Pro tips for murder

SirBonerFart

1) Don't announce your plans on the internet, this can and will be used against you

2) If you are going to murder your spouse realize you WILL be the first suspect

3) Make sure you are sure of your decision and committed to it, there is no redo's

spade117

Thank you. It is so hard to find good tips for this on the intertubes.

fShaw86

make sure NSA

_crafty_

I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?

InForBacon

Make close friends with a hog farmer.

SirBonerFart

I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?

Sorry all I can give you is the tip

MNA76

I'm printing this thread and tacking it to my fridge. Need to remember this.

usmcmp

Don't confess to a murder using an internet meme posted on Tumblr or Reddit. Joking or otherwise.

Verbal murder for hire contracts aren't worth the paper they are written on.

The less people that know the better. Blackmail is easy in the digital age.

gym_king_carlie

I could murder a burger but I would never get away with it on here

bigphatcat

Make sure to wear A New England Patriots Game Jersey with the number 81 on it

Pangea250

Could you post your certifications and list of past murders committed? How do we know you are a pro?

SrJoben

Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

LauraMacNCheese

Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

Too late...now you're going down as an accomplice.

kr1stadee

What if it isn't my husband? How far down the suspect list would I be if it's a friend/sibling/coworker?

:smokin:

Cliffslosinit

I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?

You need a good tongue lashing!

_noob_

3) Make sure you are sure of your decision and committed to it, there is no redo's

define redo's? same person, sure no, especially if successful. But there's the "more fish in the sea" or identical twins possibilities.

(post is entirely meant to be cheap humor).

Unknown

This content has been removed.

catneon

4) Get an alibi

ETA I like the above but I still think this should be #4

beccyleigh

Make sure if you do announce it on the interwebs that you clear your cookies, eat them all up & be sure that there are none left in the packet.

JustAboutDelicious_wechanged

4) Get an alibi

I swear I was on MFP reading this murder thread. I have NO idea how his brakes went out in his car.

pastryari

Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

branson101

Make close friends with a hog farmer.

no. someone at a crematorium works better.

jenifr818

Bump

Not that I have any ideas about this or anything

TR0berts

I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?

Be careful. You might get shafted.

tmauck4472

Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

LMAO, while I have no need to "murder" anyone, I almost didn't come in here because if something happens to anyone I'm close to they now have a record of me coming in here and checking it out....now I'm in trouble. But I couldn't resist, needed to see what was going on here.

MNA76

4) Get an alibi

I swear I was on MFP reading this murder thread. I have NO idea how his brakes went out in his car.

I never said anything about the brakes going out on his car. How did you know about this? Hmmmm...

InForBacon

Make close friends with a hog farmer.

no. someone at a crematorium works better.

Possibly, but hogs eat everything, no DNA left.

taunto

I have a few tips on this subject.

taunto

When you murder someone, for the body, make sure you bleach out the body btw. THen cut the body into small pieces and toss it into a tub of bleech again. This way the blood gets rained easily into the gutters and doesn't make a mess. Then you can easily toss it into the garden and bury it. This way even if your dog (or neighbors) grabs a piece, it should be small enough to not matter. And the best part, you won't have to do it in the middle of the night with the whole body and try to hide it from the neighbors.

But if you decide that chopping the body into 1 inch pieces is too much trouble, you can bury the body vertically into the ground. This way the satellites don't track down the body easily. I would dig a long hole though and kill the neighbors dog too. First bury the bleeched out body vertically, put heavy amount of mud, then the dead dog buried. This way anyone digging out of suspicion finds the dog first and then moves on. You're all welcome

bumblebums

Do not search the internet for how to get away with your wife's murder and then claim that you were researching it for a CSI script:

Forensic computer expert Dean Brown dug around in the recesses of Murray's computers and found a Yahoo! search for "murder for hire," "how to hire an assassin," "how to make a bomb," and "how to murder someone and not get caught."

Investigators were thrilled with the secrets Murray's computers revealed, especially when they learned the searches were conducted just as the custody battle the Murrays were having was getting nasty.

But the defense has an explanation. They say that Murray was interested in possibly writing an episode for a CSI-type program. The computers, however, offer up more bad news for Murray, including e-mails that show his anger with Carmin was growing: "I'm increasingly coming to feel like an animal that's been backed into a corner."

Source: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18559_162-694835.html?pageNum=8

diodelcibo

In on NSA thread.