Self Esteem & Confidence?

Mr_Healthy_Habits

mitch16 wrote: »

OP, do you want inappropriate DMs? Because this is the way you get inappropriate DMs...

IC I was close lol

cheryldumais

Having more self esteem was big for me and I do feel better about that. I'm married so being hit on would only make me uncomfortable but I understand what you are saying. We live in a very visual world and I think alot of folks do judge by size and denying it doesn't change it. I will also say however that losing weight didn't fix all my worries about who I am. It did help a bit though. I was definately obese so I never felt like I measured up so being "normal" helps in that area. There is still a world of things I would still like to improve about who I am though. Losing weight doesn't fix everything but it was a step in the right direction for me.

Blythmag

I do this cos im fat.

I will always be ugly but j wont always be fat

MelanieCN77

smolmaus wrote: »

Seffell wrote: »

Hm, why if someone likes slimmer people should be a garbage person? I'm personally put off by overweight and obese men. And I don't feel like I'm a garbage person. Am I?

We're not talking obese. But anyway, I would be looking at what preconceptions I had about what I thought "slimmer" people had that went away as soon as they gain some body fat.

It's more that the mindset "if only I lost 20lb he would like me/ I would he happier/ I would be confident" etc etc etc is toxic af and stops people living their real lives. If you discard people who judge you for your bodyfat % first and everything else second you'll be a happier person imo.

You're not, but we have no idea about OP. Where is the fact that it's just 20lbs between here and there coming from?

Sunshine_And_Sand

I'm married, so I don't care if I get hit on or not. I've been married for several years too, so I don't have much advice or insight on being 30 and single.
I also don't necessarily think that changing what you don't like about weight/size/shape makes everybody feel better about themselves as they think it's going to. How much it does help is going to be really individualized and probably depends a lot on what issues you had to start with. Self esteem issues should be something you work on anyway regardless if you do or do not want to lose weight.
That said, I do feel like it is perfectly fine to want to lose weight with looking better being you main or even only focus. As long as you are going about it in a safe way/a moderate deficit and aren't developing an unhealthy mindset about food/eating, I don't see what is so bad about wanting to lose weight with looking better as your goal. The "being healthier" that is typically considered the more "noble" goal will most likely happen too as you are working toward looking better.
Good luck!

garystrickland357

I've been married for 33 years and I am 57 years old. Since I have lost weight I get more positive comments from coworkers like, "that shirt looks nice" or something of that nature. What I have realized is that I pretty much dress the same as I always have professionally but my clothes fit better and in general I look better. People notice and it's nice when they comment.

That said, it's not why the main reason I lost the weight. We all like to look better. We all like to be noticed in a positive way. Nothing wrong with that.

smolmaus

MelanieCN77 wrote: »

You're not, but we have no idea about OP. Where is the fact that it's just 20lbs between here and there coming from?

That's the number I chose in my original post, which was the one responded to. If it's just losing weight for a self esteem boost that's kinda the definition of vanity weight, so 20lb seemed appropriate.

I suppose choosing not to date/ pursue a person who's additional weight has possible health complications attached to it is a slightly different issue.

ghudson92

I think your primary focus should just be on loving yourself. If you can do that, then confidence is a happy side effect. On days where I've had an awesome workout and am feeling lighter, I find myself dragging my fiancé to the bedroom when he gets home because I feel good (sorry if tmi, I'm an oversharer) . He likes my body all the time, but it's my self perception that gives me the confidence, not his approval.

HoneyBadger302

Okay, I'm single (currently dating, but was very single for over 2 years before that, and my longest relationship in the past 6 years was 1 year.

So I completely understand the wanting to feel "desired" if you will and feeling like how we look affects that.

I do think most other posters have pointed out a very important point, however, and that is simply that self confidence probably has more to do with that than a few pounds. For me, I do find that the extra weight I'm carrying, has a direct impact on how "attractive" I feel (or embarrassed) and I KNOW this translates to how I carry myself and feel about myself, which translates to not seeming or feeling as desired.

For example, the past few years at our annual awards banquet for my racing, I've had to worry about finding a pretty dress that I could actually wear and look nice in, that would cover up my big "love handles" and wouldn't show the crease in my back or bulge out with my belly when I sat down. Rather than getting to wear the dresses I really wanted to be able to wear, and knew I would feel beautiful wearing them, I instead had to wear a pretty "cover-up." This most definitely affected how I carried myself and acted.

So, while my perceived level of "being desired" wasn't directly related to my weight, it was, effectively, being affected by my weight - from my own perceptions of myself.

I've seen and known women who are actually quite a bit "heavier/thicker" than I am who I know come across as more "attractive" just because of their self confidence in their appearance. Regardless of all of my excuses (ie: their weight creates curves, mine creates a blob - or any other of my litany of excuses) the reality is they embrace who they are and it shows.

lizalmp1234

Thank you everyone

lizalmp1234

Seffell wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

If getting hit on is the only way you can feel good about your self I would suggest getting sone therapy.

Oh c'mon Toad, cheer up a bit. Why are you always the first to strike any new post which is not "up to your standards"? Leave people be and may I suggest some therapy as well. Or just get a hobby (another one).

OP, I think being attractive to the opposite sex has more to do with your self esteem and confidence than your fitness. But since fitness can improve your confidence then it may indirectly affect your attractiveness I think.

Thank you

maggibailey

I like to be healthy, and oh hell yes I love to put on my skinny pants and have them button all easy. And when they do i absolutely feel better about how I look when i look in the mirror. And when I feel better about how I look the people around me notice . It’s a cycle, and good cycle I’d say. Lose for whatever reason you want.

admaarie

To be completely honest my fitness journey started off slightly vain. I wanted to be desired after feeling like I never was. Now it feels kinda *kitten* cause the same people who overlooked me a couple years back suddenly know who I am. It just kinda shows you that those people aren’t worth it in the long run.
Do I still workout and continue on with my fitness journey because I want to look good? Of course. But I *mainly* do it for myself now.

kshama2001

lizalmp1234 wrote: »

Just curious, I know we are all doing this for better health but is anyone here also trying to lose weight so you can attract the opposite sex and possibly feel better about yourself as well. I’ve reached 30 😫 and I feel like nobody is hitting on me anymore Lol. Sorry for TMI

I was able to score at any weight

What helped my self esteem and confidence was therapy, yoga, and lifting weights.