GUIDE TO...FWB
mustacheU2Lift
Posts: 5,844 Member
in Chit-Chat
So many make the most simplest mistakes. Post the how tos, dos or don'ts, and any tips to help those rookies secure their very own fwb.
2
Replies
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Do make the person feel like one of a kind.0
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Dont say things like will you be mine...too far...
Instead say...I really enjoy our time together...0 -
Do not have constant sleepovers.
Need some level of distance.0 -
Bring pizza and wine0
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I just sat here for 2 minutes trying to figure out what a fbw was. I broke all the rules and fell in love with mine. If only I had seen this 12 years ago.
I had to Google fwb. Since my wife is my best friend and the benefits are fantastic, I guess I can qualify to comment.
In my experience, FWB has a slim chance of success. Someone always cares for the other more. Someone is looking for commitment, while the other is looking for intimate relations without commitment.
When the relationship ends, and it will, one person is hurt and both parties lose a friend. But just because someone has given an acronym to this type of relationship, doesn't mean that it hasn't been going on forever.
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Some just want sex. Don't push for more and I don't mean moving the relationship from being friends. No gifts. No lovey-dovey crap.1
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Don't.8
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understand its got a limited life span. it's gonna end eventually.
don't talk about other people with them; it doesn't matter if they say they can handle it- they absolutely can not.
when you're with them, be *with* them. put phone away.
if you're a guy- don't ever let her cook for you.7 -
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Is a friend with benefits better then a friend without benefits?0
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That's why benefits without friends is the only way to go.2
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Yes, but at least when that ends, you haven't lost a friend.
I seem to be in the minority among everyone I talk to about this, but I can't even imagine "benefits" with a friend, and remaining just friends.
I agree. I really don't think that's entirely possible. Someone always gets the feels, and then the friendship is lost.
I tried that once. And we had an established 18 yrs of friendship, that is now hanging by a thread. We will stay friends because there is so much history, but it's definitely changed the dynamic... and not for the better.1 -
Dont be (or try to be) friends, strong boundaries, appropriate expectation setting and source in the right places. A circle of friends is not the right place to look for someone to use just for sex because it's too much work to find it somewhere else. Friends really shouldn't treat friends that way.2
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Yes, but at least when that ends, you haven't lost a friend.
I seem to be in the minority among everyone I talk to about this, but I can't even imagine "benefits" with a friend, and remaining just friends.
I agree. I really don't think that's entirely possible. Someone always gets the feels, and then the friendship is lost.
I tried that once. And we had an established 18 yrs of friendship, that is now hanging by a thread. We will stay friends because there is so much history, but it's definitely changed the dynamic... and not for the better.
Yes, but at least when that ends, you haven't lost a friend.
I seem to be in the minority among everyone I talk to about this, but I can't even imagine "benefits" with a friend, and remaining just friends.
Fwb is typically not with a real friend that you knew prior...in the dating world of apps and such it just means willing to hang out, watch movies, but mainly the benefits.
***disclosure no friends and no benefits0 -
We're turning into enemies with benefits...
...And so we stay in this deranged arrangement
Nailing 'tween the breaks
Of these unwavering debates
Of 'who's the crazy person'?
https://youtu.be/VsFL17DvOIA 2 -
When I hear benefits. ...
I think:
matching 401k
Hook me up.9 -
FWB doesn't work in the long run so enjoy it for what it is, when it is. Better to avoid the whoel friend thing, any meaningful conversations, and focus on the benefit only, which can at least extend the time before it blows up.3
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My only advice is that you pick a person that you’re ok with losing. From what I’ve heard, there’s no going back to just being friends.
But then again, what do I know?
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For me friendships are generally far more trusting and intimate than any new person I'm dating. So, sex is just like sprinkles on the ice cream, it's great. But my last one was like 20 years ago and we ended up living together and then married, so maybe I'm just not good at FWB...to be fair, I would probably never have chosen to date him, it's only because we were friends that I was even interested in going to bed with him...he's super sweet and I am so lucky, but he's also totally not my type and not someone I would have initially considered attractive on a purely physical level.1
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DO clearly communicate your expectations and boundaries.
DO be respectful of their communicated expectations and boundaries.
If you aren't sure about something, even something awkward, speak the frack up and talk to them. If you can't talk to them, you shouldn't be sleeping with them.1 -
don't be friends on social media.
someone's gonna end up getting jealous.
that's gonna happen anyway eventually but at least keeping things separated will postpone it a bit.5 -
idk i like to think i've helped a few marriages in my time here6 -
Waayyyy back in the day I had a very successful FWB situation. We had fun while it lasted. I actually introduced him to his now wife. But I think such arrangements usually do not end so well2
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Beneficial friendships are even more complicated than straight up relationships.
I've found the only way this works is to find something about the beneficial friend that you can't stand. Something that would be a deal breaker in a relationship. No constant texting. No planning too far ahead. No spending entire weekends together. No pet names except during the beneficial times. No couple selfies. Keep those walls up!3 -
Avocado_AS5 wrote: »Beneficial friendships are even more complicated than straight up relationships.
I've found the only way this works is to find something about the beneficial friend that you can't stand. Something that would be a deal breaker in a relationship. No constant texting. No planning too far ahead. No spending entire weekends together. No pet names except during the beneficial times. No couple selfies. Keep those walls up!
Oops. Broke 2,3, 4, 5. That explains so much.0 -
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Chael2dot0 wrote: »FWB doesn't work in the long run so enjoy it for what it is, when it is. Better to avoid the whoel friend thing, any meaningful conversations, and focus on the benefit only, which can at least extend the time before it blows up.
This.
Pick someone with whom a real relationship is a no-go anyway. For me that was allergic to dogs, pot smoker, age difference, etc.
FB is easier to negotiate than FWB.1 -
It never works long term. Its a faulty system that is really made mostly for women that dont want to feel bad for just wsnting sex. Most men already would have sex with their female friends so its no stretch for them to do it. Women tend to enjoy having male friends so its more of a reach for them. Somebody ultimately feels bad when one of the people finds someone they wsnt to seriously date and call off the fwb deal. For men its more of a pride, what the hell is that guy better in bed thing, for women its more of a what the hell is wrong with me that he wants to date her and not me after all of this.......
This of course is generally speaking. The feelings may be reversed on the genders, but ultimately it will most likely go there.11
This discussion has been closed.
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