Grandpa Gary Jokes
CaptainFantastic01
Posts: 9,558 Member
in Chit-Chat
This is where I will empart all the grandpa Gary Jokes to you
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Replies
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So deep in the forest there lived a group of people called trids. The trids lived just east of this village and the only way into the village was over this bridge that had a HUGE guard working it. No Trid that ever tried going to the village ever came back. One day a rabbai comes to minister to the trids and they decide to send him to the village. He goes with a handful of trids and he watches as one by one the trids try to cross the bridge and one by one the trids are kicked off the bridge by the guard. Finally it was the rabbai’s turn and he musters up all his courage and walks up to the guard and the guard lets him go. He says
“Aren’t you gonna kick me?”
The guard responds
“Silly rabbai, kicks are for trids”7 -
A frog walks into a bank and is looking to get a loan to start a small buisiness. He walks up to the teller, who’s name is patricia wack. He explains his situation to her and she tells him she can’t give him a loan without collateral. He explains that he understands and places a toy train on the counter. Confused Miss wack explains that she cannot grant the loan as this is not really worth anything. The frog gets angry and starts yelling
“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? My father is Mc Jagger!”
As she cannot calm the frog down she grabs her manager and explains the situation to him. The manager takes a moment then says to her
“It’s a Knick knack patty whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone”4 -
A man returns to his childhood home after decades away. His family had moved out and a new family moved in and they were kind enough to let him walk through the house. He tells them which one was his and admires what they’ve done with it. He asks to see the attic and the family baffled that there is one obliges. In the attic there was a box of his things, still there after all these years. His football trophies, an award for attendance, love notes he never sent, and his letterman’s jacket. In awe that all this was here he pulled on the jacket and stuffed his hands In the pocket. Inside there was a ticket for a shoe repair store.
“I must have brought my shoes there and forgot!”
The guy looks up the repair shop and miraculously it still exists. He goes and brings the ticket to the man and his eyes grow wide
“IT’S YOU” says the man at the counter “we’ve waited so long! We didn’t think you’d return!”
The man goes back into the store, to grab the shoes and comes back out after a few minutes and says
“Your shoes will be ready In 4 days, come back then”2 -
How do you say virgin in German?
“Gütentïte”5 -
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CaptainFantastic01 wrote: »A frog walks into a bank and is looking to get a loan to start a small buisiness. He walks up to the teller, who’s name is patricia wack. He explains his situation to her and she tells him she can’t give him a loan without collateral. He explains that he understands and places a toy train on the counter. Confused Miss wack explains that she cannot grant the loan as this is not really worth anything. The frog gets angry and starts yelling
“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? My father is Mc Jagger!”
As she cannot calm the frog down she grabs her manager and explains the situation to him. The manager takes a moment then says to her
“It’s a Knick knack patty whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone”CaptainFantastic01 wrote: »A man returns to his childhood home after decades away. His family had moved out and a new family moved in and they were kind enough to let him walk through the house. He tells them which one was his and admires what they’ve done with it. He asks to see the attic and the family baffled that there is one obliges. In the attic there was a box of his things, still there after all these years. His football trophies, an award for attendance, love notes he never sent, and his letterman’s jacket. In awe that all this was here he pulled on the jacket and stuffed his hands In the pocket. Inside there was a ticket for a shoe repair store.
“I must have brought my shoes there and forgot!”
The guy looks up the repair shop and miraculously it still exists. He goes and brings the ticket to the man and his eyes grow wide
“IT’S YOU” says the man at the counter “we’ve waited so long! We didn’t think you’d return!”
The man goes back into the store, to grab the shoes and comes back out after a few minutes and says
“Your shoes will be ready In 4 days, come back then”
Grandpa jokes FTW
They’re like dad jokes, but better.2 -
kindalikevelma wrote: »CaptainFantastic01 wrote: »A frog walks into a bank and is looking to get a loan to start a small buisiness. He walks up to the teller, who’s name is patricia wack. He explains his situation to her and she tells him she can’t give him a loan without collateral. He explains that he understands and places a toy train on the counter. Confused Miss wack explains that she cannot grant the loan as this is not really worth anything. The frog gets angry and starts yelling
“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? My father is Mc Jagger!”
As she cannot calm the frog down she grabs her manager and explains the situation to him. The manager takes a moment then says to her
“It’s a Knick knack patty whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone”CaptainFantastic01 wrote: »A man returns to his childhood home after decades away. His family had moved out and a new family moved in and they were kind enough to let him walk through the house. He tells them which one was his and admires what they’ve done with it. He asks to see the attic and the family baffled that there is one obliges. In the attic there was a box of his things, still there after all these years. His football trophies, an award for attendance, love notes he never sent, and his letterman’s jacket. In awe that all this was here he pulled on the jacket and stuffed his hands In the pocket. Inside there was a ticket for a shoe repair store.
“I must have brought my shoes there and forgot!”
The guy looks up the repair shop and miraculously it still exists. He goes and brings the ticket to the man and his eyes grow wide
“IT’S YOU” says the man at the counter “we’ve waited so long! We didn’t think you’d return!”
The man goes back into the store, to grab the shoes and comes back out after a few minutes and says
“Your shoes will be ready In 4 days, come back then”
Grandpa jokes FTW
They’re like dad jokes, but better.
🤗🤗0 -
CaptainFantastic01 wrote: »A frog walks into a bank and is looking to get a loan to start a small buisiness. He walks up to the teller, who’s name is patricia wack. He explains his situation to her and she tells him she can’t give him a loan without collateral. He explains that he understands and places a toy train on the counter. Confused Miss wack explains that she cannot grant the loan as this is not really worth anything. The frog gets angry and starts yelling
“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? My father is Mc Jagger!”
As she cannot calm the frog down she grabs her manager and explains the situation to him. The manager takes a moment then says to her
“It’s a Knick knack patty whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone”
A coworker always tries to tell me this joke, but she laughs so hard I’ve never heard the entire thing. Until now. Thanks Captain!
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!7
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Me:"Hey Grandpa Gary, make me a sandwich."
Grandpa Gary: "Abra Kadabra, you're a sandwich!"
Me:"Hey Grandpa Gary, I'm hungry."
Grandpa Gary: "Hi, Hungry!"4 -
The_Devil_in_Miss_Jones wrote: »A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!
OH MY GOD lolDawnOfTheDead_Lift wrote: »Me:"Hey Grandpa Gary, make me a sandwich."
Grandpa Gary: "Abra Kadabra, you're a sandwich!"
Me:"Hey Grandpa Gary, I'm hungry."
Grandpa Gary: "Hi, Hungry!"
These are god tier dad jokes i'm so proud0
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