Relationship advice please?
kristenngreen
Posts: 13 Member
in Chit-Chat
So when I bring up my birthday in three weeks I ask my wife if we can go to a restaurant I have always wanted to try and she said we will see I am not planning that far ahead. I said please it is my birthday and I get yelled at and she says stop being annoying. Granted this is the first time I brought it up and the second time I asked she said that. It really hurt my feelings but whenever she is rude to me or calls me a b**** I tell her and she tells me I am being rude and to stop putting her down when I tell her I am not putting her down I am just hurt that you would say that to me and I just wanted an apology. I feel like I can’t even be excited for my birthday and that I can’t bring anything up ever especially if it needs to be worked on. We have been together for seven years and she is my first true love but I don’t see things changing. We do think she has bipolar which obviously needs to be checked out. But I do everything for her get up at 4 and pack her lunches, make her breakfast before work, do her laundry, rub her back and feet every night plus I call gamestop and pre order anything she wants coming out (we spend about 10k) there a year and when new pops come out she wants I will stay up all night to buy them online when they release. I love doing those things as it makes her happy and it makes me happy but how come I can’t get the same respect back on one day out of the year. I don’t ever ask for a lot just honesty and politeness from her. I have been cheated on multiple times by her and my solution was just tell me and I can forgive you I can’t forgive you if you lie to me about it, because the whole cheating thing turned into well you wouldn’t know if you didn’t have her unblocked on Facebook. I guess my question is have you ever been in this situation and even if you haven’t what would you do?
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Replies
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Maybe she's planning on taking you there already, and thinks you're going to ruin the surprise. I think you two should not be talking to each other that way. Sounds like you gals really need to sit down and set out your expectations. I bet she could probably claim that she does a lot for you as well, but perhaps you've been together so long that you don't even notice it anymore. Hope you can work it out.
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This whole relationship sounds like verbal and mental abuse. I think yall need marriage counseling asap.14
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Thank you for your advice. Probably true about that she does things for me, I will have to start thinking about what she does do for me. I don’t want to sound whiny like I am forced to do those things but sometimes something back or acting excited about something is all I want. She has no idea I want to go there actually and she isn’t the one to plan things. That has never happened in the seven years so maybe she planned something and got offended, I don’t think so but there is a first for everything. I really appreciate the advice.0
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I would a rub spot other than her back and feet and work out all of the kinks. Works every time for all relationship ailments.3
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That’s a lot to unpack5
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Run, don't walk. Skip the marriage counselor, your entire message sound like you have your answer already but don't actually want it to be true.sorry...6
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Life is too short to put up with such shlt.4
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Move on. Sounds like you should run from the toxic relationship. Run fast. It's not rocket science.2
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A quote from your OP, "We do think she has bipolar which obviously needs to be checked out. But......"
There is no but.. she needs to get help for this sooner rather than later. If she has mental illness these behaviors can stem from that even the cheating. A person needs support and usually much more than we can provide, rather you stay in a relationship of this magnitude or not is your decision, but we don't give up on the ones we love, find support for her and yourself even.5 -
To me, she doesn’t appreciate you at all. I’d look into counseling1
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The time and effort you are putting in isn’t worth it. Just go spend your birthday by yourself. You feel much better about it.2
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Are you posting from her account?
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Oh, I'm confused.0
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Oh, I'm confused.
You see in today’s society men can marry men and women can marry women. It’s legal in some states, not in others. In these same sex relationships a lot of things are exactly like a hetero relationship. By that I mean people still treat each other like crap for no reason no matter what sexual orientation they are.6 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »Maybe she's planning on taking you there already, and thinks you're going to ruin the surprise. I think you two should not be talking to each other that way. Sounds like you gals really need to sit down and set out your expectations. I bet she could probably claim that she does a lot for you as well, but perhaps you've been together so long that you don't even notice it anymore. Hope you can work it out.
My mind went to her planning a surprise or this as well.1 -
kristenngreen wrote: »So when I bring up my birthday in three weeks I ask my wife if we can go to a restaurant I have always wanted to try and she said we will see I am not planning that far ahead. I said please it is my birthday and I get yelled at and she says stop being annoying. Granted this is the first time I brought it up and the second time I asked she said that. It really hurt my feelings but whenever she is rude to me or calls me a b**** I tell her and she tells me I am being rude and to stop putting her down when I tell her I am not putting her down I am just hurt that you would say that to me and I just wanted an apology. I feel like I can’t even be excited for my birthday and that I can’t bring anything up ever especially if it needs to be worked on. We have been together for seven years and she is my first true love but I don’t see things changing. We do think she has bipolar which obviously needs to be checked out. But I do everything for her get up at 4 and pack her lunches, make her breakfast before work, do her laundry, rub her back and feet every night plus I call gamestop and pre order anything she wants coming out (we spend about 10k) there a year and when new pops come out she wants I will stay up all night to buy them online when they release. I love doing those things as it makes her happy and it makes me happy but how come I can’t get the same respect back on one day out of the year. I don’t ever ask for a lot just honesty and politeness from her. I have been cheated on multiple times by her and my solution was just tell me and I can forgive you I can’t forgive you if you lie to me about it, because the whole cheating thing turned into well you wouldn’t know if you didn’t have her unblocked on Facebook. I guess my question is have you ever been in this situation and even if you haven’t what would you do?
I'm so glad you came to MFP for relationship advice as I think we can give better relationship advice than anyone on the internet. I am also amazing at all advice so here is my advice to you. I find relationships a lot like lightsabers.
Every lightsaber is different from the next because the lightsaber is made for the owner. A good description of what a lightsaber can do came from the Star War website and the article “Lightsaber – Info” “In the hands of a Jedi, a lightsaber is almost unstoppable. It can be used to cut through blast doors or enemies alike. Using the Force, a Jedi can predict and deflect incoming blaster bolts, and reflect them back at the firer” (Lightsaber- Info). The idea of a portable weapon that can cut through anything is still far away from becoming reality but there is real science in the lightsaber. To get to the science let talk about how lightsabers works, what a lightsaber is composed of, and the different types of lightsabers and blades.
First, there are several different types of lightsabers to choose from. The most common type of lightsaber is the standard lightsaber. The handle is between seven to 12 inches long. The only detail that is changed can be the handle. There is a variation of the standard lightsaber called sabercane, which is a lightsaber inside the top of a cane. When the lightsaber is taken out of the cane it can be used as the standard lightsaber. The double-bladed lightsaber which is typical only used by the Sith; who are the bad guys, not like Meekseeks who is neither good nor bad but a thespian. This lightsaber is made of a single handle that the blades come out from both ends. The double-bladed is longer than the standard lightsaber but there is no standard length for the double-bladed lightsaber. The double-bladed lightsaber is now mostly made of two lightsabers put together that have a locking part in the middle of the two.
Plasma is in its own matter type. Plasma could never be put in a handle because it can get up to 45,000 degrees. Also it takes a ton of energy to uses it. Also it has no way to make it end at a length.
A lightsaber is a very complex piece of technology. There is multiply parts that have to work together inside the lightsaber that makes it work. There is some real science behind lightsabers. Maybe far of in the future we will get lightsabers but for now all a fan can do is dream about how awesome lightsabers are. So you see. Relationships are a lot like lightsabers.4 -
I am not trying to be mean...but do you have to ask for help in the situation described? You sound more like a side-piece than a spouse. We may not be getting the whole story, here. Are you dependent on you your spouse for everything? Meaning do you work? Can you support yourself, if you left? That may be the only rational reason for staying. If that is the case, you maybe can seek some legal counsel to help you. Either way, I hope this situation gets better for you.4
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This content has been removed.
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itwentthere wrote: »Oh, I'm confused.
You see in today’s society men can marry men and women can marry women. It’s legal in some states, not in others. In these same sex relationships a lot of things are exactly like a hetero relationship. By that I mean people still treat each other like crap for no reason no matter what sexual orientation they are.
Ok, I have no problem with that. I was just confused about situation.0 -
You're being emotionally abused. She needs to get help and you do as well. It is not a good situation. And will not get better with time - only worse.
Personally, I left my relationship that was like this and turned physically abusive after 5 years. But we weren't married and I had no real life ties to him beyond the relationship. Haven't looked back since.3 -
Just break up.6
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ooo boy, that does not sound healthy. You should get yourself to counseling asap! Even is she won't go. Go by yourself to figure out why you let someone treat you so terribly and why you feel the need to do everything for them. (the only thing getting me out of bed at 4 am is the rapture!)3
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I would say MFP is a really bad place to get advice on relationships, especially when there are signs of abuse and mental health issues at play. Best of luck to you but it seems to me that you both need something beyond just an internet forum full of random strangers.6
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kristenngreen wrote: »So when I bring up my birthday in three weeks I ask my wife if we can go to a restaurant I have always wanted to try and she said we will see I am not planning that far ahead. I said please it is my birthday and I get yelled at and she says stop being annoying. Granted this is the first time I brought it up and the second time I asked she said that. It really hurt my feelings but whenever she is rude to me or calls me a b**** I tell her and she tells me I am being rude and to stop putting her down when I tell her I am not putting her down I am just hurt that you would say that to me and I just wanted an apology. I feel like I can’t even be excited for my birthday and that I can’t bring anything up ever especially if it needs to be worked on. We have been together for seven years and she is my first true love but I don’t see things changing. We do think she has bipolar which obviously needs to be checked out. But I do everything for her get up at 4 and pack her lunches, make her breakfast before work, do her laundry, rub her back and feet every night plus I call gamestop and pre order anything she wants coming out (we spend about 10k) there a year and when new pops come out she wants I will stay up all night to buy them online when they release. I love doing those things as it makes her happy and it makes me happy but how come I can’t get the same respect back on one day out of the year. I don’t ever ask for a lot just honesty and politeness from her. I have been cheated on multiple times by her and my solution was just tell me and I can forgive you I can’t forgive you if you lie to me about it, because the whole cheating thing turned into well you wouldn’t know if you didn’t have her unblocked on Facebook. I guess my question is have you ever been in this situation and even if you haven’t what would you do?
I'm so glad you came to MFP for relationship advice as I think we can give better relationship advice than anyone on the internet. I am also amazing at all advice so here is my advice to you. I find relationships a lot like lightsabers.
Yeah, both of them violate the laws of physics!
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Clever_User_Name wrote: »DON'T ASSUME MY GENDER!
the beard gives it away0 -
Counseling0
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kristenngreen wrote: »So when I bring up my birthday in three weeks I ask my wife if we can go to a restaurant I have always wanted to try and she said we will see I am not planning that far ahead. I said please it is my birthday and I get yelled at and she says stop being annoying. Granted this is the first time I brought it up and the second time I asked she said that. It really hurt my feelings but whenever she is rude to me or calls me a b**** I tell her and she tells me I am being rude and to stop putting her down when I tell her I am not putting her down I am just hurt that you would say that to me and I just wanted an apology. I feel like I can’t even be excited for my birthday and that I can’t bring anything up ever especially if it needs to be worked on. We have been together for seven years and she is my first true love but I don’t see things changing. We do think she has bipolar which obviously needs to be checked out. But I do everything for her get up at 4 and pack her lunches, make her breakfast before work, do her laundry, rub her back and feet every night plus I call gamestop and pre order anything she wants coming out (we spend about 10k) there a year and when new pops come out she wants I will stay up all night to buy them online when they release. I love doing those things as it makes her happy and it makes me happy but how come I can’t get the same respect back on one day out of the year. I don’t ever ask for a lot just honesty and politeness from her. I have been cheated on multiple times by her and my solution was just tell me and I can forgive you I can’t forgive you if you lie to me about it, because the whole cheating thing turned into well you wouldn’t know if you didn’t have her unblocked on Facebook. I guess my question is have you ever been in this situation and even if you haven’t what would you do?
I'm so glad you came to MFP for relationship advice as I think we can give better relationship advice than anyone on the internet. I am also amazing at all advice so here is my advice to you. I find relationships a lot like lightsabers.
Every lightsaber is different from the next because the lightsaber is made for the owner. A good description of what a lightsaber can do came from the Star War website and the article “Lightsaber – Info” “In the hands of a Jedi, a lightsaber is almost unstoppable. It can be used to cut through blast doors or enemies alike. Using the Force, a Jedi can predict and deflect incoming blaster bolts, and reflect them back at the firer” (Lightsaber- Info). The idea of a portable weapon that can cut through anything is still far away from becoming reality but there is real science in the lightsaber. To get to the science let talk about how lightsabers works, what a lightsaber is composed of, and the different types of lightsabers and blades.
First, there are several different types of lightsabers to choose from. The most common type of lightsaber is the standard lightsaber. The handle is between seven to 12 inches long. The only detail that is changed can be the handle. There is a variation of the standard lightsaber called sabercane, which is a lightsaber inside the top of a cane. When the lightsaber is taken out of the cane it can be used as the standard lightsaber. The double-bladed lightsaber which is typical only used by the Sith; who are the bad guys, not like Meekseeks who is neither good nor bad but a thespian. This lightsaber is made of a single handle that the blades come out from both ends. The double-bladed is longer than the standard lightsaber but there is no standard length for the double-bladed lightsaber. The double-bladed lightsaber is now mostly made of two lightsabers put together that have a locking part in the middle of the two.
Plasma is in its own matter type. Plasma could never be put in a handle because it can get up to 45,000 degrees. Also it takes a ton of energy to uses it. Also it has no way to make it end at a length.
A lightsaber is a very complex piece of technology. There is multiply parts that have to work together inside the lightsaber that makes it work. There is some real science behind lightsabers. Maybe far of in the future we will get lightsabers but for now all a fan can do is dream about how awesome lightsabers are. So you see. Relationships are a lot like lightsabers.
Wow.....
You really just wanted to talk about lightsabers, and didn't know where to put all this.
I'm glad you found a spot for it.
Here's my question though..... can the Jedi pick the color?4 -
kristenngreen wrote: »So when I bring up my birthday in three weeks I ask my wife if we can go to a restaurant I have always wanted to try and she said we will see I am not planning that far ahead. I said please it is my birthday and I get yelled at and she says stop being annoying. Granted this is the first time I brought it up and the second time I asked she said that. It really hurt my feelings but whenever she is rude to me or calls me a b**** I tell her and she tells me I am being rude and to stop putting her down when I tell her I am not putting her down I am just hurt that you would say that to me and I just wanted an apology. I feel like I can’t even be excited for my birthday and that I can’t bring anything up ever especially if it needs to be worked on. We have been together for seven years and she is my first true love but I don’t see things changing. We do think she has bipolar which obviously needs to be checked out. But I do everything for her get up at 4 and pack her lunches, make her breakfast before work, do her laundry, rub her back and feet every night plus I call gamestop and pre order anything she wants coming out (we spend about 10k) there a year and when new pops come out she wants I will stay up all night to buy them online when they release. I love doing those things as it makes her happy and it makes me happy but how come I can’t get the same respect back on one day out of the year. I don’t ever ask for a lot just honesty and politeness from her. I have been cheated on multiple times by her and my solution was just tell me and I can forgive you I can’t forgive you if you lie to me about it, because the whole cheating thing turned into well you wouldn’t know if you didn’t have her unblocked on Facebook. I guess my question is have you ever been in this situation and even if you haven’t what would you do?
I'm so glad you came to MFP for relationship advice as I think we can give better relationship advice than anyone on the internet. I am also amazing at all advice so here is my advice to you. I find relationships a lot like lightsabers.
Every lightsaber is different from the next because the lightsaber is made for the owner. A good description of what a lightsaber can do came from the Star War website and the article “Lightsaber – Info” “In the hands of a Jedi, a lightsaber is almost unstoppable. It can be used to cut through blast doors or enemies alike. Using the Force, a Jedi can predict and deflect incoming blaster bolts, and reflect them back at the firer” (Lightsaber- Info). The idea of a portable weapon that can cut through anything is still far away from becoming reality but there is real science in the lightsaber. To get to the science let talk about how lightsabers works, what a lightsaber is composed of, and the different types of lightsabers and blades.
First, there are several different types of lightsabers to choose from. The most common type of lightsaber is the standard lightsaber. The handle is between seven to 12 inches long. The only detail that is changed can be the handle. There is a variation of the standard lightsaber called sabercane, which is a lightsaber inside the top of a cane. When the lightsaber is taken out of the cane it can be used as the standard lightsaber. The double-bladed lightsaber which is typical only used by the Sith; who are the bad guys, not like Meekseeks who is neither good nor bad but a thespian. This lightsaber is made of a single handle that the blades come out from both ends. The double-bladed is longer than the standard lightsaber but there is no standard length for the double-bladed lightsaber. The double-bladed lightsaber is now mostly made of two lightsabers put together that have a locking part in the middle of the two.
Plasma is in its own matter type. Plasma could never be put in a handle because it can get up to 45,000 degrees. Also it takes a ton of energy to uses it. Also it has no way to make it end at a length.
A lightsaber is a very complex piece of technology. There is multiply parts that have to work together inside the lightsaber that makes it work. There is some real science behind lightsabers. Maybe far of in the future we will get lightsabers but for now all a fan can do is dream about how awesome lightsabers are. So you see. Relationships are a lot like lightsabers.
Wow.....
You really just wanted to talk about lightsabers, and didn't know where to put all this.
I'm glad you found a spot for it.
Here's my question though..... can the Jedi pick the color?
I've wondered that, too. I kind of hope the light saber chooses the color for the Jedi, like a surprise. "Oops, mine's red. What does that mean?"
Also, I really miss Meeseeks.2
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