Alternate coping strategies
cmdst4
Posts: 14 Member
I am in therapy for food dependency/childhood trauma. Right now I use food as a coping technique. I stuff my face when I’m sad/stressed/overwhelmed/angry, etc.
This works for me because I can literally do it anytime or anywhere. Running late? Grab a box of crackers for the car. Kids being needy? Eat while you’re helping them.
I need an alternative(s) that can be done anytime anywhere. I can’t always go for a walk/take a bath/draw. Suggestions?
This works for me because I can literally do it anytime or anywhere. Running late? Grab a box of crackers for the car. Kids being needy? Eat while you’re helping them.
I need an alternative(s) that can be done anytime anywhere. I can’t always go for a walk/take a bath/draw. Suggestions?
5
Replies
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I am in therapy for food dependency/childhood trauma. Right now I use food as a coping technique. I stuff my face when I’m sad/stressed/overwhelmed/angry, etc.
This works for me because I can literally do it anytime or anywhere. Running late? Grab a box of crackers for the car. Kids being needy? Eat while you’re helping them.
I need an alternative(s) that can be done anytime anywhere. I can’t always go for a walk/take a bath/draw. Suggestions?
that's a question for your therapy isn't it?
and you don't HAVE to grab that food...3 -
Yeah, I agree that if you're eating due to past trauma, it just takes time and working through it. It's not an over-night process.
I use a form of accupressure to relieve anxiety due to PTSD. It's called EFT, you can watch videos on youtube. Takes 30 seconds and you can do it anywhere. It helps.
I like the videos with Jessica Ortner. She even has one that is for eating issues.
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I would attack it from two sides. Let the therapist help you - that's why you're in therapy - and stop telling yourself This works for me.7
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I would say, "Ask your therapist". I just finished listening (for the second time) to a wonderful series of lectures by Jason Satterfield on Cognitive Based Therapy.
That said I'm going to offer a few possibilities even though you've indicated they might not be feasible.
- Color with your kids. Maybe pick out a nice adult coloring book for yourself. I think I've seen one called "Color Yourself Calm", but there are a lot of inspirational coloring books.
- Play Dough with your kids. Squishy, colorful fun with that wonderful Play Dough smell!
- Walk WITH your kids.
- Take your kids to the park or playground and play along with them.
- Sit down with a cup of tea or coffee (maybe herbal or decaffeinated) while your kids nap or play "quietly". If it's feasible, sit outside (e.g., in the backyard) while your kids are playing.
- This may not be feasible/practical/desirable to you, but consider guided relaxation, yoga, Tai Chih, meditation. It doesn't have to be a long session.
- This is a bit different, but wash/prep raw veggies that you can nibble on when you feel that urge. Make sure you have them on hand and ready to eat.
- Sip sparkling water.
- Practice breathing for relaxation.
Good luck, hope you feel better!8 -
TavistockToad wrote: »
that's a question for your therapy isn't it?
and you don't HAVE to grab that food...
I don’t HAVE to, but telling my self no doesn’t just magically work. It’s not as simple as that. If it was, I wouldn’t be in therapy. I was here looking for suggestions from others’ experiences.
Therapy isn’t meant to tell you how to fix your problems. It’s meant for someone to guide you to find your own solutions. A therapist could offer suggestions, but she’s never battled food & may suggest things like going for a walk. This isn’t always feasible during panic attacks. I’m looking for replacement behaviors that people have used in their own endeavors. I’m going to assume you’ve never battled food in the sense that you need intervention, but maybe I’m wrong.
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I would say, "Ask your therapist". I just finished listening (for the second time) to a wonderful series of lectures by Jason Satterfield on Cognitive Based Therapy.
That said I'm going to offer a few possibilities even though you've indicated they might not be feasible.- Color with your kids. Maybe pick out a nice adult coloring book for yourself. I think I've seen one called "Color Yourself Calm", but there are a lot of inspirational coloring books.
- Play Dough with your kids. Squishy, colorful fun with that wonderful Play Dough smell!
- Walk WITH your kids.
- Take your kids to the park or playground and play along with them.
- Sit down with a cup of tea or coffee (maybe herbal or decaffeinated) while your kids nap or play "quietly". If it's feasible, sit outside (e.g., in the backyard) while your kids are playing.
- This may not be feasible/practical/desirable to you, but consider guided relaxation, yoga, Tai Chih, meditation. It doesn't have to be a long session.
- This is a bit different, but wash/prep raw veggies that you can nibble on when you feel that urge. Make sure you have them on hand and ready to eat.
- Sip sparkling water.
- Practice breathing for relaxation.
Good luck, hope you feel better!
Thank you!! I’m saving these as a screenshot and I’m going to take them with me to my next session on Tuesday.
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kommodevaran wrote: »I would attack it from two sides. Let the therapist help you - that's why you're in therapy - and stop telling yourself This works for me.
Interesting insight. I do just assume it works. Maybe think of it in an opposite light?
Don’t get me wrong, I am letting my therapist help me. Sometimes, however, therapy is finding your own answers. Very rarely does a MHP give you a solution. I’m here to gather suggestions, reflect on what may or may not fit my lifestyle and take it back with me on Tuesday.
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cmriverside wrote: »Yeah, I agree that if you're eating due to past trauma, it just takes time and working through it. It's not an over-night process.
I use a form of accupressure to relieve anxiety due to PTSD. It's called EFT, you can watch videos on youtube. Takes 30 seconds and you can do it anywhere. It helps.
I like the videos with Jessica Ortner. She even has one that is for eating issues.
AWESOME thanks! Acupressure may be a great solution.
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How about chewing sugar free gum? I know it isn't a very profound suggestion: and I agree with others about you needing to tackle the underlying causes of your overeating, but in the short-term it gives your mouth something to do and might act as a distraction.2
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honestly . I have never managed to find a distraction that works ... as you said who has time to take a bath or go for a walk in the middle of looking after your kids ?
I have tried, gum ... I got addicted to gum and was consuming several hundred calories of sugar free gum a day, I tried veggies ... great now I eat several hundred calories of freaking carrots.
I am finally getting better at it though and the only way I have managed this is to solve the underlying. If its boredom and monotony then you need a way of stimulating your brain as you play with your kids .... if its stress or anger you need to figure out what is threatening you.
for me .... it was my fcuked up values .... I had unhealthy values ... still do, my food as a coping strategy stems from me being an entitled dick that felt victimized, felt it was someone elses responsibility to deal with my feelings. I wanted to be extraordinary, everytime I looked on the internet its canvassed by the extraordinary, I felt I deserved that. I bought into companies promises that having a new car, a fancy holiday a bigger house, more sex etc etc etc would make me a better person
as I re-evaluate what my actual values are .... it turns out I dont stress as much, I am not angry as much, I achieve, my metrics for measuring my success are met .... and because of this I dont eat as much
All of the above wont help you .. other than to say rather than cover up your eating with distractions, try solving the problem9 -
My suggestion would be to not find something to do as a coping strategy when these feelings arise. I prefer to sit with it. We're allowed to have negative feelings and bad memories. Sometimes feeling the emotion and working through it is more productive. If we sit with it and confront it, it can take some of the power out of what we've assigned to it. But if pushed, I would slow my breathing down a lot while it's happening. Also, journaling can really help you to unpack a lot of issues, too. It doesn't have to be during the stress, it could just be at a chosen time of day.7
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honestly . I have never managed to find a distraction that works ... as you said who has time to take a bath or go for a walk in the middle of looking after your kids ?
I have tried, gum ... I got addicted to gum and was consuming several hundred calories of sugar free gum a day, I tried veggies ... great now I eat several hundred calories of freaking carrots.
I am finally getting better at it though and the only way I have managed this is to solve the underlying. If its boredom and monotony then you need a way of stimulating your brain as you play with your kids .... if its stress or anger you need to figure out what is threatening you.
for me .... it was my fcuked up values .... I had unhealthy values ... still do, my food as a coping strategy stems from me being an entitled dick that felt victimized, felt it was someone elses responsibility to deal with my feelings. I wanted to be extraordinary, everytime I looked on the internet its canvassed by the extraordinary, I felt I deserved that. I bought into companies promises that having a new car, a fancy holiday a bigger house, more sex etc etc etc would make me a better person
as I re-evaluate what my actual values are .... it turns out I dont stress as much, I am not angry as much, I achieve, my metrics for measuring my success are met .... and because of this I dont eat as much
All of the above wont help you .. other than to say rather than cover up your eating with distractions, try solving the problem
have you read 'the chimp paradox'? you might find it interesting.1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »
have you read 'the chimp paradox'? you might find it interesting.
I have now ! ..... I'll go off and google it ... thanks1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »
have you read 'the chimp paradox'? you might find it interesting.
I have now ! ..... I'll go off and google it ... thanks
I haven't finished it, my husband was recommended it for his anxiety. you talking about dealing with your feelings made me think it may be relevant, or give you another perspective.1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »I haven't finished it, my husband was recommended it for his anxiety. you talking about dealing with your feelings made me think it may be relevant, or give you another perspective.
I have just bought and downloaded it ... it sounds exactly what I need .. again, thanks1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »I haven't finished it, my husband was recommended it for his anxiety. you talking about dealing with your feelings made me think it may be relevant, or give you another perspective.
I have just bought and downloaded it ... it sounds exactly what I need .. again, thanks
let me know what you think!
TBH, OP might find it useful too1 -
I would say, "Ask your therapist". I just finished listening (for the second time) to a wonderful series of lectures by Jason Satterfield on Cognitive Based Therapy.
That said I'm going to offer a few possibilities even though you've indicated they might not be feasible.- Color with your kids. Maybe pick out a nice adult coloring book for yourself. I think I've seen one called "Color Yourself Calm", but there are a lot of inspirational coloring books.
- Play Dough with your kids. Squishy, colorful fun with that wonderful Play Dough smell!
- Walk WITH your kids.
- Take your kids to the park or playground and play along with them.
- Sit down with a cup of tea or coffee (maybe herbal or decaffeinated) while your kids nap or play "quietly". If it's feasible, sit outside (e.g., in the backyard) while your kids are playing.
- This may not be feasible/practical/desirable to you, but consider guided relaxation, yoga, Tai Chih, meditation. It doesn't have to be a long session.
- This is a bit different, but wash/prep raw veggies that you can nibble on when you feel that urge. Make sure you have them on hand and ready to eat.
- Sip sparkling water.
- Practice breathing for relaxation.
Good luck, hope you feel better!
Thank you!! I’m saving these as a screenshot and I’m going to take them with me to my next session on Tuesday.
You're welcome! And I should have said Cognitive BEHAVIORAL Therapy (not "based").
Take care and feel better!4 -
My suggestion would be to not find something to do as a coping strategy when these feelings arise. I prefer to sit with it. We're allowed to have negative feelings and bad memories. Sometimes feeling the emotion and working through it is more productive. If we sit with it and confront it, it can take some of the power out of what we've assigned to it. But if pushed, I would slow my breathing down a lot while it's happening. Also, journaling can really help you to unpack a lot of issues, too. It doesn't have to be during the stress, it could just be at a chosen time of day.
Sitting with your feelings. That’s a scary thought. I like the idea though. Being aware is definitely empowering. Thank you!!
5 -
TavistockToad wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »I haven't finished it, my husband was recommended it for his anxiety. you talking about dealing with your feelings made me think it may be relevant, or give you another perspective.
I have just bought and downloaded it ... it sounds exactly what I need .. again, thanks
let me know what you think!
TBH, OP might find it useful too
Thanks! I’ll check into that. Sorry that my first response sounded defensive. It was defensive. I feel attacked all the time. So naturally, I felt your initial response was a “just don’t do it anymore then” type of advice and I felt subpar to you. (Even if it wasn’t meant to be that way)
I’m working through rooted issues of worthlessness stemming from years of childhood abuse. Part of that is realizing not everyone is being critical when they say something I don’t necessarily agree with how it’s worded.
I’m sure you meant well, and thank you. I don’t think MFP alerts you when people reply? So I’m hoping you see this.4 -
honestly . I have never managed to find a distraction that works ... as you said who has time to take a bath or go for a walk in the middle of looking after your kids ?
I have tried, gum ... I got addicted to gum and was consuming several hundred calories of sugar free gum a day, I tried veggies ... great now I eat several hundred calories of freaking carrots.
I am finally getting better at it though and the only way I have managed this is to solve the underlying. If its boredom and monotony then you need a way of stimulating your brain as you play with your kids .... if its stress or anger you need to figure out what is threatening you.
for me .... it was my fcuked up values .... I had unhealthy values ... still do, my food as a coping strategy stems from me being an entitled dick that felt victimized, felt it was someone elses responsibility to deal with my feelings. I wanted to be extraordinary, everytime I looked on the internet its canvassed by the extraordinary, I felt I deserved that. I bought into companies promises that having a new car, a fancy holiday a bigger house, more sex etc etc etc would make me a better person
as I re-evaluate what my actual values are .... it turns out I dont stress as much, I am not angry as much, I achieve, my metrics for measuring my success are met .... and because of this I dont eat as much
All of the above wont help you .. other than to say rather than cover up your eating with distractions, try solving the problem
I’m glad that you’re finding answers. Deeply rooted issues are tough. I’m going to take you advice and evaluate my values. I’m hoping to, like you said, worth through the root through therapy.
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My suggestion would be to not find something to do as a coping strategy when these feelings arise. I prefer to sit with it. We're allowed to have negative feelings and bad memories. Sometimes feeling the emotion and working through it is more productive. If we sit with it and confront it, it can take some of the power out of what we've assigned to it. But if pushed, I would slow my breathing down a lot while it's happening. Also, journaling can really help you to unpack a lot of issues, too. It doesn't have to be during the stress, it could just be at a chosen time of day.
Sitting with your feelings. That’s a scary thought. I like the idea though. Being aware is definitely empowering. Thank you!!
Absolutely. It's scary as hell, especially at first. It's definitely not advice I give lightly. I have a past of childhood abuse as well, and I find that having practice at staring it down can, over time, give us some strength. I mean, it's always something we'll have to deal with, but if we become familiar with doing this, it can help.1 -
feel your feelings. sit with them, journal them, run with them. and feelings are not good or bad. they just are.
and remember if the problem isn't hunger food is not the solution. i think i said that right7 -
Hi cmdst4
If you want a certain poster to see a reply, you just add '@' before their name, like so... @TavistockToad
Regarding your opening post, there is some great advice in here, and I wish you all the best! 1 -
feel your feelings. sit with them, journal them, run with them. and feelings are not good or bad. they just are.
and remember if the problem isn't hunger food is not the solution. i think i said that right
Thank you! @mbaker566 that ending is powerful & a good mantra. I’m focusing on food is the problem/food is the solution. Hunger is not the problem food is not the solution.
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@TavistockToad I responded to something a few replies back (last post one first page). A thank you and an apology for being snippy.
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@TavistockToad I responded to something a few replies back (last post one first page). A thank you and an apology for being snippy.
Don't worry about it. kommodevaran said what I was trying to say 1 -
Like @Candyspun, I worked on just sitting with my feelings-- but sometimes it takes a bit of self-coaching to get there.
When I find myself staring into the pantry, I first check my food log. More often than not, I have had enough to eat, so ask myself (out loud!)"Ok, what are you really hungry for because you know it's not food. Are you needing comfort or companionship? Are you trying to stuff down a feeling with food? Can you put a name to that feeling? Tell you what-- let's go sit in your favorite comfy chair and see what this feeling actually is and what it feels like, ok? Even if it's an uncomfortable feeling that you don't like, you're not in physical danger, and you can just FEEL it"3 -
honestly . I have never managed to find a distraction that works ... as you said who has time to take a bath or go for a walk in the middle of looking after your kids ?
I have tried, gum ... I got addicted to gum and was consuming several hundred calories of sugar free gum a day, I tried veggies ... great now I eat several hundred calories of freaking carrots.
I am finally getting better at it though and the only way I have managed this is to solve the underlying. If its boredom and monotony then you need a way of stimulating your brain as you play with your kids .... if its stress or anger you need to figure out what is threatening you.
for me .... it was my fcuked up values .... I had unhealthy values ... still do, my food as a coping strategy stems from me being an entitled dick that felt victimized, felt it was someone elses responsibility to deal with my feelings. I wanted to be extraordinary, everytime I looked on the internet its canvassed by the extraordinary, I felt I deserved that. I bought into companies promises that having a new car, a fancy holiday a bigger house, more sex etc etc etc would make me a better person
as I re-evaluate what my actual values are .... it turns out I dont stress as much, I am not angry as much, I achieve, my metrics for measuring my success are met .... and because of this I dont eat as much
All of the above wont help you .. other than to say rather than cover up your eating with distractions, try solving the problem
This is an excellent response. My family had the same terrible values -- you had to be extraordinary or you failed as a human being. Very few people can live up to that brutal yardstick. I've changed my values over my lifetime, after a lot of work. Far better to aim for being a decent person and ask yourself how you really want to spend your time.
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Music has always worked for me. To calm, to excite, to soothe, to relax, to cry to. Music can calm me when I don't have the opportunity to feel those feelings right then. I can sing and dance along or even play and create my own music when I need to release those feelings, I've always hated writing in a diary etc bit music is different.0
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