Friend got the sleeve, losing rapidly.. Bitter

ashleyjloss85
ashleyjloss85 Posts: 11 Member
in Food and Nutrition
Hi I'm at my heaviest weight and decided to go on a diet when I hit the "170" on the scale., a
A friend of mine ( a month earlier) decided to get the sleeve at 200 lb. Same height.

She's lost 55 lbs in like 2 months. Meanwhile I've been busting my butt and I've lost 5 lb in 1 month!

I can't help but feel bitter above the "easy way". it just seems unfair. Constant social media posts about how much she's lost that week and all these people saying what a "great job" she doing.

I know it's not rational but it makes me feel totally discourage from even continuing to try. I've given up eating everything I enjoy and I'm not seeing as much progress as I would like to. Like right now I'm eating a piece of fish and some sweet potato. Normally I would be ordering Chinese food. And tomorrow the scale will barely show any difference....

Anyway just a rant. I can't say it publicly I don't want to offend anyone I know. I just don't feel like cutting your stomach in half is something that everyone should be congratulating as "hard work paying off".

I tried to ask her what her diet was and all she told me was she eats two cups of food a day. Wtf does that even mean....

I know I sound horrible like I can't be happy for other people but I just am bitter....and hungry.
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Replies

  • stewarm01
    stewarm01 Posts: 331 Member
    Natural vs "other", read this post as well.
  • ashleyjloss85
    ashleyjloss85 Posts: 11 Member
    Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »
    It may help to think about whats your friend is not posting on her social media. My guess is there's plenty of stuff she's leaving out, like maybe:
    - Pain and other aftereffects of the surgery.
    - Her "two cups of food" are what? Some liquid pseudo-milkshake that she is rapidly growing sick of?
    - She may feel weak, nervous, shaky, and tired, and have mood swings and difficulty concentrating.
    - I don't know what happens in the bathroom after WLS; but I imagine it's not all, shall we say, easy going.
    - Rapid weight loss is hard on the skin. If she's not younger than about 30, she's probably looking at new masses of wrinkles and making unfavorable comparison to her mother (or grandmother).
    - Her desk is probably snowed in under drifts of medical bills and insurance paperwork
    - Can she get around and exercise yet, or is she stuck indoors with limited mobility?

    She's just posting the very best little parts of what's going on with her. It's like the old iceberg analogy: what you see is brilliant white peaks glittering in the sun - but there's a lot more going on beneath the surface, and that stuff can be very dark and unpleasant.
    Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »
    It may help to think about whats your friend is not posting on her social media. My guess is there's plenty of stuff she's leaving out, like maybe:
    - Pain and other aftereffects of the surgery.
    - Her "two cups of food" are what? Some liquid pseudo-milkshake that she is rapidly growing sick of?
    - She may feel weak, nervous, shaky, and tired, and have mood swings and difficulty concentrating.
    - I don't know what happens in the bathroom after WLS; but I imagine it's not all, shall we say, easy going.
    - Rapid weight loss is hard on the skin. If she's not younger than about 30, she's probably looking at new masses of wrinkles and making unfavorable comparison to her mother (or grandmother).
    - Her desk is probably snowed in under drifts of medical bills and insurance paperwork
    - Can she get around and exercise yet, or is she stuck indoors with limited mobility?

    She's just posting the very best little parts of what's going on with her. It's like the old iceberg analogy: what you see is brilliant white peaks glittering in the sun - but there's a lot more going on beneath the surface, and that stuff can be very dark and unpleasant.

    She said insurance covered everything. And as far as I can see she's not exercising but she's goofing around jumping up and down wrestling with kids so.... seems all fine and dandy over there
  • peggym4640
    peggym4640 Posts: 156 Member
    Yep, it's official, you are human. I can appreciate your feelings just make sure you don't unpack and stay an extended period of time. Life is too short to worry what others are doing. You are doing great and will ultimately have more freedom and choice provided you stay the course. Tired of what you are eating? Change it up and fit into your calorie goal.

    Good luck.
  • mmnv79
    mmnv79 Posts: 538 Member
    edited September 2018
    Completely agree with you, @rdmitch

    @ashleyjloss85 If those posts hurt, you can un-follow someone on social media without unfriend that person.

    Have to say, 5lbs. being 170 pounds is really good, believe me. I have more or less your stats and I'm loosing a pound or less than a pound per week. I'm not expert, but the more experience users always say that when someone tries to loose too much weight in a short period of time, they end up loosing muscle and messing up their hormones. You don't want to do that to your body. Get support here, read the pinned posts in the different categories, add other users for support and keep going. You will get there. x
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    I know several people who did this surgery and there have been issues that have crept into their lives. This surgery causes lack of serious nutrients being absorbed and don't make me mention hair loss on several of them with bald spots!
    Be grateful because you can lose weight at a healthy rate and absorb nutrients.
    Yes...there is a piper to pay on decisions we may make. ........but.....some decisions the piper pays us.
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,343 Member
    edited September 2018
    rdmitch wrote: »
    I don’t post much here, just prefer to watch, learn and keep my opinions to myself. I will tell you that my wife had gastric bypass over 15 years ago and lost a lot of weight. She kept it off and to this date has been at her ideal weight.
    But...she can never eat normal, has blood sugar issues, gets sick if she eats fast, can’t go to a restaurant since she will end up in the bathroom typically. Life has never been the same or even close to normal for her in terms of eating. Not to say that that happens to all people but I sure would have preferred if she would have gone a better route to dropping weight...

    A very good friend of mine had WLS and experienced many of the same problems. I'm not bitter or envious in the least (quite the opposite, in fact) - I'm perfectly happy to have taken a little more time to lose the weight and experienced none of the ongoing difficulties he had and continues to have. And I didn't cut any foods out of my diet - just ate less of some things and more of others.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Five pounds in one month is awesome. It is so not worth comparing your results with your friend's. I had the WLS surgery and though the "honeymoon" period is glorious, especially for people like me where the weight was crippling, there is a lot of work that goes in to preparing for surgery and getting enough calories in....for life.
  • Wetcoaster
    Wetcoaster Posts: 1,788 Member
    I will be the the bad guy.

    Who cares what she did....if it is true it is unhealthy.

    You lost 5 pounds in 1 month. Good for you . At 170 pounds you could easily lose a bit more in one month. But slow and steady is the way to go. Are you counting calories.....don’t focus on anyone besides you.
  • pogiguy05
    pogiguy05 Posts: 1,583 Member
    I think one of the things to focus on is that this should be a CHANGE OF LIFESTYLE. Yes it sucks not being able to eat them foods you use to, but this is something for the long term. When you seem to say cannot enjoy the things you use to then try to find NEW things and yes they will be different and taste different but if it was not then it would not be change.

    Those who get any type of surgery or implant to limit the size of their stomach are doing so cause they cannot control themselves. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR BEING ONE WHO CAN.

    The one thing and my neighbor had his stomach made smaller and he says SUGAR makes him sick and he cannot eat much of anything since it would make him sick as well. Not my kind of thing really. What they are doing is forcing themselves to lower their calories in and it works for them.

    You can do this slower and still be healthy just stick to it. You got this
  • dyfalbarhad
    dyfalbarhad Posts: 19 Member
    I feel your pain. I had a health crisis and came out of it determined to address my weight and food issues. (Similar weight to you). Got on MFP and went on a 1250 cal diet. Gave up my cafe lattes (used to drink several a day), all alcohol, restrict myself to 1/2 cup milk a day, no sugar or artificial sweeteners. I had quickly dropped 7 pounds during hospital stay, 3 came roaring back. After 5 weeks of dieting I was only 1 pound lighter than when I left hospital.
    BUT the feelings of deprivation are lessening, and I am learning how to cook and eat in a much healthier way. Some of the recipes I eat now really fill me up. With time, hopefully your cravings will lessen.
    Hang in there! Slow and steady is the way to go. You don’t want to trigger your metabolism into a slowdown, as in the Biggest Loser study.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    WLS seems the harder and riskier path to me honestly. She was 30 lbs heavier than you and I assume needed a faster lost medically. Her weight loss will slow down. She will always have to limit what and how much she eats much more than you. She can regain weight if she eats enough calories and people will judge her hard... maybe even the people gushing over her losses today. Her weight is now extremely public.

    I get that it can be hard to lose slower even though you know it is healthier for you to do so. It is easy to get impatient.
    Don't look at her posts. You should compare your rate of loss to others losing weight without surgery. 5 lbs in a month is really good progress. Your work is paying off.

    I am concerned that your post says you are hungry and gave up everything you enjoy. That says to me that you are being too restrictive anyway and may find it hard to sustain your plan long term. You did not give your height so I don't know how overweight you are but I assume you need to stick to this for several more months to get to your goal.
    Since weight loss is from a calorie deficit not type of food you don't have to give up all the food you like just eat smaller portions of higher calorie stuff. Bulking out those meals with low calorie vegetables can help the small portions not seem so sad. A lot of people here still eat at restaurants and such. You could look up old posts about eating out or ask how people handle it.
    Many people find getting enough protein, fat and fiber helps with satisfaction. If you are eating very low fat for example that might be something to change for better satisfaction.

  • LiLee2018
    LiLee2018 Posts: 1,389 Member
    Stop comparing your journey to hers. I know it's difficult, but you just can not do it. Even if she didn't have the surgery, even if she was eating exactly what you eat... if she was losing more weight quickly.. you'd still be bitter b/c you're comparing and again.. you can't. It's going to discourage you, it's going to make you want to give up and where is that going to put you? Back at your previous weight or more and miserable still. Is that what you want?
    Just stop!!! If you have to... ignore her posts. Keep scrolling by when she posts or ignore for 30days. Just keep doing your own thing. 5lbs in a month is still a loss and that's awesome.
  • SomeMorr
    SomeMorr Posts: 220 Member
    Your friend may be experiencing self confidence and freedom to do things she may have never been able to do before. Shopping in a "normal" store? Fitting in amusement park rides? Playing with her kids without getting winded? Her journey is purely about her and your journey is purely about you. It's not WRONG to say you are hurt by seeing her success and want to compare yourself, but it is impossible to compare natural vs surgical weight loss.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    How is WLS the “easy way “?
    There is no easy way and any surgery has risk. Everyone is different and no matter how you lose weight it is always about eating less calories than your body burns.
    Personally, I would never opt for surgery, the risk isn’t worth it.
    Jealousy about anything is a waste of effort. Be happy for your friend! Losing weight, and keeping it off, isn’t easy, no matter how you do it 💐

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