How do I tell my friend for the 100th time that she isn't eating enough?

FL_Hiker

I think it's nice you're trying to be a good friend but not everyone's body reacts the same. There was a point in my life where I was eating way under 1,000 calories a day, usually more like 500. I weighed 80 lbs at 5'5. Not choice, I was just super busy, dealing with life, and didn't make time to eat. I didn't feel hungry. And I had ZERO hair loss. Actually just the opposite I had way more hair than I even needed lol. Trying to shock her with scare tactics I think is a poor idea. I'd try to talk more common sense and be more empthathetic.

Snowflake1968

firecat1987 wrote: »

i just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing any other options! I want my friends to learn from my mistakes and not to make them on their own.

I have learned over the years, that people tend to learn best from their own mistakes. It's a shame but it seems to be the way it is. You're a good friend for trying to help.

daloverlyme

I'm sure the bald spots, brittle bones, and vitamin deficiencies will eventually tell her...hopefully! If she won't listen to anyone, maybe she will listen to her body when she crashes from lack of nutrients. You are a great friend for caring!

Diatonic12

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. It's possible that your friend would listen to a perfect stranger. When someone is bent on an eating protocol, actually driven by it...friends and family have a hard time changing their mind.

fitoverfortymom

Is there a chance she's suffering from an eating disorder? Maybe instead of persuading her to eat more, work with her in a different way to acknowledge she might need professional help for disordered eating.

collectingblues

fitoverfortymom wrote: »

Is there a chance she's suffering from an eating disorder? Maybe instead of persuading her to eat more, work with her in a different way to acknowledge she might need professional help for disordered eating.

This.

Scare tactics don't work in general -- and they're not going to work on someone with an eating disorder who is convinced that they know *exactly* how much to eat, and what they'll deal with.

Plus, as someone in ED recovery, I'd say that if someone who had previous issues came to me and told me I was doing it all wrong, I'd be either ignoring them or flat out handing their *kitten* right back to them.

AnvilHead

Some people just have to learn the hard way.

4Pop

Sometimes with friends, all you can do is be there for them when they need you to be there.

Lounmoun

Encourage her to discuss her plan with a medical professional and have her health monitored.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10569458/why-eating-too-little-calories-is-a-bad-idea/p1
You can show her the above thread.
She may not take health risks seriously so will probably ignore any advice or concerns you have.
You've let her know your thoughts and that is all you can do.

kshama2001

firecat1987 wrote: »

her last response to me

"With Phen you can do a 500 to 800 calorie diet without risking your body eating your muscles. And the calorie calculator said that my net calories should be between 700 and 800 to lose 2 pounds a week."

I just can't..

It's too bad she's taking phentermine. This amphetamine-like drug will artificially suppress her appetite and postpone the inevitable binge.

Perhaps show her this thread:

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10329901/phentermine/p1

itschanelle wrote: »

I have seen a lot of posts on and off about this and other weight loss drugs. I can vouch that they absolutely work. I have lost a lot weight using Phentermine on and off throughout about a 10 year span.

BUT...

The weight doesn't stay off. And those side effects? They are real.

You could take Phentermine and lose the weight, but you might end up like me. I'm 30 years old, slightly over weight, and have moderate tricuspid valve regurgitation. As in, I might need open heart surgery because my heart was damaged by Phentermine. To be clear, I never took it for more than a few months at a time, was monitored by a doctor, and did everything "right".

My lifespan has likely been shortened to lose a few pounds. Weight I could have lost on my own with a little bit of gumption. It wasn't worth it.

PAV8888

You're trying to talk down a person flying high on amphetamines and food restriction.

apullum

Ask what her doctor thinks about her routine. Not the general idea of her losing weight, but the specific way she is going about it.

NadNight

Well it definitely sounds like she has developed a problem and as everyone else has said, you're right that it's too little. I don't know if it's a good idea but something that would put me off restricting calories is that I'd likely end up with problems later that meant it would be difficult to keep a steady weight and may end up heavier than I started. The prospect of weight gain in the long run might hit a nerve more than the other medical problems with her, sadly. Then again if someone prioritises weight over their health then it sounds like a deeper issue and may not be best to enforce the idea that weight gain is bad.

whisperbird

As someone who's suffered anorexia, I think it's really misguided and unsafe to "let her get over it on her own" because when you're ill, the bad side effects are like little victories. Your friend might not be suffering from anorexia, but she's showing the biggest early sign-- a rapid loss of weight and unhealthy calorie cut-offs. The defensiveness is also very typical of people who get addicted to rapid weight loss (not just anorexics).

I'd recommend you be a friend in this situation. Don't try and scare her. Don't nag her. Instead, ask her whether she feels like her new diet has had any psychological side effects. Tell her that you're concerned because you don't want her to develop anything dangerous in the future. Tell her that ultimately you just want her to be healthy whilst respecting her decision. This is not yet the point where a step in is necessary.

Do keep tabs on her, however, especially if she's in a healthy weight category at the moment. Keep your eyes out for signs of serious malnutrition such as lack of menstrual cycle, rapid hair loss and weak bones. Also keep an eye out to see if she develops any nasty anorexic habits such as hiding her food, playing with her food, counting bites, squeezing or touching her fats or removing foods from her diet even if it's extremely irrational (eg she'll only eat green and red foods). If you do notice that she's developing anorexia, then you really need to step in. Talk to her about her body image and the possibility of an ED. Comfort her.

Of course, I might be a bit biased, but I know from experience that there's nothing better you can do in this kind of situation than provide support.

endermako

She’s got me blocked now. I guess I really made her mad

L1zardQueen

firecat1987 wrote: »

She’s got me blocked now. I guess I really made her mad

She is on-line friend?

jgnatca

“I promise there won’t be any I told you so. I just want you to be safe and healthy. No judgement, I’m here for you no matter what.”

Then wait.

snickerscharlie

Johnd2000 wrote: »

Buy her a hat and tell her it’s for when her hair starts thinning.

Make it a helmet and tell her it's to protect her head when she faints from eating so little.

VUA21

Keep being supportive. Instead of talking about food quantity and calories, reference nutrients and macros. It may help her see that eating that little isn't healthy. Telling someone they aren't eating enough is exactly as useful as telling people that they eat too much - 99.99% of the time, it just gets frustrating to hear and is ignored, oftentimes resented. She has to see a problem before it can be fixed.

endermako

L1zardQueen wrote: »

firecat1987 wrote: »

She’s got me blocked now. I guess I really made her mad

She is on-line friend?

she is online and a real life friend