What caused your relapse? How did you get back on the horse?
gallicinvasion
Posts: 1,015 Member
Interested in hearing your experiences! Looking to prepare myself in case I mess up down the road and want to get back on track.
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Replies
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I used to lose and regain repeatedly, because I was either dieting or completely out of control.
It was all very exciting, until it started to be extremely boring and stressful.
Now I don't believe in horses or tracks or trains or wagons anymore, just the small daily effort/investment in health.17 -
Small improvements over time to permanently change your dieting and lifestyle habits. Plus getting a physical and bloodwork to see some problems I had really changed my mind and focus.1
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My mistake was not continuing to track my calories into maintenance. It's far too easy to get complacent.
ETA I forgot to answer your other question. Umm I guess I just got tired of being fat, my blood pressure was creeping up, and I felt like *kitten*. Also, not getting any younger
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I'm with @kommodevaran 100%. You can't "fall off the wagon" if your success isn't dependent on having one in the first place. Build habits, make permanent sustainable changes, afford yourself the latitude to a treat or indulgence every now and then, because sometimes you just need a <insert food vice of choice here>.
Personally, I started down the path I described, making small changes, lower calorie swaps, etc. After I started to see some success I fell for the "if some is good, more is better" philosophy and went a little overboard trying to be too restrictive. At one point I did get pretty lean (159 lbs around the time I got married) but then I got a lazier and gained back up to 170 or so. I knew what it took to get back to that level but didn't necessarily like how I looked at that lower weight and decided to start lifting (easily one of the best decisions I've ever made). A few ill-advised bulk attempts, an overcompensating HRM, and a lower back injury later I've determined that my path to success is paved with meticulous logging and data collection. Philosophically, I'm now in more of a place of continuous physique improvement vs. the typical losing-to-maintenance mentality.4 -
My highest weight was approximately 275 pounds (I'm not sure because I started dieting before I bought scales). I started losing weight/exercising after I was diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis). I got down to 148 pounds. I stopped tracking when my 94 year old Grandmother got sick and eventually died. It was too hard because I was traveling between my job and my home town more than an hour away every night. A year after she passed my Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer, and died within another year. I ate and ate and ate. A few times I would stop and diet and then something little would happen and boom. I got back up to 220 pounds before I stopped myself. That was 2 years ago. I've been maintaining around 210/215 since then. In February I got a new job that had weight loss as an HR/Insurance goal. They pay for a weight loss program but I hate their tracking system so I came back to MFP. I am down to just under 200, I want to get back to that 148 or less number eventually but this time I'm going to maintain and keep tracking. I think (hope) I've seen where I messed up before. Emotional eating, not exercising, and not tracking.
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I’ve never relapsed hard or anything but the thought of having to redo my hard work always kept me on track.7
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I can't say I'm a standard case of weight regain, but who knows? Maybe other people just don't talk about it.
I started over-restricting. I also developed some weird and worrying eating habits that basically revolved around eating as much food as possible for as few calories, and saving almost all my calories for a nightly "binge fest" that wasn't really one...yet. I wouldn't call it intermittent fasting, it was more like restricting until I couldn't resist the binge, but being in denial about it. I'm talking sugar-free jello in mass quantities until the end of the day, when I would eat more sugar-free jello, but mixed in lowfat greek yogurt. I think the only fat I got was from eggs.
Edit: I also want to note that this wasn't a sudden change, it was several months of unconsciously making substitutes that I thought were "better" because they were less calorie dense, not realizing I was ignoring necessary macros!
There were definitely some mental health issues mixed in with that. There was one day I decided to have a cheat day, and it just kind of broke the dam, I guess? That's when the true binge eating started. There was a whole lot of issues I won't get into that were contributing to the binge eating apart from the diet previous, but I definitely set myself up for a nasty eating disorder. I had lost 50 pounds, and gained it back in about 5 months, which is quite a bit to gain when you're 5'1''.
Anyway, therapy helped. I had to fix the issues causing me to binge before I could get back on track. That was years ago, I haven't had a true binge for a long time, but I did struggle with overeating and just poor choices for a while, but that was way better than what I was doing before, ha.12 -
I don’t “mess up”. I have days that I eat over my calorie goal (some), I have days I eat at or under my calorie goal (most). There’s no moral judgment to either. I’m not “good” on the days I eat my goal and “bad” on days I don’t. It’s just a tally of calories. Even if I have a string of days where I eat over my goal (say vacation or I happen to have an absolutely delicious cake in my house and I am happy to enjoy it and understand the weight-related consequences of choosing to eat it), it’s all fine. I’ll have plenty of other days when I’m at or under goal.
It seems like semantics, but it’s a really important difference. My horse/wagon/track and I go eveyewhere together-days I’m over and days I’m at/under. My horse/wagon/track includes allowances for being human.12 -
What caused my relapse? One metric *kitten*-ton of stress, and trying to deal with that stress by eating my feelings.
What helped me get back on the horse? listening to some personal development/ self-coaching podcasts that helped me reframe the stress I was dealing with, got me back to exercising and meditating regularly, and allowing myself to "feeling my feelings" instead of eat them.4 -
Try this. Make your food diary the center of your effort. Log in everything, every day no matter what. Go over your number? Put it in your diary. Wildly over? Log that in too. Don’t know how many calories in that meal or dish? Make a good faith estimate and keep going. Forget? Do the best you can to put in everything, keep going.
You will soon find that you have a better chance to hit your number if you have a plan. Plan for each day and week.
If your diary is the center of your program, the only way to go off track is quit. You have to make a decision not to do it. You have to abandon the process. Don’t.
Oh, sooner or later you’ll almost certainly go over your number. No human undertaking is error free. We misread menus, lose focus at the wrong time, make inadequate plans, get tired, make math mistakes. Lots of ways to make mistakes. But stick to the process. The process is more important than the numbers.
Frankly, I don’t understand the idea behind “I’m over my number, I won’t write it down.” There’s a big difference between the 200 calorie lunch mistake I just made and the 1500 calories I’ll eat for dinner tonight if I decide I’m off the hook until tomorrow. If I’ve messed up big at lunch it’s egg whites and veggies for dinner again. But it all goes in the diary.7 -
It's usually depression that causes me to stop eating optimally. I'm too exhausted to prepare and cook food, I stop going out, and I rely on takeaways. I'm hoping that by the time I have another episode (if it happens) my eating behaviour will have changed to the point I gravitate towards healthier options, so that even if I am living on takeaways I find places that do more nutritious food. I won't berate myself for 'falling off the wagon', as that's pointless and you just end up in a vicious cycle of self-recrimination. I'll just get back to eating more optimally as soon as I start to feel better. Then I'll make simple healthier meals that won't overtax my energy, until I'm back to wellness and can prep and cook for myself. There's really no 'messing up', there'll be some times when you're eating nutritiously and some times when you eat less nutritious food. It's human to have setbacks, so I don't dwell on mine, I just do my best to keep going onwards.7
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Seems like I just lose interest in working out, or I get something stressful like a death in the family that derails my progress. Honestly, in the past I've had trouble getting back into it, and kind of gave up. This time I've been trying to maintain consistency. And instead of treating it as a temporary thing to get me to my goal, I treat it as a new normal. Vacation last month kind of got me out of my habits, but I picked up calorie tracking again a couple of weeks ago, and the scale is moving again. Now to pickup working out consistently again. I guess it's just dusting yourself off and picking it back up if you get off track. Seeing if you can analyze why you got off track, and what can you do to prevent it is helpful too. The most important thing for maintaining consistency is to make changes you are comfortable with doing for the rest of your life, and also accepting it's all trial and error. You might try things that you thought would work, and figure out they don't. Or discover new things you never thought of before. Never try to be perfect. Just try to make little improvements here and there, and keep plugging along. We all overindulge, or get out of habit now and again. They key is to just refocus and get back into it. This is a major reason weight loss isn't linear. No one is perfect at it but as long as you keep moving forward you'll be good.5
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I relapsed when I was way too restrictive about what I ate. I think everyone who start with a very important weight already have a weird relation with food and going from never following portion control, over eating etc. to super restrictive is just not an easy or healthy transition.
Since I went back with a mind set of eating now what I want to eat once I'm at maintenance, and it's going much better5 -
I’ve had a recent “semi” relapse & it was caused by long term, over a year, restrictive dieting & finally just getting bored/tired of eating the same things & feeling bored & dreading working out. It started with me eating whatever I wanted/craved on a Friday, which basically meant I pigged out on all the stuff I had deprived myself of-lots of junk food. The Friday pig outs turned to Friday & Saturday. Then Friday, Saturday, & Sunday. Even had a couple of times where I gave in to the cravings during the week too. The way I got back on track was to post here & basically tell people what was happening & get their advice & hear their stories, along with just not liking the way I was feeling & knowing I didn’t wan to ruin what I had worked so hard at. So that motivated me to forgive & forget & move forward by changing from being super restrictive & classifying foods as good vs bad to introducing new foods into my diet including what were once considered “bad foods” & learning how to just incorporate them into my daily totals. It was a fresh start &, for right now, it’s working & ive lost the dread & boredom & im enjoying eating a wider variety of foods. I still kinda dread working out but I think that’s just me.3
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I lost 2 stones over 4 or 5 months then I just stopped losing, I think a lot of it was down to my alcohol intake and one too many treats on a weekend, I'd work hard Sunday/Monday and undo it all in just 2 days.
I decided I needed to kind of reset myself so I've taken the last 2 months off and haven't been going crazy but I have been indulging a little bit more than I should.
I decided it was time to dog out the scales on Monday and I've only gained 3lbs which is less than I was expecting, I've already lost 2 lbs so I'm hoping my little reset plan has worked.
And this time I'm going to cut down on the alcohol as well, no more than a few drinks on a Friday night for me now.2 -
Depression, stress, anxiety.
Got back into it once I seen I was headed back way up and I said hell no.3 -
When I gain weight, I know that what I'm doing is going to lead to weight gain but I just don't care and do it anyway. I don't exactly relapse or stop doing the things I do when dieting. My weight gain is usually caused by not wanting to put effort or mental power into food and movement. I still enjoy the same meals I eat when dieting, but I can't be bothered to make smart choices (I don't restrict anything when I diet, but I don't combine two higher calorie meals in the same day, and there are times when I say no to some things or plan for some things...etc). I haven't found a solution to not caring. When I go through something stressful my priorities change completely and I can't get myself to care or even consider getting myself to care about weight loss.
I'm a special case because I originally started losing weight to lower my blood sugar, and I did that. Any further weight loss is just to get to a healthier range - I have no weight/looks aspirations (they're more in the "that would be nice, but if not, meh" category). Since my blood sugar is doing fine I'm just twiddling about for the abstract idea of "healthier", so when something stressful comes along I lose interest in what feels like a poor use of my energy.
ETA: how I "get back on the horse", I usually don't. I just continue doing what I usually do, but once the stressful even passes, I automatically start making smarter choices again without deciding or vowing to do anything in particular. It just happens like a flipped switch. I just get excited again about calories. That's why stress management is one of my top priorities lately, but I haven't found something that works consistently yet when I have 16 hour work days short of not taking these projects.9 -
For me, my relapses have always been because of my mental illnesses. The first time I got myself into good shape was because I was just getting over battling an ED. But then I had a bad break mentally and gained back all the weight I had lost and then some. I tried yo-yo dieting which never works.
I'm just climbing back on now, five years and a baby later because I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror and being unhappy. I guess getting back into it is just about finding your reason.4 -
Surgery, more than one. About 10 years ago, I took a tumble down my basement stairs. Multiple pelvic surgeries, a knee surgery and a permanently dislocated sacral joint led to depression and weight gain. I picked myself up, got back in the gym and dropped 30 pounds. I was strong and felt great...then another set back. Two more pelvic surgeries and a frozen shoulder. So, here I am again.1
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@gallicinvasion - Great Question!
Like a lot of others this is my umpteenth time on the wheel. In 2006 I successfully lost around 20 pounds counting calories the old fashioned way with a pencil and paper. I was doing small things to get more active like taking the stairs at work, walking to the next bus stop away, etc. I was doing well and enjoying it when my I was offered a promotion that moved me back to a downtown high rise. I went from the 4th floor to the 10th, a more demanding job and a food court in the attached mall. Work became so all consuming that I could no longer afford the time to go up and down the stairs, then I also grabbed quick and easy in the food court instead of walking on breaks and getting healthier options.
Move forward to 2009 - I decided to quit smoking and was petrified that I would gain even more weight so I bought a Wii and started counting calories. I did good for about a year losing around 25-30 pounds. My husband and I started having problems. My girls moved out and I became lonely and was treading the empty nest territory. Nothing really major just again quit working at it at all.
In 2011 - I started working on myself again around February was taking it slow and working away at it. Not losing a lot but feeling better health wise at least. My eldest got married and I became a Grandmother, he was my 43rd birthday present. My daughter was going to have a big party to celebrate her wedding in our hometown in 2012. I started seriously trying to lose around April of 2012. I made it to the lowest I had been in more than a decade 168 in November of 2012. Then I was called home because my Dad was gravely ill, the day after I arrived he ended up in palliative care and passed a little over 2 weeks later.
I became very depressed, I lost my biggest supporter, my husband and I were growing even further apart. My job sucked, our finances were failing because of the economy. Life just started beating me down and I didn't have enough energy to do anything about it. I didn't even have the energy or motivation to cook meals. I started eating out for lunches and supper. I did go on anti-depressants, but nothing really helped. We lost a truck, then lost a house. Last year on August 31st I lost my job. That was actually the biggest blessing in disguise I have ever had.
Since that time I have found happiness, peace, realized that as long as you have your health and family you are blessed. I didn't have money for anti-depressants anymore so had to find another way to get happy. I started being grateful and positive. On February 1st of this year I decided to try MFP again, it is what worked in 2012. I wouldn't kill myself exercising everyday, I would take it much slower and see what happened.
As of this week I am officially 20 pounds lighter, I still haven't been on anti-depressants, had a great doctors appointment yesterday and I'm truly happy!
This time I think I might be able to keep it up.
I know I have to track my food, probably for a lifetime.
I know that I can have a high calorie day and it won't stop me, it may slow me down a day or so though.
I don't have to kill myself to exercise an hour every day, but I should try to move every day for my overall well being.
I think I will have to weigh weekly for the rest of my life so I at least see if I'm slipping.
I have to remain positive and know that the "worse" has happened and I survived it. I now realize what I thought was the worse actually wasn't.
I found the message boards and blogs on MFP and have made a new community of friends that help each other without judgement.
I have a happier marriage and a brighter outlook and am very blessed to have my family and friends.
Good luck to you!
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About 6 years ago, I found MFP after a doctor told me I was diabetic, and was "obese". I was just over 200 pounds at that time, and hearing him use the word 'obese' kind of freaked me out. Don't get me wrong, I knew I was fat, but obese? Ugh.
So I started MFP and started to watch what I ate, and worked out (slowly at first, and then more and more over time). I felt 'great' and I lost weight! My 'happy weight' was 136. I felt and looked great at that weight, ...but the whole time I was losing, I worried about regaining it again. My husband would tell me it wouldn't happen, because I worked 'so' hard to lose it, and I knew it took a "lot" of hard work, .....but I still worried about it, because I knew a lot of people put the weight back on, and they "also" knew how hard it was to lose it too, kwim? They were no different than me.
I also lost a few friends during this time (or at least they tended to avoid me more). I honestly think the reason for that is because when they see someone doing something they know they should also be doing too, (they were also overweight) ... they tend to 'avoid' you, to keep from thinking about it for themselves, if that makes any sense? I looked like a whole new person, but some people didn't say two words about it (so prepare yourselves for that). Some people DID mention it, and that was really nice, ...but some didn't. BTW, when I saw my doctor again (the one who called me 'obese')..he really didn't have much to say about my losing 70 pounds, which kind of PMO, (Grrr!)
Anyway, I kept the weight off for about two years, & it was wonderful. I bought all new clothes, my health improved & I was really 'happy' during that time.
...but then 'life' hit, and I had several "big" issues to deal with. I won't get into all of that (this would become a 'book' if I did, lol) but lets just say I had a LOT of stress in my life, (big stress!) ...and I slowly went back to my 'old ways' of over eating and not working out...and over the following 4ish years, I gained it all back, plus a few pounds.
But now things have calmed down, and I think I really know a little more about how it all works. I know I CAN lose this weight again, and I also know it won't be easy, but it CAN be done. We can ALL lose it, if we really 'want' to. I also know more about what it means to 'stick with it' (its really IS a "lifestyle change") and that its all about keeping an eye on what goes in, and how much you're 'moving' to keep it off. For me, that'll be for 'life', and that's OK.
To be honest, I'm more worried about maintaining it than losing the weight again, ....but I know its totally possible, and if we (all) encourage each other, WE can make it happen! I can't wait to be at my 'happy weight' again, and since I've been there before, I know how exciting it'll be!
Good luck to ALL of us!
PS I also have a new doctor now, who is way more encouraging than my old one! lol
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Stress! Stress gets me every time
I fall off the wagon by basically eating everything in sight for days but I still hit the gym so exercise habit sticks it’s just food that goes out when I’m struggling. The irony of course is that id probably cope better if I stuck with eating well. Takes me a couple of low stress days to just pull it together and commit back to eating well. The longer I’m conscious of my health the better I get at pulling it back together. Sometimes seeing how big my belly has gotten helps me to get back to it as wel1 -
I don’t live in the prairie, so I don’t have horses or wagons and I’m not building railroad tracks for myself. That said, I agree with others who cite stress as an obstacle, and instead of a prairie girl I’ve been sailing my entire life.*
I just realized my weight loss mentality analogy is more about steering a sailing boat than being on a horse/wagon/track where you’re either on it or off it. In sailing, sometimes winds (surroundings, stress and life in general) are perfect and you can just easily cruise on with full speed. Sometimes the wind dies and you can just float there without having to really even touch the helm, but you’re also not really going anywhere. Sometimes there’s high winds and heavy storms so you have to reef in your sails and steering even remotely to where you want to go is a challenge. Sometimes it’s so stormy you just have to stay in the port and wait it out.
For me, more stress means more winds. I need some wind to keep my boat moving, but if there’s too much or too little the boat either barely moves or the sailing gets so rocky that manouvering is difficult and it takes all my might to just keep the boat safely afloat. This is why I sometimes just go to the port and sit out the storms without making any attempts other than maintenance and sanity.
This sailing boat analogy was sort of a mini epiphany for me while writing this, so I hope you got any sense out of it.
*Technically not all my life, since I was born in November and my first sailing season didn’t start until May when I was 6 months old.4 -
I lost 15 pounds 3 years ago with mfp. Felt awesome. Slowly the weight crept back on. Until it was all back. Stress was a factor. Now my new goal is 10 pounds. I think the 15 was too thin and to difficult to maintain. 6 more to go. My issue is once I go back to “normal life” it takes me 2.2 seconds to gain the weight that it took months to take off. I’m not a binge eater , but apparently I am a blind eater. Not paying much attention to the quality of the food I eat.
I’m hoping this time is the final time !0 -
For me, I started nursing school and just slowly slid back into old habits. It was a very slow slide and I could of and should of caught it early, but instead I found myself with the nursing degree plus all the weight I lost and an additional ten pounds. What made me commit to my health again? I see the side effects of obesity every day as an RN. That will not be me!!!!0
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Great analogy!!I don’t live in the prairie, so I don’t have horses or wagons and I’m not building railroad tracks for myself. That said, I agree with others who cite stress as an obstacle, and instead of a prairie girl I’ve been sailing my entire life.*
I just realized my weight loss mentality analogy is more about steering a sailing boat than being on a horse/wagon/track where you’re either on it or off it. In sailing, sometimes winds (surroundings, stress and life in general) are perfect and you can just easily cruise on with full speed. Sometimes the wind dies and you can just float there without having to really even touch the helm, but you’re also not really going anywhere. Sometimes there’s high winds and heavy storms so you have to reef in your sails and steering even remotely to where you want to go is a challenge. Sometimes it’s so stormy you just have to stay in the port and wait it out.
For me, more stress means more winds. I need some wind to keep my boat moving, but if there’s too much or too little the boat either barely moves or the sailing gets so rocky that manouvering is difficult and it takes all my might to just keep the boat safely afloat. This is why I sometimes just go to the port and sit out the storms without making any attempts other than maintenance and sanity.
This sailing boat analogy was sort of a mini epiphany for me while writing this, so I hope you got any sense out of it.
*Technically not all my life, since I was born in November and my first sailing season didn’t start until May when I was 6 months old.
For me, it was overrestricting and obsessing over tracking everything correctly. That got me to a binge eating disorder, which took me two years to tackle.
Now I'm back to tracking, but I'm also trying to be kinder to myself and not miss out on life because of counting calories - I eat whatever I want, I eat out at restaurants, sometimes I go over my calories. And that's okay.2 -
52 days in. No relapse1
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I am a single mom with a full-time job, and I'm in school part time. I have always been a healthy, active person, but having a child really put the breaks on my weight loss journey (as I had no help). I volunteered at Goodlife in the daycare for 2.5 years, which gave me a free membership and I made friends with some instructors. I felt part of the Goodlife community. However, I had to end my volunteering as I went to school to be a yoga instructor. That was an amazing time of my life. Probably one of the best despite a lot of other stuff happening at the same time. Then I started taking part-time courses at University. I have been so stressed, and so sedentary (I have a desk job and then sit at another desk all evening to study or sit in class), I gained 10 pounds alone in one month. I have never been so heavy in my life (other than that time I was pregnant
) and that alone is enough reason to get me back into it. None of my clothes fit, I don't feel sexy or attractive, I don't take pictures of myself anymore... You will get to a point where you know enough is enough and then get back into it. But remember, it is a life-long journey, not a one-time fix.
Good luck on your journey!1 -
Relapse: Event I was losing weight for came and went, I loosened up my logging (and then completely abandoned it) shortly after. Went like that for 6 months before I realized I'd already put back on 5 lbs and needed to get back on track.
Back on the horse: If I could put on 5 lbs in 6 months I needed to go back to what worked. Switched up my style of exercise so it was less boring/chore-like. Went back to logging my meals faithfully and not letting myself cheat with sweets (one little chocolate won't hurt anything....x4 in a day...)
Also trying to focus on actual fitness this time instead of just the number. I want to gain upper body strength and feel better on my active days. So far I've been going at my own pace and seeing some results. The scale isn't my friend, but I look at myself in the mirror and realize I am feeling so much better about my appearance.2 -
Millicent3015 wrote: »It's usually depression that causes me to stop eating optimally. I'm too exhausted to prepare and cook food, I stop going out, and I rely on takeaways. I'm hoping that by the time I have another episode (if it happens) my eating behaviour will have changed to the point I gravitate towards healthier options, so that even if I am living on takeaways I find places that do more nutritious food. I won't berate myself for 'falling off the wagon', as that's pointless and you just end up in a vicious cycle of self-recrimination. I'll just get back to eating more optimally as soon as I start to feel better. Then I'll make simple healthier meals that won't overtax my energy, until I'm back to wellness and can prep and cook for myself. There's really no 'messing up', there'll be some times when you're eating nutritiously and some times when you eat less nutritious food. It's human to have setbacks, so I don't dwell on mine, I just do my best to keep going onwards.
This is my issue as well.
Some days, it's legitimately too tiring to even consider cleaning my house, or doing my dishes, or going grocery shopping. I can order a pizza online, and barely have to speak to anyone to get it delivered. Basically, the easiest thing for me is to make sure my apartment is in order, even if it's only keeping the floors cleared. When my environment is out of control, I'm out of control.1
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