How do I tell my friend for the 100th time that she isn't eating enough?

endermako

My friend is only eating 700 calories a day. I've told her time and time again that it isn't enough and she needs at least 1200. She isn't listening to me. Is there some key phrase that I can tell her that will make her listen? She went from 170 to 156 in a really short period of time (2 weeks) and I don't feel this is going to be sustainable in the long run. She was on a healthy normal rate of loss before this time period but she became impatient because the loss wasn't fast enough for her.

quiksylver296

I assume you've already gone over all the health concerns with her.

If that didn't work, she probably won't listen no matter what.

She'll freak out and binge soon enough.

Motorsheen

firecat1987 wrote: »

[ I don't feel this is going to be sustainable in the long run. She was on a healthy normal rate of loss before this time period but she became impatient because the loss wasn't fast enough for her.

you're right, it's not.

thing is, we live in a culture of instant gratification, right?

Amazon same day delivery, information in the palm of our hands..... sometimes it's difficult to be patient.

steveko89

If she's truly only consuming 700 calories/day it's certainly not sustainable, and she'll figure out why for herself sooner or later, if she doesn't get the message from you first. Since it's "worked" for her up to this point it's unlikely she's going to change course while she's getting the desired result (fast weight loss) without any consequences outside of being nagged by you (speculating to her perception of the situation).

Candidly, I've never personally encountered this scenario, a quick google yielded these seemingly pretty decent pages centered around how to approach someone with an eating disorder, focusing on phrasing and terminology that might be helpful in having a conversation with your friend that's constructive and demonstrative in leading her to realize how serious of a situation into which this can turn.

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/help/caregivers
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/recovery-information/worried-about-friend

tulips_and_tea

You're right that a quick loss like that generally is not sustainable, so I wouldn't worry about trying to tell her anything else at this point. Eventually, she'll have to eat more, will re-gain and will have to learn the hard way. Good for you for trying, though. I know you're just trying to be a good friend.

snickerscharlie

firecat1987 wrote: »

My friend is only eating 700 calories a day. I've told her time and time again that it isn't enough and she needs at least 1200. She isn't listening to me. Is there some key phrase that I can tell her that will make her listen? She went from 170 to 156 in a really short period of time (2 weeks) and I don't feel this is going to be sustainable in the long run. She was on a healthy normal rate of loss before this time period but she became impatient because the loss wasn't fast enough for her.

If she didn't listen the first 100 times, 101 isn't going to make a difference, I'm afraid. Even if you told her that she's losing muscle along with the fat (and the heart is a muscle) that probably won't make her stop, either.

Some people are determined to learn their lessons the hard way...

endermako

i just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing any other options! I want my friends to learn from my mistakes and not to make them on their own.

stanmann571

If you've already mentioned the loss of muscle, bone, hair, nails, and teeth, there's nothing you can do other than be there waiting(non-judgementally) to support when the symptoms kick in.

Maybe she'll be fortunate, and hit her goal weight before major damage is done.

xoalexaCxo

I just want to say you're a great friend worrying about her health the way you do. Sometimes people just don't want to listen and they have to learn for themselves. It stinks because that is so unhealthy and their are so many options to "diet" or eat healthy the right way and lose weight. Good luck with your friend, I hope she sees what she is doing to her body before it's too late.

endermako

her last response to me

"With Phen you can do a 500 to 800 calorie diet without risking your body eating your muscles. And the calorie calculator said that my net calories should be between 700 and 800 to lose 2 pounds a week."

I just can't..

pinuplove

firecat1987 wrote: »

her last response to me

"With Phen you can do a 500 to 800 calorie diet without risking your body eating your muscles. And the calorie calculator said that my net calories should be between 700 and 800 to lose 2 pounds a week."

I just can't..

So she's eating a VLCD and taking phentermine. You've given her your (not incorrect) opinion. It might be time to sit back and wait to be the shoulder she cries on when she's gained it all back in a few months. Not much else left to do.

stanmann571

firecat1987 wrote: »

her last response to me

"With Phen you can do a 500 to 800 calorie diet without risking your body eating your muscles. And the calorie calculator said that my net calories should be between 700 and 800 to lose 2 pounds a week."

I just can't..

With Phen, you're also supposed to be under a doctor's care and nutritional monitoring.

You can't just smoke meth every day and do a VLCD. Well you could, but then you'd look like someone who smokes meth every day.

Johnd2000

Buy her a hat and tell her it’s for when her hair starts thinning.

motivatedmartha

firecat1987 wrote: »

i just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing any other options! I want my friends to learn from my mistakes and not to make them on their own.

Not being rude (honestly) but the bit about learning from your mistakes and not making their own brought a wry smile to my face. How many of us parents have said that to our children - so many times? As someone above said if she hasn't listened by now she is unlikely to again. If you are on your own weight loss journey and are successful then showing may prove better than telling in the long run - but if not, you are a good friend and will help her pick up the pieces when it all goes pear shaped.X

DomesticKat

She's going to have to figure it out on her own unfortunately. I had a friend who went on a VLCD of 900 calories a day with some meal replacement program. I believe she was under the care of some quack doctor but I'm not sure. She lost about 70 pounds, but huge amounts of her hair fell out, and eventually she binged on all the candy and everything she wasn't eating and gained all 70 pounds back. She tried to insist it was the only way, but I was pretty frank with her and told her if it was going to work, she would have stuck with it, lost the weight and maintained it, and kept most of her hair in the process. She knew there was another way, as I'm sure your friend does, but the allure of rapid weight loss at any cost is too much I guess. You just have to hope they don't do permanent damage to themselves.

Calliope610

snickerscharlie wrote: »

firecat1987 wrote: »

My friend is only eating 700 calories a day. I've told her time and time again that it isn't enough and she needs at least 1200. She isn't listening to me. Is there some key phrase that I can tell her that will make her listen? She went from 170 to 156 in a really short period of time (2 weeks) and I don't feel this is going to be sustainable in the long run. She was on a healthy normal rate of loss before this time period but she became impatient because the loss wasn't fast enough for her.

If she didn't listen the first 100 times, 101 isn't going to make a difference, I'm afraid. Even if you told her that she's losing muscle along with the fat (and the heart is a muscle) that probably won't make her stop, either.

Some people are determined to learn their lessons the hard way...

She will crash and burn sooner than later. Maybe that will improve her hearing.

Calliope610

firecat1987 wrote: »

i just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing any other options! I want my friends to learn from my mistakes and not to make them on their own.

Maybe SHE needs to learn from HER mistakes, just as YOU learned from YOUR mistakes....

stanmann571

DomesticKat wrote: »

She's going to have to figure it out on her own unfortunately. I had a friend who went on a VLCD of 900 calories a day with some meal replacement program. I believe she was under the care of some quack doctor but I'm not sure. She lost about 70 pounds, but huge amounts of her hair fell out, and eventually she binged on all the candy and everything she wasn't eating and gained all 70 pounds back. She tried to insist it was the only way, but I was pretty frank with her and told her if it was going to work, she would have stuck with it, lost the weight and maintained it, and kept most of her hair in the process. She knew there was another way, as I'm sure your friend does, but the allure of rapid weight loss at any cost is too much I guess. You just have to hope they don't do permanent damage to themselves.

Another big part of it is that the sorts of VLCDs that are great to go from 400 to 200 with very few side effects(because you really just need enough calories to have the energy eat that other person living in your skin) Just don't work for 20 lbs of weight loss.

singingflutelady

I understand your frustration. I am a recovered anorexic and currently eating VLC calorie as I have an illness that makes eating very difficult and I can't tolerate most food. I know what undereating does to your body but people who are doing it by choice usually think they are invincible even when they see what it is doing to me. Unfortunately they have to learn from their own mistakes.

Dani9585

Calliope610 wrote: »

firecat1987 wrote: »

i just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing any other options! I want my friends to learn from my mistakes and not to make them on their own.

Maybe SHE needs to learn from HER mistakes, just as YOU learned from YOUR mistakes....

She is so very lucky to have a friend that cares so much for her

I agree with the above statement though. Sometimes, the person needs to learn on their own, and that's ok! If she chooses to ask for your help - great! If not, you know you have already tried 100 times. It sounds like you've done your best. It's up to her to figure things out now, as difficult as it is for you (and maybe others) to watch.

endermako

thank you all for the support. I told her to let me know when her hair falls out and when she is ready to do things the sustainable way to let me know.