Still seeing the fat girl..

Heather_Rider

Before i start, i would like to say that im looking for advice, not sympathy.

It doesnt matter to me what other people think of me, so there is no need for anyone to say that... it matters to me what *I* think of me.. but im wondering if this is NORMAL.. do all people who go through a large weight loss also go through a transitional period where they still see fat chick? Do they ever get used to seeing the actual reflection in the mirror? How long does it take? Im just looking for advice. Here is kind of whats going on in my head:

It doesn't matter what i do, what i weigh or how much weight i lose..

I still see the fat girl in the mirror! It pisses me off! I eat pretty well, i exercise despite every challenge that gets in my way..

Ive had two strokes, i have massive health issues and I struggle with pain every day of my life.. yet ive lost weight.
Ive promised myself never to set a goal.. not to let a number define me.. is that where I went wrong? Do i NEED some "final" goal?

Why do i still see myself as the fat girl? Will i ever be proud of the image I've become?? (Not WHO I've become, because i LOVE that girl! but the image..)

Just as a reference, I started out a 246 pounds on June 28th, 2012 and i am currently 162.4 pounds. Im 5'5 1/2 inches tall. I have before & afters in my pictures.. the most current is the one with my profile picture in them.

Thanks ahead for the advice. :flowerforyou:

barbaradetz

If you have always been heavy, you will not stop seeing the fat girl until you reach for an outfit in a size you consider small and it fits you, or you see a number on the scale that belongs to you and is what you consider not fat. Keep taking pictures of yourself though as you lose and take note of how far you've come. Pictures tell the truth even when our self image doesn't. Give yourself credit for your achievements along the way even if you haven't arrived at your final destination yet. When you get there, you will be overjoyed that you didn't give up along the way.

stephenszymanski

I don't know if everyone goes through still seeing themselves as bigger... but I know my mind is behind when I look in the mirror. I don't really have any advice since you've obviously taken pictures... that's the only thing that worked for me in helping. And trying on new/old clothes. I was shocked when I could fit into my old clothes.

yaseyuku

I am 114lbs and still see myself as 140-150 most of the time. Only occasionally in certain outfits do I feel my current size.

ernurse77

I still see myself as fat. I am also trying to come up with a way to see myself as I actually am. I wish I had advice to give to you. The only thing I can says, you are not alone.

MyaPapaya75

I think you need to get rid of the old girl....I know you want to see a place so you know where you started from but really how important is it..its just a reminder of the fat girl...you know sometimes its like people we forget how they look if we don't see them in a while...well your keeping those "fat girl" images and things or maybe favorite items and those things could be triggering ...why you cant let her go....I would burn it all its not important to see how far you have come anymore ..you know where you are at...get rid of anything that is a mental image of that old fat girl

pucenavel

I'd have to say it's pretty normal to see "what's left" instead of "what's gone" - it is for me anyhow.

I'm paraphrasing a passage from a book by Neale Donald Walsh that's largely about finding peace in the world that goes something like this....

The more you accomplish, the more you realize how much more you could achieve than what you originally set out to do - it's human nature to keep raising the bar as we approach it. The more you improve, the more improvement you become aware of that you could still do.

I'm in way better health now than I was 5 years ago, yet I see more room for improvement now than I did when I was just starting out.

Could it be that?

chaosbutterfly

I think this is something everyone struggles with, especially if you've been big all your life.
I used to wear a 22 and now wear a 10. Even though I mentally know that I can find my size on a straight size rack, I still get nervous shopping in straight stores because for some reason, I still feel like nothing will fit. I still cringe when I pull on clothes in the dressing room, expecting it to get stuck at my hips or over my boobs and am always surprised when the clothes go on and zip with no struggle.
I think everyone has that.

What has helped me alot is taking pictures (I take them on the first of each month) and hanging onto a few clothes from when I was at my heaviest.
When I have bad days where I feel like nothing has changed, I put on my old outfits.
There's nothing to get your mind right like seeing that a pair of pants that you could barely fit into before is now so loose that it cannot stay up. Or that you can actually fit both of your legs into one pantleg.

And yeah, keep old goal clothes too. I remember the first time I could fit into my winter formal dress from high school. When I bought it, I couldn't fit it even back then, so it literally has never been worn. 7 years later and the tags are still on it. It even still has that fresh store smell still because it's been hanging in the plastic jacket since I tried it on all those years ago and I could not even close it, talkless of zipping it. I tried it a few weeks ago and it was actually loose. I cried like a big disgusting baby, but it was the best feeling ever.

123tryingtobefree

I still see the fat girl too..I went from 190 pounds to 128 and I see no difference in the mirror except my clothes size. I think it is the fact I grew up fat that is all. Working out makes me feel always better in those cases plus the old clothes too

Heather_Rider

I was not always fat. Only for the past 10 years. Before i had my first stroke, i was about 140 pounds.. and looking back.. appeared TOO thin, and sick looking. Thats only 20 pounds away.. how can i look SO fat to myself now? I just cant seem to wrap my head around it!

I went from a size 22/24 and im now in a size 10/12 and i too cringe and think "that wont fit me!!" when looking for clothes.. which usually ends up with me not even trying them on :frown:

The things that remind me are pulling shirts from my daughters closet, and it does help me to pull out pictures, like my side by sides.. only because i dont even LOOK like the same person... but the weight? I cant see a huge difference! I look like i got a makeover.. my hair is a different color, longer and straight now.. but i wonder now if i had done those things... would you be able to tell that i actually lost weight?

Those are a few things i struggle with.. wanting to change so badly, and now wishing i hadnt changed so much until i reached my weight... whatever that will be!!

It helps to know that im not alone. Thank you to everyone who answered on this. It truly helps me & I will read again every reply and decide what ill do... maybe give everything.. or nothing a try.

I know my body is my own & no one can tell... but it HAS been 10 years since ive been thin... whats the going weight for someone who is 5'5" now? LOL.. that sounds funny. lol I guess you would say im a larger "boned" person.. i have wide hips and the shoulders of a linebacker. Im curvy, and i like my curves, but i want to look slender. Any thoughts on weight, since i have never set myself a goal weight?? I honestly dont have any ideas!!

dakotababy

I have this...I am not even done losing the weight, almost half way though!
Some times when I look in the mirror, i see fat (especially when im feeling bloated) and I get discouraged. The most bizarre is when I am sitting on the couch...I feel like I still have a bunch of rolls or my tummy is sticking out. When I go to feel...nothing is there anymore. Sometimes I feel my love handles are sticking out...i go to feel, and my back is flat.

What I find helps...is that I stare at myself in the mirror for a long period of time. Especially in a flattering outfit or when I am having a non-bloated day! This one is also very weird...but I feel myself all over, usually while I am about to sleep. I feel my arms, my thighs, my back, my butt, my boobs, my tummy...my hips - everything. It is crazy how in the dark, I imagine myself to be so much bigger, but when I feel myself, nothing is what I vision it to feel like. I have done this once a day for a week...and I really felt like my brain was catching up with my body shape/size.

TemikaThompson

I know how you feel. When I lost alot of weigh 9 years ago I felt the same way. Ppl would tell me how good I looked but I didnt really see it. I must admit that I was a person with depression at the time and most of my life back then. I also had low self esteem. It wasnt because I grew up heavy or anything, there were other reasons that are besides the point. What I did do is take a lot of pics. I could see the dif on pics but not in the mirror which was weird to me. I still wore big clothes thinking I was still big until one day I went to the dressing rm to grab a 16, then a 14, then...all the way down to an 8 or 9. I couldn't believe it! Eventhough the pics showed it, but the mirror didn't to me. The true relection of yourself is in your head. How do "you" really feel about yourself, at least it was for me. I didn't even realize that I suffered from depression until I was no longer suffering, not saying that you are. What I did do was look in the mirror everyday and tell myself, I love myself, you are beautiful, and thin (or whatever word I said for smaller) I actually said these words over and over daily before I went all the way down. After a while, I started believing that I WAS beautiful and I could see the change finally. It felt weird to "talk" to myself but I felt it was worth trying. And it worked. To this day, I don't have low self esteem (it took more work than self talk to get over low esteem and depression for me) and although I'm larger now, I still feel that I'm beautiful and I love myself. Of course I dont like the fat rolls but I think you get my point. In conclusion, maybe you should take lots of pics and put next to old pics and tell yourself that you are not that same person and that you have come a long way. BUT then again maybe you are the same person. Maybe the issue is internally. Only you would know that...

Heather_Rider

I have this...I am not even done losing the weight, almost half way though!
Some times when I look in the mirror, i see fat (especially when im feeling bloated) and I get discouraged. The most bizarre is when I am sitting on the couch...I feel like I still have a bunch of rolls or my tummy is sticking out. When I go to feel...nothing is there anymore. Sometimes I feel my love handles are sticking out...i go to feel, and my back is flat.

What I find helps...is that I stare at myself in the mirror for a long period of time. Especially in a flattering outfit or when I am having a non-bloated day! This one is also very weird...but I feel myself all over, usually while I am about to sleep. I feel my arms, my thighs, my back, my butt, my boobs, my tummy...my hips - everything. It is crazy how in the dark, I imagine myself to be so much bigger, but when I feel myself, nothing is what I vision it to feel like. I have done this once a day for a week...and I really felt like my brain was catching up with my body shape/size.

This is a really great idea, thanks! Maybe this is what i need to do! Hopefully it will help my brain catch up with my eyeballs!! Hubby is gonna get jealous, though! :laugh:

Heather_Rider

I'd have to say it's pretty normal to see "what's left" instead of "what's gone" - it is for me anyhow.

I'm paraphrasing a passage from a book by Neale Donald Walsh that's largely about finding peace in the world that goes something like this....

The more you accomplish, the more you realize how much more you could achieve than what you originally set out to do - it's human nature to keep raising the bar as we approach it. The more you improve, the more improvement you become aware of that you could still do.

I'm in way better health now than I was 5 years ago, yet I see more room for improvement now than I did when I was just starting out.

Could it be that?

Great quote.. and being slightly OCD... and a woman.. im obviously never satisfied either. lol It's possible I may never SEE or feel completely done, but im going to have to figure some sort of happy medium.. i only have so much more I can lose or im going to disappear!

natalierashell

I was 30+ pounds overweight and I have lost most of it. I feel better about myself, but I still feel like a fat girl. I don't think it matters if you have 100 pounds to lose or 30... how we perceive ourselves is what matters. I will eat something unhealthy and complain about it (poor me, huh?) when the girls at work will be like?! "What are you complaining about?!?! You're tiny!" I will never believe them. I just laugh and know that I am always going to be a fat girl at heart. I still look in the mirror after losing the weight over 6 months ago and am surprised not to see a double chin or fat arms in my reflection. I think it will take awhile for me to accept and believe that I am skinny. I don't know what it will take, or how long, but I am hoping that eventually it will sink in and I can be proud of what I look like and feel like.

Sorry, I don't know if that answers your question, just know that you aren't alone.

JudyBrackney

Hi, I am new here. I think that is wonderful that you lost that much. You need to pat yourself on the back for it. It isn't easy to loose weight. Some people brag and it come right back on them, so SMILE, BE HAPPY, SAY WTG! ME! I think too that we all have a poor image of ourselves and it doesn't go away. Take a look at your fat picture and look at you know, ok. Love yourself because if you don't know one else will, ok. Great Job! Judy Brackney

Nico_the_enabler

This topic is near and dear to my heart. Over the years i have gained up to 230lb and been as light as 110lb (admittedly a very long time ago now) and I always look the same in the mirror. So not only do I not see the losses.. I don't see the gains either. My brain lives at about 190lb. No matter what. And I dont see weight gain or loss on other people much either. They would have to lose TONNES of weight before I will see it. And I have no idea why. Been that way all my life. So I might try the feeling my body thing in bed and see if it helps. Cause mirror time, photos and loose clothing really doesn't change my perception.

igor11

The more you accomplish, the more you realize how much more you could achieve than what you originally set out to do - it's human nature to keep raising the bar as we approach it. The more you improve, the more improvement you become aware of that you could still do.

i really like that passage. It's kind of a reminder to remember to take a step and look at how far you've come, but we can always keep going.

thefragile7393

I see myself as heavier even though people tell me I have lose weight and I can no longer fit into certain clothes. I don't have anything intelligent to say to get rid of it....mine is due to my bulimia history. I do know that society, with women in particular, has conditioned people to obsess over weight. Everywhere you look fashion magazines put in celebs that look so wonderful in their bikini bodies, and shaming those who dare get to a size 8. With me, while I do like progress I always have a fear that I will become heavier than I want to be again, which will trigger the old cycle again. I am afraid to see the current good when I fear it will be all taken away again I guess. You aren't alone in your thinking, even if the reasons why vary.

KathleenKP

Sometimes I see the new me, and sometimes I see the old (OR - what I THOUGHT the old me looked like. I probably looked worse!!)

I think part of it is body fat% - when that gets down lower it will make a difference.

I think part of it is that we still see...us. It's still kind of the same proportions, just smaller. And that is hard to gain perspective on - which is where the pictures come in handy. Just looking in the mirror without your old self standing next to you doesn't give you something to compare to.

I also wore a 22/24 - and am now getting too small for most of my 10's. I wear scrubs at work, and can get the size smalls onto my body. I used to wear the 3XL. Yet I still see fat, especially certain angles.

When I'm at the gym with a certain couple of guys who are the football coaches at the highschool...I look tiny. I can't see ANY fat then. I *love* those guys. (he, he...but it's the persepective thing - me compared to them - and I can see how small I am. Me next to a size 2 lady, even if I *am* more muscular - I see BIG!)

One day I was at the gym and there were two bikini-body-builders who were headed into a competition (so they were at their tiniest). They were drop dead gorgeous to me. Stunning. You know what one of them said? "When will it ever be enough? I still see myself as fat. Even though I know I am not." That was most of the conversation I heard. But it was all I needed to hear. It has helped me to remind myself of it.

Soccermavrick

I would say it is normal. I think most people, and I stress most, battle with self image. I was different than you in that I for the longest time saw a skeleton/bean pole in the mirror when I looked, I had several friends yell at me, telling me that I was crazy, because I was in pretty good shape. Even as I got older, stopped working out and balloned up, I got up to 250, I could not see the weight gain, until I looked in pictures. Now as I come down, I battle between wanting to be healthy and trying to figure out what healthy is.

You want to set me off, pull out the old BMI index, which says that I am not overweight, but obese.

I think you need a number though, just to give you something to aim for, and to see progress, but I do not think any number is locked in stone. But it tells you, "hey I accomplished this, what else can I do?" And I think that is the key, as you get closer to the number, recognize that you can change it.

The key is feeling happy and confident in your own skin. (OK, so health might play a role too.) But the reality is you are not alone.

KathleenKP

And...oh...I wonder how many of us have a warped sense of what we are going to look like when we are smaller. As if we are going to be ready to model in a fitness magazine once we got down to our goal weight. I think that for me, I have both a true understanding of "I just don't know what I'm going to look like and realize I won't be perfect" running ALONGSIDE the warped view of the future me.

But if we look around us...at reality...there are plenty of people who were smaller than us but still have issues with their figures. If it was just a matter of a number on the scale, everyone who weighed "X" would be perfect, and we all know that's not true.

jamifaith

It's not just you, it's literally your brain. When your brain is used to seeing something (like your reflection) it starts taking shortcuts. Instead of taking in your reflection as completely new information, your brain uses its memory to fill in some of what it sees, kind of like when your phone auto-fills in a word that you type all the time. This is why it takes us such a long time to notice changes in ourselves and the people close to us, whereas if you see a friend from our of town and she has lost 10 pounds, you are more likely to notice because your brain is processing her image as all new information. This is why you hear so many women say "I woke up one morning and had suddenly gained 30 pounds!" The brain had finally replaced the old version with the newest version.
Spend more time looking at pictures of yourself. The brain processes pictures differently than your reflection. Also start paying attention to your body in relation to things. Pick a pair of pants and instead of trying them on in front of a mirror, have this pair of pants be mirror free. As you lose weight you will notice them fitting better and getting looser, and you won't be as vulnerable to the mental tricks of the mirror. You see the fat girl because your brain is still catching up with your body changes. Don't use the mirror as your sense of self esteem. Finish a great workout and know that you just got a little stronger. Try on a new pair of pants and know that you wouldn't have been able to fit in them a year ago. Set goals that aren't appearance related. Your brain can trick you about what you look like but it can't trick you about how fast you run a 5k, or how much weight you lift at the gym. If you are experiencing sure signs that you are getting fitter (clothes are getting looser, etc) than rest assured that your appearance is changing and you just need to give your brain some time to show you the true you in the mirror.

irinaradukova

You are a great girl! Not a fat. What do you see? An ugly image in the mirror? Ask yourself, why is it so? Aren't you satisfied with your forms? Or do you consider yourself being not nice and pretty? It is really important to define the reason. It coudn't be jusy "because". It definitely has an answer. And then...set a goal! Absolutely! With all this numbers and so on. You can not achieve anything when you're moving in no direction. Set this direction. You will get it! Cause you're great! You've done really a lot. And change your wardrobe. It will help you to highlight your new forms. I will send you a link of a Facebook like page about workouts, being healthy and the latest fashion. https://www.facebook.com/ThinnerNicerStronger Maybe it will help you more

sarahrbraun

I know how you feel. When I lost alot of weigh 9 years ago I felt the same way. Ppl would tell me how good I looked but I didnt really see it. I must admit that I was a person with depression at the time and most of my life back then. I also had low self esteem. It wasnt because I grew up heavy or anything, there were other reasons that are besides the point. What I did do is take a lot of pics. I could see the dif on pics but not in the mirror which was weird to me. I still wore big clothes thinking I was still big until one day I went to the dressing rm to grab a 16, then a 14, then...all the way down to an 8 or 9. I couldn't believe it! Eventhough the pics showed it, but the mirror didn't to me. The true relection of yourself is in your head. How do "you" really feel about yourself, at least it was for me. I didn't even realize that I suffered from depression until I was no longer suffering, not saying that you are. What I did do was look in the mirror everyday and tell myself, I love myself, you are beautiful, and thin (or whatever word I said for smaller) I actually said these words over and over daily before I went all the way down. After a while, I started believing that I WAS beautiful and I could see the change finally. It felt weird to "talk" to myself but I felt it was worth trying. And it worked. To this day, I don't have low self esteem (it took more work than self talk to get over low esteem and depression for me) and although I'm larger now, I still feel that I'm beautiful and I love myself. Of course I dont like the fat rolls but I think you get my point. In conclusion, maybe you should take lots of pics and put next to old pics and tell yourself that you are not that same person and that you have come a long way. BUT then again maybe you are the same person. Maybe the issue is internally. Only you would know that...

THIS^^^
I could have written this. Even 4-5 months ago, when my trainer ( a really hot 25 year old guy) would tell me that he could see changes in my back and shoulders, I couldn't see it. Now I have random people at the gym walking up to me and telling me that I am working super hard, and they can see my progress...and I have trouble seeing it. Last month I had a kid young enough to be my son proposition me, and I honestly don't know WHY.

What I DO know is that there ARE little changes in my body. I have hip bones now. I don't have as much back fat now. This might be a little TMI for some people...I had a c-section almost 14 years ago, and most of my flubber hangs over the scar. Back 6-9 months ago ( when laying down) I had to use 2 hands to move my flubber if I wanted to feel the scar. Now I can reach the scar without moving flubber, and can actually cup what flubber I have left in one hand.

A few weeks ago I had a dream, and I actually felt more at peace when I woke up. In my dream I was looking in the mirror, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a lady in yoga pants and a sports bra. She had *some* ab definition, but the softer look of a higher body fat %. I thought " I would KILL to have abs like that. I could be really happy if I looked like that". Then I turned to look straight at the woman...and it was ME!! Those were MY abs I was drooling over!

Scubanana7

Yes. Yes. Yes. I started out 10 pounds heavier than you and am still 10 pounds behind you! Girl--we have LOST a BUNCH. And, yes, I still feel and see fat. The only time I see that I am what I call a normal size (14), is in a cute outfit in a nice photo. I still don't see it in the mirror. My daughter has been gone all summer. The first thing she said was "hey Skinny Mom". Course, I am no where near skinny....but it sounded pretty nice.

What I hate the most, is my apple shape. So all the leftover fat 30-40 pounds is all in my middle. My arms and legs have lost 90% of the fat they need to. My tummy....another story. So I look okay standing up. but sitting down......I STILL FEEL like Jabba the Hut. I know that feeling will NOT go away until the rest of my weight is off.

and by the way, CONGRATS ON YOUR LOSS AND YOU LOOK AMAZING. Just keep taking photos and keep looking at your NEW SELF. I think it is prefectly OKAY to get a little vain when we have worked so hard!

CharlotteTheCoffeeLover

Before i start, i would like to say that im looking for advice, not sympathy.

It doesnt matter to me what other people think of me, so there is no need for anyone to say that... it matters to me what *I* think of me.. but im wondering if this is NORMAL.. do all people who go through a large weight loss also go through a transitional period where they still see fat chick? Do they ever get used to seeing the actual reflection in the mirror? How long does it take? Im just looking for advice. Here is kind of whats going on in my head:

It doesn't matter what i do, what i weigh or how much weight i lose..

I still see the fat girl in the mirror! It pisses me off! I eat pretty well, i exercise despite every challenge that gets in my way..

Ive had two strokes, i have massive health issues and I struggle with pain every day of my life.. yet ive lost weight.
Ive promised myself never to set a goal.. not to let a number define me.. is that where I went wrong? Do i NEED some "final" goal?

Why do i still see myself as the fat girl? Will i ever be proud of the image I've become?? (Not WHO I've become, because i LOVE that girl! but the image..)

Just as a reference, I started out a 246 pounds on June 28th, 2012 and i am currently 162.4 pounds. Im 5'5 1/2 inches tall. I have before & afters in my pictures.. the most current is the one with my profile picture in them.

Thanks ahead for the advice. :flowerforyou:

I struggle everyday.... I have no idea what I look like... I buy my clothes too big, I think the sizes thatdo fit (size 8) look too tiny... Its crazy... I'm more self conscious now than I ever was at 305.... It makes me uncomfortable when people refer to me as "skinny or slim".... I had no idea that the weight loss would effect me this way... So I completely understand where you're coming from....

lnorrigby

You are TOTALLY NOT ALONE in this!! Several years ago I lost 40lbs and this problem led me to gaining it all back (and then some).

There are some pretty good books out there that speak to this. One I've read (and should probably actually use now) is Judith Beck's book The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person. She has several easy exercises to help you work through the thinking process. Even if you don't use it in the way the book is designed (daily exercises for 6 weeks) they're good tidbits to think on.

BringingSherriBack

I so feel your pain. I am 5' 5" also. I currently weigh 186. I have lost 139 pounds. I am very muscular (plus have a lot of loose skin). I wear 10/12 pants and 12/14 shirts (thanks to being a 38DD lol). Yeah I still have some fat and could stand to lose a few more pounds (probably 25 or so) but I doubt I ever get to 140 like the BMI chart recommends. Anyway somedays I feel good about myself and think I look great but other days I think dang I'm still fat.

Heather_Rider

Thank you all so much for your replies It's really nice to know that Im not alone in all of this & the way i feel!

Its so wild to hear all of your stories.. and to look at your pictures & see how thin you look to me! and then to know that you feel the same way that i do! Kind of funny! lol Makes me feel a little better also... so thank you!! :flowerforyou:

You all are GREAT and Im really proud of you all for what you have accomplished! We have all come a long way and deserve a huge HUG for all we have accomplished!!! WTG everyone!!!

bttrthanevr

The more you accomplish, the more you realize how much more you could achieve than what you originally set out to do - it's human nature to keep raising the bar as we approach it. The more you improve, the more improvement you become aware of that you could still do.

^^Could it be said any better than that? This is a major flaw of mine!