Pro tips for murder

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SirBonerFart

if you are going to hire a hitman ask if he is a cop. If it is a cop they have to tell you

taunto

if all comes to end (like living in a big city with no garden) then you can just grab a large quantity of NaOH and just through it into a large tub and toss the body in it. The NaOH will literally eat the skin, flesh and even the bones leaving nothing but the bones. Make sure you're using a large disposable tub though and not your shower.


But my personal favorite method. Grind the body like ground beef. Make chili out of it. Give it to homeless people. Problem solved!

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jetlag

When you murder someone, for the body, make sure you bleach out the body btw. THen cut the body into small pieces and toss it into a tub of bleech again. This way the blood gets rained easily into the gutters and doesn't make a mess. Then you can easily toss it into the garden and bury it. This way even if your dog (or neighbors) grabs a piece, it should be small enough to not matter. And the best part, you won't have to do it in the middle of the night with the whole body and try to hide it from the neighbors.

But if you decide that chopping the body into 1 inch pieces is too much trouble, you can bury the body vertically into the ground. This way the satellites don't track down the body easily. I would dig a long hole though and kill the neighbors dog too. First bury the bleeched out body vertically, put heavy amount of mud, then the dead dog buried. This way anyone digging out of suspicion finds the dog first and then moves on. You're all welcome

I once watched a documentary about a guy that disposed of his wife's body in a highway maintenance woodchipper. Truth.

SweetLilyR

I'm so going to show this thread to my hubby tonight...but do you think that would take away the element of surprise?

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jenifr818

if all comes to end (like living in a big city with no garden) then you can just grab a large quantity of NaOH and just through it into a large tub and toss the body in it. The NaOH will literally eat the skin, flesh and even the bones leaving nothing but the bones. Make sure you're using a large disposable tub though and not your shower.


But my personal favorite method. Grind the body like ground beef. Make chili out of it. Give it to homeless people. Problem solved!

what if they are vegetarians?

I'll just leave this here

http://books.google.com/books/about/To_Serve_Man.html?id=mm7DL0g1PK4C

CallMeCupcakeDammit

I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?

Sorry all I can give you is the tip

This disappoints me.

chubaway

What is the nutritional information for human flesh?

bumblebums

Do not search the internet for how to get away with your wife's murder and then claim that you were researching it for a CSI script:

Forensic computer expert Dean Brown dug around in the recesses of Murray's computers and found a Yahoo! search for "murder for hire," "how to hire an assassin," "how to make a bomb," and "how to murder someone and not get caught."

Investigators were thrilled with the secrets Murray's computers revealed, especially when they learned the searches were conducted just as the custody battle the Murrays were having was getting nasty.

But the defense has an explanation. They say that Murray was interested in possibly writing an episode for a CSI-type program. The computers, however, offer up more bad news for Murray, including e-mails that show his anger with Carmin was growing: "I'm increasingly coming to feel like an animal that's been backed into a corner."

Source: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18559_162-694835.html?pageNum=8

More reasons to refer to 4) & 5)

Actually, the key evidence that made this guy the main suspect is that he was awfully chatty during the interview with the police but never even asked how she died... Apparently, normal innocent people wanna know how people died when they are interviewed by the police, in real life just like on TV.

MyChocolateDiet

FFS....JUST. BREAK. UP.

(if there ever was a thread where this oft quoted statement applies THIS IS IT PEOPLE!)

chubaway

FFS....JUST. BREAK. UP.

(if there ever was a thread where this oft quoted statement applies THIS IS IT PEOPLE!)

That's too much work, leaves too much baggage.

da1128

Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

Too late...now you're going down as an accomplice.

:bigsmile: I'm a huge addict of the Investigation ID channel, what used to be Court TV, and internet sites that air live trials, the juicier the better. The things I've looked up on the net will give me 3 hots and a cot for the rest of my life should anyone mysteriously croak in my presence, or within mere miles of me.

***Snooort***

MatthewLewis81

What is the nutritional information for human flesh?

I'm not sure, but we supposedly taste like pork.

jenifr818

Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

Too late...now you're going down as an accomplice.

:bigsmile: I'm a huge addict of the Investigation ID channel, what used to be Court TV, and internet sites that air live trials, the juicier the better. The things I've looked up on the net will give me 3 hots and a cot for the rest of my life should anyone mysteriously croak in my presence, or within mere miles of me.

***Snooort***

Hey, look at it this way, you'll never have to worry about paying rent, your car breaking down, buying food, or anything like that! I heard a rumor that you get a free girlfriend upon conviction. That's definitely a bonus :laugh:

ebgbjo

I thought people were taking tips from Amanda Bynes here lol