"Do you want a donut"?

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  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    I don't think the OP is overreacting. She describes her mother laughing at her while making these remarks - they aren't a failed attempt at kindness (which is incompatible with thoughtlessness anyway) but intentional teasing.

    OP! One of the nifty things about being a human is we have words. Use your words. Say, "Please don't offer me food anymore. It doesn't help me stick with my goals." If she says she doesn't care, say, "That's interesting. I thought you loved me and wanted me to be happy and healthy and live a long time. I love you."
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,148 Member
    IMO, your mom enjoys getting a rise out of you. She's really getting off on making you angry. I have a brother who does the same thing. I can and have told my brother to eff off and I don't associate with him.

    You can:
    - ignore her when she talks about food
    - keep getting angry
    - offer her a piece of fruit whenever she offers you food you don't want
    - take what she offers and throw it out
  • xxzenabxx
    xxzenabxx Posts: 935 Member
    I think the idea of throwing it in the bin is perfect. She's not showing love or affection. She's teasing you which is rude because you already explained to her that you can't have it. That's NOT love. My grandma is like that. She hardly eats herself but feeds others too much and if they refuse she says "Nothing will happen, its fine! Eat it."
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    monkeefan1974 wrote: »
    You could always say “sure, I’ll have a donut” and take one, then immediately throw it in the trash so she can see you are serious about your diet. Each time she offers, keep accepting and throwing it away immediately without even saying a word. She might get the message and stop offering you foods like that.

    Oh I like this one! Take it with a smile and immediately turn and put it in the trash. Better wasted in the trash than in you! Soon she will stop offering. Hahaha!
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    Mmm, I love donuts. We have a gourmet locally owned donut shop, a little pricey for a donut, but sooo good. Went there with my son this weekend, He got 2 and I had one, picked one up for his mom too. He had one with me on Saturday and another with his mom on Sunday... I still lose my target amount of weight this week with that, the donut did not hamper it at all.

    OP: donuts are okay, just fit it into your caloric intake goal and you will be fine. occasional treats are fine, as long as your overall diet gets you your micros and macros.
  • crazykatlady820
    crazykatlady820 Posts: 301 Member
    You can’t control how your mom acts, what she says, or how she treats you. But you can control how it affects you. I think it will take time, but you need to keep reminding yourself that whatever is driving her actions and behavior is her problem and not yours.
  • stanmann571
    stanmann571 Posts: 5,727 Member
    crazykatlady820 wrote: »
    You can’t control how your mom acts, what she says, or how she treats you. But you can control how it affects you. I think it will take time, but you need to keep reminding yourself that whatever is driving her actions and behavior is her problem and not yours.


    Indeed! So much this!

    If her behavior isn't about the donut, but about your reaction, you need to respond accordingly.

    Which means firstly you have to get control of your feelings about your response, and then you have to control your response. That means that whether you give her the reaction she's looking for(trying to get a rise out of you) or no reaction. That internally, you're responding with deliberation and not reflex.

    It's sort of the 101 of leadership and dealing with customer support representatives. It's OK to look angry or out of control, It's not ok to be angry and out of control.

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