How do I tell my friend for the 100th time that she isn't eating enough?

PAV8888

You're trying to talk down a person flying high on amphetamines and food restriction.

apullum

Ask what her doctor thinks about her routine. Not the general idea of her losing weight, but the specific way she is going about it.

NadNight

Well it definitely sounds like she has developed a problem and as everyone else has said, you're right that it's too little. I don't know if it's a good idea but something that would put me off restricting calories is that I'd likely end up with problems later that meant it would be difficult to keep a steady weight and may end up heavier than I started. The prospect of weight gain in the long run might hit a nerve more than the other medical problems with her, sadly. Then again if someone prioritises weight over their health then it sounds like a deeper issue and may not be best to enforce the idea that weight gain is bad.

whisperbird

As someone who's suffered anorexia, I think it's really misguided and unsafe to "let her get over it on her own" because when you're ill, the bad side effects are like little victories. Your friend might not be suffering from anorexia, but she's showing the biggest early sign-- a rapid loss of weight and unhealthy calorie cut-offs. The defensiveness is also very typical of people who get addicted to rapid weight loss (not just anorexics).

I'd recommend you be a friend in this situation. Don't try and scare her. Don't nag her. Instead, ask her whether she feels like her new diet has had any psychological side effects. Tell her that you're concerned because you don't want her to develop anything dangerous in the future. Tell her that ultimately you just want her to be healthy whilst respecting her decision. This is not yet the point where a step in is necessary.

Do keep tabs on her, however, especially if she's in a healthy weight category at the moment. Keep your eyes out for signs of serious malnutrition such as lack of menstrual cycle, rapid hair loss and weak bones. Also keep an eye out to see if she develops any nasty anorexic habits such as hiding her food, playing with her food, counting bites, squeezing or touching her fats or removing foods from her diet even if it's extremely irrational (eg she'll only eat green and red foods). If you do notice that she's developing anorexia, then you really need to step in. Talk to her about her body image and the possibility of an ED. Comfort her.

Of course, I might be a bit biased, but I know from experience that there's nothing better you can do in this kind of situation than provide support.

endermako

She’s got me blocked now. I guess I really made her mad

L1zardQueen

firecat1987 wrote: »

She’s got me blocked now. I guess I really made her mad

She is on-line friend?

jgnatca

“I promise there won’t be any I told you so. I just want you to be safe and healthy. No judgement, I’m here for you no matter what.”

Then wait.

snickerscharlie

Johnd2000 wrote: »

Buy her a hat and tell her it’s for when her hair starts thinning.

Make it a helmet and tell her it's to protect her head when she faints from eating so little.

VUA21

Keep being supportive. Instead of talking about food quantity and calories, reference nutrients and macros. It may help her see that eating that little isn't healthy. Telling someone they aren't eating enough is exactly as useful as telling people that they eat too much - 99.99% of the time, it just gets frustrating to hear and is ignored, oftentimes resented. She has to see a problem before it can be fixed.

endermako

L1zardQueen wrote: »

firecat1987 wrote: »

She’s got me blocked now. I guess I really made her mad

She is on-line friend?

she is online and a real life friend

ninerbuff

firecat1987 wrote: »

My friend is only eating 700 calories a day. I've told her time and time again that it isn't enough and she needs at least 1200. She isn't listening to me. Is there some key phrase that I can tell her that will make her listen? She went from 170 to 156 in a really short period of time (2 weeks) and I don't feel this is going to be sustainable in the long run. She was on a healthy normal rate of loss before this time period but she became impatient because the loss wasn't fast enough for her.

You can't. People will do what they want even if it means their health to achieve results. When her hair starts falling out, maybe she'll stop.


A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

iowalinda

I assume your friend is an adult. You have expressed your concerns to her. Now it's time to back off and let her make her own decisions.

hesn92

Leave her alone. You’ve told her your concerns. She’ll do what she wants apparently.