My boss and others basically called me fat and it feels weird
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That’s bullying!
Next time tell her that or, being me, I’d say “WTF! and you are ugly on the inside.” Usually if you call a bully on their behaviour they stop.1 -
I didn't read the other comments yet, so hopefully this isn't a repeat of what someone has already said. That said, my daddy used to ALWAYS tell me to remember: "Misery LOVES company". I didn't understand fully what he meant back then, but I do now. Miserable people LOVE to make other people miserable--they LOVE IT and LIVE for it too , that's how they not only "get-down" but they actually "feed" off of the hurt, confusion, anger and yuck they provide to others. They "get-off" on it and DEPEND on their words, actions and ways of thinking and living to "get to you", to throw you off balance and just plain make you sad, mad and feel bad. So....MAKE YOURSELF LAUGH AT THEM INSTEAD. MAKE yourself see that you are not dealing with an "ordinary person" you are dealing with a two legged monster, a wizard of oz, so to speak and if you make yourself see behind the curtain of their lives...you would actually ALMOST feel sorry for them That said, DO NOT EVER feel sorry for "energy/life" vampires/monsters. LAUGH inside and even outside at them.
Just imagine this--your "boss and others" makes a comment about how much weight you're gaining and instead of "allowing" them to "get (to) you" you give a sincere and hearty laugh instead--laughing because you "see" the true/real them and you ain't falling for their yuck. Just imagine how your laughing would absolutely destroy their efforts to sap your joy and well being. IF you from this day forth, CHOOSE to laugh at "devils" instead of cry how powerful and so much stronger you will become. DON"T allow the old lie/trick of "well, what this/these monsters are saying about me is true" business to trick you into falling into their abusive game. AGREE with them and then say/think/believe that even though what they've said is TRUE, they do not/will not have your best interest at heart with their "truth" so LAUGH at them, because you're growing wise enough to recognize the and NO LONGER, NOT ANOTHER second give ANY of your time/life/thoughts/feelings/emotions/heart over to them ever again.
Lastly, another thing that blows these type of YUCK people away is being kind to them, instead of hating them (because that's what they want and need--your ENERGY of anger, sadness, confusion and woe from you), because hate, anger, wrath, self-pity makes you weaker and they love that. Laughing at them and being kind makes you STRONGER and they will hate that and perhaps even eventually leave you all the way alone--knowing you are stronger, wiser, cooler then them--BOOM! That's the (or a) ticket for deals like this.
{{{{{ H GS }}}}}}}3 -
Pardon my crudeness, but F them. Theyre douche bags. U seem like a cool person. Who cares what they think. U will look great soon, just keep that in mind2
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Smile and thank them for noticing, then walk away. Nothing more need be said.6
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That was very rude for your boss and client to say to you. I suspect if you were female they may not have made those comments. I could be dead wrong. But I think some people are more likely to comment on a guy gaining weight because to a lot of people it's no big deal for a guy to put on pounds but pretty much the end of the world if a woman does. And comments like that "don't hurt guys" in the same way...they think. Of course that is not true. But many people think that way in my experience, as ridiculous as it is. My husband has gained and lost weight a lot in his life, and I know some guys (especially older, 50s-60s) say things openly to him like "wow you found that weight you lost". I don't see any woman of any age saying that to me if I regained some weight...I just think they would double think it and not say anything!
Try to let it go and focus on your goals. Like you said, you're on the wagon to losing it, and MFP is a great tool for that. I know exactly what you mean about that thought "maybe I just shouldn't eat for awhile" - that is NOT the answer and it's not a positive, healthy thing to do. It sounds like you care more about your own wellbeing than to do something like that, I certainly hope so.
A long time ago when I was at my heaviest and heard about horrible, rude things a (also heavy) lady at work was saying behind my back, I had the same thoughts...I would end up bringing only cucumbers and carrots for lunch and then leaving work and going straight to get a latte, cheeseburger, or both on my drive home...it was silly and unhealthy of me to do that. It was none of her dang business how much I weighed and I did not have to answer to her, or anyone except myself.1 -
Your boss may have been just told the very same thing from someone else and wanted another person to feel as bad about themselves as she then did. Hurting other people seems to make hurting people feel better in some odd way. Never mind her comment as nothing more than how a rude person lives. Don't let her lower your self-esteem. You do you.0
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Once you've lost your weight, you could then tell your boss that you have some clothes that are now too big and was wondering if she would like them. Maybe she'll understand the jab and leave you alone.2
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Be strong don't be weak or act like a victim. Never let other people's rude behavior define your day or you.
Lose the weight for yourself. Sounds like they have manner problems and it is sad to think a boss or client would talk to anyone like that. Feel lucky you aren't them.1 -
I'm really sorry you've had to deal with depression. I suffer from it as well, but have been able to find the right meds to help. If you haven't been to a doctor yet to discuss your depression, I really recommend it. I totally get that it can mess with your weight, and you should never feel pressured to disclose your depression, regardless of what it may have caused.
On to the next point - some people are going to talk about your weight. They'll talk about it when it goes up, they'll talk about it when it goes down. It's never really fun (for me, even when they congratulate me on weight loss - I don't really like it - I'm just so much more than my weight). It really, really blows, and honestly, says almost nothing about you other than what one of your many physical attributes are (it's the same thing as "your hair has grown" - it's just that society has put this weird stigma regarding weight as opposed to other attributes, like hair length). If it really bothers you - I'd address it. Something as simple as "hey, as a coworker, maybe you shouldn't comment on my body" isn't a bad place to start. Beyond being called fat hurting (although, it really shouldn't hurt - again, it's just a descriptor, but we have put all this emphasis on fat being terrible, when the truth is that sometimes it happens - bodies change and fluctuate - but that's a different topic), it's also super inappropriate in the workplace setting. You just shouldn't comment on other people's bodies at work.1 -
Some people have no filter, they just say whatever comes in to their minds. As adults, you would think they would know better, but not everyone's life experiences teach them anything. It would be nice if everyone saw the poster I saw as a kid, "Before putting mouth in gear, engage brain."
That said, I feel for you OP. After a stressful year, where I too survived depression, I went home to visit my family. The first thing out of my mom's mouth when she saw me was, "God, you got fat!" Thanks. That helped my already low self-esteem. Not.
Be kind to yourself. Try to put their statements behind you and move forward with your health improvement efforts.1 -
I've heard that stuff before. The reality is that we all have our "warts". People are jerks. But so am I at times - just ask my family. I just gave grace and let it go - because that's what I would hope for when I'm blind to my own insensitivities. That's the most freeing thing. Especially since in my case, like yours, there is an element of truth to it. I didn't consider it "bullying" even though it's tempting to do that.
Some of the same people were quick to give complements when they noticed the change in the other direction. Some people don't have filters, as mentioned above.
"Love your enemies and do good....". Easy to say - hard to do. But rewarding in practice.
Having said that, if it goes beyond a time or two, I might still consider doing something about it since it's your boss. But not in an isolated instance.
Lastly, as others have said, your identity and your worth is not at all based on what others think.1 -
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I don't understand how someone can be that rude? Especially in a work environment... It seems like your boss should be reported if this is a recurring thing. She's creating a hostile work environment. I don't know your work culture though.0
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2t9nty you are my hero thinking of this! ( quote)
You can always pretend you thought it was a compliment, and respond with "Thank you so much for noticing! You have put on some weight too!"
Love this maybe it should be the standard response to those rude enough to think they get to comment on your life. Ignore them and do your thing X1 -
You work around idiots!
Comments on someones physical is outside of appropriate and you have permission to tell them so. HR would be horrified! Keep documents and dates of said comments then report.0 -
Sometimes the boss is a jerk. My current manager is great, but her boss is passive aggressive. Two weeks ago, she sent out an email "reminder" that counseling is a covered benefit under our insurance. I am not sure whom it was directed at, but it was someone.
Once she thought the dress I had on was too short and told me that I have nice legs. My reply was, "thanks. I work hard on them," but I have never worn that dress to work again.
I did report my old manager to the passive aggressive boss because she asked me if I could wash my ashes off on Ash Wednesday. When I said, "I could, but what's the point of getting them if I do?" she actually moved my hair to cover them up. I put it right back behind my ear. And I had another coworker as a witness. I went straight to the boss and told her that if that manager ever touched me again, I would own the place. My ashes are my business and she wouldn't be allowed to do that to someone with a bindi.
You can report it to HR. Or you can let it go. To me, the dress wasn't worth the trouble, but my ashes were. You have decide where your line is. Good luck losing the weight and congrats on getting your mental health taken care of.
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