Girls saying they have a 'type'

kevinjb1

I feel like some of you are reading each other's posts and posting the same thing worded differently just to be funny...

But anyways, yes. Personality tends to trump looks, but the majority of my female friends still tend to go out with someone who has both looks and personality as opposed to just a nice personality. You can try to 'have your cake and eat it too' whenever possible, right?

I can't but look from it as an anthropologic thing, nature vs. nurture. Which type is instinctively more attractive?

Well, that depends. There's a difference between someone being objectively attractive, and finding someone attractive. I've dated a variety of conventionally hot, muscular, hubba-hubba type guys and thought, meh. Then I've fallen head over heels for men that weren't considered overly attractive (maybe sixes or sevens) by other people, but who I thought were sexy as all hell. I could never have dated someone I just thought had a good personality- there also had to be an attraction there. Sometimes the attraction was there from the beginning, sometimes it developed over time. Then there were guys I hung out with who had AMAZING personalities- but I was about as sexually attracted to them as a throw pillow. There are a lot of men and women out there who are not necessarily good looking, but who are attractive because of some unexplainable "x-factor". Confidence and good hygiene are a big part of that, too. I've known extremely average-looking people who were UNBELIEVABLY HOT because of factors such as the way they carried themselves. I've also known really physically attractive, nice people who I had zero attraction for because they had no self confidence. I had guy friends (some of whom were very good-looking and fit) who'd sit at a table during a party and cry into their beer because nobody wanted to date them. And, honestly, that was probably 99% of the reason why nobody wanted to date them.

Is this 'confidence' you speak of possibly represent demonstration of value?

Some rock stars, for example, are sickly, old, pale, and otherwise not the model of physical attractiveness, but because they command a certain level of leverage and power in our world, their ability to get things for their creative ability makes them more attractive. So, that's what I sort of mean by demonstration of value.

No. What I'm talking about has absolutely nothing to do with "demonstration of value". It has nothing to do with "worth", or money, or access to resources, or power, or leverage. In fact, most of the people I know (including myself)- excluding people of a very specific personality type- are put off by peacocky displays of wealth. I've almost always made more money than the guys I was dating; I make more money than my husband does now, because I'm educated and work hard. I don't need a sugar daddy.

The confidence has everything to do with knowing that they are attractive (whether or not that knowledge is based on reality), strong, intelligent, capable, worthy of affection. A person with this type of confidence walks into a room thinking, "I'm going to talk to these people because I'm their equal"; they make eye contact and smile. They don't putter around with their eyes on the floor, pissing and moaning that nobody is paying attention to them. I absolutely, 100%, cannot be bothered to start a relationship (personal or romantic) with someone who needs that sort of constant boosting. It's exhausting to have to tell someone, constantly, that they are attractive/worthy/deserving of affection/interesting/whatever. I will only bother talking to people who have something to say that doesn't involve a constant pity party.

I find that, when people are having a hard time meeting/holding the attention of/landing a partner, they're often looking to find some excuse, something that's wrong with the other person, to rationalize why it's happening. It's easy to be, like, "Nobody wants to date me! It must be because I'm overweight or don't have money, or power. And women, bleh, they're shallow. They like thin men. They like power. They like money. There is something wrong with everyone else because I am not receiving the attention that I feel is owed to me." When, really, it's the sense of entitlement that's probably what people are finding off-putting. People like being around people who are fun, intelligent, who can hold a conversation. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with an emotional black hole.

Acting in a way that makes you 'worthy of affection' is another good way to demonstrate worth. Fake it til you make it, as they always say. I understand the principles behind that, but always feel bad executing it because it's always a form of lying. Men pretend to be this way, it's possibly why we have an 8 times higher suicide rate, or keel over from a heart attack at 55, and it's almost impossible to tell the difference between the really good fakers and the truly insane that believe they have life all 'figured out', lol.

Ah, what am I saying...

I didn't say anything about acting in a way that makes you "worthy of affection"; read again. I said people with confidence know that they are worthy of affection. They don't have to demonstrate it to anyone else- but it comes out through their actions. All human beings are worthy of affection; however, it's not up to everyone around them to convince them of this fact through regular reinforcement. If a full-grown adult person doesn't believe they're worthy of affection, then they've got emotional baggage that I'm not willing to touch with a thirty foot pole. It's their issue, not mine.

I love the honesty here. Well said.

fannyfrost

I think in some way everyone has a "type". Not in that they aren't open to different options, but I think that everyone can say there are just certain looks that they don't find attractive.

I prefer tall, skinny guys. My husband is 6' tall and when we met he weighed 138 lbs. Skinny yes, although lean is more the word. Although I have gone with lots of different looks. I definitely prefer certain features. I don't like bulky muscles for instance. My girlfriends love bald guys, but me not so much (of course hubby is going bald and I think on him it is cute, but that is what love does).

In the end we are attracted to those we are attracted to, but so much goes into it than just looks. Looks only get you as far, it is the whole package that has to work.