Less Alcohol- June 2018- One Day at a Time
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Last night I had 4 or 5oz of white Olive Garden wine buuuut somehow the pounds keep dropping. But if course I could've picked something better to spend 120 calories on! Lol3
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@edmudman, what a great visual! It actually makes AF travel look quite appealing. Good for you!
@AleLue_1, I, too, am sorry about your job. My job ended May 31, and a new job I thought was a sure deal now looks kind of iffy. So I'm in limbo, too, and I understand the impulse to cope "not . . . in the bestest of ways." If it helps, I'm using this out-of-work time to really do intense self-care, including but not limited to avoiding alcohol. Today is Day 7 of that, and I feel so good and ready to begin whatever job comes my way whenever and however it comes. I wish you the very best and hope something even better is being readied for you. xoxo5 -
I've missed the last two pages. Sorry, will try to catch up soon.
I just wanted to share today's struggle.
Still haven't drunk since Jan 31. However, today I declined an upcoming work social event, saying to the practice manager that I would feel uncomfortable at a large social event being 'newly' AF.
She then was pressuring me to change my mind. This stressed me out. I'm already stressed about a big run I'm doing on Sunday. She said I have a few weeks to decide.
I hope I feel less stressed after Sunday and more confident about attending the social situation. I don't want to avoid these things forever.
That stinks. I worry about things like this. I have done very few social events since going AF.5 -
Day 7 today. Yay!!! I'm going to the gym to work out and then chauffeuring my mom and sis to lunch and then on a vodka-tasting tour. We're ending at a "sotol" distillery, which is a new (to the Austin area) tequila-like liquor made from a native Texas plant (the sotol yucca). Sheer curiosity makes me want to taste that, but even in my heaviest drinking days, I didn't let myself have any alcohol while driving, so that takes care of that.
Happy Thursday, everyone!9 -
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This is the resource recap thread I have been working on. Right now it is has what I found in the May thread and the first week of this thread. The new information will have an asterisk beside it.
If you have some suggestions on wording or additional resources I would like to add them so I can be done with this little project. I do think we need to err on the side of quality over quantity so removing things is an option if you don't think something is general enough help for newer people. Also, if there are more video suggestions I think we should limit it to the 4ish best ones. I will let @JulieAL1969 be the deciding vote on anything.
If you suggest a book it would be great if you include the author. If you suggest a link and it is not general help please use the format below to say what the person clicking on it might expect so I can copy and paste.
I hope everyone thinks this is a good idea. If you do the hope is that in future threads it will be posted by someone on the first page so it will be easy to find.
ETA: If you quote this post to make a suggestion please delete as much of it as you can so it doesn't clog up the thread.
TIPS:
Credit to @JulieAL1969 for this general tip list:- Make it through ten days Alcohol Free and you will be feeling so good!
- Annie Grace (This Naked Mind author) has a free 30 day program on her website called the 30 day experiment. You can join even anonymously and you get a facebook type page for you to post on your wall. But the whole site is only for people who join (and it's not on facebook).
- Arm yourself with alternatives: tea, find some mocktails, for those cravings. They say cravings last for 6 minutes so you need to find something to do for that six minutes.
- For the die hard who really wants to quit, go to youtube and check out the videos by Craig Beck; he scares you straight about alcohol. He also has a program you can join.
- Find some books to read; treat this like a college class. You will put in a lot of work but you can do it.
We are here for you; we care about you. Check in with us when you have time and let us know what you need!
- We drink to ease the stress of the working day, to avoid it.
- We drink to avoid anxiety in social situations.
- We drink to avoid making decisions about not drinking.
- Our problems don't go away if we avoid them. We need to learn to face them.
- I've learned that not drinking makes the problems often go away (e.g. drinking out of worry about drinking).
- Having a clear head makes our problems seem much smaller.
- Having a clear head makes problems easier to solve.
* A Sharing Site for Women:
* http://www.drinkingdiaries.com/about/
* General Information/Blog Sites:
* https://thesoberschool.com/
* http://www.hipsobriety.com/
* https://joinclubsoda.co.uk/
https://thisnakedmind.com/blog/
* The Neuroscience Behind How We Make Decisions:
* https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201505/the-neuroscience-making-decision
Summary of Book on Addiction:
https://drgabormate.com/book/in-the-realm-of-hungry-ghosts/
To the Mom questioning her drinking habits:
http://www.scarymommy.com/questioning-drinking-habits/
Guided Meditations:
http://marc.ucla.edu/mindful-meditations
*ALTERNATIVE DRINKS:
* Overnight Cold Brew Iced Tea:
* https://www.splendidtable.org/story/you-can-cold-brew-iced-tea-while-you-sleep
* Mocktail Recipes:
* https://www.allrecipes.com/recipes/1822/drinks/mocktails/
* https://www.foodandwine.com/cocktails-spirits/mocktails
*APPS:
* Dry January
* EasyQuitDrinking
* BOOKS:
* Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey
* The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray
* The Liars Club, Cherry, and Lit by Mary Karr (3 publications)
VIDEOS:
https://youtu.be/T3eIiS-Rl4k
https://youtu.be/Qiueo1nVyF8
https://youtu.be/VB5WyBeFc8U
4 - Make it through ten days Alcohol Free and you will be feeling so good!
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@FraggleRock..., It's in Driftwood, near the Salt Lick (another visitor-pleaser, of course). Here is their site:
https://www.desertdoor.com/1 -
trishfit2014 wrote: »Welp I had 2 coconut rums last night..... Lost my job so I did not cope in the bestest of ways.... But today is a new day! No drinking for the rest of the week! How are y'all doing this morning with your goals?
aww sorry about the job. You can do it. btw I loved coconut rum drank it in college a lot.
@trishfit2014 thank you! I take it as a sign I should stay at home with my kiddies over the summer! Lol
Sorry to hear about your job. At least you found a silver lining and can play with the kids this summer. Xo2 -
@NovusDies You are amazing ! I love the way your brain works, organized and able to take pieces to make the big picture. I love everything you did. I have to reread your post a few times. I love the way you made subheadings for us.
You made this resource perfect. I will be sure to copy and paste it on the first of each month for people who are new to us.
I support all your ideas and tips. My brain doesn't work this way; I'm so happy you're here with us.4 -
@mdrhodes8317, while I appreciate your passion, I respectfully disagree that the program you endorse is the “only” way and that some of the posts here represent “mind games”. Some of us here are around your age and have also some years of experience behind us. A very important piece of this group is our support for each other even if our particular paths or approaches differ.
I myself have been educated on this thread by reading posts from a few folks who have been mightily helped by AA although I don’t think that would be the right fit for me.
Again, I do appreciate your input and am glad Rational Recovery has worked so well for you and many others.
I'm glad you and Novus said it, because I wanted to. What I feel is so wonderful and draws so many people to this thread is that we are so supportive and non-judgmental. We don't try to get others to follow the same rules that we want to follow. If we are AF, we don't Judge the MM. If we are MM, we don't judge the AF. We are here to support, lift up, share, learn and not Judge. We seem to be attracting alot of people, because we don't judge. Can I say, "we don't judge" enough?
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Also by the way, I changed my user name. I realized that you can google your user name and my old name was also my email address, so I just wanted a little more Cyber Privacy. Cyber Privacy is probably a fantasy, but it helps me feel better about it. New name. Same Me!3
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SpanishFusion wrote: »Also by the way, I changed my user name. I realized that you can google your user name and my old name was also my email address, so I just wanted a little more Cyber Privacy. Cyber Privacy is probably a fantasy, but it helps me feel better about it. New name. Same Me!
I would recognize you anywhere for some reason.
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SpanishFusion wrote: »Also by the way, I changed my user name. I realized that you can google your user name and my old name was also my email address, so I just wanted a little more Cyber Privacy. Cyber Privacy is probably a fantasy, but it helps me feel better about it. New name. Same Me!
I would recognize you anywhere for some reason.
RISE UP!
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JulieAL1969 wrote: »trishfit2014 wrote: »Welp I had 2 coconut rums last night..... Lost my job so I did not cope in the bestest of ways.... But today is a new day! No drinking for the rest of the week! How are y'all doing this morning with your goals?
aww sorry about the job. You can do it. btw I loved coconut rum drank it in college a lot.
@trishfit2014 thank you! I take it as a sign I should stay at home with my kiddies over the summer! Lol
Sorry to hear about your job. At least you found a silver lining and can play with the kids this summer. Xo
@JulieAL1969 Thank you!!! Childcare for them is $240/ week so it's cheaper to stay at home with them til school starts anyways! It'll give me time to work on me and them! 2 -
JulieAL1969 wrote: »trishfit2014 wrote: »Welp I had 2 coconut rums last night..... Lost my job so I did not cope in the bestest of ways.... But today is a new day! No drinking for the rest of the week! How are y'all doing this morning with your goals?
aww sorry about the job. You can do it. btw I loved coconut rum drank it in college a lot.
@trishfit2014 thank you! I take it as a sign I should stay at home with my kiddies over the summer! Lol
Sorry to hear about your job. At least you found a silver lining and can play with the kids this summer. Xo
@JulieAL1969 Thank you!!! Childcare for them is $240/ week so it's cheaper to stay at home with them til school starts anyways! It'll give me time to work on me and them!
When I had younger kids and I had the summers off, I would tell myself that once 12 noon or 1 p.m. came around, I would stop cleaning, cooking and doing laundry, because you never can catch up with that.... and I would do something fun with the kids. IT could be as simple as hiking in the woods, drawing with chalk on the driveway, going to the local pool, a craft activity or a game....
Even though you're probably going to be low on money due to the loss of your paycheck, here's hoping that you still enjoy the summer doing simple things with those precious children.4 -
Hey guys! I just listened to David Cassidy's interview about his alcoholism and when he found out he had liver disease; it was really so sad to hear. Even though he had what some people would perceive as "everything" due to fame, he was susceptible and addicted to alcohol. I'm thankful someone on this thread suggested to listen to his interview.6
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I wish I could say I’ve been AF for June but I haven’t. If you can’t be honest here where can you be! Though I have cut back and have had some AF days it isn’t nearly as many as I want. I feel so great the next day when I don’t drink I have to wonder WTH is wrong with me that I don’t want to feel that way all the time! Oh well back to it.
I joined an aqua fit class that is every MW&F at 9am so I know I won’t drink the evening before because I can’t imagine getting into that pool and exercising hung over.6 -
amberellen12 wrote: »I wish I could say I’ve been AF for June but I haven’t. If you can’t be honest here where can you be! Though I have cut back and have had some AF days it isn’t nearly as many as I want. I feel so great the next day when I don’t drink I have to wonder WTH is wrong with me that I don’t want to feel that way all the time! Oh well back to it.
I joined an aqua fit class that is every MW&F at 9am so I know I won’t drink the evening before because I can’t imagine getting into that pool and exercising hung over.
@amberellen12 I feel ya! Small steps!1 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »I am definitely a problem drinker...not officially an alcoholic YET! But it's a slippery slope to developing a physical dependency once you develop an emotional/psychological dependency on booze as I definitely have.
Ditto on the above comments relating over drinking to depression & anxiety & the kicker is that is WHY I often drink, as self-medication for those two things. BUT, I have found it only increases those two things. I have gone relatively long periods, the longest two months, without alcohol but the closer I got to D-day, the more intense my cravings became to rekindle my unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
It is the same as food for me. I helps me to avoid feeling the loneliness, boredom, disappointment, sadness, etc etc. All the feelings I would rather medicate than deal with. Do not get me wrong I have done tons of reading on my issues, been in all types of counselling, self-help stuff etc etc. AND it has all been quite helpful to get me to the point I am now. There is not quick fix to mending a broken heart, but for me alcohol/food is keeping me stuck in a depressive state and is keeping me from progressing in any efforts to shed the excess weight.
It isn't only the excess calories from the alcohol itself, but the increased appetite & the lowered inhibitions so that I really do not care what I put in my mouth. Buzzing on alcohol helps me to minimize, justify & rationalize what I am actually doing to myself. I'm abusing myself. The "reason" I turn to substances is due to past abuses from others & now I have picked up where they left off....I'm tired of hurting myself. Just another long sad story that I'm certain most, if not all, on this forum can relate to in some way.
SO, I would LOVE to get some support around this from those of you who GET IT!!! My goal is to be AF for the month of June. But in reality, the AA slogan, "One Day at a Time" is what I am for...I just need 30-one day's to take me to the end of the month...Onward & Upward & may we all reach the goals we have set whether is is abstaining or moderating our consumption.
I GET this! I am almost 5 months AF! It has been hard, but so VERY worth it!6 -
amberellen12 wrote: »I wish I could say I’ve been AF for June but I haven’t. If you can’t be honest here where can you be! Though I have cut back and have had some AF days it isn’t nearly as many as I want. I feel so great the next day when I don’t drink I have to wonder WTH is wrong with me that I don’t want to feel that way all the time! Oh well back to it.
I joined an aqua fit class that is every MW&F at 9am so I know I won’t drink the evening before because I can’t imagine getting into that pool and exercising hung over.
That is a tough question to answer. Some of us describe the desire to drink like a spoiled inner child that wants what he/she wants and doesn't care that the grown up part of us will have to deal with whatever fallout there is tomorrow.4 -
@lorrainequiche59, thanks for your encouragement. I truly relate to everything you say. I made it through vodka tasting today. The professionals at each site were totally respectful when I said I was the driver and therefore not tasting. One even gave me a free shot glass like the tasters got. It has the name of the distillery on it and I’m thinking I need to use it in some creative way to remind me of this small victory.
Anyway, what is helping me most in this AF journey (after numerous starts and stops) is a focus on self care. My swim in the cold river tomorrow morning is a pleasure I won’t give up for the sake of some alcohol tonight. I deserve better.8 -
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So far my "Dry 'til July" has gone okay. There were 2 nights this week I got a minor urge to have a drink for one reason or other - then I mindfully realised I have decided *not* to drink, and the urges passed easily. But now ... IT'S FRIDAY ... so I am starting to think I might have a minor battle on my hands this evening. I am deciding to make plans that avoid going anywhere where alcohol is served. Second battle is Saturday ... again I think for this weekend, avoidance will be the key. Plus I need to re-affirm : I do *NOT* want to drink this weekend!
Good luck to you all this wonderful Friday. Stay strong ... you're not alone.6 -
Hugs to @NovusDies for the resources post. In the spirit of that, I'll rephrase what I posted about Tomorrow You that people have remembered several times.
(This works for drinking, but also eating, staying up too late, overspending, lack of exercise, and you might be able to think of more things to add.)
Be Kind to "Tomorrow You"
Instead of lumbering myself with guilt, headaches, and poor nutrition hangovers in the morning, I think of think how nice it would be not to feel that way tomorrow.
I worry about "me" and don't want "Tomorrow Me" to feel awful.
Instead of thinking alcohol is something nice to have *now*, think of *NOT drinking* as something nice we can do for the person we are when we awaken in the morning.
Do you bank calories for a festive occasion? (Handy tactic, I might add.)
We can bank a good mood for when we wake up.
We need to have sympathy for "Tomorrow You" and be kind to her/him.
Don't look at a day without alcohol as a punishment for being bad or having no willpower.
Not drinking is a lovely, sympathetic gesture towards the person we are now, and whom we will wake up as.
You’d be kind to a stranger. Be kind to Tomorrow You.
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really having trouble staying AF. Advice?4
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My dear mother in law of 32 years is in the hospital, probably dying today. My daughter had a beautiful baby girl 10 days ago. Being AF allows me to fully experience the joy and sorrow of these "circle of life" moments. I do not wish to dull either emotion with wine. I need to be fully present for my sad husband and father in law. I need to be on the ball for my daughter and her 2 little girls. I wish all my friends on this thread a good day and success with their personal goals.
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My dear mother in law of 32 years is in the hospital, probably dying today. My daughter had a beautiful baby girl 10 days ago. Being AF allows me to fully experience the joy and sorrow of these "circle of life" moments. I do not wish to dull either emotion with wine. I need to be fully present for my sad husband and father in law. I need to be on the ball for my daughter and her 2 little girls. I wish all my friends on this thread a good day and success with their personal goals.
I can relate to what you are going through facing the death of someone you love & being emotionally present for the lows of your sadness, yet also the highs of your joy for your daughter & grandbabies.
When my BFF was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer a few months into 2017, I was sober & remember being glad as I was thinking of how I would react if I wasn't. It enabled me to truly be there for her & not wallow in my own sadness. The sobriety didn't last through her entire cancer journey though & when she died this past April, I turned to the "familiar" AND unhealthy way of coping...or should I say, numbing. Then realized in short order, THAT is not the life I want to live. I watched my friend cling to life accepting treatments that she DID NOT WANT to accept in order to live another day feeling like absolute CRAP & at the end wanting it to end cause the pain & suffering was too much to bear. SO it was a blessing when she was no longer suffering but I will miss her till I take my last breath.
If she were here today, she would want me to cling on to my life without any more suffering through my pain too. And I now know that the only way for that to happen is to deal with it head on without anesthetizing myself. Because by doing THAT numbing thing I am wasting my life. I'm not just numbing the pain by self medicating, I'm also numbing any joy that I can have, because all that unresolved pain is still sitting there affecting every waking moment, every decision I make & preventing me from fully living my life.
So my heart goes out to you & I hope the best for you. May you also have success on your journey. Take Care & enjoy your grandbabies!! 9 -
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trishfit2014 wrote: »
I love the AE. I am thinking of redoing it to keep all the info fresh in my head. It will be interesting to compare my thoughts today to those 6 months ago. Her FB group is really great, too, it's a closed group so your FB friends cannot see your posts. It is so encouraging, supportive and informative.
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