Friend got the sleeve, losing rapidly.. Bitter

ashleyjloss85 · September 2018

Hi I'm at my heaviest weight and decided to go on a diet when I hit the "170" on the scale., a
A friend of mine ( a month earlier) decided to get the sleeve at 200 lb. Same height.

She's lost 55 lbs in like 2 months. Meanwhile I've been busting my butt and I've lost 5 lb in 1 month!

I can't help but feel bitter above the "easy way". it just seems unfair. Constant social media posts about how much she's lost that week and all these people saying what a "great job" she doing.

I know it's not rational but it makes me feel totally discourage from even continuing to try. I've given up eating everything I enjoy and I'm not seeing as much progress as I would like to. Like right now I'm eating a piece of fish and some sweet potato. Normally I would be ordering Chinese food. And tomorrow the scale will barely show any difference....

Anyway just a rant. I can't say it publicly I don't want to offend anyone I know. I just don't feel like cutting your stomach in half is something that everyone should be congratulating as "hard work paying off".

I tried to ask her what her diet was and all she told me was she eats two cups of food a day. Wtf does that even mean....

I know I sound horrible like I can't be happy for other people but I just am bitter....and hungry.

MelanieCN77 · September 2018

Her ability to eat normal portions has been inhibited by the procedure, by design. I'm not sure I'd call it an easy way, but I get that you might be jealous of her progress. I'd keep my mouth shut about it though, if you value the friendship. Focus on yourself.

mph323 · September 2018

Since her current postings are causing you to feel unhappy, I suggest you block her from your social media (at least temporarily). People tend to post only the positive, the things that make them look good and other people envious. Don't do that, it's self-destructive.

Losing weight rapidly and having an "easy time" are not necessarily the same thing. If you were limited to only 2 cups of food a day, you'd lose weight rapidly too (a really bad idea, btw, without being under a doctor's care). Do you think this would be easy to do for the rest of your life? Because that's what your friend signed up for when she had the surgery. When she reaches goal, she'll have the same volume restrictions as she has now. You on the other hand can choose to eat a large salad if that's what you want, or save up calories for a big steak dinner on a weekend, or have a blowout cookie binge Christmas day. That's not in her future (though I'm sure she went into it knowing she was making that choice.)

Are you limiting your food choices to mostly things that are nutritious but unsatisfying? If so, can you incorporate things like Chinese food (and other things you like) at least once a week or so? That might help with feelings of deprivation. 5 lbs. in one month is a good rate of loss. Don't give up - her journey is not your journey. Many different paths arrive at the same destination.

eta: I should add I'm intimately familiar with the feelings you are experiencing. They don't make you a bad person, just a human one

I still have secret internal feelings of jealousy and envy when people I know get raises, or go on blow-out vacations every year, or win the lottery. It's helpful to accept that this is how we feel, without attaching a moral value to the feelings. I've learned to let myself wallow for a day or two, then I let it go, not because the feelings make me a terrible person, but because they make me unhappy, and that hurts only me. Also, I'm repeating this for emphasis - block her on social media. Part of letting feelings go is not being reminded of the source every blasted minute of the day. She's not doing anything wrong, but it's having a negative impact on you, so take care of yourself.

jemhh · September 2018

I've had friends who have had WLS and it's not the easy way to go about things. Their food intake is seriously limited both in quantity and variety. The ramifications of eating too much or even just a bit of the wrong food can be extremely unpleasant. My suggestion would be to hide your friend's posts in your FB (or whatever) feed if you are getting upset about them.

Also, I'm saying this as kindly as I can, consider that while you said that you can't say this publicly as you don't want to offend, you posted it here on an open website with your picture attached to the post. You might want to edit the post or take your picture out if you're actually concerned about that. Yes, people can find you here. I had a former co-worker send me a friend request, not realizing it was me until I said "Hi, Real Name!"

stewarm01 · September 2018

Natural vs "other", read this post as well.

Evelyn_Gorfram · September 2018

It may help to think about whats your friend is not posting on her social media. My guess is there's plenty of stuff she's leaving out, like maybe:
- Pain and other aftereffects of the surgery.
- Her "two cups of food" are what? Some liquid pseudo-milkshake that she is rapidly growing sick of?
- She may feel weak, nervous, shaky, and tired, and have mood swings and difficulty concentrating.
- I don't know what happens in the bathroom after WLS; but I imagine it's not all, shall we say, easy going.
- Rapid weight loss is hard on the skin. If she's not younger than about 30, she's probably looking at new masses of wrinkles and making unfavorable comparison to her mother (or grandmother).
- Her desk is probably snowed in under drifts of medical bills and insurance paperwork
- Can she get around and exercise yet, or is she stuck indoors with limited mobility?

She's just posting the very best little parts of what's going on with her. It's like the old iceberg analogy: what you see is brilliant white peaks glittering in the sun - but there's a lot more going on beneath the surface, and that stuff can be very dark and unpleasant.

ashleyjloss85 · September 2018

Evelyn_Gorfram wrote: »

It may help to think about whats your friend is not posting on her social media. My guess is there's plenty of stuff she's leaving out, like maybe:
- Pain and other aftereffects of the surgery.
- Her "two cups of food" are what? Some liquid pseudo-milkshake that she is rapidly growing sick of?
- She may feel weak, nervous, shaky, and tired, and have mood swings and difficulty concentrating.
- I don't know what happens in the bathroom after WLS; but I imagine it's not all, shall we say, easy going.
- Rapid weight loss is hard on the skin. If she's not younger than about 30, she's probably looking at new masses of wrinkles and making unfavorable comparison to her mother (or grandmother).
- Her desk is probably snowed in under drifts of medical bills and insurance paperwork
- Can she get around and exercise yet, or is she stuck indoors with limited mobility?

She's just posting the very best little parts of what's going on with her. It's like the old iceberg analogy: what you see is brilliant white peaks glittering in the sun - but there's a lot more going on beneath the surface, and that stuff can be very dark and unpleasant.

She said insurance covered everything. And as far as I can see she's not exercising but she's goofing around jumping up and down wrestling with kids so.... seems all fine and dandy over there

comptonelizabeth · September 2018

Someone on here said to me, comparison is the thief of joy,and it's so true.
You are you and she is she. You do you
Plus, I doubt she's having that much of an easy time to be honest. Everything I've heard about surgery suggests it's anything but.
Good luck with your journey!

OhMsDiva · September 2018

Why waste energy worrying about someone else. I don't know what your goal weight is, but at 175 I would not think you that much to lose. I have heard many horror stories of people having WLS, including death. Maybe instead of worrying about your friend you should focus on what you need to do to lose weight they way you want to lose it.

SandyH2015 · September 2018

Hey I get it. There is a lady at my work that had WLS a while back and has lost a tremendous amount of weight. Nearly 200lbs gone in a matter of months. She is close to het doctors goal to be eligible for skin removal surgery.

Trust me when I say that I am sick and tired of hearing her give nutritional/food/diet advice to anyone she can corner as well as complaining because her rate of loss had slowed down to "only" 2 or 3 lbs per week.

How do I deal with it? I smile, acknowledge the positive work she had done towards her health and well being and I walk away.

At the end of the day, I would rather focus my energy on my weightloss and health. I have been making changes over the last 3 weeks that I believe will be sustainable while allowing me to enjoy life which so far has included enjoying wedding cake, drinking a couple of beers at a tailgate party etc. My coworket cannot do any of these things. At least not right now. She is obsessed with our ounces of food and protein shakes and loose skin while I am enjoying life, taking care of myself and making slow steady progress.

5 lbs lost in a month is a healthy rate of loss. Keep focusing on you and your own journey and remember that life is to be lived and not watched on social media. Put the device down and go enjoy yourself instead of watching her enjoy herself.

Much love and hugs.

peggym4640 · September 2018

Yep, it's official, you are human. I can appreciate your feelings just make sure you don't unpack and stay an extended period of time. Life is too short to worry what others are doing. You are doing great and will ultimately have more freedom and choice provided you stay the course. Tired of what you are eating? Change it up and fit into your calorie goal.

Good luck.

rdmitch · September 2018

I don’t post much here, just prefer to watch, learn and keep my opinions to myself. I will tell you that my wife had gastric bypass over 15 years ago and lost a lot of weight. She kept it off and to this date has been at her ideal weight.
But...she can never eat normal, has blood sugar issues, gets sick if she eats fast, can’t go to a restaurant since she will end up in the bathroom typically. Life has never been the same or even close to normal for her in terms of eating. Not to say that that happens to all people but I sure would have preferred if she would have gone a better route to dropping weight. But she had zero willpower. Not the easy way out considering the tubes, Hospital, doctor bills, eating baby mush and liquid for a month is not “easy”. Unfortunately this will be the norm forever for her. You on the other hand will take longer to hit your goal but will not suffer problems like many surgery patients and will continue to have a food friendly relationship for life.
Don’t sell the MFP plan short. Don’t be concerned about her success, only yours, just smile at her great loss stories and think about the long term plan and her eating her two cups of mush.

kshama2001 · September 2018

ashleyjloss85 wrote: »

Hi I'm at my heaviest weight and decided to go on a diet when I hit the "170" on the scale., a
A friend of mine ( a month earlier) decided to get the sleeve at 200 lb. Same height.

She's lost 55 lbs in like 2 months. Meanwhile I've been busting my butt and I've lost 5 lb in 1 month!

I can't help but feel bitter above the "easy way". it just seems unfair. Constant social media posts about how much she's lost that week and all these people saying what a "great job" she doing.

I know it's not rational but it makes me feel totally discourage from even continuing to try. I've given up eating everything I enjoy and I'm not seeing as much progress as I would like to. Like right now I'm eating a piece of fish and some sweet potato. Normally I would be ordering Chinese food. And tomorrow the scale will barely show any difference....

Anyway just a rant. I can't say it publicly I don't want to offend anyone I know. I just don't feel like cutting your stomach in half is something that everyone should be congratulating as "hard work paying off".

I tried to ask her what her diet was and all she told me was she eats two cups of food a day. Wtf does that even mean....

I know I sound horrible like I can't be happy for other people but I just am bitter....and hungry.

You're 170 pounds and lost 5 pounds in a month? That's great! What's your height and goal weight? When you're 25 pounds away from goal drop your weekly weight loss goal to a half pound per week.

Exercise helps me manage stress and those exercise calories taste so good.

mmnv79 · September 2018

Completely agree with you, @rdmitch

@ashleyjloss85 If those posts hurt, you can un-follow someone on social media without unfriend that person.

Have to say, 5lbs. being 170 pounds is really good, believe me. I have more or less your stats and I'm loosing a pound or less than a pound per week. I'm not expert, but the more experience users always say that when someone tries to loose too much weight in a short period of time, they end up loosing muscle and messing up their hormones. You don't want to do that to your body. Get support here, read the pinned posts in the different categories, add other users for support and keep going. You will get there. x

New_Heavens_Earth · September 2018

I can understand your feelings OP.

My coworker had VSG and I'm happy for her getting some measure of health back (she has hair loss and problems with multiple hernias and lose skin now). But I'm scared of being the "big one", even though I'm about 5 inches taller than her. She tried to sell me her protein shakes and since then we haven't really been speaking outside of job issues. I'm dreading office parties because I don't want to be in pictures with her.

Another friend went on a severe low calorie diet and lost 40 lbs in 2 months. I tried it with only 25 lbs to lose and ended up with major gastric issues and lost only 5 lbs in a month. I'm still waiting for the scale to stop fluctuating. She says all she can eat is fruit and vegetables, and misses most events where food is served.

I'm see now that these feelings are coming from a place of insecurity and jealousy. It's not their fault, they were doing what's best for them. And now they're staying in their lane.

Maybe as suggested above, avoid her social media if it makes you feel bad. Focus on becoming your best self (that's what your friend is doing), and think of what she's sacrificing for weight loss. Ask yourself if you could do that, and be grateful for the advantages you may have.

happytree923 · September 2018

Look up dumping syndrome and all the other "normal" side effects of WLS. She might be having an easier time now, but her diet will be permanently altered for the rest of her life. You will still get to drink champagne and other bubbly drinks, save up calories for a big meal, live free of weird food intolerances (hopefully) and will be at less risk for nutritional deficiencies. Maybe waiting for her bad side effects is not the healthiest way to look at the situation but long-term WLS is not easy at all. We all must pay the piper at some point and you're getting it out of the way now.

dsboohead · September 2018

I know several people who did this surgery and there have been issues that have crept into their lives. This surgery causes lack of serious nutrients being absorbed and don't make me mention hair loss on several of them with bald spots!
Be grateful because you can lose weight at a healthy rate and absorb nutrients.
Yes...there is a piper to pay on decisions we may make. ........but.....some decisions the piper pays us.

Cbean08 · September 2018

A year from now, you'll look back and be thankful you did it the "natural" way because you've maintained a healthy way of eating, can still indulge occasionally, eat out, enjoy social dinner events etc etc. Your friend, while she still might be happy, won't be able to because she has permanently altered her body.

WLS, in my opinion, should only be used as life saving procedure. Hang in there and stick to the healthy lifestyle. You're ultimately learning a lot more than she is.

Evelyn_Gorfram · September 2018

Ya wanna know one way to really get your revenge and stick it to her? Lose your weight naturally and keep it off.

Every time you make a healthy eating decision, do some exercise, or record your weight-loss activity, you'll be crafting your triumph. Many WLS patients regain much of their original weight within the year, and 50% regain all of it within 5 years. Even those who don't regain weight have more health problems, more depression, and worse eating habits than people who lose weight without surgery. Your healthy body will be your living comeuppance (plus, you'll get a healthy body out of it as a bonus).

It'll take a while, but revenge is not only a dish best served cold - it also has no calories.

(If this seems a little blood-thirsty, there are also the thoughts in my previous post.)

AnvilHead · September 2018

rdmitch wrote: »

I don’t post much here, just prefer to watch, learn and keep my opinions to myself. I will tell you that my wife had gastric bypass over 15 years ago and lost a lot of weight. She kept it off and to this date has been at her ideal weight.
But...she can never eat normal, has blood sugar issues, gets sick if she eats fast, can’t go to a restaurant since she will end up in the bathroom typically. Life has never been the same or even close to normal for her in terms of eating. Not to say that that happens to all people but I sure would have preferred if she would have gone a better route to dropping weight...

A very good friend of mine had WLS and experienced many of the same problems. I'm not bitter or envious in the least (quite the opposite, in fact) - I'm perfectly happy to have taken a little more time to lose the weight and experienced none of the ongoing difficulties he had and continues to have. And I didn't cut any foods out of my diet - just ate less of some things and more of others.

jgnatca · September 2018

Five pounds in one month is awesome. It is so not worth comparing your results with your friend's. I had the WLS surgery and though the "honeymoon" period is glorious, especially for people like me where the weight was crippling, there is a lot of work that goes in to preparing for surgery and getting enough calories in....for life.

Wetcoaster · September 2018

I will be the the bad guy.

Who cares what she did....if it is true it is unhealthy.

You lost 5 pounds in 1 month. Good for you . At 170 pounds you could easily lose a bit more in one month. But slow and steady is the way to go. Are you counting calories.....don’t focus on anyone besides you.

pogiguy05 · September 2018

I think one of the things to focus on is that this should be a CHANGE OF LIFESTYLE. Yes it sucks not being able to eat them foods you use to, but this is something for the long term. When you seem to say cannot enjoy the things you use to then try to find NEW things and yes they will be different and taste different but if it was not then it would not be change.

Those who get any type of surgery or implant to limit the size of their stomach are doing so cause they cannot control themselves. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR BEING ONE WHO CAN.

The one thing and my neighbor had his stomach made smaller and he says SUGAR makes him sick and he cannot eat much of anything since it would make him sick as well. Not my kind of thing really. What they are doing is forcing themselves to lower their calories in and it works for them.

You can do this slower and still be healthy just stick to it. You got this

dyfalbarhad · September 2018

I feel your pain. I had a health crisis and came out of it determined to address my weight and food issues. (Similar weight to you). Got on MFP and went on a 1250 cal diet. Gave up my cafe lattes (used to drink several a day), all alcohol, restrict myself to 1/2 cup milk a day, no sugar or artificial sweeteners. I had quickly dropped 7 pounds during hospital stay, 3 came roaring back. After 5 weeks of dieting I was only 1 pound lighter than when I left hospital.
BUT the feelings of deprivation are lessening, and I am learning how to cook and eat in a much healthier way. Some of the recipes I eat now really fill me up. With time, hopefully your cravings will lessen.
Hang in there! Slow and steady is the way to go. You don’t want to trigger your metabolism into a slowdown, as in the Biggest Loser study.

Lounmoun · September 2018

WLS seems the harder and riskier path to me honestly. She was 30 lbs heavier than you and I assume needed a faster lost medically. Her weight loss will slow down. She will always have to limit what and how much she eats much more than you. She can regain weight if she eats enough calories and people will judge her hard... maybe even the people gushing over her losses today. Her weight is now extremely public.

I get that it can be hard to lose slower even though you know it is healthier for you to do so. It is easy to get impatient.
Don't look at her posts. You should compare your rate of loss to others losing weight without surgery. 5 lbs in a month is really good progress. Your work is paying off.

I am concerned that your post says you are hungry and gave up everything you enjoy. That says to me that you are being too restrictive anyway and may find it hard to sustain your plan long term. You did not give your height so I don't know how overweight you are but I assume you need to stick to this for several more months to get to your goal.
Since weight loss is from a calorie deficit not type of food you don't have to give up all the food you like just eat smaller portions of higher calorie stuff. Bulking out those meals with low calorie vegetables can help the small portions not seem so sad. A lot of people here still eat at restaurants and such. You could look up old posts about eating out or ask how people handle it.
Many people find getting enough protein, fat and fiber helps with satisfaction. If you are eating very low fat for example that might be something to change for better satisfaction.

Evelyn_Gorfram · September 2018

Wetcoaster wrote: »

I will be the the bad guy.

Who cares what she did....if it is true it is unhealthy.

You lost 5 pounds in 1 month. Good for you . At 170 pounds you could easily lose a bit more in one month. But slow and steady is the way to go. Are you counting calories.....don’t focus on anyone besides you.

I agree with the rest - but no to the bolded.

OP is doing great with her weight loss: five lbs in one month is just over a pound a week. That's the high end of the ideal 0.5 to 1 lb/week rate for safe weight loss.

(And, with respect, how do you know what OP "could easily" do?)

feisty_bucket · September 2018

Some perspective? Yo, she _mutilated her guts_ because of her inability to control herself. Hardly something to be jealous of. Just watch: she'll get tired of eating slop, and probably go back to eating like before and wreck what's left of her gut anyways.

Better yet, don't watch because her posts are messing with your mind. Better to unfollow and concentrate on yourself.

Anyways, isn't 200 too low to get a sleeve anyways? I thought that was for people twice that size.

I've given up eating everything I enjoy
Normally I would be ordering Chinese food.

It doesn't have to be like that at all. I eat Chinese food weekly, on a cut or not. Eat what you like, but stop eating too much of it. That's it.

LiLee2018 · September 2018

Stop comparing your journey to hers. I know it's difficult, but you just can not do it. Even if she didn't have the surgery, even if she was eating exactly what you eat... if she was losing more weight quickly.. you'd still be bitter b/c you're comparing and again.. you can't. It's going to discourage you, it's going to make you want to give up and where is that going to put you? Back at your previous weight or more and miserable still. Is that what you want?
Just stop!!! If you have to... ignore her posts. Keep scrolling by when she posts or ignore for 30days. Just keep doing your own thing. 5lbs in a month is still a loss and that's awesome.

SomeMorr · September 2018

Your friend may be experiencing self confidence and freedom to do things she may have never been able to do before. Shopping in a "normal" store? Fitting in amusement park rides? Playing with her kids without getting winded? Her journey is purely about her and your journey is purely about you. It's not WRONG to say you are hurt by seeing her success and want to compare yourself, but it is impossible to compare natural vs surgical weight loss.

sytchequeen · September 2018

It's lovely to see the responses to this. I do understand your frustration at her way seeming like a bit of a cheat

There are enough posts here to remind you that what you are doing is great, and you are doing it without having to resort to surgery. Surgery is never risk free, so not needing it is great for you. Keep doing it your way

missysippy930 · September 2018

How is WLS the “easy way “?
There is no easy way and any surgery has risk. Everyone is different and no matter how you lose weight it is always about eating less calories than your body burns.
Personally, I would never opt for surgery, the risk isn’t worth it.
Jealousy about anything is a waste of effort. Be happy for your friend! Losing weight, and keeping it off, isn’t easy, no matter how you do it 💐

Friend got the sleeve, losing rapidly.. Bitter

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