My SO thinks I should stop losing weight but I'm not sure

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kiela64
kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'll start with the stats, because this is what is convincing me I should still focus on weight loss as a goal. I'm 5'2, SW:205, CW: 160 GW: 130 (or normal/healthy BMI for my height). Currently I'm just at the point of no longer being obese. Just there. Top end of overweight BMI for my height. Like, barely not obese anymore. I think lots of people start here, and it doesn't seem like a good place to stop to me.

My SO's concerns are: I've lost weight quickly. I lost most of my weight in May, June, July, August. I lost in September too, but slower. I saw for some weeks in June & July, my weight trending app (Happy Scale) shows me losing at a rate of 2.5lbs - which is too fast. I worked on slowing down, and September had more weeks at 1.2/ and 0.8lb/week.

Currently I've been unintentionally maintaining for 2.5 weeks due to being off of work with a concussion that kinda shot my motivation, energy, & focus on everything (starting back to work slowly now). I don't think this is bad (very happy I didn't really gain), but I expressed that I would like to start back trying to tighten up my eating & logging. My SO thought I shouldn't, and should instead focus on fitness and specifically strength now I've lost ~45lbs.

I am definitely interested in working on these things. I've been out of the gym for a while unfortunately (currently no membership, but this will change in January). I've been extremely sedentary most of my life. I've never really worked out a consistent exercise routine for myself other than my physio exercises for my knee. But I don't think that I should maintain at this weight. I have knee issues that may improve with weight loss that takes pressure off of the joint.

I will say visually it's been a little dramatic. I'm currently the size I was in high school, and all of my mom's friends keep commenting on how slender I look. I felt a little startled by my reflection too for a while, but I feel like in the last couple weeks of maintenance my brain has caught up and I no longer feel so vain or creeped out by the difference. I think a short break at maintenance was good for me to catch up.

I think despite that, objectively I'm still overweight and at an unhealthy weight here, and my habits aren't currently so great w/re: eating. Although it would be improved with fitness & strength training for sure, I'm not sure maintenance is the right idea. Although it's appealing to me because I am definitely tired out from this process so far.

I would appreciate any more opinions because I'm sure everyone else is much more informed, either through personal experiences or reading. Thank you <3
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Replies

  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    I agree that you have lost weight quickly, allowing it down to 0.5lbs to 1lb per week max is a good idea.

    Your current maintenance break has probably been a good thing.

    Have you been strength training as you've lost weight? If not, then definitely start now!

    Thank you!

    I was planning on aiming for 1lb, but maybe aiming for .5lb might be a good idea. It’s almost maintenance and should keep things from continuing dramatically, while still being on the right track. Sort of a good compromise.

    Nope, while my physio includes some strength work - fire hydrants and single leg bridge pose - I haven’t really done any dedicated strength training. I would really like to start except I feel absolutely out of my depth. If I had the money I’d try one of those single consultation personal training things to get me started, but I don’t. I’ve tried to read some, on Reddit & here, I’ve looked at Nerd Fitness bodyweight routine but I feel like I can’t do certain pieces either due to injury (no twisting motions or lunges or jumping for my knee) or just flat out weakness (push ups - no knee push ups either because knee). Reddit bodyweight fitness has a complex plan that looks good & like it has stuff in place to modify it, but I can’t figure out the pieces myself. I worry I might be overthinking this stuff and I should just start something, but I don’t know what to do, lmao.
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
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    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    kiela64 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    I agree that you have lost weight quickly, allowing it down to 0.5lbs to 1lb per week max is a good idea.

    Your current maintenance break has probably been a good thing.

    Have you been strength training as you've lost weight? If not, then definitely start now!

    Thank you!

    I was planning on aiming for 1lb, but maybe aiming for .5lb might be a good idea. It’s almost maintenance and should keep things from continuing dramatically, while still being on the right track. Sort of a good compromise.

    Nope, while my physio includes some strength work - fire hydrants and single leg bridge pose - I haven’t really done any dedicated strength training. I would really like to start except I feel absolutely out of my depth. If I had the money I’d try one of those single consultation personal training things to get me started, but I don’t. I’ve tried to read some, on Reddit & here, I’ve looked at Nerd Fitness bodyweight routine but I feel like I can’t do certain pieces either due to injury (no twisting motions or lunges or jumping for my knee) or just flat out weakness (push ups - no knee push ups either because knee). Reddit bodyweight fitness has a complex plan that looks good & like it has stuff in place to modify it, but I can’t figure out the pieces myself. I worry I might be overthinking this stuff and I should just start something, but I don’t know what to do, lmao.

    If there's a good program (like Nerdfitness) that looks mostly good/doable for you, but a few exercises require adaptation for physical limitations, or for which you need remedial on-ramp exercises, consider posting a "Need Exercise Adaptations" thread on the fitness forum here, with a list of the exercises that are a problem, and some indication of why they're a problem for you (specific aspect of the movement that's a problem). Often, knowledgeable folks can help identify alternate exercises that work the same muscle groups, at lower risk (or at lower difficulty, if that's the problem).

    Just a thought!

    Thank you!! I will probably do that with the nerd fitness one, because I at least sorta understood what it was directing me to do, & didn’t have too many pieces. The main issues were the jumping jacks (no jumping for knees), the lunges (again, knees). I was also only at 10 bodyweight squats when I was doing them with physio, so doing 20x #of circuits seems out of range for me. It seemed like there was no point to try this as that is most of the pieces.
  • FitGamerSmoak
    FitGamerSmoak Posts: 224 Member
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    Hi there! I’m at the same point as you pretty much. 5’2” and 155-158. My SO always says you’re good but he doesn’t know where is comfortable for me. My goal is 130 and then take it from there. I’ve been 115 and for me that was too small. But focus on health. Get your workouts in and eat right, definitely include a good strength program and go from there. With good habits the weight will come off at a good pace, just don’t restrict yourself too much.

    And do what feels right for you, it’s your body and no one else’s.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    kiela64 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    I agree that you have lost weight quickly, allowing it down to 0.5lbs to 1lb per week max is a good idea.

    Your current maintenance break has probably been a good thing.

    Have you been strength training as you've lost weight? If not, then definitely start now!

    Thank you!

    I was planning on aiming for 1lb, but maybe aiming for .5lb might be a good idea. It’s almost maintenance and should keep things from continuing dramatically, while still being on the right track. Sort of a good compromise.

    Nope, while my physio includes some strength work - fire hydrants and single leg bridge pose - I haven’t really done any dedicated strength training. I would really like to start except I feel absolutely out of my depth. If I had the money I’d try one of those single consultation personal training things to get me started, but I don’t. I’ve tried to read some, on Reddit & here, I’ve looked at Nerd Fitness bodyweight routine but I feel like I can’t do certain pieces either due to injury (no twisting motions or lunges or jumping for my knee) or just flat out weakness (push ups - no knee push ups either because knee). Reddit bodyweight fitness has a complex plan that looks good & like it has stuff in place to modify it, but I can’t figure out the pieces myself. I worry I might be overthinking this stuff and I should just start something, but I don’t know what to do, lmao.

    Can't you find a programme and show it to your physio and get them to give you some modifications that you could do?
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
    edited October 2018
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    kiela64 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    I agree that you have lost weight quickly, allowing it down to 0.5lbs to 1lb per week max is a good idea.

    Your current maintenance break has probably been a good thing.

    Have you been strength training as you've lost weight? If not, then definitely start now!

    Thank you!

    I was planning on aiming for 1lb, but maybe aiming for .5lb might be a good idea. It’s almost maintenance and should keep things from continuing dramatically, while still being on the right track. Sort of a good compromise.

    Nope, while my physio includes some strength work - fire hydrants and single leg bridge pose - I haven’t really done any dedicated strength training. I would really like to start except I feel absolutely out of my depth. If I had the money I’d try one of those single consultation personal training things to get me started, but I don’t. I’ve tried to read some, on Reddit & here, I’ve looked at Nerd Fitness bodyweight routine but I feel like I can’t do certain pieces either due to injury (no twisting motions or lunges or jumping for my knee) or just flat out weakness (push ups - no knee push ups either because knee). Reddit bodyweight fitness has a complex plan that looks good & like it has stuff in place to modify it, but I can’t figure out the pieces myself. I worry I might be overthinking this stuff and I should just start something, but I don’t know what to do, lmao.

    Can't you find a programme and show it to your physio and get them to give you some modifications that you could do?

    I’m not seeing my physiotherapist regularly anymore because of my improvements. I go once every 6-10 weeks or so, just to check in, for about 10min.

    I’ve previously asked her about adding other exercises like ab work and she just said they weren’t necessary and told me what to avoid- twisting, lunges, jumping & running. I get the sense that she feels that isn’t her job.
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
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    vanmep wrote: »
    What are the concerns your SO is expressing? Is it related only to the weight loss or is he noticing behaviours related to your weight that are worrying him?

    Just the weight loss & lack of current fitness ability.

    My only problematic behaviours are binging & overeating, especially when emotions are involved. Comfort eating is a definite issue. I also have a hard time stopping if there’s highly palatable food in the room. It’s like this low frequency buzz where it’s hard to focus on anything else.

    But that’s me saying that not my SO. I don’t think my SO sees much of that, it’s something I deal with mostly on my own. A lot of my weight loss process has been not engaging in these behaviours - my SO can pace themself with junk foods and I absolutely cannot. I will eat it until it’s gone even if I make myself sick in the process.

    So I’m not like issue free, but no issues the way you’re suggesting here.
  • FlyingMolly
    FlyingMolly Posts: 490 Member
    edited October 2018
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    At our local Y, there’s always a staff member on the floor, and part of their job is to show people how to use the equipment. Not to the level of personal training, but for someone just starting out it can be a good way to get comfortable and start building up a regular circuit. Especially if there are motions you need to avoid, weight machines would be a good place to start—they help to stabilize the rest of your body while you work the target muscles. So go, noodle around a little, ask for help, then do it again two days later. You’ll get in a groove. 🙂

    As for weight: odds are you can safely lose a fair amount more, if you want to. As long as you’re ready to see slower progress and fuel your workouts, you should be fine, but be aware you’ll probably get some pushback from the people in your life. They’re used to seeing you a certain way, they love you, they think you’re beautiful, and they’re scared. And usually at least a little intimidated/jealous/resentful.

    All of that is normal and human and you don’t even have to argue, because them agreeing with your goals or not doesn’t really have any bearing on whether you reach them. Just smile and say “I’m really happy with my progress and I feel great, thanks!”

    Still, when it comes to romantic partners a little more communication is a good thing, so show them your weight progress line and explain your plan from here. Reassure them you’re committed to doing this safely, and confirm that strength training is a part of that. It’s your body, and we only get the one.
  • countcurt
    countcurt Posts: 593 Member
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    Before responding, I would want to know what your SO had to say about your weight before you started losing.

    I get that the people around us can be 'startled' by our changes in appearance after a considerable weight loss. But, honestly, it's difficult to imagine that you look unhealthy at a BMI of 30.

    So, if he's simply concerned about the rate of loss, that might be reasonable, although I would add that the rate of loss you describe, on its average, isn't so outrageously high as to be concerning. Others have pointed out why you might be better served having adjusted to slow the rate of loss.

    But your post indicates he thinks you should stop losing weight. That needs further exploration. Not by us of you, but by you of your SO.

    Which doesn't negate any of the good advice you've received here about weight loss and fitness.
  • FlyingMolly
    FlyingMolly Posts: 490 Member
    edited October 2018
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    kiela64 wrote: »
    vanmep wrote: »
    What are the concerns your SO is expressing? Is it related only to the weight loss or is he noticing behaviours related to your weight that are worrying him?

    Just the weight loss & lack of current fitness ability.

    My only problematic behaviours are binging & overeating, especially when emotions are involved. Comfort eating is a definite issue. I also have a hard time stopping if there’s highly palatable food in the room. It’s like this low frequency buzz where it’s hard to focus on anything else.

    But that’s me saying that not my SO. I don’t think my SO sees much of that, it’s something I deal with mostly on my own. A lot of my weight loss process has been not engaging in these behaviours - my SO can pace themself with junk foods and I absolutely cannot. I will eat it until it’s gone even if I make myself sick in the process.

    So I’m not like issue free, but no issues the way you’re suggesting here.

    Okay, but what does your SO actually SAY about your weight loss? Can you give us a sample conversation that includes both of your typical points?

    I’m a binge-er, too, and I lost my weight when I stopped. That’s actually reassuring to some of the people who’ve asked me about it, because I can tell them I’ve stopped overeating, rather than that I “dieted.” And I’m not about to eat more than my body needs just to make others feel comfortable; that would be silly.
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
    edited October 2018
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    FlyingMolly wrote: »
    kiela64 wrote: »
    vanmep wrote: »
    What are the concerns your SO is expressing? Is it related only to the weight loss or is he noticing behaviours related to your weight that are worrying him?

    Just the weight loss & lack of current fitness ability.

    My only problematic behaviours are binging & overeating, especially when emotions are involved. Comfort eating is a definite issue. I also have a hard time stopping if there’s highly palatable food in the room. It’s like this low frequency buzz where it’s hard to focus on anything else.

    But that’s me saying that not my SO. I don’t think my SO sees much of that, it’s something I deal with mostly on my own. A lot of my weight loss process has been not engaging in these behaviours - my SO can pace themself with junk foods and I absolutely cannot. I will eat it until it’s gone even if I make myself sick in the process.

    So I’m not like issue free, but no issues the way you’re suggesting here.

    Okay, but what does your SO actually SAY about your weight loss? Can you give us a sample conversation that includes both of your typical points?

    I’m a binge-er, too, and I lost my weight when I stopped. That’s actually reassuring to some of the people who’ve asked me about it, because I can tell them I’ve stopped overeating, rather than that I “dieted.” And I’m not about to eat more than my body needs just to make others feel comfortable; that would be silly.

    We haven’t actually talked about it a ton tbh. The most common thing is a compliment “you look good”/“that shirt looks good on you” or “you’ve done a really great job with weight loss” etc. The comment was like “you should probably stop and focus on building strength” & “especially because you lost weight so quickly”. I do wonder if my SO maybe thinks you can’t build strength in a deficit and maybe that’s the question I’d need to talk with them over. To my knowledge you can but it can be harder/slower.

    I’ve really appreciated the help on this thread. I guess wondering if a longer maintenance break would be important or a slow weight loss might be a good idea - while including strength as an important goal. It’s something I’ve wanted to work on and haven’t felt like I’ve had the time/energy yet so that could also be part of it.

    Edit: I just saw you also want to know what my SO said about my weight before I started losing & it was pretty much nothing. It’s only a topic of discussion because it’s a change.
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
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    middlehaitch wrote: »
    Just some tips for the Nerdfitness programme.
    It is the programme I started with for progressing to using a barbell and had to start with simple versions of everything, so know where you are coming from (except my knees were fine, just weak).

    Don't expect to do the routine as written immediately, if you can it, is time to move on.

    Make it your goal to be able to, within your personal limitations.

    Don't worry if you can't do 3 sets, start with one set- work up to 3.

    Squats, start with as many as you can do comfortably and add one or more every week.

    Push-ups, start on the kitchen counter, then table, then chair, then coffee table or stairs, work your way down to the floor. No need to do any from your knees.

    Walking lunges, some find a backward lunge easier. If your knees make this impossible, do step ups. Start with just a stair and work your way to a kitchen step.
    ( eventually when you step up with your right leg, bring your left up, with your knee coming forward as though there is a second step, then take it back to the floor without touching the step, reverse legs)

    Dumbbell rows, do single arm using whatever weight is challenging. A tin of beans, or a gallon of milk, it doesn't matter which so long as you are challenged.

    15sec plank, start on your elbows and try for 5 sec. work your way to 15, work your way to doing them with full arm extension.

    Jumping jacks, skip them altogether. You could march in place and do the arm movement, or you could take the opportunity to do some bicep curls overhead presses, etc with a weight that is comfortable to you. (I never did them)

    The goal is to progress at a rate that challenges but doesn't harm.

    As far as your weight goes. I would continue losing at a 0.5-1lbs a week.
    Don't forget to eat back your exercise calories. You may need to adjust so you are losing at your set rate, but be consistent.
    The consistency will really help when troubleshooting stalls, and planning maintenance.

    Cheers, h.

    This is awesome, thank you! I don’t really have space to do push ups off of a counter at the moment but maybe if it’s not too busy I could use the stairs. I will absolutely avoid lunges until I am cleared for it.

    I can already do a 40 second plank on my elbows. I had thought elbows was harder than extended arms, so I haven’t tried those haha.

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