Sabotage
moniemom
Posts: 6 Member
Just need to vent. I am trying really hard to lose weight and get healthy. Exercise and food focus. Had my breakfast plan for the morning and hubby kept saying we’re in a hurry, then suggests son didn’t eat his oatmeal and I could have it. I end up eating it, when I was going to have a quick protein shake. I didn’t need that breakfast suggestion. Now I feel like crap (high calorie and higher sugar content than what I’ve been having) I know it’s my fault, but I can’t help feeling like I was sabotaged, especially because 10 minutes before I had told him I felt like I had improved the last couple of days. I find out it had extra stuff added in. Not sure why he didn’t eat it himself. I found out he had 3 slices of turkey himself for breakfast. When I tell him to please not make food suggestions for me or influence me he says, “I didn’t make you eat it”.
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Replies
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He’s a jerk. Ignore him and do you.5
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I think you will feel less like crap if you stop worrying about sugar content in food, focus on you, eat food you like, let go of feelings of sabotage, ignore any suggestions you're not interested in, and just follow your plan.17
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Temptation is everywhere. Got donuts this am for my daughter (she's been sick and craved). Placed my order and donut shop worker said "No chocolate?" I told him "No, I'm not eating like that anymore." He replied "You know you want some." He was right. But I didn't cave. My choice. Try resisting. It feels great!!!17
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He didn't make you eat it? He made a suggestion? Next time say "no thanks, I'm having a shake" and move on...23
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You obviously know that you weren’t forced to eat it. It’s the fact that he pressured you to eat unhealthily when you are trying not to. Even if wasn’t a malicious suggestion it was a thoughtless suggestion. Next time, acknowledge what he said but don’t follow what he says.7
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jasmineisnotcreative wrote: »You obviously know that you weren’t forced to eat it. It’s the fact that he pressured you to eat unhealthily when you are trying not to. Even if wasn’t a malicious suggestion it was a thoughtless suggestion. Next time, acknowledge what he said but don’t follow what he says.
Oatmeal is unhealthy?11 -
So to play Devils advocate, he DIDN'T make you eat it. He just suggested it.
He should want to support you, but it's possible he's concerned your diet changes are going to force him to change his diet too so he's defensive.
Next time, just say no thanks and do you. Rather than look for sabotage, look for the times he helps you stay on plan and genuinely thank him. If what you are doing makes you feel better and look better, over time the folks who care about you will get on board.
And don't let one non-perfect meal make you feel bad. You could've done far worse than sweetened oatmeal, no reason it should make you feel like crap.8 -
I get that feeling; my partner gets away with figurative murder on the diet front and can still lose weight, so I have to battle temptation a lot in order to eat or discuss food with him. I find it helpful to periodically check in with him about how I'm doing ("Crap, should've have had cheat night with sushi last week, I didn't lose/gained ... looks like I can't get away with cheating") or will just ask for his help and support in staying on track outright. Usually that gets around the defensiveness; still not perfect but it's working okay for now. Maybe give something like that a try? Good luck!0
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dang.... I thought this tread was about something entirely different:
That being said, just have a direct conversation with him about your nutritional intentions.
Best of luck!14 -
WinoGelato wrote: »jasmineisnotcreative wrote: »You obviously know that you weren’t forced to eat it. It’s the fact that he pressured you to eat unhealthily when you are trying not to. Even if wasn’t a malicious suggestion it was a thoughtless suggestion. Next time, acknowledge what he said but don’t follow what he says.
Oatmeal is unhealthy?
If it was the quick sugar loaded kind the kids love, then definitely yes
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my2getfit2018 wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »jasmineisnotcreative wrote: »You obviously know that you weren’t forced to eat it. It’s the fact that he pressured you to eat unhealthily when you are trying not to. Even if wasn’t a malicious suggestion it was a thoughtless suggestion. Next time, acknowledge what he said but don’t follow what he says.
Oatmeal is unhealthy?
If it was the quick sugar loaded kind the kids love, then definitely yes
How so?4 -
So you're mad at yourself for not following your plan? It's not sabotage. It was a suggestion that likely slipped out of his mouth without him even thinking about it. There's nothing wrong with oatmeal. Since you said it was higher calorie than you had planned for, then you can adjust the rest of your meals for the day. This is a whole lot of anger at hubby who probably didn't mean anything near what you are projecting on him. Can you pre-prep some of your protein shake so it's quick to fix in the morning?9
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That's not sabotage. I have had a guy say he would join my diet just so he can break up the whole operation from the inside lol. I have also dated a feeder before I knew that existed. I had food guilt from all the adults in my life pretending it's still the great depression for no reason so if someone made me a plate of food I felt like I have to eat it, all of it.
In my world it would have went like this:
Guy: Eat your kids gross leftover food.
Me: No, you!
xD Profit? Lol5 -
my2getfit2018 wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »jasmineisnotcreative wrote: »You obviously know that you weren’t forced to eat it. It’s the fact that he pressured you to eat unhealthily when you are trying not to. Even if wasn’t a malicious suggestion it was a thoughtless suggestion. Next time, acknowledge what he said but don’t follow what he says.
Oatmeal is unhealthy?
If it was the quick sugar loaded kind the kids love, then definitely yes
Why?1 -
my aunt melted butter into my coffee. Thats sabotage. This was a side comment you could have easily said no thanks to that your husband likely asks from habit from the past. Thats him caring. Thats not sabotage. You chose to eat it, fine just make it fit. But you cant be mad at him for simply mentioning theres leftover oatmeal if you want it. You either eat it and make it fit or say nah and throw it out. Hes not melting butter in your coffee10
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People who aren't losing weight....even family and friends...don't always understand the temptation. I used to have to watch my late boyfriend eat a pint of Hagen Daaz in one sitting while watching TV while I munched on some measured popcorn. But I am still here....he is gone. Don't let others ruin your good work. He was in a hurry....well, he can wait a little longer. If he wants you to stray off your plan for convenience sake, remind him few minutes aren't worth the extra calories to you.
I have to add that I can't eat oatmeal anymore....WAY too many carbs and being diabetic, its like poison to me. I miss it sometimes but there are a lot of other things I can have.5 -
Ultimately it comes down to you. You made the decision to eat the oatmeal, feel disappointed with yourself and are deflecting your feelings toward your husband. Yes, it was a bit insensitive to suggest eating the oatmeal, but he didn't spoon feed it into you. Log this down to experience and move on.3
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my2getfit2018 wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »jasmineisnotcreative wrote: »You obviously know that you weren’t forced to eat it. It’s the fact that he pressured you to eat unhealthily when you are trying not to. Even if wasn’t a malicious suggestion it was a thoughtless suggestion. Next time, acknowledge what he said but don’t follow what he says.
Oatmeal is unhealthy?
If it was the quick sugar loaded kind the kids love, then definitely yes
I love that kind with the little dinosaur eggs, when they get hot they hatch into dinosaurs
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You've got to be stronger than that - and while he could be more supportive, this is hardly sabotage.3
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You know, that is rather passive aggressive of him. He put you under pressure on time, suggested you eat something you weren't planning on, and then said he didn't make you eat it. No, he didn't put his foot on your throat and put it in your mouth, but he made it seem like a smart choice, time wise. Next time, just say no and do what you planned. Try to get a little more time in the morning to make sure you have time or make the shake and take it with you. Or you could switch your son to regular oatmeal (the healthy kind. Takes about 8 minutes to make it) and add some sugar and fruit, so it will appeal to him. Now, drop this from your mind. Tomorrow is a fresh start!12
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Interesting topic. I had no problem sticking to my weight loss plan a few years ago, now that I'm married I am finding it much more difficult. My wife seems almost offended if I eat only half of the portions she gives me. Regardless I guess I just have to be even more disciplined. My wife thinks it's silly to count calories but it works for me so I'm sticking with it. Stand your ground and remind your spouse how important it is to lose weight.2
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Your husband suggesting you eat oatmeal that’s already prepared because you are in a rush is not sabotage. As noted, you didn’t have to eat it.
Something I foun out about weight loss- I had to become more assertive to succeed.5 -
I really don’t think your hubby was trying to sabotage you. Mine used to say the same types of things. “In the moment” I just say no thank you and move on. When we get to a point where we can talk I tell him how I feel and he does the same. 100% of the time he doesn’t even realize what he has done. He truly supports what I am doing and is happy that I am feeling better. He is also really liking “if you know what I mean 👀” the results! He still says things every now and then, but a gentle reminder is all it takes. Just let your husband know it’s hard starting out, and you really need his support. I guarantee he will be your biggest cheerleader when he starts to notice the results!3
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Motorsheen wrote: »dang.... I thought this tread was about something entirely different:
That being said, just have a direct conversation with him about your nutritional intentions.
Best of luck!
Read this whole thread, and couldn't believe no one commented on this post. Well played, well played, lol0 -
He is playing a control game with you....sounds much deeper than the weight issue. I would try talking to him. Explain how it makes you feel. Does your success make him feel insecure? Be strong...you can do this.8
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walters514 wrote: »He is playing a control game with you....sounds much deeper than the weight issue. I would try talking to him. Explain how it makes you feel. Does your success make him feel insecure? Be strong...you can do this.
Good lord it was some leftover oatmeal - I hate when food goes to waste and will often eat something or ask my husband to eat something that isn’t our first choice to avoid having to throw something out. Mornings are busy and hectic in most houses and I see this as being a quick suggestion in the moment rather than sabotage or some sort of nefarious control.
I can’t believe how big of a deal people are making out of this. Oh wait it’s MFP. Never mind.10 -
walters514 wrote: »He is playing a control game with you....sounds much deeper than the weight issue. I would try talking to him. Explain how it makes you feel. Does your success make him feel insecure? Be strong...you can do this.
You got all that from oatmeal? Come on now.
They were in a rush and he suggested eating what was readily and easily available. She just needs to have a chat with him.7 -
Sabotage would be "hey this oatmeal isn't calorie dense" and then you find out it's like 250 calories after eating it. But suggesting to eat it left you with an option. Eh, it's ONE meal. One meal doesn't define everything you're doing for the rest of the week. Shake it off, then move on.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Motorsheen wrote: »dang.... I thought this tread was about something entirely different:
That being said, just have a direct conversation with him about your nutritional intentions.
Best of luck!
"I know you planned it"0 -
mariececilia10 wrote: »He’s a jerk. Ignore him and do you.
Lol, really?
Maybe he was just making a logical suggestion seeing as how they were pressed for time? I dunno, doesn't seem that heinous to me.2
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