Still seeing the fat girl..

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  • KathleenKP
    KathleenKP Posts: 580 Member
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    And...oh...I wonder how many of us have a warped sense of what we are going to look like when we are smaller. As if we are going to be ready to model in a fitness magazine once we got down to our goal weight. I think that for me, I have both a true understanding of "I just don't know what I'm going to look like and realize I won't be perfect" running ALONGSIDE the warped view of the future me.

    But if we look around us...at reality...there are plenty of people who were smaller than us but still have issues with their figures. If it was just a matter of a number on the scale, everyone who weighed "X" would be perfect, and we all know that's not true.
  • jamifaith
    jamifaith Posts: 47
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    It's not just you, it's literally your brain. When your brain is used to seeing something (like your reflection) it starts taking shortcuts. Instead of taking in your reflection as completely new information, your brain uses its memory to fill in some of what it sees, kind of like when your phone auto-fills in a word that you type all the time. This is why it takes us such a long time to notice changes in ourselves and the people close to us, whereas if you see a friend from our of town and she has lost 10 pounds, you are more likely to notice because your brain is processing her image as all new information. This is why you hear so many women say "I woke up one morning and had suddenly gained 30 pounds!" The brain had finally replaced the old version with the newest version.
    Spend more time looking at pictures of yourself. The brain processes pictures differently than your reflection. Also start paying attention to your body in relation to things. Pick a pair of pants and instead of trying them on in front of a mirror, have this pair of pants be mirror free. As you lose weight you will notice them fitting better and getting looser, and you won't be as vulnerable to the mental tricks of the mirror. You see the fat girl because your brain is still catching up with your body changes. Don't use the mirror as your sense of self esteem. Finish a great workout and know that you just got a little stronger. Try on a new pair of pants and know that you wouldn't have been able to fit in them a year ago. Set goals that aren't appearance related. Your brain can trick you about what you look like but it can't trick you about how fast you run a 5k, or how much weight you lift at the gym. If you are experiencing sure signs that you are getting fitter (clothes are getting looser, etc) than rest assured that your appearance is changing and you just need to give your brain some time to show you the true you in the mirror.
  • irinaradukova
    irinaradukova Posts: 2
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    You are a great girl! Not a fat. What do you see? An ugly image in the mirror? Ask yourself, why is it so? Aren't you satisfied with your forms? Or do you consider yourself being not nice and pretty? It is really important to define the reason. It coudn't be jusy "because". It definitely has an answer. And then...set a goal! Absolutely! With all this numbers and so on. You can not achieve anything when you're moving in no direction. Set this direction. You will get it! Cause you're great! You've done really a lot. And change your wardrobe. It will help you to highlight your new forms. I will send you a link of a Facebook like page about workouts, being healthy and the latest fashion. https://www.facebook.com/ThinnerNicerStronger Maybe it will help you more
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
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    I know how you feel. When I lost alot of weigh 9 years ago I felt the same way. Ppl would tell me how good I looked but I didnt really see it. I must admit that I was a person with depression at the time and most of my life back then. I also had low self esteem. It wasnt because I grew up heavy or anything, there were other reasons that are besides the point. What I did do is take a lot of pics. I could see the dif on pics but not in the mirror which was weird to me. I still wore big clothes thinking I was still big until one day I went to the dressing rm to grab a 16, then a 14, then...all the way down to an 8 or 9. I couldn't believe it! Eventhough the pics showed it, but the mirror didn't to me. The true relection of yourself is in your head. How do "you" really feel about yourself, at least it was for me. I didn't even realize that I suffered from depression until I was no longer suffering, not saying that you are. What I did do was look in the mirror everyday and tell myself, I love myself, you are beautiful, and thin (or whatever word I said for smaller) I actually said these words over and over daily before I went all the way down. After a while, I started believing that I WAS beautiful and I could see the change finally. It felt weird to "talk" to myself but I felt it was worth trying. And it worked. To this day, I don't have low self esteem (it took more work than self talk to get over low esteem and depression for me) and although I'm larger now, I still feel that I'm beautiful and I love myself. Of course I dont like the fat rolls but I think you get my point. In conclusion, maybe you should take lots of pics and put next to old pics and tell yourself that you are not that same person and that you have come a long way. BUT then again maybe you are the same person. Maybe the issue is internally. Only you would know that...

    THIS^^^
    I could have written this. Even 4-5 months ago, when my trainer ( a really hot 25 year old guy) would tell me that he could see changes in my back and shoulders, I couldn't see it. Now I have random people at the gym walking up to me and telling me that I am working super hard, and they can see my progress...and I have trouble seeing it. Last month I had a kid young enough to be my son proposition me, and I honestly don't know WHY.

    What I DO know is that there ARE little changes in my body. I have hip bones now. I don't have as much back fat now. This might be a little TMI for some people...I had a c-section almost 14 years ago, and most of my flubber hangs over the scar. Back 6-9 months ago ( when laying down) I had to use 2 hands to move my flubber if I wanted to feel the scar. Now I can reach the scar without moving flubber, and can actually cup what flubber I have left in one hand.

    A few weeks ago I had a dream, and I actually felt more at peace when I woke up. In my dream I was looking in the mirror, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a lady in yoga pants and a sports bra. She had *some* ab definition, but the softer look of a higher body fat %. I thought " I would KILL to have abs like that. I could be really happy if I looked like that". Then I turned to look straight at the woman...and it was ME!! Those were MY abs I was drooling over!
  • Scubanana7
    Scubanana7 Posts: 361 Member
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    Yes. Yes. Yes. I started out 10 pounds heavier than you and am still 10 pounds behind you! Girl--we have LOST a BUNCH. And, yes, I still feel and see fat. The only time I see that I am what I call a normal size (14), is in a cute outfit in a nice photo. I still don't see it in the mirror. My daughter has been gone all summer. The first thing she said was "hey Skinny Mom". Course, I am no where near skinny....but it sounded pretty nice.

    What I hate the most, is my apple shape. So all the leftover fat 30-40 pounds is all in my middle. My arms and legs have lost 90% of the fat they need to. My tummy....another story. So I look okay standing up. but sitting down......I STILL FEEL like Jabba the Hut. I know that feeling will NOT go away until the rest of my weight is off.

    and by the way, CONGRATS ON YOUR LOSS AND YOU LOOK AMAZING. Just keep taking photos and keep looking at your NEW SELF. I think it is prefectly OKAY to get a little vain when we have worked so hard!
  • CharlotteTheCoffeeLover
    CharlotteTheCoffeeLover Posts: 1,205 Member
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    Before i start, i would like to say that im looking for advice, not sympathy.

    It doesnt matter to me what other people think of me, so there is no need for anyone to say that... it matters to me what *I* think of me.. but im wondering if this is NORMAL.. do all people who go through a large weight loss also go through a transitional period where they still see fat chick? Do they ever get used to seeing the actual reflection in the mirror? How long does it take? Im just looking for advice. Here is kind of whats going on in my head:

    It doesn't matter what i do, what i weigh or how much weight i lose..

    I still see the fat girl in the mirror! It pisses me off! I eat pretty well, i exercise despite every challenge that gets in my way..

    Ive had two strokes, i have massive health issues and I struggle with pain every day of my life.. yet ive lost weight.
    Ive promised myself never to set a goal.. not to let a number define me.. is that where I went wrong? Do i NEED some "final" goal?

    Why do i still see myself as the fat girl? Will i ever be proud of the image I've become?? (Not WHO I've become, because i LOVE that girl! but the image..)

    Just as a reference, I started out a 246 pounds on June 28th, 2012 and i am currently 162.4 pounds. Im 5'5 1/2 inches tall. I have before & afters in my pictures.. the most current is the one with my profile picture in them.

    Thanks ahead for the advice. :flowerforyou:

    I struggle everyday.... I have no idea what I look like... I buy my clothes too big, I think the sizes thatdo fit (size 8) look too tiny... Its crazy... I'm more self conscious now than I ever was at 305.... It makes me uncomfortable when people refer to me as "skinny or slim".... I had no idea that the weight loss would effect me this way... So I completely understand where you're coming from....
  • lnorrigby
    lnorrigby Posts: 4 Member
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    You are TOTALLY NOT ALONE in this!! Several years ago I lost 40lbs and this problem led me to gaining it all back (and then some).

    There are some pretty good books out there that speak to this. One I've read (and should probably actually use now) is Judith Beck's book The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person. She has several easy exercises to help you work through the thinking process. Even if you don't use it in the way the book is designed (daily exercises for 6 weeks) they're good tidbits to think on.
  • BringingSherriBack
    BringingSherriBack Posts: 607 Member
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    I so feel your pain. I am 5' 5" also. I currently weigh 186. I have lost 139 pounds. I am very muscular (plus have a lot of loose skin). I wear 10/12 pants and 12/14 shirts (thanks to being a 38DD lol). Yeah I still have some fat and could stand to lose a few more pounds (probably 25 or so) but I doubt I ever get to 140 like the BMI chart recommends. Anyway somedays I feel good about myself and think I look great but other days I think dang I'm still fat.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    Thank you all so much for your replies :heart: It's really nice to know that Im not alone in all of this & the way i feel!

    Its so wild to hear all of your stories.. and to look at your pictures & see how thin you look to me! and then to know that you feel the same way that i do! Kind of funny! lol Makes me feel a little better also... so thank you!! :flowerforyou:

    You all are GREAT and Im really proud of you all for what you have accomplished! We have all come a long way and deserve a huge HUG for all we have accomplished!!! WTG everyone!!!
  • bttrthanevr
    bttrthanevr Posts: 615 Member
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    The more you accomplish, the more you realize how much more you could achieve than what you originally set out to do - it's human nature to keep raising the bar as we approach it. The more you improve, the more improvement you become aware of that you could still do.

    ^^Could it be said any better than that? This is a major flaw of mine!
  • bttrthanevr
    bttrthanevr Posts: 615 Member
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    I look okay standing up. but sitting down......I STILL FEEL like Jabba the Hut.

    ^^LOL! Oh my gosh! Yes!!!! Me too!

    OP- I agree that you should keep taking pictures...it isn't vain. And save your old big clothes and put them on your new body every now and then. That helps me feel the real difference, because when I look in the mirror I still see the same fat girl looking back.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    I've lost 55 pounds, gone from a US size 20/XL to a 10/M, I get complements all the time on my weight loss, and I've changed my GW 3 times now (it keeps getting lowered as I get thinner). I still think of myself as being fat/obese. I look at my thighs, my belly, arms, and think I still have a long ways to go! Then I walk past a store window, mirror, or see pictures of myself, and I stare confused wondering who that person is reflected back at myself. I think, Wow! she's looking good. Look at how thin those calf's and arms are. That belly is almost completely flat, I'm so jealous! Why can't I look that good? Then I look a second time and say Wait that's me. All those nice people and their complements where true. Not just them being nice and lying to make me feel good about myself. I look amazing!
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    I look okay standing up. but sitting down......I STILL FEEL like Jabba the Hut.

    ^^LOL! Oh my gosh! Yes!!!! Me too!

    OP- I agree that you should keep taking pictures...it isn't vain. And save your old big clothes and put them on your new body every now and then. That helps me feel the real difference, because when I look in the mirror I still see the same fat girl looking back.

    I have one pair of fat jeans saved, once I reach my goal weight I want to pose either holding them or wearing them.
  • dolfin26
    dolfin26 Posts: 1 Member
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    I myself find that it difficult sometimes to see how far I have come. What I like to do is put on an old dress that fits like a tent and then put on a new dress that is five sizes smaller. That reminds me that I have improved myself and that increases my personal self confidence and willingness to keep on going. Hope this helps. Good luck to you as you reach all of your goals.
  • jessiekanga
    jessiekanga Posts: 564 Member
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    I know how you feel. When I lost alot of weigh 9 years ago I felt the same way. Ppl would tell me how good I looked but I didnt really see it. I must admit that I was a person with depression at the time and most of my life back then. I also had low self esteem. It wasnt because I grew up heavy or anything, there were other reasons that are besides the point. What I did do is take a lot of pics. I could see the dif on pics but not in the mirror which was weird to me. I still wore big clothes thinking I was still big until one day I went to the dressing rm to grab a 16, then a 14, then...all the way down to an 8 or 9. I couldn't believe it! Eventhough the pics showed it, but the mirror didn't to me. The true relection of yourself is in your head. How do "you" really feel about yourself, at least it was for me. I didn't even realize that I suffered from depression until I was no longer suffering, not saying that you are. What I did do was look in the mirror everyday and tell myself, I love myself, you are beautiful, and thin (or whatever word I said for smaller) I actually said these words over and over daily before I went all the way down. After a while, I started believing that I WAS beautiful and I could see the change finally. It felt weird to "talk" to myself but I felt it was worth trying. And it worked. To this day, I don't have low self esteem (it took more work than self talk to get over low esteem and depression for me) and although I'm larger now, I still feel that I'm beautiful and I love myself. Of course I dont like the fat rolls but I think you get my point. In conclusion, maybe you should take lots of pics and put next to old pics and tell yourself that you are not that same person and that you have come a long way. BUT then again maybe you are the same person. Maybe the issue is internally. Only you would know that...

    THIS^^^
    I could have written this. Even 4-5 months ago, when my trainer ( a really hot 25 year old guy) would tell me that he could see changes in my back and shoulders, I couldn't see it. Now I have random people at the gym walking up to me and telling me that I am working super hard, and they can see my progress...and I have trouble seeing it. Last month I had a kid young enough to be my son proposition me, and I honestly don't know WHY.

    What I DO know is that there ARE little changes in my body. I have hip bones now. I don't have as much back fat now. This might be a little TMI for some people...I had a c-section almost 14 years ago, and most of my flubber hangs over the scar. Back 6-9 months ago ( when laying down) I had to use 2 hands to move my flubber if I wanted to feel the scar. Now I can reach the scar without moving flubber, and can actually cup what flubber I have left in one hand.

    A few weeks ago I had a dream, and I actually felt more at peace when I woke up. In my dream I was looking in the mirror, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a lady in yoga pants and a sports bra. She had *some* ab definition, but the softer look of a higher body fat %. I thought " I would KILL to have abs like that. I could be really happy if I looked like that". Then I turned to look straight at the woman...and it was ME!! Those were MY abs I was drooling over!

    That's the best Damn dream! You go girl. Enjoy that peace, and thanks for sharing!
  • leachjg
    leachjg Posts: 63 Member
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    Thanks for this post. I looked on here, because I am struggling with the same issue. I was a 20W when I started and now a 12. I'm completely amazed when I go into a store and put on a "regular" size with no problems. I know I am "normal" size now, but I still feel like people stare at me, because why is the fat girl in the normal section? I see the muscle tone, the smaller clothes, but the size in my eyes hasn't changed. I think I will start taking more pictures. I've already lost 45, but am going for another 20lbs. Your post helped!
  • EmilyEmpowered
    EmilyEmpowered Posts: 650 Member
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    I lost the first 100 pounds and have kept it off for about 2 years, then also have lost an additional 19 pounds... I still see someone else in the mirror! I dont know when it gets better, I have good days and bad days, but I am working on it. It is a mental thing really. I have low self esteem, and will always see myself much worse until I love myself the way I am :)

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