Self confidence running

Madsocks

Anyone struggle with their self confidence affecting their exercise? I'll go to the gym (on the rare ocassions I get chance to) and use a treadmill, cross trainer etc but when it comes to doing road running or going out on my lunch for a run, I just can't do it. Many times I've drove to a place to do a run, and I've just not been able to get out of the car and do it, I just end up going back home. :-( I'm in a perfect location with work; on a circular business park and 3 and a bit laps is a 5k, but I don't have the self confidence to go out because I just think people will be watching this fat chuffer plodding down the street out of breath (because I haven't been the gym for a few months, my stamina has gone down quite a bit).

I just need help to get over it and to just have the confidence to get out there and get on with it. I have done parkrun many times, but that's only because there are several hundred other people doing it and I can blend in, but it's different when I'm doing it on my own. I see people posting runs on my Strava from between 2-3 miles to 16-17 miles and I just wish I could go out and do it.

tirowow12385

Let them look. If you catch any stares, I suggest striking a pose.

funjen1972

It is amazing how limiting our minds can be. I promise your thoughts are worse than the reaction from others. Must people won't even notice you and the ones that do will most likely be supportive. The other ones don't count!

Maybe initially just go for a walk instead of running. This may help you feel less self conscious and allow you to ease into it.

I'm sending you some positive mojo to get out there and just do it!

Vonny198334

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, I understand how upsetting it is as I was there myself only a year ago.

I didn't run outside at first as I had bad knees at the time, but I would don the lycra & take my dogs for a walk doing sort of intermittent jogging. I was very VERY self conscious. So much so that I'd be reluctant to do it again, even though noone even glanced in my direction let alone said anything.

I knew that the only way I was going to get better at this was to keep doing it though. Sure, I did dance fitness & strength training in the comfort of my own lounge, but I enjoyed jogging around with my pups cos they seem to get joy out of it too.....what to do?

Strangest thing came back to me from my childhood. I was a worrier...about everything! To curb this, my lovely Mam invented the And & So game. Essentially, you run through all case scenarios in your mind & the answer is always and or so. 9/10 this allowed me to see how unfounded my fears were (excluding REAL concerns, imagined ones only!)

In desperation I gave it a shot...

"People will laugh & point at the heifer in lycra!"
So?

"So that will make me feel terrible!"
And?

"AND I'll be upset!"
So?

"Soooo then I won't want to do it!"
And?

"And I enjoy doing it! I want to do it & I want to be healthy!"
So?

"So I suppose....I should do it?"

Bingo!

It's worth noting that noone has EVER said a word positive or negative to me while I'm out with my pups. If anyone even noticed me, I was completely unaware of it. I'm now 80 odd pounds down from then & get out there without even thinking on it.

What other folks' opinions are about how I spend my leisure time is really none of my business. Even if someone had or does decide to be cruel, the benefits of my new lifestyle far outweigh anything someone I will never see again has to say about it! I tend to apply this to most areas of my life & it's pretty liberating but this particular one was a sticking point for me, so I really empathise....

Really hope you find a solution because you're worthy of doing what you want when you want to do it on this journey to a healthier you. I believe that you can do this & I hope that you can believe enough in yourself to get it done.
Keep trying to get out of that car cos one day whether it be today or weeks from now, you will succeed!

You can do this warrior!

TavistockToad

honestly, no one cares what you're doing... even people who shout abuse don't actually care, you're out of their mind half a second after whatever they say is out of their mouth....

msf74

Just do it.

It's as simple or as difficult as you want to make it.

orangegato

You do you.
Why not start waking and build up to running? And wear earbuds/listen to music so you can tune everything out.

johnwhitent

At this point, after losing seventy pounds and several years making my own way as a runner, I'm fit, healthy, and a pretty good runner. When I see a newbie and/or overweight runner or cyclist out there doing what they need to do on their own road to health and fitness, I'm thrilled for them and it makes me smile. That's one more person taking control of their life, refusing to become another poor health statistic. I was there just a few years ago myself.

I ran a 5k race Saturday and many of the runners there were overweight and very slow, and we all had a fantastic time. No one judged people for their weight or speed, we just ran our own race and enjoyed the camaraderie, giving high fives and cheering on all the racers, no matter how long it took them to complete the route. So don't worry about it. Most runners will celebrate your journey with you, and many of the fit, thin runners you see were where you are a short time ago, so they understand completely. There may be a few jerks and haters around, but that's life. You will find the running community to be extremely supportive, helpful, and encouraging. Sign up for a race, make some new friends, enjoy the journey!

Panini911

i hear you. especially the gym, when i went it was a university gym and all the pretty girls were there in their fancy workout clothes looking like a milliion dollars. And all the cute guys. But, i just ignored it all and got in my zone. Screw them. Mind over matter, force myself to go.

for running...well i guess i learned from the above. I started running on a treadmill in a much smaller gym so maybe that helped. Then I just naturally transitioned outside. I think going with my dog helped a ton.

two more hurdles were running at lunch at work (so having to change at work) and then running with a group of strangers (running group). Baby steps. At this point i'll stop to run errands (grab a coffee or something from pharmacy) after a run :P I don't care.

jdubois5351

Well, that "fat chuffer" is still going to be faster than the idiots doing the staring, isn't she? And she's moving her legs, whereas they only move their eyes. Go for it!!! Also, you'll never know what these people are thinking! I bet quite are few aren't silently laughing at you, but taking their virtual hats off to you and thinking "Look at her go!"

kdbulger

Yes. So, I'm fine with running, but for me it's weightlifting. I want so badly to start lifting heavy at the gym, but I'm just so scared of being stared at while I fumble my way through the first few sessions, trying to learn how to use the equipment and figure out my starting weights and use proper form. I find it very intimidating and would love for someone to teach me properly, but that's costly.

88olds

This is an opportunity. Don’t let it slip by.

To change we have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. I wouldn’t have lost weight without becoming more assertive. Just like negativity feeds negativity, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone will strengthen your resolve in ways you can carry into other areas.

As suggested, get out and start walking. Walking easily becomes running if that’s what you want to do. Something I learned from exercise was the power of incrementalism. Incrementalism is the foundation of weight loss. Lots of good stuff to be had in this.

As to what others may think, push back against your brain’s negative thinking habit with some facts. Think it through. What makes sense to me may not work for you. But consider that about 25% of people are just crazy. Of the remaining 75%, a vast majority have their own negativity habit and spend most of their time looking for a negativity fix. Driving a car, politics, internet lunacy of the day, family, coworker, strangers on the street are all potential outlets for various grievances, real or imagined. Going around trying to get approval from the world at large is a fruitile undertaking.

Last thought. Start easy. You don’t have to run a mile or run at all. Everybody thinks there’s big benefits in pushing all the time. But there’s also risk of injury. Give your muscles plenty of time to adjust. Protect your feet and knees. Work smart. Good luck.

Madsocks

Thanks all. I did a long walk yesterday on my lunch, so I'm going to try and get out and do a run. The last time I did one, I only lasted about 2km before I went back inside, so I'll see how I get on.

amgreenwell

No matter what people "think" they are watching you run. You are lapping those who are sitting there doing nothing. Only you can motivate you but remember that people don't "think" about you as much as we think they do. Most people are in their own world and couldn't care less, so exercising is about you and making you better, so do what you've got to do for you.

Machka9

I came to the realisation that no one was ever thinking about me in the first place in about my mid-40s. It's quite freeing.


I went for my first lunch-time run today, and guess what ... two other runners, of all the runners out there, nodded and smiled at me. They're coworkers. For the rest, I could have been invisible.

hesn92

Sometimes we just have to force ourselves out of our comfort zones. No one really cares what you're doing. Something that helps me to to mentally switch the places of me and the person driving or walking by. If I was in their situation and I saw someone running, what would I think? Nothing.

funjen1972

Madsocks wrote: »

Thanks all. I did a long walk yesterday on my lunch, so I'm going to try and get out and do a run. The last time I did one, I only lasted about 2km before I went back inside, so I'll see how I get on.

Great job on your walk!

2km is a great start. There are days I only run about 1/2 a mile and walk the rest. Sometimes I jog, walk, jog, walk just because it feels good to not run allllllll the time. Do what works for you (and dont worry about the others).

bpotts44

Most people don't really care what other people are doing or judge them, its really in your mind. If they do then they are @$$holes anyways. Just get started and you will soon gain confidence. I know its tough but you got this.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

When I have almost not gone for a run somewhere because I am self-conscious about being fat, people watching me, etc., I thought to myself "This is MY workout." It's my time to do something for me. If someone wants to watch me instead of doing their own thing, that's really their concern, not mine. I just refuse to do or not do something, based on what someone else may or may not think.

Madsocks

Today, I decided I needed to snap out of it and go for a run, especially after weighing myself this morning. I was so nervous about it all day, more so when I was getting ready. It might sound pretty sad to some people, but it's just the way i am and the way I struggle with things. I was wavering, but I stuck with it, got some nice words of encouragement from the girl on reception and went out and just did it; I had Tiesto in my ears, sunglasses on and just tried to block everything out......

......and I managed to do it. The full 5K. Without stopping. And in a decent time as well. I thought I would be a lot slower what with it being the first one I've done in about 3 months but it was 31:21. And I feel so much better for it. So I'm going to try and do it again tomorrow. And then the next day, and the next day after that.

Just a shame there are no showers in work.

TavistockToad

Madsocks wrote: »

Today, I decided I needed to snap out of it and go for a run, especially after weighing myself this morning. I was so nervous about it all day, more so when I was getting ready. It might sound pretty sad to some people, but it's just the way i am and the way I struggle with things. I was wavering, but I stuck with it, got some nice words of encouragement from the girl on reception and went out and just did it; I had Tiesto in my ears, sunglasses on and just tried to block everything out......

......and I managed to do it. The full 5K. Without stopping. And in a decent time as well. I thought I would be a lot slower what with it being the first one I've done in about 3 months but it was 31:21. And I feel so much better for it. So I'm going to try and do it again tomorrow. And then the next day, and the next day after that.

Just a shame there are no showers in work.

Well done.

I would suggest you ease into it though instead of going from not running to running 7 days a week.

funjen1972

Madsocks wrote: »

Today, I decided I needed to snap out of it and go for a run, especially after weighing myself this morning. I was so nervous about it all day, more so when I was getting ready. It might sound pretty sad to some people, but it's just the way i am and the way I struggle with things. I was wavering, but I stuck with it, got some nice words of encouragement from the girl on reception and went out and just did it; I had Tiesto in my ears, sunglasses on and just tried to block everything out......

......and I managed to do it. The full 5K. Without stopping. And in a decent time as well. I thought I would be a lot slower what with it being the first one I've done in about 3 months but it was 31:21. And I feel so much better for it. So I'm going to try and do it again tomorrow. And then the next day, and the next day after that.

Just a shame there are no showers in work.

I'm proud of you! Nice job

These are the things that make me smile. The personal victories, the break thrus, the 'I really can do this' moments keep me motivated. Thanks for sharing your story!

Psychgrrl

This is for you to be more healthy. Please don’t any rude lookie-loos (actual or perceived) take that away from you.

You’ve got to start somewhere or you’ll never get beyond where you are now.

Madsocks

Just wanted to give people an update on how I've been doing so far. I've started by speaking to someone about my mental health issues, furthermore I've been going the gym a lot more regularly, doing the couch to 5k and also a 10K trainer. I've been back to parkrun and in the last couple of weeks I've lost nearly 7lbs so I'm getting there slowly but surely. :-) I've still not plucked up the courage to do proper road running as yet, but just getting up and getting out to the gym has been a big help to me so far.

brittanystebbins95

I used to only be able to run after dark for this reason. What helped me a lot was running with my dogs. Everyone loves dogs, right? Looks at dogs when they drive past? When I run with my dogs, I can tell myself that the cars driving by are admiring how cute they are, not looking at me. I feel that it draws attention away from me. Maybe it doesn't, but I can tell myself if does.
If you don't own a dog you can run with, perhaps you could volunteer to walk shelter dogs? Then you have a running companion and they get some much needed exercise and attention Its a win-win for both of you. Maybe you'll even meet your next bestfriend and end up adopting one.

Same with the gym. I used to only be able to go in the middle of the night. If there was another car there, I'd go home.
Honestly, the ONLY way for me to get through my social anxiety is to force myself into situations that make me uncomfortable. I eventually just started going in anyway. My heart would race, I'd be pale as a ghost, sweating, I'd even have to take bathroom breaks just to cry sometimes. But I lived through it. Each time it got a little bit easier because I could tell myself, "You survived last time. You didn't think you could do it but you did. You can do it again."
Now, a year later, and I can walk in the gym during busy hours like I own the place.
Sometimes the only way to grow is to force yourself into new situations. Transformation does not happen within your comfort zone. Start with small steps.

KevHex

I listened to an interview of a 101 year old lady recently and she said you have to live your life. Her advice was to do what makes you happy, and do lots of it. Forget about the rest, because when you look back on life you don't want to wish you had done something and dwell on the missed opportunity. Other people, strangers or people you pass on the street don't matter, go and run, smile and think of how happy the future you will be.

Edit: I just read you went running, that is awesome.