecanter

Sounds a little mean. Best to ignore it and she will move on.

RunsWithBees

You could always say “sure, I’ll have a donut” and take one, then immediately throw it in the trash so she can see you are serious about your diet. Each time she offers, keep accepting and throwing it away immediately without even saying a word. She might get the message and stop offering you foods like that.

nutmegoreo

Wow what a horrible human being she is for offering to share something that is tasty. You should put her in a home. That'll teach her.

Or perhaps your reaction is OTT...

OHFlamingo

Sounds a little like my Mom! She was always overweight, and an excellent cook. I was grown, and we didn't live together anymore, but when I would visit she would say, "Why don't you like my cooking anymore? You used to!". She would always offer me those disgusting (to me) Little Debbie snacks, too. The worst thing she always said was, "We fatties have to stick together."! I eventually was able to get her to understand that I was no longer the skinny little kid I once was, and that for my health, I was eating differently. Try not to "rent space in your head" to comments from people that annoy you.

serindipte

Some people are feeders. By that, I mean it's a way they show love and affection. "No thank you" is usually enough when if it has to be repeated.

erjones11

I am bad.

I offer everyone food and treats and really don't eat these things myself. I love to bring desert home for my family. My son, who is in great shape, loves lemon pie and I love to bring it to him. If he likes what I bring him I feel pleased.

We also workout together which pleases me as well.

But as I said he is in great shape. He has good habits. When he eats the pie I bring him he will make a trade off somewhere else. He will say I am eating a lite lunch so I can eat that pie you brought me.

cardiacmommy

I would change my phrasing to "I don't eat donuts" and take out the word want. Try offering her healthy foods like an apple

88olds

A donut is just a fried wad of goo.

ryenday

I have been so grateful that I never liked donuts. Fried sweets/breads/pastries stuff things never tasted good to me. Since they are so often the shared ‘bring food to the office’ choice, I count myself lucky.

People who keep offering me some potato chips, on the other hand, would probably really bother me. Lol. That just doesn’t happen tho.

vallary14

No, imo they aren’t worth the calories. I had a manager that would bring donuts into work for the team because I guess he wanted to reward us. I would say every time I don’t want a donut, I want guacamole!

seltzermint555

I don't really think that's sabotage. Would it be possible for you to have separate households? I truly think that would help everything the most. In some cultures I realize it's the norm, but generally speaking...adult women trying to share the same nest can be psychological chaos for all parties involved.

chandraminick

It is sabotage when you tell someone that you already have your food planned out as well as the times that you plant to eat. Then they suggest some irrelevant food, and you say "I just said that I already have my meals planned out", and they say " I heard you, I just didn't care", and you say "well, I don't care about your peanut butter", and they just laugh and keep trying to give you junk.

TavistockToad

88olds wrote: »

A donut is just a fried wad of goo.

A delicious fried wad of goo though... :laugh:

amusedmonkey

Popping candy amuses me more than it should. It just makes me happy. Yesterday my sister surprised me with pop rocks ice cream. She didn't even ask, she just handed it to me. I felt loved. She cared about me enough to notice such a small detail as how I react to certain foods and to think of me when she saw something with popping candy. I had the calories for it so I ate it, but if I didn't, I would have thanked her and put it in the freezer.

A couple of days ago my mom was eating chocolate wafers and asked me if I wanted some. I said no, I don't have the calories for that today. She said: I discovered this new brand and it's amazing with milk. I felt loved. She cared about me enough to want me to experience a pleasant feeling she was experiencing.

About 2 weeks ago, I explicitly made it clear to my family that I was having a low calorie day and would not be joining them for lunch. They called me to the table for lunch asking if I was sure I didn't want to eat lunch that day. I thanked them and said, no, I'm still sticking to my plan today. I felt loved because they didn't like the thought of me being uncomfortable.

You can butt heads and be over dramatic and defensive over the smallest things people do, but when you stop over-analyzing both parties are happier for it.

P.S: I would have laughed too if someone had such an extreme reaction to a normal common courtesy question.

Stockholm_Andy

amusedmonkey wrote: »

Popping candy amuses me more than it should. It just makes me happy. Yesterday my sister surprised me with pop rocks ice cream. She didn't even ask, she just handed it to me. I felt loved. She cared about me enough to notice such a small detail as how I react to certain foods and to think of me when she saw something with popping candy. I had the calories for it so I ate it, but if I didn't, I would have thanked her and put it in the freezer.

A couple of days ago my mom was eating chocolate wafers and asked me if I wanted some. I said no, I don't have the calories for that today. She said: I discovered this new brand and it's amazing with milk. I felt loved. She cared about me enough to want me to experience a pleasant feeling she was experiencing.

About 2 weeks ago, I explicitly made it clear to my family that I was having a low calorie day and would not be joining them for lunch. They called me to the table for lunch asking if I was sure I didn't want to eat lunch that day. I thanked them and said, no, I'm still sticking to my plan today. I felt loved because they didn't like the thought of me being uncomfortable.

You can butt heads and be over dramatic and defensive over the smallest things people do, but when you stop over-analyzing both parties are happier for it.

P.S: I would have laughed too if someone had such an extreme reaction to a normal common courtesy question.

AM I think what you are describing above are examples of normal and healthy expression of love when you give something to a loved one you'll know they'll enjoy as a treat.

I love to buy my daughter an ice cream for the smile it'll put on her face or feed my dog a frankfurter to watch look of pure devotion. However, I also know that when I offer my brother a bacon sandwich, which he adored before his girlfriend made him become a vegan, I'm doing it for pure devilment and to wind him up. The same way we both have been since we were pouring sand down the back of each others shorts in the sandbox as toddlers.

OP It sounds to me that although you still live with your Mother you have a somewhat difficult relationship with her. (I do too as it happen, mine not yours, but as we live in different countries it's easier LOL). Reading between the lines it feels like you are short handing a whole series of things into this example.

I would suggest you just ignore her just be firm and polite. She's trying to get a reaction from you so don't rise to it. Some people can get oddly jealous when you've made positive changes to your life and they haven't.

Good Luck.

Sesquy

Household members ordered pizza and offered me some fully knowing my limitations for keto. I was a bit unhappy, especially because I really miss pizza.

But I declined and stuck to my pre-planned dinner. Progress is not worth slipping up to me.

amusedmonkey

Stockholm_Andy wrote: »

amusedmonkey wrote: »

Popping candy amuses me more than it should. It just makes me happy. Yesterday my sister surprised me with pop rocks ice cream. She didn't even ask, she just handed it to me. I felt loved. She cared about me enough to notice such a small detail as how I react to certain foods and to think of me when she saw something with popping candy. I had the calories for it so I ate it, but if I didn't, I would have thanked her and put it in the freezer.

A couple of days ago my mom was eating chocolate wafers and asked me if I wanted some. I said no, I don't have the calories for that today. She said: I discovered this new brand and it's amazing with milk. I felt loved. She cared about me enough to want me to experience a pleasant feeling she was experiencing.

About 2 weeks ago, I explicitly made it clear to my family that I was having a low calorie day and would not be joining them for lunch. They called me to the table for lunch asking if I was sure I didn't want to eat lunch that day. I thanked them and said, no, I'm still sticking to my plan today. I felt loved because they didn't like the thought of me being uncomfortable.

You can butt heads and be over dramatic and defensive over the smallest things people do, but when you stop over-analyzing both parties are happier for it.

P.S: I would have laughed too if someone had such an extreme reaction to a normal common courtesy question.

AM I think what you are describing above are examples of normal and healthy expression of love when you give something to a loved one you'll know they'll enjoy as a treat.

I love to buy my daughter an ice cream for the smile it'll put on her face or feed my dog a frankfurter to watch look of pure devotion. However, I also know that when I offer my brother a bacon sandwich, which he adored before his girlfriend made him become a vegan, I'm doing it for pure devilment and to wind him up. The same way we both have been since we were pouring sand down the back of each others shorts in the sandbox as toddlers.

OP It sounds to me that although you still live with your Mother you have a somewhat difficult relationship with her. (I do too as it happen, mine not yours, but as we live in different countries it's easier LOL). Reading between the lines it feels like you are short handing a whole series of things into this example.

I would suggest you just ignore her just be firm and polite. She's trying to get a reaction from you so don't rise to it. Some people can get oddly jealous when you've made positive changes to your life and they haven't.

Good Luck.

I can see how that is different. I have zero reading comprehension after I wake up. I read OP as separate instances, not as a single conversation.