Feeling defeated

walzllw

Hello,

I gained weight in my 30's. Almost 100 lbs. I know the struggle. I tried all the "diets" too and all the excersise videos etc. The one thing I have learned is it is not a "DIET" it is a life change. One step at a time. I still have days where I over eat, but i have learned that if I use MFP even when I have bad days I stay on track. Love yourself........That is a big one because you are worth it! Exercise is another big one. I started out walking. A few miles a day and then increased the distance and my speed. Today I jogged 4 miles without stopping. I have been at it for a year and I have had setbacks and gained, the key is getting back on track and learning from those setbacks. If you need to chat or moral support let me know. Sending you a friend request now. Good luck!

Laura (walzllw)

AglaeaC

I took a look at your profile and hope you're not offended now. Maybe you should fill out why you want to get in shape and ponder where your inspirations are. If you have no answers to those questions, then I think you're not ready to commit yet. Good luck!

atiana19

I completely understand ..I have yo-yo dieted for years now and ive gained and lost 70 lbs at a time..I think that you have to find it in yourself to not want to feel bad anymore. That is what happened to me just a few weeks ago. I got angry and decided to take action. It is a terrible thing to feel big and uncomfortable in your own skin. I have been very motivated by the fact that I do not want my children to grow up without a mommy just because I like to eat. I tell myself that I have had enough bad stuff for a lifetime. Of course I allow a cheat here and there but I found my children are the best motivation for wanting to get healthy not just slim. Good luck on your journey and may you find the inner strength to be good to your body for yourself and your kids.

1princesswarrior

I was always athletic into my 20's and 30's. I didn't gain weight until my late 20's and early 30's. I have tried just about every pill and fad diet under the sun. Then last year I started seeing a nutritionist and found this site. Then, BAM, I had a really bad fall off my horse and broke my neck and suffered a traumatic brain injury so I gained all my weight back and them some. I also have bipolar disorder and suffer from panic attacks. The first medication they put me on for my bipolar helped me gain 60 pounds in 2 months because I was so zombified I didn't care what or how much I ate.

One person suggested a therapist and I think that's a really good idea. If nothing else to help you with your panic attacks. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Because of my brain injury I now have chronic migraines and no medication has really helped me. I would function most days with my service dog who alerts me to oncoming headaches so I could "take cover" as I like to call it. Well, one day I decided to just quit feeling sorry for myself. I'm not saying that is what is going on with you. So I logged back into MFP, ordered some Zumba DVD's and a Dance Party DVD to start. I did those every day and after a couple of weeks I couldn't wait to get home to exercise. And my headaches started to happen less frequently. I use caffeine to help prevent my headaches so I eventually gave up soda for unsweetened tea or sometimes I use Truvia. I slowly changed my diet over time from all processed foods to more real foods and my headaches continued to get better, my cravings did as well. I got bored with my DVD's so I saw posts about C25K and started that program, I'm just getting ready to start week 6 and I get frustrated when I can't get my run in exactly every other day. Now I go to the gym and work with a personal trainer and am loving it, I go to a women's gym that also offers nutrition assistance. My horse was diagnosed with a horrible disease in May and I truly believe if it weren't for the exercise I wouldn't have survived it.

For me it wasn't just one thing. And like others have said, this is not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. You want to have a baby, right? Let that be your motivation. Maybe it's something more simple than that. And do set small goals for youself. Set your ticker at 10lbs to lose. There's something very reinforcing about seeing that move and change in the direction you want it to. Give yourself credit where credit is due. Even if you just put down one can of soda today you need to tell youself "atta girl". They say it takes 1000 "atta girl's" to undo one "bad girl". How long have you been beating yourself up?

Find some supportive friends on here, let them know what your small goals are either through a PM or more publicly. It's feels really nice to have other people tell you you're doing good, especially when you don't think so. Feel free to add me.

Finally be active in the forums through posts like this. You will find all sorts of replies but sometimes we all need a good kick in the butt to get moving in the right direction even though it hurts in the moment. I think you'll find more support and understanding than you think.

heidicalif

Do not spend time sitting around and watching TV unless you've already got your daily exercise in. Don't make excuses for not getting up and moving.

Yes. Simple, but huge. I was really struggling with exactly this last week. It was the 5 year anniversary of the last time I saw my mom healthy and happy before she was diagnosed with brain cancer and given 3-6 months to live, and I was really missing her. I could not believe how sedentary I became almost overnight. I was disgusted with myself, but hardly got up out of bed/off the couch except for really wimpy workouts. To get going again I made myself do little things, anything, that would get me up even if only for a mi ute or two. Take out the garbage even if its not full, spend time chopping veggies I would normally put in the food processor, a short extra walk to the mailbox even though its too early, etc. any little thing to keep me from sitting or lying down. Ultimately it was telling myself that if I didn't pull out of it I was going to have to change my mfp activity level to couch potato that did the trick. I'm going to pick up a pedometer next time I'm at the store because I know it will really motivate me.

Trilby16

Becoming healthy enough to have a baby should be a great goal and strong motivation for you.

Also, the hardest thing is to start. For more than a year I resisted and resisted counting calories even though I know it's the only thing that works for me and is sustainable for the long-term. Once I really started, easy-peasy!

Starting is the hard part. Each day you do it is reinforcement. And a baby as a goal should be a wonderful motivator for you. Good luck! Others have done it and so can you.

TangledUp_InBlue

Losing weight isn’t fun.

I’ve been doing MFP for a little over a year and had success and you can too. You have to quit beating yourself up and just commit to doing it. Find an acceptable calorie range and start moving. Walk for 10 - 15 minutes everyday and build on that.

No tricks, tips or potions will replace appropriate calorie intake and exercise.

Good luck.

H_Factor

not enough people know exactly why they want to "lose weight" or "get healthy"....or at least they don't have specific enough reasons that really matter to them. do the activity in this blog:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/H_Factor/view/recipe-for-a-will-power-pill-for-help-with-the-mental-part-of-the-journey-155978

marilynx

Ok, first things's first:

I was like you for a long time. Constantly yo yo dieting looking for a quick fix for the mess I had gotten myself into with my weight. You need to look at yourself and ask yourself, is this what you really want? You know you NEED to lose weight, but do you WANT to lose weight. The pressure of NEEDING to but not WANTING to is only going to constantly set you up for failure. Here's what I mean:

You were able to hold onto a shake diet long enough to lose a substantial amount of weight. There was a want there. It takes a HELL of a lot of willpower to stick to any crash diet because it goes against what you want to do biologically, mentally and emotionally. Eventually you caved and went back to old habits, but the important thing to remember is that you have the willpower. Your WANT just didn't stay in alignment with your want so you have up. You gotta deal with whatever is in your way before it clicks.

Seriously, just ask yourself, is this what I want? I am an emotional eater. It used to be so bad that if something set me off I'd eat close to 3000 calories in a matter of a few hours. My stomach was bottomless; but really I was feeling empty so I was trying to feel something; feel full. But, my self destruction wasn't working anymore. I had to make a change.

Ask yourself, is this what you want? We know you want to have children, we know you wanna be healthy, but do you want to do what it takes to get there? With your caloric goal you can still eat treats, but are you willing to turn down treats every once in awhile to make your goal? Are you willing to eat only the regular sized candy bar instead of the king sized one? Are you willing to exercise? Are you willing to deal with the life change? If not, then it's best you work on getting ready before you try losing weight. That could mean counseling, slowly cutting out the worst of your diet choices, self acceptance, whatever you gotta do. You will know you're ready because one day something in your mind will just click. You will feel it. It'll be an experience where you'll say to yourself enough is enough. That's what happened to me, and I'm sure a lot of other people on this site.

I often find that questions like this are looking for either miracle fixes or for a fix that will make someone change without any real effort on the will. Only YOU can come up with ways to stop overeating. Nobody can give you anything that'll stop you from overeating. Even people who have their stomach stapled still gain back all the weight because mentally they just weren't ready. Everyone on here can tell you to exercise, eat more fruits and veggies, but you gotta get up and do it every single day. You gotta WANT to do that. You can't do it for a little while then mess up one day, then let it go to hell. When you do mess up, which you will, you gotta hold onto your resolve and try again. You gotta mentally be in the right place to do that.

I have a friend, a beautiful woman. She's around 330 pounds. She's tried losing weight. We've walked together, she eats healthy, then all of a sudden she falls off. She told me she just had to accept that even though she needs to lose weight she doesn't want to yet. So now she just focuses on eating as healthy as she can. One day she will need to face the weight, but now just isn't that time. I have a ton of respect for her for being that self aware.

Your willpower is there. You know what you need to do. All you have to do is want it more than where you're at right now. Good luck. Trust your body. You can do it, if you want to.

BeachIron

Do not spend time sitting around and watching TV unless you've already got your daily exercise in. Don't make excuses for not getting up and moving.

Yes. Simple, but huge. I was really struggling with exactly this last week. It was the 5 year anniversary of the last time I saw my mom healthy and happy before she was diagnosed with brain cancer and given 3-6 months to live, and I was really missing her. I could not believe how sedentary I became almost overnight. I was disgusted with myself, but hardly got up out of bed/off the couch except for really wimpy workouts. To get going again I made myself do little things, anything, that would get me up even if only for a mi ute or two. Take out the garbage even if its not full, spend time chopping veggies I would normally put in the food processor, a short extra walk to the mailbox even though its too early, etc. any little thing to keep me from sitting or lying down. Ultimately it was telling myself that if I didn't pull out of it I was going to have to change my mfp activity level to couch potato that did the trick. I'm going to pick up a pedometer next time I'm at the store because I know it will really motivate me.

I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. If you get to a point like this, then find active hobbies. There are walking groups, biking groups, running groups, and huge number of other groups that you can join. It not only helps remove the excuses, but it helps you meet other people who are trying to hit some goals and have a good time in the process. Use them if you need them.

verymissk

You're just going to have to decide that having a life where you make healthy and smart choices to reach your goals is more important than medicating with food and lethargy.

sitesh19

I remember when I was 15-16, fit and active as a young boy should be but it was around that time when I started putting on weight which at first went unnoticed and then out of nowhere it was too late. I tried the whole gym and diet charade but quite frankly anyone who puts on so much weight in so little time usually becomes lazy because of which none of my attempts at losing weight worked. I remember while I was gaining weight I would make myself somehow believe that tomorrow would be the day when I would finally change my lifestyle but as it happens that day never came as years went by. There came a point when I finally gave up and started eating anything that I wanted to but then a tragedy struck in the family and out of nowhere I lost around 3 lbs while I was eating everything that I usually did the only difference was due to my busy schedules and a lot of running around I had to do some portion control which I never thought would work but strangely it did and that motivated me to start this diet control which is still hard for me even on my best days but the only way to do it is tackling one day at a time.

katymambros

I'm sorry you're struggling. I can relate, I have also struggled with yoyo diets all through my twenties, and now I'm 31. I've learned to find a healthier drink, I used to be a big soda fan myself. Don't buy sodas, start trying different teas, and koolaids and use Stevia or Truvia, since they are the more natural artificial sweeteners Believe it or not, that will cut out LOTS of extra calories, the next thing is, plan what meals and snacks you're going to eat for the day, and don't give in to your temptations so easily! And last, but certainly not least, add some kind of exercise routine, even if it's just light walking a few minutes a day to start with. I'm here for you baby girl, you can and WILL do this!

jaecamp1

When I started I felt defeated too. I felt like it was useless and I resigned myself to being "the fat lady" for the rest of my life. I gave away all my "skinny" clothes, anything with the sizes starting with a 1. My highest weight was 287- 93 lbs more than I am today. I wasn't bummed for too long about all my clothes because they would be too big for me now anyway. I started on here and really just paid attention to what I was eating. The weight has just been pouring off ever since.

You don't have to be perfect. Just better than yesterday

L4GFOREVER

I have lost 140lbs in the last year. In the past i have not been able to stick with it this long. The biggest diferance this time is i started out with small changes. Dont try to give up a whole lot at once it will just slow youre metabolism down and make you binge. When i starte d this time for instance my first change was slowly giving up soda but not all at once i went from 1 liter a day down to half a liter and so on until i did not have the desire to drink it. With exercise i started out with 10 minutes 3 times a day. I hope this helps you get started back on youre journey>>>>>> God Bless

marciebrian

You have your motivation, you want a baby and the doc said you need to lose weight. So lose weight! NO magic pills, just hard work and watching your nutrition and the rest takes care of itself. MFP is a great community of people who will help along the way. If I can be there for you,, add me to your friend list and I'll do what I can to help but this is for you! Best of luck to you!!!!:flowerforyou:

suziepoo1984

The best tip I can give you is to not treat this as a temporary diet to reach an end. The "secret" to successful weight and health management is to make it a lifestyle choice and be proactive.

That being said, do not bother with most fad diets. Educate yourself a bit by reading some of the stickies here and learn what BMR and TDEE are, what the three macros are and their role in your body.

Once that is done, calculate your TDEE and eat a reasonable deficit that you can live with, not something extreme that will perpetuate a binge/starve cycle.

There are no inherintly "healthy" and "unhealthy" foods. There is just food. Some are more calorie dense and some are more nutrient dense. A good rule of thumb is to eat 80% "clean" and 20% whatever the heck you want, so long as you meet your calorie and macro targets.


Exercise is important for long term health, motivation, and also mental health. Start out by incorporating walks several times per week. As you grow more confident in yourself, start a resistance training program. Weight lifting, bodyweight calisthenics, pilates, whatever. If you like cardio, try one of the popular DVDs like 30 Day Shred or take a Zumba class if you enjoy dancing.


Be deliberate in your fitness goals, this doesn't happen by accident.

^^All "Secrets" to weight loss:flowerforyou: right here

harleygroomer

take it one day at a time and take ONE bad thing away from yourself each week. Get used to that ONE thing being gone and then replace it with a healthy item. I did this for 2 months before I started my "lifestyle change". This is no longer a diet for me--this is a lifestyle change and I view it that way. One thing at a time and one day at a time.

JackieEnos203014

I run accountability groups and they really help because u have to tell everyone what u ate. Its helped alot of my challengers not go back for seconds, order that soda or basket of fries because they dont want to tell us they ate it. If that interests you message me

Jackie

JackieEnos203014

Good for u for finding something to motivate u. I have accountability groups that we support and encourage one another and hold each other accountable if u are interested message me
Jackie