My boss and others basically called me fat and it feels weird

Losingthedamnweight

Ugh. I just feel so mentally defeated right now. I fell into a bit of a depression over the last year and gained a bunch of weight. My depression is mostly gone but I did gain a bunch of weight and I’ve just recently gotten back on the wagon to losing it all again (hopefully for the last time)

The past week one of my clients mentioned how it “looks like I’ve put on some weight”. And my boss just randomly came down to make small talk and out of nowhere says the same thing. “Wow you’ve put on a lot of weight” and then just kinda stared at me awkwardly putting me on the spot. I didn’t know what to say. Like I’m going to get into a long conversation with people I don’t know about everything I’ve been through the past year?

It just feels weird. And the boss that came down has a past of being very judge mental and just calling people fat and ugly, so when she came down and said it “looks like I’ve put on weight”, I didn’t take it as it was from someone that was concerned about me.

All this just kinda put me in a sad mood. My thoughts automatically went to “maybe I should just not eat for awhile” and I’m just feeling like a bit of a failure.

What am I supposed to do? I’m at work with 11 hours left in my shift feeling like a fat loser everybody is talking about

Danp

That's a crappy thing to say to someone that's for sure but sadly there are too many crappy people in the world.

Honestly my response probably would have been "Yeah, a bit" and moved on.

kayakart69

hey. . . just wanted to say, i blew a great eating day on the snack board at work - 1000 calories. . fml ! depression sucks. it steals the motivation and it is sneaky. I guess the only thing to say to yourself is you are so much more.

Keep_on_cardio

Oh wow, I’m sorry your co-workers decided it was okay to make such statements, while knowing very little about your personal life.

I think it’s amazing, you’ve come this year with battling depression and coming out on top. You don’t have to explain anything to your co-workers. Personally, I wouldn’t want to share after having such comments just slip from their tongues. I’d much rather save the personal side, for those who come to you in a more respectable manner.

You have acknowledged to yourself, that you’ve put on weight due to depression. You aren’t in denial. You are in a better place now and can begin to take steps to getting rid of the weight, in a healthy way.

I hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow. Depression can be cycling and just focus on how far you’ve come. ❤️

AnvilHead

Losingthedamnweight wrote: »

What am I supposed to do? I’m at work with 11 hours left in my shift feeling like a fat loser everybody is talking about

Get over it and keep on keepin' on. You're in charge of your own success or failure, not them.

Next time somebody makes a comment like that, just say "Yep, I'm working on it" and walk away. You don't owe them any explanation. Or if you want to cut a little deeper, say "Yeah, I'm fat but I can lose weight....but you'll always be a rude *kitten*".

nutmegoreo

Something I read a long time ago has been a big help. What others think of you is none of your business. My snarky side would think "I may be fat, but I can lose weight, you'll still be an uncouth kitten-hole." You could consider a visit to HR about the inappropriateness of your bosses comments. You may also consider how these comments have come across to you. Is your emotional state and how you are feeling making you more sensitive to these kinds of comments? Is this the first time your boss has seen you since gaining weight?

At the end of the day, you know how to lose the weight, do that. Do it the right way, to keep yourself healthy and safe. Crash dieting and risking your health isn't worth it. This is the only body you get, take care of it. Also consider some counseling to help with the emotional components of this. A huge part of dieting, for me, was getting my thinking sorted out, including being kinder to myself.

neugebauer52

I wouldn't worry too much about other people's opinions but I certainly would have to find out why there is an underlying depression. Is it work related? Private life? Finances? Sit yourself down and have a good look at your life and start realizing what or who makes you unhappy. I went through hell of a depression after our son died with a huge weight gain as well and slowly changing to a healthier lifestyle, which includes mental health.

middlehaitch

They were both rude, but stated a truth that you knew about and are working on. So let it pass.

That being said, for me personally to let it pass, and have any respect for my boss, I would have to go and talk to her about it and explain that unless my weight hampered my ability to do my job, her comment was inappropriate, and ask for an apology. But that is me, it would fester if I didn't.

(I would probably pass the client to someone else)

Oh, and don't go starving yourself out of spite, you are worth much more than that. Lose the extra pounds under your own terms.

Cheers, h.

Cbean08

If he able to comment on your weight in such a careless manner, then he probably doesn't care much. Some people just say stuff and there's a good chance he has forgotten by now. If it was something he cared about or was concerned about, he probably would have said it in a different manner. It was definitely rude, but I wouldn't give it much thought.

jgnatca

When I was a supervisor I fielded complaints about how people smelled, and a notable complaint that a deaf employee made too much noise when she ate.

My private assessment is that everyone has to cut others some slack.

How can a deaf employee know if she was eating quietly? I told the complainant to let it go.

Peoples weight is off limits. If the person is so unfit it affects their work performance, deal with the performance issue directly.

Here’s an idea from the Canadian military that I quite like. When a soldier is injured their new mission is to restore themselves to fitness as best they can. Performance is measured at how well they follow medical advice. I think this is eminently practical.

smolmaus

I would talk to HR to be honest. If you feel comfortable doing that.

I doubt either of them would have guessed that you gained weight due to depression but mental health is a very sensitive area. You may be mentally recovered but what if the same thing happens to someone who isn't? It's inappropriate and horribly rude in the first place but where it might send someone into another depressive cycle? That's dangerous. You don't deserve to be spoken to like that and have your recovery put at risk.

I'm genuinely angry on your behalf. I also gained a lot of weight due to depression and anxiety so I get feeling awkward and self conscious but you absolutely are not a failure. You got through a thing the best way you could and you should be proud of yourself. How dare these people be anything but supportive.

JBanx256

IMO - how does this fit into the culture of your workplace?

I've worked in places that are super-PC and the very thought of something like that would have sent HR into a tailspin. Where I work now though, everyone is thick-skinned and we give each other absolute hell on a daily basis (note: I'm FAR closer to these guys than I've ever been with any other coworkers. These guys are my ride-or-die's, literally) and it would take something FAR beyond the pale for HR to even raise an eyebrow.

If your workplace environment is one of general joking and smack-talking, a little good-natured ribbing is the the norm, then your boss probably didn't mean anything by it and didn't have the slightest clue how it would impact you. Try to step back and observe, as objectively as possible, how your boss interacts with others. Not saying that makes it RIGHT, obviously, but if everyone kinda pals around and says derogatory things to each other without any ill intent, take it with a grain of salt. You can still talk to HR about it and ask that everyone tone it down a notch, but at least you may realize it wasn't a personal attack and no harm was meant by it.

missysippy930

There’s not much you can do about a clients thoughtless, rude comment, but it’s totally unacceptable for your boss and should be reported to HR. You stated she has made comments about others as well and that is something HR should be made aware of. People skills are something bosses need for interacting with employees they supervise. Shame on her. That’s bullying.
I am sorry this happened to you. You have lost weight before, you can do it again! Forge ahead and know that you are worthy of kindness and respect. Try not to let juvenile comments from adults make you feel bad. You are a much better person than they.

dewit

Some very good comments above! I might repeat something being said, I haven't read all of 'em.

1. You're working on it, no need to feel down. You we ahead of them to notice it Keep up the good work and commitment!
2. One day you've "put on weight", the next day it will be "are you okay? You seemed to have lost a lot of weight recently, is all well? Some health concerns you feel like sharing?"
3. Put them on "ignore" and think of things you're grateful for instead! Think of what you've accomplished, of people who love you and so on! Lots to be thankful for and happy about.

Good luck! :flowerforyou:

MelanieCN77

AnvilHead wrote: »

Losingthedamnweight wrote: »

What am I supposed to do? I’m at work with 11 hours left in my shift feeling like a fat loser everybody is talking about

Get over it and keep on keepin' on. You're in charge of your own success or failure, not them.

Next time somebody makes a comment like that, just say "Yep, I'm working on it" and walk away. You don't owe them any explanation. Or if you want to cut a little deeper, say "Yeah, I'm fat but I can lose weight....but you'll always be a rude *kitten*".

OP, you said yourself you had put some weight on, and it seems people noticed - I mean, they have eyes right? I'm not trying to diminish that it's rude for them to say that but it is a fact, one you are aware of and also taking care of right? All the judgment you heap on yourself didn't have one thing to do with your boss's observation, that's all for you to get shaken out and worked through.

kshama2001

JBanx256 wrote: »

IMO - how does this fit into the culture of your workplace?

I've worked in places that are super-PC and the very thought of something like that would have sent HR into a tailspin. Where I work now though, everyone is thick-skinned and we give each other absolute hell on a daily basis (note: I'm FAR closer to these guys than I've ever been with any other coworkers. These guys are my ride-or-die's, literally) and it would take something FAR beyond the pale for HR to even raise an eyebrow.

If your workplace environment is one of general joking and smack-talking, a little good-natured ribbing is the the norm, then your boss probably didn't mean anything by it and didn't have the slightest clue how it would impact you. Try to step back and observe, as objectively as possible, how your boss interacts with others. Not saying that makes it RIGHT, obviously, but if everyone kinda pals around and says derogatory things to each other without any ill intent, take it with a grain of salt. You can still talk to HR about it and ask that everyone tone it down a notch, but at least you may realize it wasn't a personal attack and no harm was meant by it.

Good point about workplace culture. This would have been completely normal when I was in the military and completely unacceptable when I worked at a liberal arts college.

neugebauer52

I like the positive approach (as above) - take the wind out of their sails: "yes, you are right and I am feeling very well, thank you!" Or: "That's what happiness feels, it's all about balance in life!" Then let them look stupid and walk away.

jennifer_417

If your boss has a history of doing that, then she needs to be called on it. That's called creating a hostile work environment.

kds10

MelanieCN77 wrote: »

AnvilHead wrote: »

Losingthedamnweight wrote: »

What am I supposed to do? I’m at work with 11 hours left in my shift feeling like a fat loser everybody is talking about

Get over it and keep on keepin' on. You're in charge of your own success or failure, not them.

Next time somebody makes a comment like that, just say "Yep, I'm working on it" and walk away. You don't owe them any explanation. Or if you want to cut a little deeper, say "Yeah, I'm fat but I can lose weight....but you'll always be a rude *kitten*".

OP, you said yourself you had put some weight on, and it seems people noticed - I mean, they have eyes right? I'm not trying to diminish that it's rude for them to say that but it is a fact, one you are aware of and also taking care of right? All the judgment you heap on yourself didn't have one thing to do with your boss's observation, that's all for you to get shaken out and worked through.

I agree with this...use it as motivation! Sometimes someone saying something can be the kickstart you require. I say this because it is easy to not really see the weight on yourself...I remember thinking when I was 25 lbs heavier "well my stretchy pants still fit so it can't be that bad!!"

NOw that I have lost some weight and people say wow you look so much better, etc. I think holy smoke it was noticeable I just didn't think it was!

vollkornbloedchen

AnvilHead wrote: »

Next time somebody makes a comment like that, just say "Yep, I'm working on it" and walk away. You don't owe them any explanation. Or if you want to cut a little deeper, say "Yeah, I'm fat but I can lose weight....but you'll always be a rude *kitten*".

Basically it boils down to a solution like suggested by @AnvilHead

Some people have the empathic capabilities of granite ... these are the same people that (after you lost your share of lbs) will feel entitled to tell you that now you are looking sick and you should stop losing weight immediately.

Best is not to care about this.
Smile, turn around, roll eyes (NEVER mix up this sorting!)

cmriverside

I agree with, "What people think of me is none of my business." But not in business. I mean, that particular little phrase has helped me so many times in life but if my boss said that, I would have to go back and say, "That was inappropriate for you to say." And I would stare right at her until she backtracked. If she didn't, then that tells you exactly who you are dealing with and it's not nice at all - but it's also all about her and her inability to manage people. I don't know if I'd take it to HR. I tend to just look for another job if I'm under someone who can't/won't apologize when confronted.

In my opinion it's never okay to comment on someone's body in any way. So I don't. Unfortunately other people have to learn to use their filters - and I don't really think that's gonna happen in my lifetime. People are really insensitive.

With that said, a coworker calling me a fat @ss helped kick me into gear to lose the weight, (after I got over wanting to pour water on her head) so there's that. Sometimes I need the tough talk, sometimes I really need a little more sensitivity. I don't always know which I need, and generally find I need both in equal measure. Regardless, if I go looking for a resentment I'll definitely find that.