How did you stop sabotaging yourself?
whatalazyidiot
Posts: 343 Member
I have noticed that I am in a long, emotionally-exhausting, and frustrating cycle of re-starting due to sabotaging myself. I always think I have some amazing reason (excuse) to quit and "try something else". That's what i always tell myself.. oh, it's just "this" diet doesn't work. I need to start a different one.
But what happens is I eat what I want for days or weeks or months in between whatever diet I am yo-yo'ing to. So, in the last 2 years, I have managed to gain back the 45 lbs I originally lost with Keto.
And it has not just been Keto, FYI. I have tried them ALL. Keto, other low carb diets, high carb/low fat, vegetarian, vegan, regular calorie counting with no restrictions, etc etc.
I always think I have some legitimate reason to switch or give up. Oh, I hate the food on this diet. Oh, this is affecting my (insert random physical ailment here). Oh, this is too hard on me mentally with all the restrictions. You name it, I came up with it.
Basically, I know realistically what my food addict brain is doing, I just don't know how to stop it. If anyone has gone through this and overcome it, do you have any tips?
But what happens is I eat what I want for days or weeks or months in between whatever diet I am yo-yo'ing to. So, in the last 2 years, I have managed to gain back the 45 lbs I originally lost with Keto.
And it has not just been Keto, FYI. I have tried them ALL. Keto, other low carb diets, high carb/low fat, vegetarian, vegan, regular calorie counting with no restrictions, etc etc.
I always think I have some legitimate reason to switch or give up. Oh, I hate the food on this diet. Oh, this is affecting my (insert random physical ailment here). Oh, this is too hard on me mentally with all the restrictions. You name it, I came up with it.
Basically, I know realistically what my food addict brain is doing, I just don't know how to stop it. If anyone has gone through this and overcome it, do you have any tips?
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Replies
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I have never experienced this, but you have given me a lot more insight to why many people do so many different specific diets or eating plans. I never understood it. I mean this sincerely.
My Fitness Pal and calorie counting is the only thing I've ever tried outside of just a vague notion of "trying to eat less and eat healthier" so I have zero familiarity with the various diets. I will say it worked well for me as I've kept off over 100 for 5 years. Maybe it's worth a shot, just doing moderation? I don't know your goals though and fully understand that losing 100 is a lot different than losing that last 10-15 lb.
Ok now go ahead and "woo" me, rude person who woos all of my posts this week. Thanks.49 -
Here’s what I did - stop dieting...
I eat the foods that I like - I just stay within my calorie budget. It’s just that simple. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy.
In order to lose weight you must maintain a calorie deficit. That’s all there is to it. Eat what you want. That said, be smart. You know what foods trigger overeating FOR YOU. Avoid them. Make better choices.
Don’t think about motivation. Make choices. You can stay where you are or you can change. You get to decide.
A quote I heard here helped: “If you want permanent results, you need permanent change.”
Diets end. Choose to change your life.
Good luck.44 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I have never experienced this, but you have given me a lot more insight to why many people do so many different specific diets or eating plans. I never understood it. I mean this sincerely.
My Fitness Pal and calorie counting is the only thing I've ever tried outside of just a vague notion of "trying to eat less and eat healthier" so I have zero familiarity with the various diets. I will say it worked well for me as I've kept off over 100 for 5 years. Maybe it's worth a shot, just doing moderation? I don't know your goals though and fully understand that losing 100 is a lot different than losing that last 10-15 lb.
Ok now go ahead and "woo" me, rude person who woos all of my posts this week. Thanks.
I have about 120 lbs to lose, so definitely not in those last few pounds. I wish I was lol. Honestly, I think the frequency at which people talk about other diets has made it soooo much harder for me. I used MFP like 10 years ago when I first lost weight (60 lbs in like 4 months). And for some reason now, it is soooo much more difficult. I have NO idea why my brain can't just stick to calorie counting and exercise, and be done with it.
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I hope you can find what works for you!
I think for me, other people talking about diets just made me run in the opposite direction because I just did not want the focus to be on me and my weight issues. I know a lot of times especially in the workplace or families/friend circles, it becomes a joint effort & bonding type of thing to do a specific diet that is new or popular. For me that was always the thing I wanted to avoid most of all!7 -
Have you written down a list with all the pros for losing weight. One you can look at weekly if not daily? When I had my moment of I have had it, enough is enough. I am not going on a diet, I am going to have a LifeStyle change and stick with it. Because there is no end to this journey just different phases. I am my own motivator, I am accountable to me.
So I made a pro/con list what were all of the good reasons to get my butt in gear. What were the fears or issues that I felt could hold me back.
I do not go out to eat as much as I use to. I honestly lost some of my so called friends, who also had weight issues. And even though I never pushed them to get on board. One told me they just felt uncomfortable knowing how much I am changing. But it is life, and I am pushing on.
I started with a goal of losing 125 pounds, I have 48 left to go. I started in May 2018.
I really feel it comes down to How Bad do you want it! Me I am chasing the be healthier, literally get off a number of medications, which in turn will save money. I do not mean to sound harsh but you have to make a commitment to yourself, that if you fail on any given day, you jump right back in next day. No waiting until beginning of month, or until next Holiday is over. You can do it.15 -
‘Dieting’ is a short term fix. You need to make permanent changes to stop the yo-yo effect.
You say that you lost 60lbs in about 4 months. Whilst that shows impressive discipline for those 4 months, you must have really restricted yourself and that’s just not sustainable.
Slow and steady wins the race. Don’t go without anything, set a realistic weekly goal (such as 1lb per week to begin with) which allows you to have a little bit of what you fancy. It’s so much more enjoyable that way. You get to eat the things you like in moderation and still see a downward trend on the scale, win-win!!
Best of luck. You’ve got this.
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What I am doing different this time:
-keep a list of reasons to keep going. I have this list set as a daily reminder. Every day at 8am, my phone goes bing and I see my list.
-celebrate what I do right: every night before I go to sleep I think of a few reasons to congratulate myself and I tell my husband at least one of those things. I also have a dance party with every five pounds lost.
-mindful eating: this is always part of the reason behind tracking, as it helps keep you aware of what you are eating, but I also serve my food, sit down and experience it with all my senses, no phone, no TV, sometimes no company. Chew thoroughly, put the fork down a few times, only drink water at most meals.
-set fitness goals: from new yoga poses to being able to bike up bigger hills, these goals require consistency in my routine, and become easier as I lose weight. Fitness adds to the motivation to eat properly.
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Dieting will do that to you. Stop jumping onto the fad diets. They work, until you’re tired of being so restricted, or until you reintroduce what you cut out (example: low-no carb & then eating them again).
Eat things in moderation. Completely cutting something out will probably have you craving it, and then you will binge on it once you’re diet is over. Make it a lifestyle change and something that is maintainable for you.7 -
Fad diets don’t work for me. Anything extreme that involves cutting out entire food groups or doing anything too complicated just sets me up to fail. Diets like Keto work well for some people but others (like me) need to just keep things simple and easy.
I only track calories (and exercise). No foods are “off-limits” or considered “bad” as long as I can fit it in my calorie goal I can have it. This is the only method that has ever worked for me.
I’m having a lot of success this time around (half way to my goal!) and there are a couple small things (besides logging calories) I do that I think help:
- weigh myself every morning and log it in a weight trending app (I use Happy Scale). It gets me focused on my goal first thing in the morning.
- I cut out eating out entirely for the first month of my diet. I really think this helped me get into the right mindset and cut some of my cravings for fast food.
- I’m fairly active on here, it helps to have the community for support
- I am very vocal with my husband about my weight loss and ask him for support. He’s been great! Sometimes he will gently remind me I really don’t need that piece of chocolate or nag me to get my butt to the gym. Having a support system off-line is really helpful for me.
And honestly, part of it is that something just clicked for me this time around. I feel like I genuinely want it more than I did in the past.8 -
I think now that you've said it out loud that will help a lot.
Journalling during weight loss was really helpful to me. I saw my emotional patterns clearly. I worked out why and when I went off-plan. I noticed how much better my mental state was when I was getting regular exercise.
I am like seltzermint555 above. I had never tried to lose a lot of weight and I had 70 pounds to lose. I just googled for a free calorie counting tool because I knew it was about calories. It took me quite a while to learn about macros and my own satiety or lack of satiety around certain foods. I logged religiously (the good and bad days) I weighed myself daily, I took a walk for 45 minutes three to five times per week. I slowly learned by studying my FOOD page. I came up with lots of meals that were in the 300-500 calorie range and I just kept going.
There are going to be less than stellar days. It's going to happen. I had lots of those. Lots of 3000 calorie days when I was shooting for 1500. It's okay. The only way to fail is to give up.
I logged it and moved on. With practice those days became less and less frequent. It's a process, not a one-time-get-it-right-or-quit event.
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For me, I just got tired of the excess fat. I realized that weight loss is a numbers game and it is all about burning more calories than you eat. You have to find what works for you. Track the calories. Moderate portions. After a while, you will find what things just aren't worth the extra calories, and which things are worth making room for in your calories.
I also didn't beat myself up too much if I had days where I went over. I didn't allow myself to "miss out" on having fun. I had days where I didn't track on MFP (but still kept an approx count in my head). I wasn't perfect in my logging, but I was consistent and was in a calorie deficit most days.
ETA: I didn't do any of the named diets. I just ate the same foods, but ate less of it.3 -
I think the majority of this conversation is going to be subjective, very individual. What 1 person struggles with may have nothing to do with what another person struggles with. What one person finds helpful, another person might not.
But for me...- I've spent a great deal of time trying to figure out why I self-sabotage. Figuring out the whys has helped me come up with better, more effective "fixes".
- I've tried to focus more on the process rather than the results. I absolutely know the process works if I let it. I also know that I'm way too impatient with results, and being impatient + emotionally attached is never a good thing.
- I've stopped trying for the ideal or the optimal. I just can't thrive in that world. For me, sustainable and consistent is far better than occasionally perfect.
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‘Dieting’ is a short term fix. You need to make permanent changes to stop the yo-yo effect.
You say that you lost 60lbs in about 4 months. Whilst that shows impressive discipline for those 4 months, you must have really restricted yourself and that’s just not sustainable.
Slow and steady wins the race. Don’t go without anything, set a realistic weekly goal (such as 1lb per week to begin with) which allows you to have a little bit of what you fancy. It’s so much more enjoyable that way. You get to eat the things you like in moderation and still see a downward trend on the scale, win-win!!
Best of luck. You’ve got this.
Yes, very true. I had just used the calories MFP gave me, which was barely over 1,200. I probably had more 900-1,000 calorie days at the time. I couldn't do that now if I tried. I don't even know how I managed it then, but either way, definitely not sustainable for me.1 -
Thanks everyone for your replies! I appreciate it. I agree that it is going to be different for everyone, but I just have this hurdle that makes it hard to stick to it. Still trying though!1
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sounds like you keep "dieting" by under eating and eliminating foods completely which make it impossible to stick to long term. loosing fast is meaningless if you can't keep at it more than a few weeks (nor is loosing fast actually "good for you".)
why not just eat foods you enjoy, in a proper amount (no less than 1200 calories, but eat back your exercise calories)/.
yes there may be some foods that are hard to eat in moderation so those can be off the table for now but avoid putting entire food groups off the table.
What did I do? I set up a routine. I am a very routine person so having plans for food for the week that i know worked in my calorie goal was crucial. I also keep foods that i can't stop eating out of the house.
I eat chocolate and dessert daily when loosing weight. I ensure to include foods I enjoy in moderation. I am a volume eater so I eat a lot of raw veggies and often skip rice and potatoes as they are not foods I really care for and are calorie dense (but that's just MY thing). I find cutting up veggies in smaller segments allows me to eat "longer" without more calories - again just a trick that works for me.
I eat a reasonable amount of calories that keep my body functionning properly and allow a small calorie deficit.
I don't need to sabbotage myself as I am giving myself enough food daily and enough things I love daily to not feel i am white knuckling it and want to jump off the second i can.
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Others have already said most of what I'd say. Just want to add a few more tips.
On making the new lifestyle more enjoyable:
- Learn to savour the foods you eat, especially the treats. Eat them slowly and really focus on the experience, you'll get just as much satisfaction from it as if you ate a larger quantity.
- If you're having trouble limiting treat portions then don't keep them in the house. Instead, go out for treats. Order a small serving, enjoy it and then go back home to a fridge full of healthy food satisfied enough not to snarl at it. It's extra effort and more expensive which are further reasons not to do it too often.
- If you're having trouble sticking to regular exercise, find a sport you like. If you like soccer, for example, you'll be too busy thinking about scoring the next goal to think about the cardio workout you're doing. When you're doing exercise just for the sake of exercise, like running on a treadmill for example, it becomes a grueling chore and that's just not something most people can stick to on an indefinite basis.
On getting more motivated:
- Break up your goal into smaller goals. Trying to lose 5 lbs by the end of the month is a lot less intimidating than thinking about the 45 lbs you need to lose in total.
- There are some sports that have built-in goals. For example, most martial arts have a belt system. If you're aiming for that next belt it keeps you coming back and working hard.
- Some people find it helpful to add other MFP users as friends to keep them motivated. There's a thread on here somewhere called "Post here if you want more friends". You might want to give that a go.
- Take some of the pressure off. Unless you're trying to slim down for a wedding or something, there is no reason to rush this. Set reasonable, attainable goals and enjoy the process of reaching them.2 -
Oh girl! Im the same way! I have researched and attempted short term every diet out there, I have googled reviews or even tried mannnyy of the weight loss pill gimmicks with a smidge of hope that even if was a..placebo effect, that it would trick me into doing better so the pills would work and id quickly lose a few and it would motivate me to keep going and lose more. Now im lowering my carb and sugar intake - without slashing them all together. and trying to stick to my calorie goal without obsessing or starving over it. I go over most days. Im still working on figuring out what seems like healthy options are actually high in cals. I know its not going to be a fast process, but hoping making it a habit, and figuring out foods that i love, and need to eat more of (vegies) will all work out together and keep getting me closer to my calorie goals and be a long term change i can stick to!1
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I am with you girl! I have quit evvvvvverything. I am finally sticking to Keto. What I decided was that I was going to commit to three months. Commit to myself for three months. No matter what. I was going to stick with it for three months and at the end of three months decide if I was going to stick with it. Decide you're worth it!2
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CurlyGirl_OnKeto wrote: »I am with you girl! I have quit evvvvvverything. I am finally sticking to Keto. What I decided was that I was going to commit to three months. Commit to myself for three months. No matter what. I was going to stick with it for three months and at the end of three months decide if I was going to stick with it. Decide you're worth it!
And what happens after the three months and you decide keto is not for you. Or the next fad diet..do you plan on just eating the way you did before which got you to the point of being unhappy?
I would suggest stop looking at it as a diet and learn to have the foods you like in the proper proportions for your goals. Be it lose weight, Maintain or gain. Then you never have quitting problems ever again.8 -
For me it all just clicked in my brain one day that I didn’t want to lose weight to look better or to be a certain size. I have been really working loving myself and accepting where I am.
I realized I want to lose weight and exercise because I want to live longer for my children.
& because I know that if I’m healthier physically i will also be healthier mentally.
I can’t really tell you where I started to get to this place but I will say I think it mostly came from self love. Taking a photo in a bathing suit and posting it on fb was really powerful for me because I was going to love all my rolls and all my extra pounds.
Also I think certain things work for certain people.
Keto works for some people. WW works for some people.
For me calorie counting really works because I can still eat things I love. Another thing I do is try to make thing I love to eat like poutine and make a healthier version!
Or I love buffalo chicken fingers so I buy some frozen ones toss then in 0 zero calorie hot sauce and serve on a huge salad with some low calorie ranch! Totally satisfies my cravings!
Also I would like to say it’s okay to have a off day.
I have them. The most imported thing to do is to track it!!! When I have to type it into my app and it tells me that if I ate like that every day for 5 weeks I would gain two pounds it makes me want to do better tomorrow. But I also realize that life happened and those days are going to happen.
It’s imported to learn how to get back on the wagon.
Also it’s normal to have not so good weeks.
It’s also okay to just maintain for awhile.
Weight loss is not a sprint it’s a marathon.
I’ve lost 19 pounds sense June.
Is that a lot no.. but I have done it in a healthy way and you know what if I keep doing what I’m doing I’ll be at my goal weight by next June!
Even if it takes you a year to lose 40 pounds that’s okay!
Not compare your weight loss to others.
Don’t deprive yourself but don’t eat because your stressed or unhappy.
Get up and move some more but you need to go to the gym everyday or even at all!
Take care of your mental health!
Track everything and everyday!
Weigh in every two weeks instead of weekly.
Take a deep breath and think of why you really want this!1 -
You need to look at this more like a lifestyle then a diet. You need to find something that works. Calories. Macros. Etc. Don't keep starting over. Keep moving towards your lifestyle.5
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Dont diet! Make a sustainable meal plan.
I personally eat IIFYM. So I have ice cream, steak, potatoes, salads, eggs, Whatever I want but it fits in my calories. I eat a higher amount. Setting to lose 2 pounds a week leads me to self sabotage and I start craving 1000 meals at restaurants. I set my goal to lose a pound per week, which means I eat 2400 calories a day and in 1 year I will lose approx 52 pounds.
You can do this. Your goal is to be healthier. Don't look at this as a temporary fix. You can't avoid certain food for the rest of your life5 -
Dont diet! Make a sustainable meal plan.
I personally eat IIFYM. So I have ice cream, steak, potatoes, salads, eggs, Whatever I want but it fits in my calories. I eat a higher amount. Setting to lose 2 pounds a week leads me to self sabotage and I start craving 1000 meals at restaurants. I set my goal to lose a pound per week, which means I eat 2400 calories a day and in 1 year I will lose approx 52 pounds.
You can do this. Your goal is to be healthier. Don't look at this as a temporary fix. You can't avoid certain food for the rest of your life
Thank you! Funny you should say that - I just switched my diary to losing 1 lb a week instead of 2, and it's giving me 1,850 calories a day. Definitely something i can work with. It makes me feel a little better and less anxious about being hungry.7 -
garystrickland357 wrote: »Here’s what I did - stop dieting...
I eat the foods that I like - I just stay within my calorie budget. It’s just that simple. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy.
In order to lose weight you must maintain a calorie deficit. That’s all there is to it. Eat what you want. That said, be smart. You know what foods trigger overeating FOR YOU. Avoid them. Make better choices.
Don’t think about motivation. Make choices. You can stay where you are or you can change. You get to decide.
A quote I heard here helped: “If you want permanent results, you need permanent change.”
Diets end. Choose to change your life.
Good luck.
This. I lost from 225 to 160. I put back 20 over two years because my husband's mother and then my dad got really sick and I ate my stress, usually in fast food or Starbucks at the hospital.
I am losing that now and have reduced my carbs because I discovered by process of elimination that my gall stones bother me less and more importantly elevate my liver enzymes less if. I do. I still eat pretty much what I want though, just less refined sugar.2 -
For those of you who are talking about it as a "lifestyle" - can you explain what you mean?0
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When I first started logging I think I just wanted to lose weight and look skinnier. It never occurred to me that there were a million other reasons to lose. That kind of awareness and motivation developed over time. Those things quickly overtook looking good though - things like no more back or knee pain, no more acid reflux, easier to find clothes, better confidence. Nowadays if I am lacking in motivation I head over to a thread in “Succes Stories” called “Your latest NSV.” People talk about all their lovely successes that are not scale related and it gives me total perspective. This whole thing has become a lifestyle attitude for me instead of a diet.
What I mean when I think of it as a lifestyle rather than a diet:
I want a healthy attitude toward my body, emotions and food and how all three interact.
I want a way of living that lets me feel strong and healthy and that I am comfortable with for the rest of my life.
I want to live and care for my physical and emotional self in healthy ways.
Those things encompass a lot more than giving up chocolate bars or cookies for a few months until I can’t stand it any more.
My journey has developed and changed as I have been doing this for almost three years now. The only commitment that has never changed in this time is my absolute promise to log every single thing that goes in my mouth.
Good luck to you! By exploring this question I think you are well on your way to success as the universe has ways of answering questions we didn’t even know we were asking sometimes 😁
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For those of you who are talking about it as a "lifestyle" - can you explain what you mean?
Instead of going on a temporary and unpleasant endeavor to force your body to reduce the fat, change your relationship with food and exercise permanently. There is a learning curve to this and you might not lose weight super fast (or you might) but the result will be long term, sustainable health. There is lots of good advice in this thread to get you started.5 -
Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »CurlyGirl_OnKeto wrote: »I am with you girl! I have quit evvvvvverything. I am finally sticking to Keto. What I decided was that I was going to commit to three months. Commit to myself for three months. No matter what. I was going to stick with it for three months and at the end of three months decide if I was going to stick with it. Decide you're worth it!
And what happens after the three months and you decide keto is not for you. Or the next fad diet..do you plan on just eating the way you did before which got you to the point of being unhappy?
I would suggest stop looking at it as a diet and learn to have the foods you like in the proper proportions for your goals. Be it lose weight, Maintain or gain. Then you never have quitting problems ever again.
Perhaps the three months has to do with people being more successful in reaching goals when there is a specific time frame involved. What's wrong with breaking long term goals down into smaller, manageable chunks? If she's happy at the end of three months, she'll likely keep going with it. If not, she'll continue to utilize the parts she likes, and ditch the stuff that isn't working for her, while she continues on towards her goals. There's an entire spectrum of options other than just going back to habits that led to weight gain.7 -
I'm doing keto and what helped me at first was a health scare. Honestly that's what clicked my brain in to stopping the excuses I always told myself to start eating junk again.
I started having chest pains and it scared the begeezus out of me. I was only 38. About to turn 39 with the prospect of a possible heart attack or needing heart surgery etc. Thank fully it was due to stress and everything checked out fine.
Now on the rare occasions that I crave something bad, I remind myself that the junky food isn't going anywhere. It will be there later. I've already wasted SO much time being unhappy in my body. SO many regrets when I gave up on a diet and gained back anything I lost.
Do you want to continue on with your life being unhappy with your body? Waste your life trying diet after diet? Or do you want to take a year or 2 or however long on a diet to get healthy ( yes I know healthy eating is for a lifetime)? A year from now... are you going to look back and feel nothing but regret b/c you gave up once again. Or are you going to look back and feel proud of yourself for sticking with it. Maybe not perfectly, but you stuck with it.
It sounds like you're "all or nothing". You also have to get out of that mentality. Just b/c you fall off the wagon doesn't mean you can't jump right back on. It doesn't mean you have to do something extreme to get back on it either.
I see that so often with keto dieters. Someone cheats and then freaks the hell out and think they need to fast for 2 days or something. It's ridiculous. Just get back to doing what you were doing before. Stop "starting over" and just CONTINUE ON.4 -
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