Feeling defeated

Candi8185

Hi everyone. I was never overweight as a child and teenager. I didn't start gaining weight until I hit my twenties. My weight went up and down through most of my twenties. I went from 120 - 200 and then joined weight watchers. Lost a little bit and went down to 179. Then it was up again to 260. Lost some again and reached 192. Gained it all back again and went up to 267. Went on a ridiculous shake diet that got me back to 192 yet again. Then I started having bad panic attacks and would self medicate by eating. Now I weight about 355 and I feel so disappointed in myself. I've been trying to start this program who knows how many times and I dont know why I cant just stick to it. I always have all the foods I need to stick to my calories, but everyday I end up ordering dinner out or drinking lots of sodas and thinking "oh well I'll start tomorrow" My husband and I really want to have a baby but my doctor has told me it isn't safe at this weight. I need to get to a healthy weight for my height of 5'4. Has anyone else struggled or have any tips where I can just stop and do this? I try thinking of all different things. I don't even look or feel like the same person anymore.

BeachIron

There are no secrets or tricks that work for everyone.

What will work for everyone is eating at a calorie deficit and increasing your activity level.

Set a reasonable calorie goal for every day and stick with it. Plan your meals accordingly.

Do not spend time sitting around and watching TV unless you've already got your daily exercise in. Don't make excuses for not getting up and moving.

Losing weight isn't easy and it won't come rapidly. Be consistent and be patient though and it will come off.

Alisha28

Everyone has to be at that point where its time not tomorrow not a week from now just now at this moment start. No shakes no crazy diet just healthy eating. Eliminate the pastas white bread cereals and sodas and add healthy stuff. You can do it I know you can. If you need a friend to talk to add me its good to tell someone how your day went and be accountable. You sound ready to start a new healthy life style so today at this moment make the commitment

EmergencyGraphics

Set your self mini goals and build on them. Example if you normally eat dinner out every night, at the beginning of the week plan on which 3 nights you will be cooking healthy and stick to it. The next week make it 5 and one day of no soda. The following week add 5 days of healthy cooking 2 days of no soda and 2 days of getting in some extra walking. Keep adding mini goals and it will start to become habits. If you fail a goal use the same one for the next week but commit to it and push your self.

TheBitSlinger

This keeps happening because you have not made it a priority to stop it. First step would be, I think, admitting that you are addicted to overeating. It's what I had to do.

diannethegeek

It can take a lot of practice to break old habits. For me, setting small goals always works better than big ones. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed by the big picture.

Take it day by day or week by week. When you wake up in the morning tell yourself that you're on a diet today. Remind yourself at every opportunity that you're on a diet today, no matter what happens tomorrow you'll be good today. And then do it all over again tomorrow and the next day.

Leave room in your diet for treats. Don't think of this as nothing but rabbit food and boiled chicken. If you know you're going to crave pizza then find a way to work it into your day or make a healthier pizza at home!

Find small, non-food rewards as you progress. I gave myself a sticker on the calendar for every day I was good. Maybe you've been eyeing something you want to buy or want to treat yourself to a spa day if you're good for a couple of weeks. Pick something to work towards.

Whatever it is that works for you, I know you can find something. Remember, most of us are constant works in progress. Sometimes you slip up, but you have to get right back up and do better.

whierd

The best tip I can give you is to not treat this as a temporary diet to reach an end. The "secret" to successful weight and health management is to make it a lifestyle choice and be proactive.

That being said, do not bother with most fad diets. Educate yourself a bit by reading some of the stickies here and learn what BMR and TDEE are, what the three macros are and their role in your body.

Once that is done, calculate your TDEE and eat a reasonable deficit that you can live with, not something extreme that will perpetuate a binge/starve cycle.

There are no inherintly "healthy" and "unhealthy" foods. There is just food. Some are more calorie dense and some are more nutrient dense. A good rule of thumb is to eat 80% "clean" and 20% whatever the heck you want, so long as you meet your calorie and macro targets.


Exercise is important for long term health, motivation, and also mental health. Start out by incorporating walks several times per week. As you grow more confident in yourself, start a resistance training program. Weight lifting, bodyweight calisthenics, pilates, whatever. If you like cardio, try one of the popular DVDs like 30 Day Shred or take a Zumba class if you enjoy dancing.


Be deliberate in your fitness goals, this doesn't happen by accident.

SkinnyMsFitness

Hi everyone. I was never overweight as a child and teenager. I didn't start gaining weight until I hit my twenties. My weight went up and down through most of my twenties. I went from 120 - 200 and then joined weight watchers. Lost a little bit and went down to 179. Then it was up again to 260. Lost some again and reached 192. Gained it all back again and went up to 267. Went on a ridiculous shake diet that got me back to 192 yet again. Then I started having bad panic attacks and would self medicate by eating. Now I weight about 355 and I feel so disappointed in myself. I've been trying to start this program who knows how many times and I dont know why I cant just stick to it. I always have all the foods I need to stick to my calories, but everyday I end up ordering dinner out or drinking lots of sodas and thinking "oh well I'll start tomorrow" My husband and I really want to have a baby but my doctor has told me it isn't safe at this weight. I need to get to a healthy weight for my height of 5'4. Has anyone else struggled or have any tips where I can just stop and do this? I try thinking of all different things. I don't even look or feel like the same person anymore.

I'm similar. Gained weight in my 20s...but I never tried to lose any until now. The thing you have to learn, live and NEVER forget, it's a lifestyle, not a diet. 'Diet' implies there's an end...and I'm sure you realize what happens when you quit your diet. I started with changing one bad habit at a time. Until June 2012, I lived on pop/soda. I eliminated that, ate in moderation, walked 3 days a week (30 mins/day) and I lost 20 lbs. I did fall off track for nearly a year, but I didn't gain anything back - I never went back to living on pop.

I got back into it May 2013 and I've lost another 29. I've just been eating in moderation and walking/mowing the lawn. MFP has been a great help with keeping track of my cals. I eat 3 meals a day and stop when I 'feel' full, not necessarily when my plate's empty. I started working out 5 days/week and that slowly crept up to 7 days/week b/c I began to crave exercise!!

Don't push yourself too hard...that's when you give up and go back to your old ways. All you can do is try. Take it one day at a time. I agree with "BeachIron," everyone is different. You have to experiment to find what works for you. We're all a work-in-progress and it's a matter of trial and error.

Exercising - no matter how you feel - just do it! Some days are easier than others...but this is something you should work on doing faithfully if you want to change. Consistency is key.

I live with GAD and have panic attacks as well. The ONLY remedy is exercise. I've been living a nightmare of anxiety since 2008 and only learned to manage it a few months ago. Start being active regularly...YOU WILL FEEL 50x better within a week or two...soooo much better that you could not possibly think of stopping. At least that's where I'm at.

Good luck!

SavvyCake

I hope this does come across the wrong way, because I know some people view such things as taboo, but have you ever considered seeing a therapist? That's a pretty substantial loss/gain swing multiple times, and it's possible your relationship with food is being affected by internal problems that are sabotaging your fitness goals. It might sound crazy, but that affected me, and getting some of that stuff worked on made it easier to understand when I was eating for the wrong reasons, or restricting for the wrong reasons.

watchdogEME

I can't say I know how you feel,, but I can imagine that I might feel the same way,,, a lot. I don't have a magic cure, but I'm trying some tricks I've used for other things that seemed impossible and slowly I'm getting there. 3 lbs down and 27 more to go for me. But, the change's I've already made - cutting out sodas, exercising a LOT, and focusing on getting all my fruits and vegetables have me feeling actually pretty good and I know I look better, even if it's just from sitting up taller or from actually defining some muscles that are buried in there What I know does not help anything is self-effacing down-talk. And, I know from past experience that it can take a billion and one attempts before we finally do something that works. One trick I have learned in breaking an addiction though, which maybe this is something you're struggling with, is to take that same kind of energy and put it into something positive that you really want to do. A while back I needed to quit smoking, for example, and was having the hardest time do it. So, I ran a marathon. It took all of my concentration, ambition, and dedication to do it,, and there was no way I was going to get across the finish line if I was smoking. That seemed to break me of that particular addiction. Now I'm working on something to focus on for this food issue I seem to have developed. I already run so that's not going to "cure" me,, and you can't just quit eating, so now it's about focusing on how healthy I can actually eat in a day. Instead of focusing on what I can't have, I'm focusing on what I need to eat, drink, exercise, eat, etc.,, I'm still working on making it now be out of control. That seems to at least have me feeling better. So, there's my thoughts. Don't know if they help much, but I can tell you that there is way way more to you than just a woman who needs to lose weight, right? Please don't let it take over your entire character. That ould be sad.

tburkett1915

Hi everyone. I was never overweight as a child and teenager. I didn't start gaining weight until I hit my twenties. My weight went up and down through most of my twenties. I went from 120 - 200 and then joined weight watchers. Lost a little bit and went down to 179. Then it was up again to 260. Lost some again and reached 192. Gained it all back again and went up to 267. Went on a ridiculous shake diet that got me back to 192 yet again. Then I started having bad panic attacks and would self medicate by eating. Now I weight about 355 and I feel so disappointed in myself. I've been trying to start this program who knows how many times and I dont know why I cant just stick to it. I always have all the foods I need to stick to my calories, but everyday I end up ordering dinner out or drinking lots of sodas and thinking "oh well I'll start tomorrow" My husband and I really want to have a baby but my doctor has told me it isn't safe at this weight. I need to get to a healthy weight for my height of 5'4. Has anyone else struggled or have any tips where I can just stop and do this? I try thinking of all different things. I don't even look or feel like the same person anymore.

hlcook

Hello - please don't continue to beat yourself up over your past. That, of course, is easier said than done, but I'm asking you to please try not to look back. There is only TODAY and the choices you make TODAY.

I tried to get on this whole fitness/weight loss thing for about a decade and it never stuck. I would start, feel defeated, like I failed, stop, eat lots of food, feel terrible ... and a few months later, try again ... same result. I don't really know what made it all stick 4 years ago but here's what worked for me:

- decide on one thing you can remove from your diet from now on, just one thing ... for me it was pop. I replaced it with water and bought myself nice reusable water containers. And every time I drank water from them I felt good about myself ... I was making a good choice ... when you have to drink 4L of water a day or so, you can pat yourself on the back 10 times a day for that great choice!

- embrace the struggle ... it IS hard to start and keep going ... it isn't easy for anyone else either ... so the struggle you are having is the same one we are all having ... soothe oneself with something unhealthy while sabotaging ourselves ... we all do it to one degree or another ... When you are struggling, it is because YOU'RE DOING IT .... you are failing because you struggle! It's like when women in labour reach tough spots in their labour and say "I can't do it!" and I can confidently answer ... you are doing it right now!

- although I hear others using the term "diet" ... Don't think of it as a temporary thing ... you aren't ON A DIET, you are eating healthy and being active, that's all ... a diet is just what you eat ... right now you have an unhealthy diet ... tomorrow you can have a health diet ... you are not ON or OFF a diet .... that kind of thinking contributed to my feelings of failure if I stepped OFF a diet ... bah ... i just ate something that wasn't really a good choice ... that's all. It's all about the little choices to pick something up or turn your back on it ...

- buy smaller portions and shop more often. I loved choosing good foods at the store and experimenting with yummy healthy recipes I found in healthy cookbooks.

- I had to stay away from anything that promoted ONE way of being ... that included any trademarked type of "diet" like Paleo or Clean Eating ... I borrowed from everything instead of trying to sign on for ONE type of "diet" ... again, as soon as I made a bad choice, I felt I'd failed by stepping OFF that diet.... pfft.

Best of luck, stick around here and add friends here who will keep you accountable or check in with you regularly ... and do your part to keep THEM accountable, too! Just because you aren't at your goal weight doesn't mean that you can't keep someone else accountable to hit theirs ...

Heather

ELEANOR43da

I was reading your reply and thought I believe there are things you said that are still the me I don't want to be and I could really use someone to bounce things off at the end of those bad days ,someone who is uplifting and actually feels for anothers journeys . I have an issue with giving up eating special k each morning ,white bread and lunch and still do pasta once a week and white rice. I eat potato once a week ...............is this totally wrong. I have to keep my carbs in mind as I am a diabetic so I get confused . I am 5'3 and 236lbs,eating 1645 calories /day but usually around 1400.Would like if you add me and give advice.

AglaeaC

Before I really embraced this thing I had a hard time accepting incorporating the concept of patience into daily life. Commitment needs to be 100% as a starting point for you to not go nuts when small mishaps of overeating happen on individual days; you need to realise that a minor setback doesn't completely "ruin everything". You also have to accept that for the major change to happen, all the small steps that are daily-life actions are necessary. Cheating in the form of fad diets, which were already mentioned, just doesn't work. What you can do, however, is to commit to log in daily and immerse yourself in good advice, start small with just one task that you focus on; drinking enough water daily for instance.

Personally I don't put it as "You have to want this desperately" but instead I say "You have to need this desperately". I've been on and off for a few years already, lost about 15 kg, then gained all and a bit more back, because I did it the wrong way and not as a lifestyle change either. Simply put, my mind wasn't in it at the time. Something clicked about ten days ago and I finally found peace, the acceptance of the slow speed that I sorely needed. It gets easier after that but I still recommit to the process every day.

Edit: typo

erinstringham

I found the book Change Anything really helpful. http://www.amazon.com/Change-Anything-Science-Personal-Success/dp/0446573906/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376074169&sr=8-1&keywords=change+anything

I would lose weight, keep it off for a few months, then gain it back, beat myself up, gain even more weight, repeat. Learning about how to set myself up for lasting success has made a huge difference for me, along with weight lifting and eating a high protein diet.

Also, I think it's very brave of you to open yourself up as you have, good luck friend!

tburkett1915

Reading your plea for help, I think of my struggle and how desparate I was and still am about losing weight. There are many issues here that's causing you to over eat, and delay action. Since you never had a weight problem until adulthood, I'm guessing you didn't know what eating healthfully looked like, and what it took to maintain a healthy weight. Losing weight is a journey to self discovery and you've already started to make progress, you'd identified your self talk of procrastination, which leads to ordering out and the motivation to lose weight; having a baby. Since you're chosing to order out instead of preparing the healthy food you've purchased, you don't believe that healthy food can be delicious and satisfying, don't want to cook, etc. I recommend the following:
1. identify and assess;
what fruits and veggies do you like and find receipes for them.
what is your daily schedule like? what times can you prepare food?
what meals do you like and swap unhealthy ingredients and cooking methods for healthy althernative ei. vegetable oil/ grape seed oil, deep fry / saute

witmer1

You have to want it. If you have access to healthy stuff, stop medicating and realize that every time you medicate, you're making it worse. Start slow. I started by cutting out soda first, then ensured I didn't drink any calories. Then I started cutting out carbs slowly and on and on and on. Easing into it was much easier. While it took longer to get started, the ball is easier to keep rolling.

At the same time, I worked up my exercise bit by bit. Walk a tenth of a mile, then two tenths, then a half mile, then a mile and on and on. I now do some walks of 4-6 miles.

Make sure you're not being impatient with this. You know you can lose weight as you've done it in the past. You just need to make a sustainable and reasonable goal. Remember, you didn't gain it all overnight. It's not coming off overnight. Slow and steady wins the race. It took me 11 months to get where I am. I have 100 lbs more to go.

AglaeaC

I should add my point about want versus need. People buy lots of stuff and only some of it is what they truly need; most is what they want. When I thought about this and applied it to my lifestyle change, I realised I'm much benefited when thinking about this as something I need very badly - it helps me prioritise over other actions I could take. Since it is a need the same way as sleep etc., there is no question when I schedule my running training, meal planning and similar activities in the calendar. I use iCal and the particular calendar for these tasks is called Health. It is the part of my life that gets first priority above anything else.

SarbeeFigg

There has been a lot of good advice on this post already.
As someone else said most of us are works in progress and we will be for the rest of our lives. I still have over 70 pounds to go until I'm where the doctors will call me "healthy" what I can say is that I feel so much better now at 220lb than I did at 320...I had to hit that place in my life where I knew there was no going back, that I really HAD to change my life...most people I know how have succeeded at weight loss and kept it off say the same thing. You have to make the decision and know there is no going back.

What worked for me was setting small goals for myself. ie start by just logging everything that you eat. I had no idea how many calories I was actually consuming. After you determine how many you're eating, starting cutting it down. Try 500 or 750 calories less than before. Then reduce that if you're still consuming a large number. Cutting down to 1200 or 1400 right away would have sent me packing. I still have to eat a minimum of 1500 calories everyday or I'm super cranky. It's just how my body works. Everyone is different you'll find what works for you. I also wanted to say that I don't deny myself anything. I still make homemade bread every week, I eat carbs (probably more than I should but that's another story), I also calculate my sweet treat into my daily calories. I like something sweet after I put the baby down for bed. Sometimes it's fruit or yogurt...more often than not it's a cookie...Just calculate it in and keep moving.

Start moving. Think small at first. Start by taking a walk around your block or down your road or to the mail box. Whatever it is do more tomorrow, and go further the next day. Start doing squats, if you can only do 1 today, do 2 or 3 tomorrow and so on. Everything I do I just try to do more or better or longer the next time.

The biggest thing is believe in yourself, don't listen to that voice telling you you can't. Just keep with it. Good luck!

pjs417

You'll get there. Believe in yourself and put yourself first! Here's a challenge for you. In two weeks get a paper bag or two. Fill the bags with canned/packaged food items until you've matched the weight you've lost. Then drive to the nearest food shelf donation site and park in the furthest spot from the door. Carry that "weight" you lost across the parking lot and when you drop those bags into the donation bin feel how much lighter you are without that extra weight. Do this again in six weeks. It's such a great feeling to donate that food and realize how much better you feel without that extra weight. I am pretty certain once you drop off at the donation site you will not want to put that weight back on.
You are much stronger that you think you are.

AglaeaC

What worked for me was setting small goals for myself. ie start by just logging everything that you eat.

I had major problems committing to logging exactly everything, so once I realised it was sort of an "all or nothing" situation, I changed strategy. For a while I logged only select meals, until I saw there was no cheating. Only once there was a momentum built did I ask from myself to log all meals.

My point is that you might have to tweak things, go easier where you first went tougher but didn't succeed since it was too much at once, and just listen to yourself. Don't let your mind fool you to think that you can't do this though; many others have been where you are and we all start in square zero. You're not alone.