Anyone noticed people are nicer when you’re skinnier?

DiscusTank5

I lost 50 pounds 6 years ago and regained it 3 years ago. The compliments--from strangers and acquaintances-- really emerged with added weight loss. People make a lot less eye contact when I'm heavy.

amandaeve

These threads are SO interesting to me. I wish we could do a study, as many people do notice a difference, but some do not. We all know the thin (but not too thin) ideal is more socially acceptable. Everything else equal, I'm sure people who meet this ideal are slightly more successful with work, dates, first impressions, etc. If I worked in a university I'd love to compare these variables. Poise (i.e. projected self confidence) has been mentioned several times as a factor that might override weight. But what else? I have a hunch location makes a difference; the typical person in Colorado is thinner than the typical person in Indiana. Plus certain neighborhoods are more chatty/friendly/flirtatious with acquaintances than others. I hate to say it, but facial attractiveness also probably plays a role. I'm guessing someone who scores a "10" in the face will be treated differently at any weight than someone who's say a "5" when they're overweight and then a "6" or "7" thin. And what about clothing? Someone with a lot of resources would likely be better dressed in better-fitting clothing at a heavy weight than someone without very many resources (since plus-sized clothing is so hard to find in the first place).

kmcadam78

I definitely found that people treat me different when I gain weight. It's like I become invisible

Unknown

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yungdragxn

Yess. People can be wishy-washy. On the bright side, you can tell who the real ones are when they treat you the same no matter how much you weigh )

heartofhearts

I agree because when I was 20 pounds lighter, it seemed to be the case. But, I was in a work environmet, so I'm assuming it was partly because of that as well. I also had a better attitude then & hadn't went through 2 pregnancies & births. 😁 I find myself more secure but also insecure at the same time. Secure as in becoming a mom, has made me feel sexier & bad *kitten*. More insecure because it's harder to eat less than what I should in order to be healthier.

elisa123gal

I don't look at it as people are "nicer." It is more accurate to say; you're no longer "invisible." I've noticed this throughout my life. When I get down to a certain weight.. all of a sudden smiles from strangers...this last, and final time of losing this year; I noticed people at the grocery store apologizing as I wheeled my cart by them. For what?

But the big funny was when I went to Paris recenlty for my anniversary. I was so happy to be as thin as the day I got married, I planned my clothes and was looking forward to being fashionable in Paris.

However, I was inivisibe again... It wasn't fat or not fat.. I was an ugly American ahhh so French.

tk2222

amandaeve wrote: »

These threads are SO interesting to me. I wish we could do a study, as many people do notice a difference, but some do not. We all know the thin (but not too thin) ideal is more socially acceptable. Everything else equal, I'm sure people who meet this ideal are slightly more successful with work, dates, first impressions, etc. If I worked in a university I'd love to compare these variables. Poise (i.e. projected self confidence) has been mentioned several times as a factor that might override weight. But what else? I have a hunch location makes a difference; the typical person in Colorado is thinner than the typical person in Indiana. Plus certain neighborhoods are more chatty/friendly/flirtatious with acquaintances than others. I hate to say it, but facial attractiveness also probably plays a role. I'm guessing someone who scores a "10" in the face will be treated differently at any weight than someone who's say a "5" when they're overweight and then a "6" or "7" thin. And what about clothing? Someone with a lot of resources would likely be better dressed in better-fitting clothing at a heavy weight than someone without very many resources (since plus-sized clothing is so hard to find in the first place).

Sadly, I do work in a university and 'huh, I wonder if anyone has done any work on that', is my catnip...I haven't read closely through these, but a place to get started looking for relevant studies:


http://www.mikkihebl.com/uploads/9/0/2/3/90238177/15c.pdf
This looks like a good place to start - summary chapter of findings from a range of studies on different aspects of anti-fat bias, from empirical evidence about childhood teasing, college admissions, workplace, and social and romantic life, to psychological and self-esteem aspects and social and class correlates. Some sad little nuggets in there: 'Heavyweight children are less often nominated as friends (Staffieri, 1967), much less likely to be chosen as a best friend', and 'Crandall (1995) showed that parents are significantly less likely to give financial support to their heavyweight children than their average-weight children for college (regardless of ability to pay), and this effect was particularly striking among daughters'.


Miller, C. T., & Downey, K. T. (1999). A meta-analysis of heavyweight and self-esteem.
Personality and Social Psychology Review

A meta-analysis of empirical studies of weight-based bias in the workplace


Latner, J.D. and Stunkard, A.J., 2003. Getting worse: the stigmatization of obese children. Obesity research, 11(3), pp.452-456.

gallicinvasion

I remember reading a study that concluded that fat women were paid less than skinny women for equal work, whereas the difference was significantly less for fat men vs skinny men.

amandaeve

tk2222 wrote: »

amandaeve wrote: »

These threads are SO interesting to me. I wish we could do a study, as many people do notice a difference, but some do not. We all know the thin (but not too thin) ideal is more socially acceptable. Everything else equal, I'm sure people who meet this ideal are slightly more successful with work, dates, first impressions, etc. If I worked in a university I'd love to compare these variables. Poise (i.e. projected self confidence) has been mentioned several times as a factor that might override weight. But what else? I have a hunch location makes a difference; the typical person in Colorado is thinner than the typical person in Indiana. Plus certain neighborhoods are more chatty/friendly/flirtatious with acquaintances than others. I hate to say it, but facial attractiveness also probably plays a role. I'm guessing someone who scores a "10" in the face will be treated differently at any weight than someone who's say a "5" when they're overweight and then a "6" or "7" thin. And what about clothing? Someone with a lot of resources would likely be better dressed in better-fitting clothing at a heavy weight than someone without very many resources (since plus-sized clothing is so hard to find in the first place).

Sadly, I do work in a university and 'huh, I wonder if anyone has done any work on that', is my catnip...I haven't read closely through these, but a place to get started looking for relevant studies:


http://www.mikkihebl.com/uploads/9/0/2/3/90238177/15c.pdf
This looks like a good place to start - summary chapter of findings from a range of studies on different aspects of anti-fat bias, from empirical evidence about childhood teasing, college admissions, workplace, and social and romantic life, to psychological and self-esteem aspects and social and class correlates. Some sad little nuggets in there: 'Heavyweight children are less often nominated as friends (Staffieri, 1967), much less likely to be chosen as a best friend', and 'Crandall (1995) showed that parents are significantly less likely to give financial support to their heavyweight children than their average-weight children for college (regardless of ability to pay), and this effect was particularly striking among daughters'.


Miller, C. T., & Downey, K. T. (1999). A meta-analysis of heavyweight and self-esteem.
Personality and Social Psychology Review

A meta-analysis of empirical studies of weight-based bias in the workplace


Latner, J.D. and Stunkard, A.J., 2003. Getting worse: the stigmatization of obese children. Obesity research, 11(3), pp.452-456.

@tk2222 You are my new favorite person! I am having these "huh, I wonder if..." thoughts ALL.THE.TIME.

The first article showed me I have a stereotype toward heavy people in school. I guess I had a subconscious assumption that heavy people busied themselves with important subjects like learning, thinking, and doing so much that attention to food and appearances fell to the wayside, and were therefore more successful students than the average. Obviously that's as silly as assuming people who wear glasses are smarter. I am also surprised the reach of discrimination that study pointed out. I figured it would be a little worse, but not that bad. Thank you for sharing!

Dennigrl176

I notice that I, myself, am friendlier when I am skinnier. I probably project more self-confidence and people who encounter me probably are likely just projecting my own good mood back to me. In contrast, when I gain weight, my clothes feel too tight; I feel less like myself; I don't engage as often with others and I might be acting less approachable. While it seems true that people are nicer to me when I'm skinnier, it's more likely that my own actions and mental state have created that perception. Feeling good about myself has a lot to do with how others treat me. Easier said than done, but a good thing to keep in mind. Stay positive, mind over matter, right?

ITUSGirl51

Yes! I’ve lost 75 lbs. Most of the time I don’t feel a lot different emotionally so I’m always surprised when people are nice to me. Doors held open, elevator held, chit chat with a stranger, sales clerks in clothing stores ask if I need help when I’m not even looking for help. I don’t have more confidence and am not friendlier. I usually feel the same inside. I’m even grumpy when I have to wait at the check out, but most everyone is nice now. It is what it is. It’s kind of sad that’s how humans act, but it’s not intentional.

PAFC84

jenilla1 wrote: »

long_for_me wrote: »

Yes, they do. Random people make me compliments. This did not happen 24lbs ago...I still have 70 to go, but the more weight I lose, the more attention I get. For me, the attention starts around BMI of 31 and peaks at BMI24...

This is interesting. I've been between 20-22 BMI for most of my life, I'm fit and athletic, and I don't get compliments about my appearance. People are nice to me, and people do look at me, but they don't mention my looks at all when they speak to me. Some older guy a few weeks ago asked me how I trained my calf muscles because he was having no luck with his, but that's literally the only thing a random stranger has said to me about my appearance in years (at least that I can remember.) Well, that's not completely true. Doctors always use words like "fit" and "lean" and "active" when talking about me. But I wouldn't say those were random stranger compliments. I do get compliments on some of the witty crap I say in the moment. I amuse some people. So there's that.

I wonder why some people get compliments and others don't. Must be something about their demeanor that makes people feel comfortable (or not) doing it. I'm actually glad people don't compliment me on my appearance, because I think it would be awkward. How are you supposed to respond to it: "I know, right? I look amazing!" (so conceited even if it's true) or are you supposed to downplay or deny it (fake humility). I'm probably a little bit (or lot bit) socially awkward and people can sense that so they don't go there.

It's probably something to do with the blood on your forehead, the corner of your mouth and on your neck.....just saying.

SaraMakingChanges

I’ve lost 165 lbs and I notice some people I knew at my highest weight treating me better now but definitely not all of them. The people who treat me the same mean a lot to me... these are true friends and good people I want to keep in my life.

Some people also feel they have the right to comment and this can turn ugly. One negative encounter at work started with a colleague who I’ve worked with for 10 years complimenting me and ended with him telling me I used to be “nasty”... that one was hard to digest... I had to work hard to expunge what felt like a poison he had planted in me with that one word. But it helped to remember that the only nasty person in that conversation was him.

I have also noticed more friendliness or when meeting new people. But most likely that is because I’m less self conscious so seem more friendly and approachable.