I feel so depressed.
JanetReyna
Posts: 291 Member
I literally feel ashamed of posting these pictures of my body but I honestly need support and advice. My body makes me hate my entire self and makes me feel emotionally drained. I have no idea how I can look completely different. I wish I only had a little fat in my stomach and was thicker. But no, guys please give me hope. I feel my stomach will look horrible when I lose the weight I have to and I will never look curvy. I don’t know how to eat, how to train, I hate myself and my body like never before. 
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Replies
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Wish I looked like this.0 -
Know that you may never look like the woman you admire, and you don’t know what that woman would look like dressed in the same clothes you are wearing in your photos.
Aim for being the best you can be.
(She has been dressed and posed to give that particular look)
To lose weight all you need is a calorie deficit. Plug your stats in and aim for a reasonable goal.
You may find it useful to start by logging what you are eating now and then dropping to your deficit in stages.
As far as what to eat. Again, start logging what you eat now. Over time try to improve your nutrition. Make small sustainable changes. It is no use going all salad and tuna if you don’t like them. It is more useful to adjust the portion sizes of food you are eating now downward and trying to hit your protein, fat, and fibre goals over time.
Exercise, walking is a good starting point. Build it up slowly, alternate days are great.
Also, if you can, try out different classes. If you haven’t exercised it is hard to know what you will find enjoyable. I liked aqua fit when I first started, but tried out lots of classes and fitness machines.
Try to eventually do some cardio and some strengthening exercises.
Cheers, h.6 -
middlehaitch wrote: »Know that you may never look like the woman you admire, and you don’t know what that woman would look like dressed in the same clothes you are wearing in your photos.
Aim for being the best you can be.
(She has been dressed and posed to give that particular look)
To lose weight all you need is a calorie deficit. Plug your stats in and aim for a reasonable goal.
You may find it useful to start by logging what you are eating now and then dropping to your deficit in stages.
As far as what to eat. Again, start logging what you eat now. Over time try to improve your nutrition. Make small sustainable changes. It is no use going all salad and tuna if you don’t like them. It is more useful to adjust the portion sizes of food you are eating now downward and trying to hit your protein, fat, and fibre goals over time.
Exercise, walking is a good starting point. Build it up slowly, alternate days are great.
Also, if you can, try out different classes. If you haven’t exercised it is hard to know what you will find enjoyable. I liked aqua fit when I first started, but tried out lots of classes and fitness machines.
Try to eventually do some cardio and some strengthening exercises.
Cheers, h.
Thank you the thing is I’m so scared of how I’ll look when I lose the weight. I want to be thick and curvy. My body shape is just horrible, and did you look at my back fat and stomach? Like how will I ever feel confident if it’s just so unattractive. 0 -
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You are not unattractive.
As you lose weight that fat will go. It does take time for the skin to adjust, and there is a chance you will have some lose skin, but don’t you think you will look better, and be healthier at a lower weight.
I may be wrong, but from your photos you look more of an apple shape than an hourglass (the shape of your ideal) at the moment.
That doesn’t mean you can’t have a great shape and figure, it just means you may have to adjust your expectations, not quite such an exaggerated small waist, to what your genetics have given you.
It takes dedication and time. Get started now. If your goal is for the ‘thick’ look, train in a way that will take you in that direction, I would suggest getting into a weight lifting programme as you are losing weight.
Get skilled logging and eating at a deficit first. Then, if exercise is new, work your way up to weight lifting by doing some conditioning, like Pilates, or a dumbbell routine. If you have a good fitness level already, start lifting.
Cheers, h.4 -
Have a look through this thread.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10689837/does-this-uterus-make-my-stomach-look-fat/p1
And look at the success sub forum. There are loads of inspiring women who have worked hard to improve their health and get a body they are proud of.
You are not alone.
Cheers, h.4 -
There's a lifting program for women called "Strong Curves". Take a look at that and get yourself a digital food scale and start weighing and measuring all your food and drink. There are people on here that have the look you want. Whether it's attainable is not a given--genetics. However, you have to take stock of what you've got and then work to make it better. Weight loss is just a start. Follow the forums and learn. Read the welcoming posts. You will be pleased with yourself over time if you just stick it out. Good luck.3
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Perfection is the enemy of good. Agree you may not get everything you want, but you can have better. A lot better.
We only get one life. If you’ve decided that what’s in the photo isn’t what you want for yourself, you’re going to have to change it. No one else can.
Start with this- respect yourself. Not your body, or even the lifestyle that’s gotten you here. Respect you. Like all people, you’re complicated. No one thing defines you. Not you job, your weight, your left foot. Nothing in isolation is you, you’re the entire package. Like all people, unless you are actively out to do harm to others, you’re entitled to basic human respect.
A healthy weight and fitness are worthy endeavors. You are wise to pursue those goals. Its the right thing to do. Respect your decision to pursue your new goals. Push back against the negative loop that your brain is stuck in. Act.
Calculate a modest calorie deficit, start a food diary and try to hit your number. You will soon find that you have a better chance to hit your number if you have a plan. Plan for each day and week. If your plan doesn’t work out at some point, make it better next time.
Always log everything into your diary. The process is more important than the numbers. Start a modest walking program. Start slow and build it up slow. Weight loss takes place mostly in the kitchen. Exercise is overrated as a weight loss strategy. But it does a lot of good stuff for your mind and body. Regular exercise will lift your spirit.
It’s ok to stumble along in your new lifestyle, especially at first. There’s a significant calorie counting learning curve. Think about how you will cope when discouraged. It will happen. Focus on developing good habits that you will want to stick with.
Don’t concern yourself with motivation, focus on determination. It will take you a lot farther.
Know these things- Calorie counting works. It takes a significant amount of patience but it works. It’s the laws of physics. And weight loss is liberating. You can free yourself from self loathing and that nagging voice in your head. You can have the life you want. You’ll be surprised how much you can do.3 -
That woman is wearing shapewear and a push up bra! Looking “like that” is an illusion. She too could have lost weight, you can’t tell if she has extra skin hiding under there.
Curvy looks can be created. I remember that plus size model Ashley Graham has an official workout to keep her shape (there was a cute buzz feed video about it I think). Sure lots of stuff is genetics but strength training & eating makes a big difference too.
I’m 40lbs down since the spring, and I’m just at the edge of obese for my weight (I got under it but I went up 4lbs 😶). It made a big difference in my shape. I’ve also been doing some strength work for my glutes (for physiotherapy) and my butt does seem to be looking a little better!
Nothing will change overnight, but lots can change in a year. If I can make a suggestion please try not to come from a place of hate. It’s fine to be unhappy. I was unhappy too, and still am. But if you focus on hating yourself how will you do things that are good for you?
In my experience when I focus on how much I hate my body or my habits that made it bad enough to affect my health (I’ve had some bad consequences...😐) I don’t move forward. It’s hard and I’m still working on it, but I find when I forgive myself, focus on learning new things, and think of small reasons why I’m proud of myself it’s easier to keep going. (I say this because I hit a bump of depression in November and my eating got so bad because I couldn’t care about anything, least of all myself and my well being).1 -
middlehaitch wrote: »You are not unattractive.
As you lose weight that fat will go. It does take time for the skin to adjust, and there is a chance you will have some lose skin, but don’t you think you will look better, and be healthier at a lower weight.
I may be wrong, but from your photos you look more of an apple shape than an hourglass (the shape of your ideal) at the moment.
That doesn’t mean you can’t have a great shape and figure, it just means you may have to adjust your expectations, not quite such an exaggerated small waist, to what your genetics have given you.
It takes dedication and time. Get started now. If your goal is for the ‘thick’ look, train in a way that will take you in that direction, I would suggest getting into a weight lifting programme as you are losing weight.
Get skilled logging and eating at a deficit first. Then, if exercise is new, work your way up to weight lifting by doing some conditioning, like Pilates, or a dumbbell routine. If you have a good fitness level already, start lifting.
Cheers, h.middlehaitch wrote: »You are not unattractive.
As you lose weight that fat will go. It does take time for the skin to adjust, and there is a chance you will have some lose skin, but don’t you think you will look better, and be healthier at a lower weight.
I may be wrong, but from your photos you look more of an apple shape than an hourglass (the shape of your ideal) at the moment.
That doesn’t mean you can’t have a great shape and figure, it just means you may have to adjust your expectations, not quite such an exaggerated small waist, to what your genetics have given you.
It takes dedication and time. Get started now. If your goal is for the ‘thick’ look, train in a way that will take you in that direction, I would suggest getting into a weight lifting programme as you are losing weight.
Get skilled logging and eating at a deficit first. Then, if exercise is new, work your way up to weight lifting by doing some conditioning, like Pilates, or a dumbbell routine. If you have a good fitness level already, start lifting.
Cheers, h.middlehaitch wrote: »You are not unattractive.
As you lose weight that fat will go. It does take time for the skin to adjust, and there is a chance you will have some lose skin, but don’t you think you will look better, and be healthier at a lower weight.
I may be wrong, but from your photos you look more of an apple shape than an hourglass (the shape of your ideal) at the moment.
That doesn’t mean you can’t have a great shape and figure, it just means you may have to adjust your expectations, not quite such an exaggerated small waist, to what your genetics have given you.
It takes dedication and time. Get started now. If your goal is for the ‘thick’ look, train in a way that will take you in that direction, I would suggest getting into a weight lifting programme as you are losing weight.
Get skilled logging and eating at a deficit first. Then, if exercise is new, work your way up to weight lifting by doing some conditioning, like Pilates, or a dumbbell routine. If you have a good fitness level already, start lifting.
Cheers, h. But don’t you think I look like an Apple shaped right now because of all the fat? Like maybe losing the weight will have me getting a smaller waist and I’ll look thicker because I don’t have too much back fat? 0 -
You can’t change your genetics or your natural shape. I’m a pear shape who’d love to be an hourglass but that’s never going to happen, my body naturally gains weight in my butt & thighs and it’s based upon genetics. I’d also love to have long legs and green eyes, but again that’s out of my control. You have to accept the body God gave you take care of it the best you can through healthy diet and exercise. It will look great when you take care of it. You also have to stop looking at ideal women online and in magazines who’ve been taped and contoured and photo shopped to look a certain way - it’s not real. Just focus on you and being your best, not someone else’s best.2
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You can’t change your genetics or your natural shape. I’m a pear shape who’d love to be an hourglass but that’s never going to happen, my body naturally gains weight in my butt & thighs and it’s based upon genetics. I’d also love to have long legs and green eyes, but again that’s out of my control. You have to accept the body God gave you take care of it the best you can through healthy diet and exercise. It will look great when you take care of it. You also have to stop looking at ideal women online and in magazines who’ve been taped and contoured and photo shopped to look a certain way - it’s not real. Just focus on you and being your best, not someone else’s best.
wasn’t really expecting to hear that. I mean I obviously know right now I am Apple shaped because of all the fat I carry. But I suppose that at going away will have me looking with a smaller weight a better back and more curves. 0 -
JanetReyna wrote: »
Wish I looked like this.
I don't believe she really looks like this, it's either photoshopped or the angle of her pose and the angle of the shot has given this result.
I had back fat just like yours, most of it has gone but I still have lots more weight to lose, so you can do it too.
You can't predict where you will lose the weight and how your body will shape but there are exercise programmes that may be able to help put you in the right direction.
You don't need to be a pear shape to be beautiful!
For the sake of your mental health and happiness please try not to aspire to be somebody else - it won't happen - just be yourself and embrace it.
There are lots of threads on here to help you, from which exercises to do through to meal ideas - add friends with open diaries so you can get some ideas, mine is open and I log in everyday so feel free to add me.
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Some great comments/advice already - make a start at losing weight, it will take time but it will change your body composition - in the mean time, love yourself, look at your attributes: a very shapely booty and good boobs for starters. You might feel you are apple shaped for now but as you lose your shape will change. Although genetics play a part in our shape, while we have more fat its hard to see our true shape.
p.s you look good in your profile pic, this is what everyone else sees so be kind to yourself ok.
All the best.
Ruth1 -
Yes, girl. I know it isn’t healthy but I just really dislike my shape. I DO NOT want to look like this forever, I just don’t. I know we can’t decide where we’re gonna lose the fat but it’s obvious that you’ll loose where you have more fat. My legs are skinny so I don’t really have fat to lose from there. I grab my fat and pull it back and my waist actually looks small. I’m thinking of loosing all I ca and then consider getting liposculpture.0
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LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »Some great comments/advice already - make a start at losing weight, it will take time but it will change your body composition - in the mean time, love yourself, look at your attributes: a very shapely booty and good boobs for starters. You might feel you are apple shaped for now but as you lose your shape will change. Although genetics play a part in our shape, while we have more fat its hard to see our true shape.
p.s you look good in your profile pic, this is what everyone else sees so be kind to yourself ok.
All the best.
Ruth
Ahhhh, that was so sweet of you. Thank you love. And yes, with all this fat it’s impossible to really know the shape I am. As you can see, I’m not flat from by butt and I have curvy hips, but with all the fat I carry in my upper my lower body does not really “stand out”. I know I’m Apple Shaped right now, but I do have a butt and when I pinch my stomach fat to the back, if I’m making sense, my waist looks really small.1 -
Everyone here has already given you great advice so all I'll add is that I think you're being so hard on yourself.3
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Since you still have weight to lose, it is really difficult to know what your shape will be in the end. But lifting while losing will help retain muscle... ex. the glutes, quads, lats, abs etc. so that you could end up with a more curved appearance. I have had two babies, and after they came out, my stomach looked quite large compared to the rest of my body, and there was always a bit of worry it will go down at the same rate as everything else. For some people that might be the case, for me, it went down quick and I ended up with a smaller waist and larger hips and chest. I feel like you are so worried what you are going to look like that it is preventing you from even trying. Don't do that. As I mentioned to you before, when you get closer to goal there are ways to build muscle in areas to add more a curved shape if that is something you want. It is not quick, but the results are worth it. Believe me.4
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Everyone here has already given you great advice so all I'll add is that I think you're being so hard on yourself.
^This comment.
You're being so hard on yourself and comparing yourself to others is not good at all, and trying to strive to look EXACTLY like a certain bodyshape/person isn't healthy either. You're overthinking how your body will look when you lose weight. Everyone's body is different and it all falls down into genetics. Worrying about what you're going to look like when you lose weight is doing more harm than good and you never know until you try. Heck, you might even love how you look when you lose weight more than you thought you would.1 -
You are being too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself and your body. Strive to be a better and healthier version of yourself. That photo you posted of your ideal is not realistic. I don't know anyone who actually looks like that, and who knows what that woman actually looks underneath the dress.1
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Now take the same photo with proper posture, I bet you can be happier today!2
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Methinks you may be worrying about a non-problem. Yes, be kind to yourself and get to work. Make your body strong and healthy and be proud of what it can do and whatever shape your are will be perfect!2
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BET YOU that girl looks nothing like that naked! She is obviously wearing shapewear etc. Don't let it get you down. You will make progress and you can't compare yourself to clothed posed women. I bet with the right amount of posing/undergarments you would look exactly the same!1
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After I lost 95 pounds, I found that my body shape was kind of the same as before - only thinner.1
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allison8668 wrote: »After I lost 95 pounds, I found that my body shape was kind of the same as before - only thinner.
I think mine will change because it’s too much fat I have in my mid section. Like I don’t think it’ll look the same.0 -
allison8668 wrote: »After I lost 95 pounds, I found that my body shape was kind of the same as before - only thinner.
Maybe you needed more weight lifting.0 -
Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »BET YOU that girl looks nothing like that naked! She is obviously wearing shapewear etc. Don't let it get you down. You will make progress and you can't compare yourself to clothed posed women. I bet with the right amount of posing/undergarments you would look exactly the same!
Not just regular shapewear but also possibly waist training and padding, she looks like freaking Jessica Rabbit.
Do you have any other reasons you want to lose weight other than changing your shape? To avoid a familial health problem, or fit into smaller clothes? I just think you might get discouraged if you start losing weight and don't get the body shape results you're expecting. I am shaped very similarly to you and just straight losing weight doesn't change my shape much, but weight training definitely helps with "definition" so to speak.
Also, exercise in general is amazing for mental health. Getting a good exercise routine can help you appreciate what your body can do and is great for lifting mood. I say this as someone with clinical depression that is massively helped by exercise. Start with walking and bodyweight fitness videos on Youtube. Fitness Blender has some good low impact ones for someone starting to workout from absolutely no exercise.2 -
Honestly, I’m just gonna go with surgery LOL.0
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JanetReyna wrote: »Honestly, I’m just gonna go with surgery LOL.
If I were you, I'd do a year of weight loss and lifting and then evaluate. Surgery has risks (I don't know why people don't consider this), and you need to eat differently if you want to retain your new shape. You could wind up right back where you are now--that's depressing. There are a lot of successes on here, just read the success stories. Sometimes things aren't easy or quick. It's taken awhile to get where you are, it'll take awhile to get to your goal.4
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