I want to lose weight but have no willpower.....help!

born2drum

god luck without will power.

bwcetc

"suck it up, buttercup".
[/quote]

Love it! Resonates with me as I've lived with "pull yourself up with your bootstraps" type of people all my life!

AglaeaC

I agree with planning ahead. Maybe not a whole week, but from day to day. I treat my calories and macros like a puzzle... I want to make the pieces fit as best they can.

And just because you're losing weight doesn't mean your food can't be delicious. I might not be able to eat everything I want all the time, but I want everything I eat. It's all yummy. I'm never cringing before a meal, thinking, "Oh, god... not grilled chicken and steamed broccoli again!"

I'm a fan of weekly meal plans because I need to make major decision only once per seven days and I have to face the temptations of the grocery store also once only. And I'm on a very tight budget, so the fewer times I run to the store, the fewer extra purchases I make - and the less food I also throw out. Not everyone is in my boat, but for those who have to face additional challenges tied to the topics of MFP, I thought I'd add a tip that works for me. It helps to have a freezer on days when plans change, too.

MrVaginaSoup

.... and have no willpower...

well, there's the problem.

We can tell you tips/tricks/strategies/how-to all day long. If you don't have the will-power to do it, then that's on you... not us.

I really want to lose the weight

No, not yet you don't. When you do, you will. You'll take control. It isn't about support or help or random internet strangers. They aren't gonna be there when you wake up at 3AM and decide to raid the fridge... but guess who is.... you. You will be. Do it for you, when you're ready to.

wild_wild_life

we can just tell the OP "Hey OP, just figure out how much you need to eat and do that." But that wouldn't work, right? No. It wouldn't. They have to hold themselves accountable. Hell, admitting that they have no willpower was the dead giveaway for me. They aren't ready for change, they made that point in their first post.

Actually, willpower is a very complicated thing and something we all have limited quantities of. There have been a lot of really interesting studies on it which I can dig up later if you're interested. We have a set amount which can be used up over the course of the day. It's weaker when we are physically or mentally drained. Some people have more than others, but we can also develop willpower by practicing it.

IMO, not only is willpower not necessary for weight loss and maintaining a healthy weight, it isn't even sufficient. We have to change our attitude about food. I agree with you that a person has to be ready for change and to hold themselves accountable.

Thanks for the info! It's interesting.

My idea was that through making decisions easier by having a meal plan available, you cut down on the amount of decisions necessary to make in times when the mind might be wavering. Obviously you don't start from a meal plan, if you're still having troubles finding the strength to do even one of these lifestyle-change related habits consistently - say drink enough water during the day - but it could help when things go south around lunch time, once you've created a bit of momentum here.

Agreed. I think there are a lot of work-arounds to make it easier for yourself so you don't find yourself in a situation where you have to depend on willpower. It doesn't take willpower to brush your teeth, put gas in the car, pay the bills, or to not stab yourself in the eye with a pencil. It's all in how you see the task, and how you integrate it into your life.

Lili0817

Then I don't think you want to lose weight THAT BAD. You have to want this BAD because it requires a lot of commitment and dedication. First off, you should be planning meals and packing your lunch/snacks... not eating out. You have to be serious and decide, like really decide... otherwise you will always go back to your old ways. Good luck!! Once you're ready, like really ready... you will totally do this!

beachlover317

What do you really want? I have been on diets for the last 20 years. I always lost 40 pounds fast, then gained it back and more. Do you know why? Because I wasn't ready to really do this.

I do this now because I want to be healthy.
I do this now because the only way to be healthy is to eat well and at a healthy deficit.
I do this now because the only way to health is by moving my body and challenging myself.
I do this for ME - not for my husband, not to be skinny, not to fit in clothes. For ME.

Someone once told me, "When you are ready to lose the weight, you will."
That's pretty much it. When you are ready, you will do it too. This site is FULL of people who do it every day. It's not easy, it takes patience, it takes determination to meet your goals. It's also FULL of people who are not ready and are looking for others to show them a path.

Find your own path. Make your own future.

glitzy73

Did it occur to you that OP connects the word will-power to something negative right now? There's no need to dissect my writing to her, because clearly you and I don't view the situation from the same perspective.

Sure did. That's her problem. It is a negative thing. She doesn't want change bad enough to enforce it. As far as dissecting your advice, that's fine. I just don't understand how you can magically tell someone "hey, just do it" since they said "I can't do it since I don't really have control." Telling someone to plan meals is FANTASTIC advice, if their capable of making the change in their behavior to match it.

...buuuuut they start off with saying that they aren't capable of will-power...

..sooo... yeah...

Whilst I appreciate your advice I think that perhaps you misunderstood my wording - by saying that I have no willpower I was reaching out for advice and support which I don't think you are willing to give.
Once I decide that I'm going to 'diet' I seem to sabotage my healthy eating so actually the advice of don't change everything at once and one step at a time is very helpful. My use of willpower meant that I give in to my hunger. Using tips suggested perhaps I won't feel such pangs? I'm willing to try.
I have never reached out for help with weight loss and appreciate that this support is available from others struggling in a similar way. Hearing other people's experience and advice makes a difference because I won't feel like I'm doing this on my own.

Zaniejane

I'm 45 and just lost about 15 pounds,my initial goal was 10 but I'm where I want to be now. What I learned was that I could do whatever I wanted to do and eat whatever I wanted to eat as long as I ate under TDEE.

That means you can do whatever you want! ie.
-you can skip breakfast
-you can do intermittent fasting or just eating in the evening
-you don't have to have a "healthy breakfast"
-you can save calories for 10:00pm when you know that you have a craving
-you can go all day without eating veggies
- you can have hashbrowns with your dinner.
- you can have popcorn for dinner.
- you can drink wine every day.

You know what I mean? do what works for you! Some people think it's a treat to drink ginger tea. Some people don't. Some people have a bath or go to bed instead of "nibbling" because it works for them. FInd strategies that are custom made for you. Look inside yourself instead of seeking an external solution.

Since I have lost the weight I get to eat more and that is awesome! Knowing this did keep me going incidentally. I also used to go over TDEE say, by 600 calories, from time to time, then I would just eat 200 under TDEE for the next three days and congratulate myself for maintaining!

Then there is the issue of motivation:
My motivation came from hitting my bottom. I had chronic pain that left me lying on the couch with ice and drugs for months, and I was afraid I'd spend half a year watching netflix and eating potato chips. I didn't want the time to be wasted so the only thing I really worked on was pain control and eating under TDEE. Maybe if I hadn't had this obstacle I wouldn't be where I am today. The previous poster is correct when she says that willpower is complicated. I hope you find it within you. Whatever you do don't give up and eventually you'll find what you need.

trogalicious

Did it occur to you that OP connects the word will-power to something negative right now? There's no need to dissect my writing to her, because clearly you and I don't view the situation from the same perspective.

Sure did. That's her problem. It is a negative thing. She doesn't want change bad enough to enforce it. As far as dissecting your advice, that's fine. I just don't understand how you can magically tell someone "hey, just do it" since they said "I can't do it since I don't really have control." Telling someone to plan meals is FANTASTIC advice, if their capable of making the change in their behavior to match it.

...buuuuut they start off with saying that they aren't capable of will-power...

..sooo... yeah...

Whilst I appreciate your advice I think that perhaps you misunderstood my wording - by saying that I have no willpower I was reaching out for advice and support which I don't think you are willing to give.
Once I decide that I'm going to 'diet' I seem to sabotage my healthy eating so actually the advice of don't change everything at once and one step at a time is very helpful. My use of willpower meant that I give in to my hunger. Using tips suggested perhaps I won't feel such pangs? I'm willing to try.
I have never reached out for help with weight loss and appreciate that this support is available from others struggling in a similar way. Hearing other people's experience and advice makes a difference because I won't feel like I'm doing this on my own.

Okay, here's advice I'm willing to give. I give this in a lot of noobie threads for people that show up here and want to lose weight.:

1. don't trust the initial setup that MFP provides. If you put in the wrong/inaccurate information, it'll tell you to eat an amount that may not be applicable.
2. Make sure you eat enough.
3. Figure out what works for you and is sustainable/healthy/long term.
4. avoid fads. don't buy in to any "Hey, try the twinkie and vodka diet"
5. Don't cut out anything now that you don't plan on literally giving up forever.
6. GET A FOOD SCALE. Weigh everything. No, seriously.
7. Get an HRM with a chest strap. You'll at least have a better idea of what you're burning. It'll be more accurate than the generic info in the exercise database.. and even more than the cardio machines.
8. Don't go balls out. You'll burn out. I see 300 lb people show up here, instantly start working out and cutting their intake SEVERELY... trying to cut out all of their carbs at once.. whatever. Take it slow. Figure out how much you need to eat FIRST in order to lose.. then incorporate exercise.
9. Don't cardio yourself to death.
10. Take the information on the forums with a grain of salt. A lot of people that have been here for a while.. and have been successful, may seem jaded. They give out GREAT advice day after day, only to be met with people that refuse to listen.
11. Eat real food. Not diet food. Not "low fat, sugar free, now without X." It's easier to get/find/count.
12. don't set time restrictions.
13. measure yourself weekly. Don't just weigh. Measure and take pictures.
14 BE PATIENT.
15. Avoid forum topics that have "1200" in the title. It's just full of butthurt. Lots of it.
16. This isn't a game, it's about changing your lifestyle. Do that.

pretty much that.

...and don't fall into the "1200 calorie" vertigo of suck because of:
QUOTE:

the typical MFP users does this:
1. I wanna lose weight, let's try MFP.
2. OH! Wow, it tells me I can lose 2 lbs a WEEK? AWESOME!
3. I just sit at a desk when I'm not working out, I guess I'm sedentary.
4. MFP tells them 1200 calories, and they don't even eat that.. then they work out on top of it.. creating an even bigger deficit.
5. Lose a lot, fast, brag about 1200 calorie success.
6. Come back in a few months trying to figure out why they're dizzy, tired, not losing weight.
7. Get on the forums, ask why they aren't losing.
8. Get two responses (I eat 1200 and lose) (I eat 2200 and lose)
9. Argument ensues about who is right.

Now. That being said. These threads happen hundreds of times per day. Most times, and I mean really.. seriously.. 95% of the time.. people get the 1200 number because they don't put the right information in when they set up the account. There are a great number of people that are trying to help. I'm one of 'em.

I'm a hardcore advocate of actually finding out what works for the individual.. by means of other calculators, averages, time, practice, and patience.

Blanket prescriptions of 1200 calories "because it worked for me" is more harmful to the generic new user than the "figure out what you need to eat." Unfortunately, one is a LOT easier to type.


so there are a few thoughts.

Now, as for advice on HOW to do it? You admit you have no will power. NONE of us can fix your control (or lack thereof) issues.

That's HOW you manage to do it. Whether you CHOOSE to make that change is up to you.

Scubanana7

Dear OP -- I am not trying to sound rude, and I hope it doesn't come out that way. But---do you think Any of US wanted to diet, or cut out french fries, or coke. Do you think we have some magic pill of willpower? I spent almost 2 decades FAT after being skinny the first 35 years of my life. There was a HUGE absence of WILLPOWER.

Willpower can't be bought, borrowed, or suddenly created. It is NOT the WILL, but the CHOICE. One day I (along with countless others here) decided that we would CHOOSE to better our health for a million various reasons. The thing in common is that WE CHOSE. Until you CHOOSE, you are spinning your wheels. Since your diary is private, no one can really help with suggestions.

There is no secret. No pill,. No specific diet plan. No specific exercise plan. THERE IS JUST THE CHOICE. and there are thousands here that made that choice and have been successful. If I had to say there was anything 'magic", then I would say it is the group forums on motivation and success. Watching others succeed was 'my ticket' to the show. I saw they could--and they DID. Therefore, I COULD---and I AM STILL DOING !

spippin73

I actually relate to your lack of willpower and at 58, sometimes I feel I am running an up-hill marathon. I have found that being honest with myself and logging in each food eaten has helped me tremendously. My son lost 90 pounds and has transformed his body with exercise. Solid muscle. It is wonderful to see and so I am trying some of his tips. Eat lean protein and lots of fiber rich food. It fills me and keeps me from having those strong cravings. Water helps, though I don't really like it much. I don't buy ice cream or chips anymore so I am not tempted. I wish you luck on your journey!

_HeartsOnFire_

Did it occur to you that OP connects the word will-power to something negative right now? There's no need to dissect my writing to her, because clearly you and I don't view the situation from the same perspective.

Sure did. That's her problem. It is a negative thing. She doesn't want change bad enough to enforce it. As far as dissecting your advice, that's fine. I just don't understand how you can magically tell someone "hey, just do it" since they said "I can't do it since I don't really have control." Telling someone to plan meals is FANTASTIC advice, if their capable of making the change in their behavior to match it.

...buuuuut they start off with saying that they aren't capable of will-power...

..sooo... yeah...

Whilst I appreciate your advice I think that perhaps you misunderstood my wording - by saying that I have no willpower I was reaching out for advice and support which I don't think you are willing to give.
Once I decide that I'm going to 'diet' I seem to sabotage my healthy eating so actually the advice of don't change everything at once and one step at a time is very helpful. My use of willpower meant that I give in to my hunger. Using tips suggested perhaps I won't feel such pangs? I'm willing to try.
I have never reached out for help with weight loss and appreciate that this support is available from others struggling in a similar way. Hearing other people's experience and advice makes a difference because I won't feel like I'm doing this on my own.

I don't think we did misunderstand your wording, and he has always been willing to help and give advice when that's actually what someone wants, and he wasn't trying to be negative or not give you help, if you are not willing to have self control and are not actually ready to do it or make the changes needed then it will fail. Starting off a post saying you have n willpower, you've already defeated yourself. While some of us in other countries may be able to chat at 3 am, we really can't stop you from raiding the fridge.

With you explaining it more in this post that you are reaching out and wanting to try here are my suggestions...

First and foremost, make sure you are reallllly ready to do this. Make the decision to get serious.

Second, believe in yourself. BELIEVE that you CAN do this!!! Because you can. You have the willpower, you don't think you do, but it's there. Smack that negative voice in your head that says you don't have the willpower and any other negative things it's saying.

Third, to quote Yoda - Do or do not, there is no try. Don't try, do it. Yes, not always easy. My personal beliefs are that if you "try" you set yourself up to fail because you can make excuses or reason it away later, well I tried that, did you really?

Fourth, if you think small changes are what will help you, then make small changes. Make sure you are drinking enough water every day (sometimes thirst disguises itself as hunger). Drink a full glass of water before every meal. If you have a hard time drinking plain water, add lemon, lemon and cucumber, just cucumbers, any fruit you like, whatever fruit you like! Cucumber might sound odd and I can't explain it but it makes the water more refreshing (to me). Lemons help with liver function also. An easy way to get water, is fill up a large bottle.jug that's several cups. Keep a small cup next to it, every hour or so fill the cup and drink it all. Before you know it, it's all gone.

Fifth, log everything you are eating on here for a few days, see how many calories you are taking in now. If you have cereal make sure you log everything - cereal, milk/soymilk/almond milk, etc. Don't use the calories listed on the cereal box that say it's for both cereal and milk...

Sixth, again, believe in yourself. I'm saying this for a second time because it's that important!!!

Seventh, if motivational photos or quotes will help you, put them up all over your house/work. Put them in the medicine cabinet, in the fridge, inside cabinet doors, etc. If there's a particular food that you have a hard time resisting try putting a photo either of a smaller you or of the you now attached to it. Then when you reach for it and see it, you may be less likely to eat it.

Eight, make sure you are getting enough protein and fiber, then you'll feel less hungry.

Nine, realize this isn't a diet, IT IS YOUR LIFE! You have a decision to make, do you want to be healthy, stronger and more confident or do you want to be where you are now? Some will say it's not that easy, but it really is as simple as that. You have to decide which you want more.

Ten, tell yourself every day that you can do this. Yup, this again...It is that important.

I hope this helps!

trackmyday1973

First of all I want to say I feel your pain because I have lived it.

I have joined WW so many times in hopes that "This is it". I would join and be all excited.... I even secretly asked my leader if I can have a new weigh in book and register fresh - all 30 times of re-joining.

I would go home and be all set....then lunch comes and I cave. I would start again the next day and be good until 2 then cave again. I would wake up each moring and say "this is the day" but it never was.

I left WW not because the plan doesn't work - it does. It's just that I wasn't accountable to myself. That one meeting was not going to do anything for me. Because after the meeting....it was just me and 6 days and 23 hours on my own.

Follow the advice of people that say..... you really have to want it. Because no matter how many visuals you get, how many inspiring words you get.....if you don't want it bad enough...it will never happen.

I am glad you created this thread. Because it was basically me.

I joined MFP this year of July 29. I joined with the determination, the will and the I WILL attitude.

Good luck.

Happy weight loss journey. Only you can make it happen. When you are ready to make it happen.

nursecat1

Sometimes increased pain and stress causes me to lose my willpower. You are actually hungry. It is OK to snack healthy, often. What have you tried?Sometimes a personal fitness trainer will turn it around for you. It is worth the money to use the gym. Be absolutely sure to write down everything. Wt Watchers was a good start for me. Good luck.

Donald_Dozier_50

.... and have no willpower...

well, there's the problem.

We can tell you tips/tricks/strategies/how-to all day long. If you don't have the will-power to do it, then that's on you... not us.

I really want to lose the weight

No, not yet you don't. When you do, you will. You'll take control. It isn't about support or help or random internet strangers. They aren't gonna be there when you wake up at 3AM and decide to raid the fridge... but guess who is.... you. You will be. Do it for you, when you're ready to.

My thoughts exactly. Unfortunately this as well as many other things in life require will-power. It is a most basic requirement. Hopefully you will soon be truly ready.

philipmarcuscunningham

I was the same. But one day I stepped on the scales, the first time in a long time and I was 99Kgs. I swore I would never see 100. At 5'9", that's heavy. Doctors told me I was clinically obese. I am now on the right side of 88. If you need motivation and support, add me as a friend.
Philip

_HeartsOnFire_

we can just tell the OP "Hey OP, just figure out how much you need to eat and do that." But that wouldn't work, right? No. It wouldn't. They have to hold themselves accountable. Hell, admitting that they have no willpower was the dead giveaway for me. They aren't ready for change, they made that point in their first post.

Actually, willpower is a very complicated thing and something we all have limited quantities of. There have been a lot of really interesting studies on it which I can dig up later if you're interested. We have a set amount which can be used up over the course of the day. It's weaker when we are physically or mentally drained. Some people have more than others, but we can also develop willpower by practicing it.

IMO, not only is willpower not necessary for weight loss and maintaining a healthy weight, it isn't even sufficient. We have to change our attitude about food. I agree with you that a person has to be ready for change and to hold themselves accountable.

While I agree, we have to change our attitude about food, and I obviously agree that a person has to be ready and willing to change and hold themselves accountable...

You have GOT to be kidding me that willpower is something that we have limited quantities of and that it isn't necessary for weight loss. It's not a hormone...it's self control. It's very definition is control of one's impulses and actions; self-control. With this logic you might as well tell the OP that her lack of willpower is in her genes and something she can't control.

If we've always given in to ourselves then yes, we will have less willpower, but it is something that can be strengthened and is needed for changing ones lifestyle. Now, do I eat whatever I want, yes, do I eat too much of it every day, no. There is a balance that the OP can find but to find that balance she will have to have self control.

wild_wild_life

we can just tell the OP "Hey OP, just figure out how much you need to eat and do that." But that wouldn't work, right? No. It wouldn't. They have to hold themselves accountable. Hell, admitting that they have no willpower was the dead giveaway for me. They aren't ready for change, they made that point in their first post.

Actually, willpower is a very complicated thing and something we all have limited quantities of. There have been a lot of really interesting studies on it which I can dig up later if you're interested. We have a set amount which can be used up over the course of the day. It's weaker when we are physically or mentally drained. Some people have more than others, but we can also develop willpower by practicing it.

IMO, not only is willpower not necessary for weight loss and maintaining a healthy weight, it isn't even sufficient. We have to change our attitude about food. I agree with you that a person has to be ready for change and to hold themselves accountable.

While I agree, we have to change our attitude about food, and I obviously agree that a person has to be ready and willing to change and hold themselves accountable...

You have GOT to be kidding me that willpower is something that we have limited quantities of and that it isn't necessary for weight loss. It's not a hormone...it's self control. It's very definition is control of one's impulses and actions; self-control. With this logic you might as well tell the OP that her lack of willpower is in her genes and something she can't control.

If we've always given in to ourselves then yes, we will have less willpower, but it is something that can be strengthened and is needed for changing ones lifestyle. Now, do I eat whatever I want, yes, do I eat too much of it every day, no. There is a balance that the OP can find but to find that balance she will have to have self control.

No, I'm not kidding . I may have been a bit over-emphatic as a response to some of the other posts, and I apologize for that. It's an exaggeration to imply that willpower has no role whatsoever in adhering to a calorie restricted diet. I just think it's been overrated in this thread. I also did not mean to imply that her level of willpower was fixed and couldn't be increased (if you look above I said it could be increased by practicing it).

I am not a psychologist but I have an interest in this area. I can't find all of the references I was thinking of, but a quick google search turned up the following:

Willpower in dieting:
http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/weight-loss-does-willpower-matter?page=1

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201303/alternative-willpower-losing-weight

Studies on self control:
http://cdp.sagepub.com/content/16/6/351.abstract

http://bama.ua.edu/~sprentic/672 Muraven & Baumeister 2000.pdf

http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp945883.pdf

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17279852

This is an interesting one that concludes that our attitude about willpower affects our ability to use it:
http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2010/09/28/0956797610384745

And one of many articles on willpower in general and some tips for boosting it:
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/12/06/how-to-boost-your-willpower/?_r=0

Take from that what you will. I think willpower is a great tool that helps immensely in navigation of daily life, self-awareness, and self-esteem. I just didn't like to see the message that the OP was doomed to failure and wanted to offer an alternative viewpoint.

ETA: I think the OP has gotten and continues to get some really helpful solid advice in this thread too, including yours above!

sagreenious

Snack on fruit. Buy a bag of apples and when you get peckish eat them. That's how I get over food cravings, especially cravings for sweet things. Grapes are also good for that. Or an entire box of frozen mango.... man I'm hungry now!

But seriously, snacking on fruit and veg, even if your snack ends up being enough for a meal, will help you feel in control and like you're not starving yourself. And it's good for you.