Being overweight but seen as thin
Replies
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tcunbeliever wrote: »Let's see...I am normal weight but people always seem to think I'm super skinny and verging on starvation, they consistently say things that guess my weight 30-50 lbs lower than it actually is. I think a lot of it is just being broad shouldered and small boned...it's like a tall, slender visual (optical illusion?) and no one notices where the extra bits are packed on. (for me that's love handles and hips/belly however, its a proportional spread)
I am 5'9" (175cm) and 150 lbs (68kg) - hopefully I correctly converted that...
I'm also 5'9" and when I was at my lowest (160 lbs) I was constantly told I was too skinny. I have a wide frame and people would always guess my weight as being way lower than it was. I'm back up to more than I'm comfortable with now and the comments have stopped. Working my way back down to my comfortable weight again so I'm sure I'll be hearing it soon enough.0 -
Because of my bone structure, I can carry a bit more weight without looking "fat". I am short 5'3", but not petite - meaning I don't have small bones, so even at my thinnest, I can never wear petites. And I carry my weight pretty well distributed, no matter what my weight and solid, not "fluffy".0
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Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »I think it is mostly because people are used to seeing overweight people. I mean 70 percent are obese or overweight, so the new normal or slim is slightly overweight. I feel like when most people actually see people at healthy to low BMI they think they are "skeletal" just because they are so used to seeing obese/overweight people.
I agree with this. I've had overweight friends refer to anything in the "normal" weight category as alien or skeletal and how they would look horrible at a normal weight. I asked if I look alien or skeletal to them and they shut up because apparently I'm "different". No, it's just not as drastic as most people think to be a normal weight.
I ultimately think this is dismissive and shaming behavior. When everyone around you is overweight, it's easy to dismiss any benefit of achieving a normal weight. If you convince yourself that all the overweight people around you are perfectly healthy and happy, the idea of a normal weight is BS and hype. It's cognitive dissonance and threatens the status quo to acknowledge anything else.
I say that as a former obese person who gave myself permission and convinced myself of all sorts of lies for many years to stay fat because everyone around me was fat. I heard all the time how I couldn't possibly be obese and carried my fat so well all over my body (so therefore BMI was *kitten*), but I was definitely obese and looked it when comparing to now.6 -
I don't have very many photos of me at my heaviest but I was probably 170-180 on the right vs. 126 on the left. I'm 5'1". People tried to convince me I looked slim and had a great figure, probably to make me feel good or make themselves feel better. I believed that at the time but I've accepted reality now.
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First, I think a lot of the words people use to describe bodies are subjective and not particularly descriptive. A lady at work called me "skinny." The very next day, a guy at the gym called me "thick." I'm really probably a bit of both. I use the term "built" to describe myself.
Also, muscularity, height, build all factor into your weight and appearance.
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deputy_randolph wrote: »First, I think a lot of the words people use to describe bodies are subjective and not particularly descriptive. A lady at work called me "skinny." The very next day, a guy at the gym called me "thick." I'm really probably a bit of both. I use the term "built" to describe myself.
Also, muscularity, height, build all factor into your weight and appearance.
lol reminds me of a phrase I hear a lot of people refer to themselves as. "SlimThick" lol0 -
invisibleman53 wrote: »Yirara, I recently read an article about our body shapes. We are either pear or apple shaped. Women are for the most part pears. You can lose weight but you can't change your shape. You can weight lift to add muscle but the shape is still there. As for me, what's funny is even after I lost 60 pounds from 220 to 160, my friends said they don't remember me being obese, that is until I show them my before and after pictures, then its wow, I never noticed.
You look amazing!1 -
I'm overweight and yes, I definitely look it. However my friends and family would immediately disagree, but probably because they're just trying to be nice
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I think a lot of it is a matter of perception. In an area or a group where lots of people are overweight or a few are very obese, someone who is 10, 20 or 40 lbs to lose, might easily be perceived as normal or even slim.
I had to completely change my lifestyle, both because of schedule changes and of medical restrictions, gained about 15 lbs, trying to get things back on track now. In my gym class, I am not thin and not perceived as slim. In my typical couch potato workplace, I am among the thinnest people in my age group. My gym instructor thinks it is perfectly reasonable I am trying to lose the weight and limit calories, if I had the same conversation with my coworkers, they would think I am just trying to get compliments.4 -
Strangers occasionally tell me I’m ‘lovely and slim’ (often when telling me I can ‘afford’ to eat chocolate, sigh). I’m hovering at around the very top of the ‘normal’ BMI category. But I carry all my weight in my hips and thighs, which are normally hidden under a skirt; the part of me that people see is where my collarbones show!0
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I love the @middlehaitch and @GottaBurnEmAll photo comparisons at the same height: A very clear illustration of why overall body configuration really matters in determining a good weight. Both look great!
My friends tended to tell me at SW that I "wasn't fat" when I would describe myself accurately as fat; it was a combination of being nice to me, and (for some) deluding themselves (they were heavier). What I knew, and they didn't, was that underneath a very (very) substantial fat layer (mid-180s at 5'5"), despite broad shoulders and big hands/arms, I was basically built like a 14-year-old boy, not a 60-year-old woman: Narrow pelvis, no breasts.
Beyond that, because I was very active when obese (good CV fitness, decent strength), parts of my body looked more firm and less (for lack of a better term - apologies) doughy than many women of my BF%. Face and arms show more in public than belly, hips, thighs do, and the latter were where I was keeping a lot of my wobbly bits hidden under clothes.
So, I got the "too thin" for a while after losing, until (1) they got used to the new me, and (2) I got some glycogen replenishment and loose-skin shrinkage with maintenance eating and the passage of time, so I didn't look as haggard as I frankly did at age 60 right after losing 50+ pounds in a bit under a year.
A fitness instructor who sees me only occasionally saw me shortly after weight loss (after last seeing me obese), then again several months later at the very same weight. On the 2nd post-loss occasion, she told me that when she first saw me, she was glad I had lost weight, but thought I looked worrisomely thin, but on the second occasion looked fit and healthy. Trust me, a longtime-active 60-year-old woman isn't building enough muscle in 3-4 months to make much difference in appearance, and as a fit woman and triathlon coach herself with no horse in the race, I trust her observations.
ETA: I even had a health care practitioner (PA or NP, I think the former but not sure) dispute me when I described myself as "obese". I told her to do the BMI calc . . . she had to admit I was correct. She just wasn't used to seeing pretty-fit obese people, and we look a bit different.4 -
I never talk about my journey or MFP at my work. I am the smallest person there (in height & weight) and they have no idea how hard I work to be as fit and healthy as I am. I have a family history of the women in my family dying young. I am the same age now, as my mother when she passed. I am told often that I am so tiny or skinny. Why do they think they can say that? They would never say to anyone "you are so fat". I'm 5'4" and 135 pounds. I am not skinny, I am healthy. My journey is not so much about losing weight as it is about being healthy and fit. I just want to be an old lady that can still dance.
This is our journey and it is up to us to live it the best way (or is that weigh) possible.9 -
In my experience, post menopausal women carry their weight different than women that still have menses. I went through menopause at age 42 (I mean I was done with it), but I honestly didn't notice much difference until I hit my mid-50s. Then fat started accumulating around my middle (both front and back), and it just sits differently on the body. It's a weird thing, and so different when I was always worried about my hips and thighs. And I notice it on men as well. My husband weighed the same for years, but when he hit his 50s, he started putting on weight around the middle - his legs and butt and chest remained the same, but his gut got bigger. I think it is a change in hormones.0
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I have always carried my weight in my abdomen, so it was hard to tell the difference when I was going through menopause.
However, due to the hormonal changes during menopause women tend to start to store less subcutaneous fat, and more visceral fat. That is the bad stuff.
The good thing is, with a reasonable deficit, and a reasonable cardio routine (optimal but not needed), the visceral fat is preferentially targeted, so you will lose most of that before the subcutaneous fat.
HRT will probably affect the menopausal visceral fat accumulation. (Can't state as I didn't do HRT so didn't research it)
Abdominal subcutaneous fat will follow your genetic disposition with regards to fat loss.
(Hence me still having a jiggle when I laugh belly
)
Cheers, h.2 -
Oh yeah, I had this when I first started losing. (infact it was the reason I didn't tell anyone aside from my partner about it until I lost about 4kg and inches across my chest and hips)
I've alway been a little bit chunky. Not just fat, but also muscular. I am 159cm (so quite short) and have a fairly hourglass shape. I generally carry my weight well (mostly in my boobs and my thighs).
I do judo. Weight is a thing that people talk about casually because it is useful to know when you're training with someone, how close they are to your weight category (men and women). I would regularly have people assume that I was 10-15kg lighter than I actually was. And were forever surprised how much I weighted when I told them (so many convos along the lines of: *me telling myself off for doing a rubbish throw* Them: "Yeah but I've got at least 10kg on you" Me: "I'm not sure you do.." Them: "I'm in the under 73kg category". Me: "Soooo I'm a little bit heavier than you then")
Of course these were the same people who were shocked when I told them I was losing weight.
For reference my bmi was borderline obese.
I think some of the issues is that I've always been overweight. There was a time some years ago when I was very fit and bulked up a little, when I was probably a healthy body fat percentage, but was still officially overweight. But I think most people just thought that what I looked like is what I was supposed to look like at a healthy weight, (especially as I did lots of sports and was pretty fit) when that just wasn't the case.1 -
invisibleman53 wrote: »Yirara, I recently read an article about our body shapes. We are either pear or apple shaped. Women are for the most part pears. You can lose weight but you can't change your shape. You can weight lift to add muscle but the shape is still there. As for me, what's funny is even after I lost 60 pounds from 220 to 160, my friends said they don't remember me being obese, that is until I show them my before and after pictures, then its wow, I never noticed.
Wow, that's amazing!
I need to dig out some old photos, though I'm currently on vacation. I always thought I was a pear until I lost weight. Now my shoulders are wider than my hips. But that simply is my bone structure. Mind you, my bum is still rather well formed, but to the back, not so much to the sides
So I guess that makes me an inverted pear where the round is cut off on both sides on the wider part, and only one side on the smaller one (I'm trying to find an analogue. An hour glass would still be round
) 1 -
I probably have some body dysmorphic issues. A very good friend of mine as well. She's constantly surprised that I don't fit into her clothes (she is petite, even if she's equally tall as me
)
Anyway, before I lost weight I was 76kg at 169cm. My friend thinks I always looked slim, and I guess part of that is because I do have a long neck and a rather small head, with very thin elven hair
I also never had a big belly, and my collar bones, wide shoulders and wide pelvis bones poked out, tiny wrists. All padding was literally stuck on upper arms, legs, bum and hips.
So are there other people who think they fit into this odd category? Are there people who are/were repeatedly told they are slim while being overweight?
Just curious, really. Also would love to see photos of e.g. plus size models or other people who fit this category.
After seeing your pics in the 'uterus' thread, I get what you are saying.
I see you as slim too.
I did check out your arms and legs, just because of this post, and yes your weight is carried there, and not on your torso (complete opposite of me), but both your arms and legs are very nicely shaped.
Sorry I can't help with pics of a similar build.
Cheers, h.
ETA: if I wasn't purposefully checking you out, your arms and legs wouldn't have got a 2nd look. I would have just thought nicely built slim woman.4 -
People say if I loose anymore weight I’ll be too skinny however I’m considered overweight by five pounds, I’m chunky. Society has changed with the millennials, they don’t seem to mind chunk.1
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meagan8376 wrote: »People say if I loose anymore weight I’ll be too skinny however I’m considered overweight by five pounds, I’m chunky. Society has changed with the millennials, they don’t seem to mind chunk.
Actually it's more likely that because 70% of the US population is overweight, overweight is average. Because you're smaller than the average size, you're seen as being thin. It's about perspective, I'm a 5'7" woman, in Japan I'm seen as very tall, in the UK I'm average, in Sweeden I'm short. I'm overweight as well, but get told that I'm thin, because I'm just thinner than the average person.4 -
meagan8376 wrote: »People say if I loose anymore weight I’ll be too skinny however I’m considered overweight by five pounds, I’m chunky. Society has changed with the millennials, they don’t seem to mind chunk.
Actually it's more likely that because 70% of the US population is overweight, overweight is average. Because you're smaller than the average size, you're seen as being thin. It's about perspective, I'm a 5'7" woman, in Japan I'm seen as very tall, in the UK I'm average, in Sweeden I'm short. I'm overweight as well, but get told that I'm thin, because I'm just thinner than the average person.
I don’t live in America. Good point tho1 -
kksmom1789 wrote: »I am 5ft tall and weigh 166lbs so def in the obese category I wear size 12/14 jeans but I have a friend / coworker that is constantly telling me how skinny I look and she always seems to do it on days that I feel like I am a stuffed can of biscuits lol also when I look at myself in the mirror sometimes I don't feel super over weight I actually feel good about myself... I think I am just weird
We wear a similar size pants (size 14 not quite reaching to the 12s yet) I'm 5'2 and 167lbs and my mom keeps telling me I'm "so slender" and I just....yes I am smaller than I was before but....my BMI is still obese!
I think the trouble is that people think we are losing weight based on aesthetics & possibly even self hatred. Maybe they are trying to be encouraging/supportive by saying we are good here. But it's really a health concern being obese. There's some debate about the overweight category, because of muscle and activity level & waist circumference etc. But obesity is pretty much obesity, unless you're a body builder or smth intense. It would work out better for everyone if "skinny/slender" etc weren't our only compliments. Because I won't deny I carry my weight well. I look cute as heck, especially now I've dropped almost 40lbs. I look awesome. But not skinny. Not slender. Lmao.3 -
For most of my adult life (pre-menopause) I thought of myself as average, if not marginally overweight, when my bmi was actually way below average according to this: https://www.bbc.com/news/health-18770328
I have a light frame with a slender neck, prominent collarbones, and long and lean arms and legs relative to my short-waisted (make that almost no-waisted) torso. So I'm built like a banana, thin at the ends and thick in the middle. Guess where any excess fat wants to settle.
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In my adult life I have been anywhere from 155 pounds (due to bulimia) to 310#. Only when I weighed 155# did anyone think I was skinny. I'm 6'.3
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Many people have told me that I looked great at 5'0" 130 lbs but I think it is a bit heavy.0
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