Why can’t I change my habits?

trynashrink

Hello, this whole year I’ve tried to lose weight so bad, I started off January real good but then I left it and I’ve gained weight like crazy, I feel disgusting, I hate everything about me especially my big arms. I used to love going out and now I hate it because I feel grossed out with my body

I tried to eat healthy the whole month and I just can’t, I always eat and eat junk food because I get anxious and sad and I’m sad because I’m fat so it’s a neverending cycle. Does anyone know how Can I start making a change? I’m honestly so done with being so fat and disgusting, and eating out of pure anxiety

jogetsgains

Get some help with the depression and anxiety. As you work through that you can work on the weight.

Evelyn_Gorfram

There are all kinds of things that help, but the only real way to make a change is to Make That Change - and then stick to it.

One of the things that helps me is to start small. I started by just tracking what I ate - everything, including the junk food. (My diary is open, if you want to see: junkiest dates are August 25 & 26.)

Doing that led me to change what I ate, and how much; but it started with just tracking.

Orphia

Be kind to yourself. Don't punish yourself on salads and green smoothies. Let yourself eat things you like - just eat less of them.

Use the Most Helpful Posts Announcement thread at the top of the forum to learn to use MFP in the way that's sustainable and satisfying.

wmweeza

It's simple. Your desire to improve has to be bigger then your addiction to processed foods. What will win? The one you consistently feed.
Would you expect a heroin addict to just drop everything and be perfect? No, it takes time, avoiding triggers, changing what's around them. Food addiction is the same; changing what food you keep in the house, giving yourself time, discovering that a fail is not the end but rather learning about yourself.
When you are tired of fighting this and want to improve you will.
Be kind to yourself, maybe start with one thing to change that's an improvement, say no late night snacks, or cut out one food and don't keep it around. When you see you can do that then move on to bigger things like tracking calories or cutting down portion sizes.You really do need to want it first though or it won't happen.
Track your foods to see what's going on, maybe that'll help you see patterns in your eating and will help you cope with triggers better

AustinRuadhain

I wonder if you are trying to do too much at once? I started making changes in my diet at the start of the year. I changed one thing at a time, waited until that was a settled thing, and then made another change. For me, to get happy and start losing weight, I ended up making some very big changes in diet and exercise. But I did it by making one small change at a time (early items were things like eat a healthy breakfast, go for a walk outside once a week). Anyway, be kind to yourself. Be as compassionate as you would be with a friend who had a big problem. And then start looking for baby steps to take.

Danp

Try something different.

You wrote that you tried to eat "healthy" but ended up eating "junk". Perhaps you made to drastic a change so change less. Keep eating "junk" but log of how much "junk" your eating so you're eating "junk" in a calorie deficit.

Of course your overall health will benefit more from better "healthier" foods but for weight loss all that matters calorie deficit so for now eat what you like to eat even if you do consider it "junk".

What I found, and I've read repeatedly on this forum is that eventually as you start to lose weight, get better at logging and, most importantly get more experienced and knowledgeable about doing this you'll find yourself making better, more informed food choices. You'll start to make better food choices as you see how "expensive" some of the junk food is when it takes a chunk out of your daily calorie budget.

nmvasq

trynashrink wrote: »

I tried to eat healthy the whole month

Eating healthy doesn't have to be about eating things that don't taste good to you. You can keep on eating a lot of the things you want if you put your mind to it and practice moderation. Take your favorite recipes and find ways to make them healthier and make substitutions to cut calories. Like cole slaw? Replace the mayo with greek yogurt. Replace butter in other recipes with apple sauce or some other healthier substitute. Oil in a pan can often be substituted with a bit vegetable stock if you regularly reapply a bit to keep things from sticking. Work in fiber and protein and good fats as all those things are especially filling. Get a food scale so you can measure your portions and track your calories accurately. Stay away from pastas, they're calorie traps.

A really great filler food is air popped (read: NOT MICROWAVEABLE STUFF YOU GET FROM THE STORE) popcorn which is tasty if sprinkled with a little salt or drizzled with a little honey for something a bit sweeter. 2 tbsp of unpopped kernels makes 2 - 3 cups of popcorn and comes in at about 77 calories. Drizzle just a little bit of honey on top, and you have a filling, sweet snack for 100 calories. Very handy for when your hungry but find yourself pushing your calorie limit.

The general message is to make sustainable lifestyle changes. Making yourself miserable eating things you don't like isn't sustainable. Getting clever about where your calories come from is part of the game. Don't be so strict on yourself that you can't take a break day to have a bit of fun with friends, but always get right back on counting your calories. Finally, don't say you can't control your eating. There are a lot of things in life we can't control. What we choose to put into our bodies is one of the few things that are almost completely up to us (budget notwithstanding). So don't tell yourself you can't -- you are quite literally the only person who can make these changes for yourself.

trynashrink wrote: »

I always eat and eat junk food

The single best thing you can do for yourself is to get rid of all the junk food in your house and then stop buying it. Nobody is immune to the siren call of snack food in the house; skip the temptation and just don't stock it. Even if you ignore everything else I wrote in this post, get rid of the junk food. You can't be tempted by it if you don't have it.

Lillymoo01

I made changes one small step at a time rather than trying to change everything at once. Ask yourself what small change you can make to reduce your calories by around 100 a day. Once you have done that then work out what other change you can make to reduce calories by 100 a day etc, etc. Can you substitute one food for another or reduce your portion size of one thing by half?

My first change was substituting fruit juice for breakfast with a glass of water. This was something I could do, required no willpower and something I could stick with. Next, I started eating less bread and more vegetables. For something sweet, I started having greek yoghurt mixed with fresh fruit....

On top of that, I gradually increased my exercise and I saw results without it being really hard. I believe the worst thing I could have done was to be too restrictive and make too many changes at once, especially if those changes are ones you can not stick with. This approach would have come back and bitten me in the bum.

My approach may not work for you but you could give it a go because it looks like your approach hasn't worked either.

TavistockToad

Start by eating in a deficit, then add in fruit and veg for health.

And I second getting help for the anxiety/depression.

neugebauer52

For our family it starts with shopping - what and how much we buy. If it's not at home, not hiding in some kitchen cupboard, than it is not available, not tempting us. We make small changes - about once a week we sit down and look at our food and beverage consumption and try to come up with a healthier option. Usually we think about our meal plan for the next day and shop accordingly. Once in a while we treat ourselves with something special - but not with food and beverages. It can be something very basic - like a long walk on the beach, something to look forward to. It has taken years to gain all that weight, it will take a bit of time to lose it again.

ghudson92

I feel you, I really do. I have felt like that since my teens. Looking after your body and health is an act of self love, so when you don't love yourself it is difficult to stick to. I promise you that you are worth the effort. It might be a good idea to seek some type of counselling to address your self esteem.

rianneonamission

I can only echo what people have said above.

The help for depression and anxiety should be your number one focus. Number two is that you want to lose weight: Right now that is more important than changing your diet. So look at the diet you have and start tracking it, and simply reduce your portion sizes. Once you are used to that you may be able to swap out an item for a healthier alternative. Once you're used to that pick another item to swap out.

I honestly believe that people fail dieting because they change their diet too much. Work with what you have and be kind to yourself. Your body and mind will thank you for it

Remember that losing weight sensibly is a slow process. But as they say: slow and steady wins the race.

_aenyeweddien_

I was exactly like you before, and you know what works best for me? Nice cheat day once a month:) It keeps me going and motivates me to stick to my diet and workout routine through the whole month if I know there's Haagen Dazs and pizza waiting for me at the end of it

Alos, take pics of your progress and measurements. I learnt the hard way that sometimes the weight goes down only slightly, but you will see a massive difference in pictures/measurements and that's a massive motivation to keep going

LivingtheLeanDream

Danp wrote: »

Try something different.

You wrote that you tried to eat "healthy" but ended up eating "junk". Perhaps you made to drastic a change so change less. Keep eating "junk" but log of how much "junk" your eating so you're eating "junk" in a calorie deficit.

Of course your overall health will benefit more from better "healthier" foods but for weight loss all that matters calorie deficit so for now eat what you like to eat even if you do consider it "junk".

^^ this was my thoughts too - perhaps start off with small changes, cutting back on the so called junk food - I don't think of any food as being unhealthy, some are higher in nutrients, some are calorie dense so need to be kept to a minimum but its not that we have to cut anything out entirely.

Make a promise to yourself to make small changes bit by bit and stick with it - consistency pays off.

All the best.

~Ruth

amusedmonkey

It takes trial and error to learn what works for you. Analyze the situation and see what needs work. For example, you've already mentioned anxiety. What steps can you try to handle that? What other challenges do you have? Don't just try to overhaul everything at once without a plan.

Maybe this will help you not blame yourself too much:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/why-its-hard-to-change-unhealthy-behavior-and-why-you-should-keep-trying

Failing is part of the process. It's essential for learning what works and what doesn't and helps you refine the process as you go. I know feeling gross may feel like something you can't control, but accepting the way you look right now will help you much more than ruminating. You don't need to like what you see, but you need to understand that negative feelings will not make you any thinner. Look forward to a smaller body in the future without focusing and hating on your current body.

trshfnly

I also tend to eat my feelings. One thing I've had to ask myself a lot is how can I support myself other than food? The answers over the years (and it did take years) have ranged from more sleep to a walk in the woods to meditation to dropping relationships to therapy to leaving a job.

If food is the only way you love and support yourself, then of course you can't give it up. Build a foundation of other kinds of emotional support for yourself, little by little. Then, little by little, you can let go of the junk food.

NovusDies

I have a great deal of willpower. This is why I think it is best to avoid using it. When it comes to food I am not fighting against someone else where my willpower will be an advantage. I am fighting myself. On any given day my will to eat the things I enjoy may exceed my will to eat the classic diet food like grilled chicken and broccoli.

When I started (this time) I decided not to turn my back on all the things I enjoy eating. I decided, like @orphia suggests, to be kind to myself. If I have a bad day I have my permission to eat more because I don't have to lose weight each and every day I just have to lose weight MOST days.

As a lot of time has progressed and so has weight loss my habits have changed and it has gotten easier. While I deny myself nothing I don't really want things like Big Macs and whatnot most of the time. I want to get through the day not feeling hungry so if cashing out calories on big ticket items leaves me dissatisfied because I can't eat as much as normal days it isn't worth it to me. Will I eat another Big Mac in the future? Probably. When I crave one I will eat one and I will make it work. Things I used to thing tasted so great don't all measure up anymore though and things like broccoli actually taste better because they are more satisfying/satiating. That didn't keep me from having a double cheeseburger and a medium fry from McD 2 weeks ago though and I still have potato chips in my cabinet.

kimny72

In addition to the great advice you've already gotten-

Habit change isn't just deciding to change everything and then barreling in with no plan. It's easier to create a good habit than stop a bad one. It's easier to focus on doing/getting more of something than cutting something out.

Focus on one healthy food or habit you can ADD, like eating more fruit and veg, or taking a 5 minute walk when you are sad. Then determine small, easy steps to build to that. Pick ONE and make that your goal for the week. Don't deny yourself junk food or sitting on the couch. Nothing wrong with a bit of either. Instead let the good habits you are slowly building naturally push out the bad.

Also consider leaving reminders around to keep the good habits front of mind. Notes with positive messages, pretty pictures, stuffed animals, whatever.

And take some time to think about other ways to deal with stress or sadness. Saving a fave song on your phone, taking a walk, texting a friend, bookmark a webpage with puppy videos, etc.

Best of luck, hang in there!

MelanieCN77

Habit change by throwing out your old everything and trying on a whole different lifestyle is never going to work. Habit change can come smoothly, painlessly and incrementally if you have overall patience about the journey. Try a month of just adding a fruit or a vegetable to every meal or snack. After that start logging everything you eat, without changing your choices. In another month I am sure you will already have started to tweak things and identify foods that aren't really fitting with your long term goals. You'll be able to make choices easier because they aren't choices so much as preferences gradually. After a couple months of that, maybe you feel like being more active, so add a walk 2-3 times a week. Slow, steady, avoiding big changes and decisions, no rush, one thing at a time.

bosskaren

I would recommend surrounding yourself with a health-minded community to find support. Start yoga, CrossFit, a running/walking club, even a neighbor that nightly walks their dog. These people have the same goals as you and can keep you on track and become your inspiration and support. I found this community after trying everything on my own and failing, then joining a CrossFit gym.

Also, make small goals and focus on what you've done. Did you get through a day without eating any junk food? Give yourself credit! The next day try it again! Positive reinforcement works.

ejg1010

I agree with some of the other posters that it's a good idea to change one thing at a time. Making gradual changes will be more manageable and you are more likely to stick to it. Be honest with yourself and log everything.

There is no need to give up everything that you love and you don't have to live on salads for every meal, that is not the secret to a sustainable lifestyle (unless you really love salad!). You can have "junk" (whatever you consider that to be) every now and again, you can even fit this into your calorie goal so it doesn't throw you off-track. And if you do go off-track, try not to just down-tools and throw in the can. Just dust yourself off and get back to it. Forget about yesterday. You've got this.

You are absolutely not disgusting. As you hit your goals you will be proud of yourself and with positivity will come a bit of self-love and respect. Good luck x

ninerbuff

nmvasq wrote: »

trynashrink wrote: »

I tried to eat healthy the whole month

Eating healthy doesn't have to be about eating things that don't taste good to you. You can keep on eating a lot of the things you want if you put your mind to it and practice moderation. Take your favorite recipes and find ways to make them healthier and make substitutions to cut calories. Like cole slaw? Replace the mayo with greek yogurt. Replace butter in other recipes with apple sauce or some other healthier substitute. Oil in a pan can often be substituted with a bit vegetable stock if you regularly reapply a bit to keep things from sticking. Work in fiber and protein and good fats as all those things are especially filling. Get a food scale so you can measure your portions and track your calories accurately. Stay away from pastas, they're calorie traps.

A really great filler food is air popped (read: NOT MICROWAVEABLE STUFF YOU GET FROM THE STORE) popcorn which is tasty if sprinkled with a little salt or drizzled with a little honey for something a bit sweeter. 2 tbsp of unpopped kernels makes 2 - 3 cups of popcorn and comes in at about 77 calories. Drizzle just a little bit of honey on top, and you have a filling, sweet snack for 100 calories. Very handy for when your hungry but find yourself pushing your calorie limit.

The general message is to make sustainable lifestyle changes. Making yourself miserable eating things you don't like isn't sustainable. Getting clever about where your calories come from is part of the game. Don't be so strict on yourself that you can't take a break day to have a bit of fun with friends, but always get right back on counting your calories. Finally, don't say you can't control your eating. There are a lot of things in life we can't control. What we choose to put into our bodies is one of the few things that are almost completely up to us (budget notwithstanding). So don't tell yourself you can't -- you are quite literally the only person who can make these changes for yourself.

trynashrink wrote: »

I always eat and eat junk food

The single best thing you can do for yourself is to get rid of all the junk food in your house and then stop buying it. Nobody is immune to the siren call of snack food in the house; skip the temptation and just don't stock it. Even if you ignore everything else I wrote in this post, get rid of the junk food. You can't be tempted by it if you don't have it.

THIS. It's not about having to make a whole 180 degree turn in your life. It's MUCH simpler to take small approaches, make them habitual and then when you're consistent with that, move on to the next small change.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

zyxst

Only help I can give is telling OP they're not alone. I live in Canada and my province doesn't take mental health issues seriously (yes, even the really serious ones; people have died waiting to see a professional). Every other health issue I have is lickety-split taken care of, but my depression is treated as though I'm just being overly dramatic and/or a symptom of another issue.

The best I've done for myself is to keep low calorie foods in the house (lots of flavoured rice cakes) and adhering to "it's not mine don't eat it" mantra.

LeGypsyRov

I went through 2 years of severe depression and anxiety and let myself go. So I get where you are coming from. I used to workout consistently and ate clean. Then, I fell into a junk food trap. I suffer from PTSD and brain damage. The trick is to get your mental health in order and learn to accept yourself as you are. Get lots of support - positive support with people who are kind, but honest, with you. Then, find a program that eases you into good eating and exercise. Jumping in with too much change can set you back. Replace one junk food item with something healthy for a couple of days. Then another with something healthy, until you have replaced all your junk food with healthy. It helps to not have it in your house so you won't be tempted. Start with something gentle for exercise, like walking, yin yoga, or a light version of something you enjoy. Yes, you need to enjoy it, so find something fun. Know that this takes a lot of time and effort and be kind to yourself when you fall off the wagon. Just get back on and start from there. It takes a lot of time to see results so be patient from yourself. Focus on progress over time, not perfection.

kabrina30

Stop calling yourself fat and disgusting. You’re not. We have fat. We aren’t fat. Our self talk can sabotage us. Sounds like you’re dieting to punish yourself for becoming “disgusting.” Start thinking of it as eating in a calorie deficit in order to lose weight and be healthier. And learn not to tie your self worth to how you look or to a number on a scale because that’s not how it works. You don’t become automatically happier, or more worthy because you obtain a goal weight. Would you tell a friend they were fat and disgusting if they gained weight? I’d certainly hope not. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend.

Set MFP to lose .5 a week and eat the calories it gives you. And yes, it’ll be slow. But it’ll be a lot faster than drastically cutting for month and then giving up.

cqbkaju

Why can't you change your habits?
You can.

Why don't you?
Usually because you don't want to bad enough.

CSARdiver

kimny72 wrote: »

In addition to the great advice you've already gotten-

Habit change isn't just deciding to change everything and then barreling in with no plan. It's easier to create a good habit than stop a bad one. It's easier to focus on doing/getting more of something than cutting something out.

Focus on one healthy food or habit you can ADD, like eating more fruit and veg, or taking a 5 minute walk when you are sad. Then determine small, easy steps to build to that. Pick ONE and make that your goal for the week. Don't deny yourself junk food or sitting on the couch. Nothing wrong with a bit of either. Instead let the good habits you are slowly building naturally push out the bad.

Also consider leaving reminders around to keep the good habits front of mind. Notes with positive messages, pretty pictures, stuffed animals, whatever.

And take some time to think about other ways to deal with stress or sadness. Saving a fave song on your phone, taking a walk, texting a friend, bookmark a webpage with puppy videos, etc.

Best of luck, hang in there!

The human brain is designed much like the groove in a record. You cannot (stressing this again - CANNOT) simply end one habit without picking up another one. This is why many people fail at stopping smoking, weight management, etc.

Think in small terms - Write down 5 habits you want to change and prioritize these 1-5. Scratch off 2-5 and focus on number 1. Work on this "bad" habit you have that does not help your goals and replace this with a "good" habit that helps you achieve your goals. After a number of weeks when this is fully ingrained in your routine then repeat this exercise.

Most of all make small changes. Do not ever implement a dramatic change as these always fail. It is only a matter of time.

jennifer_417

It takes time, hard work, determination, and attainable goals to make real change. Trying to change all of your eating habits at once is a really good way to fail. Learn how to make small changes over time.
Also, it's not necessary to only eat "healthy" (however you define that) to lose weight. That's the beauty of calorie counting. As long as you eat fewer calories than you burn, you'll lose weight.

ACanadian22

From what I read in the original post, it seems that you turn yourself totally around to where you crave the "junk" foods. You can eat junk and still lose. Personally, I think you should leave enough calories each day for a treat of some kind that you crave...or even every second day. Maybe you might be that person that needs a banking method of eating light all week and have one "cheat" day even though you aren't because you bank a couple hundred cals each day? I was like you. I love junk and thought I couldn't lose even though I was thin before. I bank 200 each day and Sundays are my day to eat whatever.
Please be more forgiving of yourself. It takes time to get onto this. Start slow and ease into it.
Best of luck

JoeCWV

The first step would be to stop worrying about WHAT you eat and focus on HOW MUCH you eat. If you are a junk food junkie then be so. Just stay within your calorie goals, whatever you eat. Once you get your calorie intake under control then focus on what you eat. From your original post it sounds as if you were trying to radically change your lifestyle and this became overwhelming so you defaulted back to your old ways.