Anyone noticed people are nicer when you’re skinnier?

Evelyn_Gorfram

Oh, yes. I noticed this when I lost 70 lbs and spent a few years at goal some years ago (before regaining it all and then some).

It was most pronounced in my personally most dreaded social situation: parties where I know hardly anybody. (You want me to stand up in front of 150 people and do some public speaking, sure, no worries. You want me to stand next to those same people with a drink in my hand and mingle? ...My stomach gets tied into knots just thinking about it.)

I would go in with my usual hangdog attitude of: "Of course no one's going to like you and it's going to be a disaster as usual; but you're here and you're supposed to be chatting/networking/meeting people, and Dale Carnegie and everyone else say this is supposed to work, so go walk up to those people and introduce yourself already."

Fat Me at edge of conversation cluster: "Hi, I'm Evelyn."
Person next to me: "Hi."
Person on other side, to 3rd person: "So, you were saying that you can't decide which stain to use for your back deck?"
Person next to me: "I hear the thing to do is swatch the stains, so you can see them in all different types of lighting..."
Fat Me: (wanders off towards next conversational cluster)

At-Goal Me at edge of conversation cluster: "Hi, I'm Evelyn."
Person next to me: "Hi, I'm Steve. Nice to meet you." (to person on other of me) "Jane, this is Evelyn."
Jane: "Hi Evelyn, I'm Jane. This is my buddy Kevin," (indicating 3rd person) "...Whose life will not be complete until he decides which stain to use on his back deck."
Steve: "I hear the thing to do is swatch the stains, so you can see them in all different types of lighting..."
At-Goal Me: "Really? You mean like lipstick? Isn't it tricky painting those little swatching strips on the inside of your wrist?"
(Jane laughs politely. Steve and Kevin laugh more heartily than this rather lame joke deserves.)
Jane: "I guess the tough part is getting the stain to set up nicely in the lipstick tube."
(Laughter all around. Jokes continue and a Good Conversational Time is had by all.)

This was not just once. Scenarios just like both of the above were played out many, many times.

I was at goal weight during a difficult time in my life: I was living in a city I had always hated, I was being edged out and undermined at my job, my ex-boyfriend was stalking me and my current boyfriend was slowly escalating towards becoming abusive. Plus, my cat died. Pictures of me at goal weight show me looking sad and sort of gloomily pale. I suppose I could have been smiling more and projecting more self-confidence, etc., but I really don't think so.

Also, I noticed men being nicer to me in traffic: giving up their turns at 4-ways stops, yielding at merges, sometimes even smiling at me when I cut them off. How much self-confidence could I have been projecting during those infinitesimally brief interactions?

zyxst

Yes, people treat me better. I notice it moreso with medical professionals. They're not so off-put to touch me during exams. I get plenty of people telling me I must feel so much better after losing weight which is annoying af. My attitude has't changed for the better either. Weight loss didn't remove my low self esteem, anxiety, and depression.

amusedmonkey

Man... this makes me wonder if I'm seriously out of touch with what's happening around me or if it's just cultural.

zyxst

amusedmonkey wrote: »

Man... this makes me wonder if I'm seriously out of touch with what's happening around me or if it's just cultural.

Well, I'm currently living in Canada and lived in the U.S. for 32 years. I will say I notice how people react/treat me because of growing up fat and being bullied and abused for it.

CharlotteAnneUK

Is it maybe because you feel better about yourself you give out a more approachable vibe??

Rocknut53

Hell, I'm nicer when I'm skinnier.

MikePfirrman

I didn't really notice this until I lost weight but I felt somewhat invisible before, if that makes sense. I was thin/healthy until around my early 30s. Spent over a decade obese. No one really notices you that much when you're obese. I felt it oddly uncomfortable to be looked at again, especially being married, by the opposite sex. I guess I do find it flattering now to at least be noticed and not ignored completely, though I'm very much happy that my wife notices the difference and that's, quite frankly, more important than anything else.

So by "nicer" meaning they notice you're even there, yes, that's true.

88olds

Maybe they treat me better because I’m happier.

pinuplove

Yes. And no, I don't think it has anything to do with my attitude changing. I'm not and have never been outgoing, comfortable making small talk or eye contact or any of that other stuff, regardless of my weight. And yet I now regularly have offers of 'Can I help you find anything?' or 'Would you like some help with that?' at the grocery store, etc. Maybe I just look confused all the time now

brightsideofpink

Yes, and not just out in public. Even people I work with regularly (clients and customers, not necessarily fellow employees) seemed to approach me differently after I'd lost 70 lbs than before. And I noticed it on the backswing too, after I'd gained some back.

evemariepaiement

When I lost a lot of weight 10 years ago (after quitting Paxil), I noticed how people at the coffee shop, in the street, at the gym, at the movies, everybody was smiling at me, complime4nting me on my scarves, purse, nail polish, etc. All the things I had before but was so invisible being fat that nobody noticed.

At work was even more noticeable, people who I worked with for a couple of years started talking to me randomly, smiling, and my work seemed to be more appreciated and my ideas seems to be better (they were not, I was always good ; )

It's true that I was less embarassed by my body, but it cannot explain everything. Even being heavier I always had a big smile and an easygoing attitude.

Lounmoun

I grew up skinny and was underweight until my early 20's and people were often mean or unfriendly about it. I was called names, had average weight girls tell me they hated me after asking my weight, etc regularly. People were not smiling at me or being more friendly because of my size back then that I noticed.
At a healthy weight I think I felt I got less comments on my body... maybe blended in more at 20 lbs heavier. People were maybe being more positive to me but I was also in a more confident and outgoing period of my life and interacting with more mature people.
Going from a healthy weight to overweight and obese I did not feel that people I knew treated me differently or that I was ignored or discriminated against in situations I was in. I guess I could have been but I did not put it down to being weight related. I think I tended to appear smaller than many aquaintances my age still anyway.
Losing weight did not seem to have changed how people have treated me.

I believe that people are treated differently because of weight but there may be other factors influencing it.

cathipa

Not really. People treat me worse now that I've lost weight and I go to the gym frequently. They keep telling me to not workout too much so I don't look manly (news flash - doubtful this will ever happen unless I start with 'roids). Fit shaming is a thing.

dechowj

I haven't noticed it that much with people that I know. But there is a huge difference with strangers. When I would go shopping before I lost weight I was rarely offered help and people at the check out would be very snotty to me like I was inconveniencing them. After I lost 35 lbs (which on a 5 foot half an inch frame it seems like more) I constantly have people asking if I need help finding anything and actually smiling and chit-chating with me at the checkout line.

Kimmotion5783

gallicinvasion wrote: »

Acquaintances seem to be friendlier towards me than they used to be when I was fatter. Anyone else experience this?

Oh yes, people are definitely treating me differently than when I was heavier. People are nicer towards me now, I get treated with more respect, and acquaintances who were previously not nice to me are now treating me a little better. I don't feel invisible like I did before. People often used to bump into me all the time and I never understood that: how you could possibly miss a 6 foot tall 355 pound woman in bright pink?!

shunggie

I grew up heavy but felt like I had received enough attention the way things were. Then I lost 125 pounds. It changed almost every public interaction I had. Meaning the grocery store, the gas station, work meetings etc. not in a rude way but in a way where more doors were open, more smiles, more go ahead type stuff. I missed being invisible. I did not like the attention. You can hide under an extra 100 pounds, once that's gone you are there for everyone to see. I don't have that much to lose this time (only about 60) but I do worry about it. I don't know if that was a factor with the regained weight but now that I'm more aware of it, I feel like I'll handle it differently. Maybe avoid gaining back half the weight I lost.

HeathieM

There's a thing called the halo effect. In this book i read, the idea is that the subconscious mind has a set of cognitive biases and from the standpoint of evolutionary psychology, these biases can be seen to play out in not just our culture, but every culture. Attractive people are privileged over unattractive people. It used to be really important for the sake of the species (our genes) to bond with strong members who took care of themselves.

People aren't always just being jerks when they treat thinner or more attractive people better. It's kind of in our wiring. It would be cool if more people knew that and consciously worked to treat everyone the same but, alas.

cwolfman13

Didn't notice friends or acquaintances being any nicer to me...I do get flirted with more though

kami3006

cwolfman13 wrote: »

Didn't notice friends or acquaintances being any nicer to me...I do get flirted with more though

How YOU doin'?


I have some friends who have lost a lot and have commented on how much better they're treated. I've witnessed the difference when I'm with them as well.

kami3006

cathipa wrote: »

Not really. People treat me worse now that I've lost weight and I go to the gym frequently. They keep telling me to not workout too much so I don't look manly (news flash - doubtful this will ever happen unless I start with 'roids). Fit shaming is a thing.

This I have experienced. It's indeed a thing.