Girls saying they have a 'type'

ostrichagain

I dated a pretty good spectrum of guys before I found the one I couldn't live without and I fell in love with him before I saw a picture of him.

I'm superficially attracted to a certain 'type', but that has little to do with making a relationship work, in my opinion.

Ed98043

Sounds like you've been dealing with amateurs. Real pros like me do it like this

Basically, no different than this:



And the female doesn't look too interested in either. lol

RJ0524583

Sounds like you've been dealing with amateurs. Real pros like me do it like this

Basically, no different than this:



And the female doesn't look too interested in either. lol

Yes, but can you buy taco bell with peacock feathers?


Only sometimes.

MercuryBlue

I feel like some of you are reading each other's posts and posting the same thing worded differently just to be funny...

But anyways, yes. Personality tends to trump looks, but the majority of my female friends still tend to go out with someone who has both looks and personality as opposed to just a nice personality. You can try to 'have your cake and eat it too' whenever possible, right?

I can't but look from it as an anthropologic thing, nature vs. nurture. Which type is instinctively more attractive?

Well, that depends. There's a difference between someone being objectively attractive, and finding someone attractive. I've dated a variety of conventionally hot, muscular, hubba-hubba type guys and thought, meh. Then I've fallen head over heels for men that weren't considered overly attractive (maybe sixes or sevens) by other people, but who I thought were sexy as all hell. I could never have dated someone I just thought had a good personality- there also had to be an attraction there. Sometimes the attraction was there from the beginning, sometimes it developed over time. Then there were guys I hung out with who had AMAZING personalities- but I was about as sexually attracted to them as a throw pillow. There are a lot of men and women out there who are not necessarily good looking, but who are attractive because of some unexplainable "x-factor". Confidence and good hygiene are a big part of that, too. I've known extremely average-looking people who were UNBELIEVABLY HOT because of factors such as the way they carried themselves. I've also known really physically attractive, nice people who I had zero attraction for because they had no self confidence. I had guy friends (some of whom were very good-looking and fit) who'd sit at a table during a party and cry into their beer because nobody wanted to date them. And, honestly, that was probably 99% of the reason why nobody wanted to date them.

Is this 'confidence' you speak of possibly represent demonstration of value?

Some rock stars, for example, are sickly, old, pale, and otherwise not the model of physical attractiveness, but because they command a certain level of leverage and power in our world, their ability to get things for their creative ability makes them more attractive. So, that's what I sort of mean by demonstration of value.

No. What I'm talking about has absolutely nothing to do with "demonstration of value". It has nothing to do with "worth", or money, or access to resources, or power, or leverage. In fact, most of the people I know (including myself)- excluding people of a very specific personality type- are put off by peacocky displays of wealth. I've almost always made more money than the guys I was dating; I make more money than my husband does now, because I'm educated and work hard. I don't need a sugar daddy.

The confidence has everything to do with knowing that they are attractive (whether or not that knowledge is based on reality), strong, intelligent, capable, worthy of affection. A person with this type of confidence walks into a room thinking, "I'm going to talk to these people because I'm their equal"; they make eye contact and smile. They don't putter around with their eyes on the floor, pissing and moaning that nobody is paying attention to them. I absolutely, 100%, cannot be bothered to start a relationship (personal or romantic) with someone who needs that sort of constant boosting. It's exhausting to have to tell someone, constantly, that they are attractive/worthy/deserving of affection/interesting/whatever. I will only bother talking to people who have something to say that doesn't involve a constant pity party.

I find that, when people are having a hard time meeting/holding the attention of/landing a partner, they're often looking to find some excuse, something that's wrong with the other person, to rationalize why it's happening. It's easy to be, like, "Nobody wants to date me! It must be because I'm overweight or don't have money, or power. And women, bleh, they're shallow. They like thin men. They like power. They like money. There is something wrong with everyone else because I am not receiving the attention that I feel is owed to me." When, really, it's the sense of entitlement that's probably what people are finding off-putting. People like being around people who are fun, intelligent, who can hold a conversation. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with an emotional black hole.

pcastagner

Actions speak louder than words.

Those girls are lying because they are told they shouldn't be "shallow".

Sorry to break it to you.

silver_arrow3

I can't say that I've always had a type. I have ranged from 5'2" to 6'6"; blondes, brunettes, gingers and bald; big teddy bear to muscular marine. Even their personalities haven't been all that similar.

Lately my tastes have gone more toward the athletic build simply because when looking for a mate, I want someone who takes care of themselves because I want to do the same. I want to be able to enjoy physical activities with the person I end up with. I don't want to become the person I was when I wasn't active.

RJ0524583

I feel like some of you are reading each other's posts and posting the same thing worded differently just to be funny...

But anyways, yes. Personality tends to trump looks, but the majority of my female friends still tend to go out with someone who has both looks and personality as opposed to just a nice personality. You can try to 'have your cake and eat it too' whenever possible, right?

I can't but look from it as an anthropologic thing, nature vs. nurture. Which type is instinctively more attractive?

Well, that depends. There's a difference between someone being objectively attractive, and finding someone attractive. I've dated a variety of conventionally hot, muscular, hubba-hubba type guys and thought, meh. Then I've fallen head over heels for men that weren't considered overly attractive (maybe sixes or sevens) by other people, but who I thought were sexy as all hell. I could never have dated someone I just thought had a good personality- there also had to be an attraction there. Sometimes the attraction was there from the beginning, sometimes it developed over time. Then there were guys I hung out with who had AMAZING personalities- but I was about as sexually attracted to them as a throw pillow. There are a lot of men and women out there who are not necessarily good looking, but who are attractive because of some unexplainable "x-factor". Confidence and good hygiene are a big part of that, too. I've known extremely average-looking people who were UNBELIEVABLY HOT because of factors such as the way they carried themselves. I've also known really physically attractive, nice people who I had zero attraction for because they had no self confidence. I had guy friends (some of whom were very good-looking and fit) who'd sit at a table during a party and cry into their beer because nobody wanted to date them. And, honestly, that was probably 99% of the reason why nobody wanted to date them.

Is this 'confidence' you speak of possibly represent demonstration of value?

Some rock stars, for example, are sickly, old, pale, and otherwise not the model of physical attractiveness, but because they command a certain level of leverage and power in our world, their ability to get things for their creative ability makes them more attractive. So, that's what I sort of mean by demonstration of value.

No. What I'm talking about has absolutely nothing to do with "demonstration of value". It has nothing to do with "worth", or money, or access to resources, or power, or leverage. In fact, most of the people I know (including myself)- excluding people of a very specific personality type- are put off by peacocky displays of wealth. I've almost always made more money than the guys I was dating; I make more money than my husband does now, because I'm educated and work hard. I don't need a sugar daddy.

The confidence has everything to do with knowing that they are attractive (whether or not that knowledge is based on reality), strong, intelligent, capable, worthy of affection. A person with this type of confidence walks into a room thinking, "I'm going to talk to these people because I'm their equal"; they make eye contact and smile. They don't putter around with their eyes on the floor, pissing and moaning that nobody is paying attention to them. I absolutely, 100%, cannot be bothered to start a relationship (personal or romantic) with someone who needs that sort of constant boosting. It's exhausting to have to tell someone, constantly, that they are attractive/worthy/deserving of affection/interesting/whatever. I will only bother talking to people who have something to say that doesn't involve a constant pity party.

I find that, when people are having a hard time meeting/holding the attention of/landing a partner, they're often looking to find some excuse, something that's wrong with the other person, to rationalize why it's happening. It's easy to be, like, "Nobody wants to date me! It must be because I'm overweight or don't have money, or power. And women, bleh, they're shallow. They like thin men. They like power. They like money. There is something wrong with everyone else because I am not receiving the attention that I feel is owed to me." When, really, it's the sense of entitlement that's probably what people are finding off-putting. People like being around people who are fun, intelligent, who can hold a conversation. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with an emotional black hole.

Acting in a way that makes you 'worthy of affection' is another good way to demonstrate worth. Fake it til you make it, as they always say. I understand the principles behind that, but always feel bad executing it because it's always a form of lying. Men pretend to be this way, it's possibly why we have an 8 times higher suicide rate, or keel over from a heart attack at 55, and it's almost impossible to tell the difference between the really good fakers and the truly insane that believe they have life all 'figured out', lol.

Ah, what am I saying...

MercuryBlue

I feel like some of you are reading each other's posts and posting the same thing worded differently just to be funny...

But anyways, yes. Personality tends to trump looks, but the majority of my female friends still tend to go out with someone who has both looks and personality as opposed to just a nice personality. You can try to 'have your cake and eat it too' whenever possible, right?

I can't but look from it as an anthropologic thing, nature vs. nurture. Which type is instinctively more attractive?

Well, that depends. There's a difference between someone being objectively attractive, and finding someone attractive. I've dated a variety of conventionally hot, muscular, hubba-hubba type guys and thought, meh. Then I've fallen head over heels for men that weren't considered overly attractive (maybe sixes or sevens) by other people, but who I thought were sexy as all hell. I could never have dated someone I just thought had a good personality- there also had to be an attraction there. Sometimes the attraction was there from the beginning, sometimes it developed over time. Then there were guys I hung out with who had AMAZING personalities- but I was about as sexually attracted to them as a throw pillow. There are a lot of men and women out there who are not necessarily good looking, but who are attractive because of some unexplainable "x-factor". Confidence and good hygiene are a big part of that, too. I've known extremely average-looking people who were UNBELIEVABLY HOT because of factors such as the way they carried themselves. I've also known really physically attractive, nice people who I had zero attraction for because they had no self confidence. I had guy friends (some of whom were very good-looking and fit) who'd sit at a table during a party and cry into their beer because nobody wanted to date them. And, honestly, that was probably 99% of the reason why nobody wanted to date them.

Is this 'confidence' you speak of possibly represent demonstration of value?

Some rock stars, for example, are sickly, old, pale, and otherwise not the model of physical attractiveness, but because they command a certain level of leverage and power in our world, their ability to get things for their creative ability makes them more attractive. So, that's what I sort of mean by demonstration of value.

No. What I'm talking about has absolutely nothing to do with "demonstration of value". It has nothing to do with "worth", or money, or access to resources, or power, or leverage. In fact, most of the people I know (including myself)- excluding people of a very specific personality type- are put off by peacocky displays of wealth. I've almost always made more money than the guys I was dating; I make more money than my husband does now, because I'm educated and work hard. I don't need a sugar daddy.

The confidence has everything to do with knowing that they are attractive (whether or not that knowledge is based on reality), strong, intelligent, capable, worthy of affection. A person with this type of confidence walks into a room thinking, "I'm going to talk to these people because I'm their equal"; they make eye contact and smile. They don't putter around with their eyes on the floor, pissing and moaning that nobody is paying attention to them. I absolutely, 100%, cannot be bothered to start a relationship (personal or romantic) with someone who needs that sort of constant boosting. It's exhausting to have to tell someone, constantly, that they are attractive/worthy/deserving of affection/interesting/whatever. I will only bother talking to people who have something to say that doesn't involve a constant pity party.

I find that, when people are having a hard time meeting/holding the attention of/landing a partner, they're often looking to find some excuse, something that's wrong with the other person, to rationalize why it's happening. It's easy to be, like, "Nobody wants to date me! It must be because I'm overweight or don't have money, or power. And women, bleh, they're shallow. They like thin men. They like power. They like money. There is something wrong with everyone else because I am not receiving the attention that I feel is owed to me." When, really, it's the sense of entitlement that's probably what people are finding off-putting. People like being around people who are fun, intelligent, who can hold a conversation. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with an emotional black hole.

Acting in a way that makes you 'worthy of affection' is another good way to demonstrate worth. Fake it til you make it, as they always say. I understand the principles behind that, but always feel bad executing it because it's always a form of lying. Men pretend to be this way, it's possibly why we have an 8 times higher suicide rate, or keel over from a heart attack at 55, and it's almost impossible to tell the difference between the really good fakers and the truly insane that believe they have life all 'figured out', lol.

Ah, what am I saying...

I didn't say anything about acting in a way that makes you "worthy of affection"; read again. I said people with confidence know that they are worthy of affection. They don't have to demonstrate it to anyone else- but it comes out through their actions. All human beings are worthy of affection; however, it's not up to everyone around them to convince them of this fact through regular reinforcement. If a full-grown adult person doesn't believe they're worthy of affection, then they've got emotional baggage that I'm not willing to touch with a thirty foot pole. It's their issue, not mine.

ChrissyC1985

I used to think I have a type, I usually date the bigger, rugby player type but am realising as I get older and come into contact with more people, that this is less set now. I have a lot of skinny male friends who are incredibly attractive that I would never have even looked twice at a few years ago, and are also the exact apposite of my other half.

people change, as do your tastes, I will always find the slightly larger man attractive I am sure but am surprised by the fairly recent appreciation for skinny men.

Do you think that something's happened to you in the last 1-2 years had any effect on your change in taste, possibly an increase in self esteem? Something I've noticed is that my female friends who lose weight or are validated sexually tend to increase their 'standards', and being thin or fit tends to make a difference in a guy's value. Just a high thought...

my desire to improve myself and the realisation that these men apparently find me attractive enough to follow around like a love-sick puppy on a night out. I enjoy the attention and the guys in my group who have been doing this, are people I am already comfortable being around, full of energy, have great personalities and make me laugh, show and interest in me on a converstional level, and all have something very individual and unique about them to make them attractive physically-whether it be amazing tattoos,piercings/whatever.

mccbabe1

My type has always been smart. I really really really could care less what a guy looks like. If he is smart but manages to not make me feel stupid then I am all over him. Physically I tend to go for bigger guys but it is not actually an on purpose thing, they just happened to be the smart ones that liked me. Oh and a little geeky is good too. I like geeks

just wanted to say I saw your "ticker' and amazing weight loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thepetiterunner

I guess I can only really speak for myself, but I have had this conversation with girlfriends before and they feel similarly.

While if you were to outright ask me what my "type" is or what kind of guy I'm attracted to might be fairly simple: tall, normal to athletic, tan, dark hair, blah blah blah, this could change in an instant if I really dig some guy's personality. For me, I just need to have SOME sort of physical attraction. When I first meet a new guy, there is definitely, even if it's only for a brief second, a "yay" or "nay" moment. Like, could this guy be someone I date? Yes or No.

However, if we end up hanging out anyway, through friends, work, what have you, and I find out you're like super intelligent and funny and sweet, I could end up taking a second look at you. But if there is zero attractiveness at the get-go, it's probably still a no-go.

Hope this helps.

AspiringPinkPinUp

No "type" here. I all "types" of guys :drinker:

JskC1893

If you make a lot of money, you become a lot of girls 'type'.

That's not true. If a guy so much as hints at how much he makes, I become leery of dating him.... :yawn:

Sounds like you've been dealing with amateurs. Real pros like me do it like this

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

TheBaileyHunter

You're only asking about physical types, so yes, I have a physical type that catches my eye, no doubt, but that's just the door opener. I have dated from the spectrum once I've gotten past the initial looking stage though.

As I get older, I find my criteria for certain aspects have relaxed while in other areas they have tightened up.

Always a balance I guess.

And some things never change in terms of what doesn't catch my eye unless ridiculously, movie-star-type attractive and that's full on fair men (as in blond hair, blue eyes, fair skinned). I think it's because they look too much like me, could be family for all I know. The further away from my basic genetic make-up the more likely one is to catch my eye.

amluvstld

I have a type, but I think it has more to do with a strong presence than a physical appearance. I find assertiveness extremely sexy.

vienna_h

Personality, intelligence, and especially sense of humour tromps most physical traits, most of the time.

My physical "type" is usually tall, average build, dark (often curly) hair. I've dated guys who were a bit more fit, a bit more skinny, and a bit more fat, but never a huge deviation. and usually not 100% white, I like mixed race guys a lot.

I tend to date guys who are really smart, they tend to be computer programmers, engineers, med students, a(my) dentist, etc. They have all been musically talented in some way. they are either a tad nerdy, or the "class clown" type, but always very funny. they are usually into traveling, open minded about food and culture. they tend to also be a bit weird or unconventional, unpredictable, spontaneous, etc.

I don't think I'm likely to be attracted to someone who is short, fat, very skinny, or overly fit. but with the right personality, who knows? maybe.

fitmom07

My "type" seems to be smart guys who are thin and I like dark hair and dark eyes.

vienna_h

I feel like some of you are reading each other's posts and posting the same thing worded differently just to be funny...

But anyways, yes. Personality tends to trump looks, but the majority of my female friends still tend to go out with someone who has both looks and personality as opposed to just a nice personality. You can try to 'have your cake and eat it too' whenever possible, right?

I can't but look from it as an anthropologic thing, nature vs. nurture. Which type is instinctively more attractive?

Anthropologically speaking, a woman would want a strong fit man to protect her, a powerful and smart man to increase access to vital resources. Or, she'd marry the "good guy" to nurture her offspring after cuckolding him and sleeping with the guy with the better genes. Whichever strategy works for her.

vienna_h

I think ultimately it comes down to chemistry. Your body picks up the other persons pheromones and if that person is fertile and would basically be a good mate based on health and fertility you will naturally be attracted to that person in some way or another most times. And certain things we don't even think about or know consciously play a part in if we decide we want to pursue a certain person or not. So people can have a certain type but ultimately when the right person comes along for you it wont matter what your type is because you body will have decided. My husband was not my type at all but after spending time near him I went from eww to hubba hubba and now we've been together for 10 years and have 2 kids. And the fire is still alive. And I'm not talking out of my butt about this either. I have read lots of research that has confirmed these findings.

I doubt that, considering pheromones in humans have never been confirmed.

also, there are a lot of people in relationships that are not fertile or not healthy.... so much for your "body knowing" anything.

pcastagner

I feel like some of you are reading each other's posts and posting the same thing worded differently just to be funny...

But anyways, yes. Personality tends to trump looks, but the majority of my female friends still tend to go out with someone who has both looks and personality as opposed to just a nice personality. You can try to 'have your cake and eat it too' whenever possible, right?

I can't but look from it as an anthropologic thing, nature vs. nurture. Which type is instinctively more attractive?

Anthropologically speaking, a woman would want a strong fit man to protect her, a powerful and smart man to increase access to vital resources. Or, she'd marry the "good guy" to nurture her offspring after cuckolding him and sleeping with the guy with the better genes. Whichever strategy works for her.

Or she might go for the guy with the most resources, and the richest one will have the nicest harem. Cave men went for "healthy" looks, cave women went for the guy with the most stuff.

Just like today!