When do the comments stop?

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  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    The comments stop when you tell them to eff off and mind their own. :wink:
  • sheclimbsrocks
    sheclimbsrocks Posts: 110 Member
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    If people touch with without your permission and after being told not to touch you, maybe you should consider giving the molester a light slap on the hand. Actions speak louder than words! Likewise, if they make comments about your body, turn it around and start making comments about theirs. Then maybe they will realize how unintentionally rude they are being.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Seriously? They pinch your pudge? I'd tell them to the back the eff off and like sheclimbsrock said, slap their hand away. And tell them that's unbelievably rude.
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
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    I've always been thin and I've always had to deal with it. For some reason, people think it is ok to comment/ criticize others on their weight & body. Tell them to *kitten* off.
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
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    Seriously? They pinch your pudge? I'd tell them to the back the eff off and like sheclimbsrock said, slap their hand away. And tell them that's unbelievably rude.

    My secretary did that, which I thought was bizarre behavior. But she was doing it because she couldn't believe that it was gone. She, and the other colleague who keeps asking me about my weight and telling me it's impossible to keep off, have both been fascinated with my weight loss.

    Yes, they made discouraging noises (you'll never take/keep it off). But they both have weight problem. Since I've lost they both have started using MFP and exercising. And they are honestly pleased. But yeah, it came out funny!

    I think it's that mixed feeling that people have when they want something and keep being told they can't have it or can't do it. They don't believe they can do it. Then they see someone else do it and they're both jealous and it also means they have no excuses to not try themselves.
  • StaticEntropy
    StaticEntropy Posts: 224 Member
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    You need a better support group. At least you have the good folks at MFP...
  • ChristineinMA
    ChristineinMA Posts: 312 Member
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    Easier said than done. My 87 year old, never married aunt always asks me if I brushed my teeth? I always resond with, yes and have you had your BM today's. conversation takes a quick turn!

    Too funny!
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
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    That's really unfortunate that your family are that way. I would suggest either letting them know that you are really uncomfortable when they poke at you and point out your flaws or just build a mental wall to keep their comments out. If you know they are going to say things about your weight just ignore them. Get to a place where you are happy with yourself and don't let them bring you down. My family stopped making comments when I made it clear that I didn't care what they said about me.
  • LAnne16
    LAnne16 Posts: 272 Member
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    Yeah I never let people touch me without my permission... When I get thinner, that's not going to change. Sometimes you have to be a bit more upfront with people. That really bothers me, actually.. I'd lose it. haha.
  • RacerX_14
    RacerX_14 Posts: 578 Member
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    I think folks are just jealous that you've had amazing success!
  • paxbfl
    paxbfl Posts: 391 Member
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    I lost most of my weight by February. These days my close friends don't really comment unless to compliment me or ask questions about my fitness program. My family still comments... I just say that I'm at a healthy weight and will stay there. Usually they say "Well you look skinny to me." I reply "Well I trust the numbers more than perceptions." Because that's what it is - they are used to seeing me obese, so at a healthy weight I look "skinny" to them.
  • Mslmesq
    Mslmesq Posts: 1,001 Member
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    The people in my family that have always been apt to make comments (my mother and sister) have only done so when I have put weight on, never when I lost it. I no longer have contact with either of them, not because of weight comments though. Those comments were some of the more benign they ever made in the course of them being extremely dysfunctional (and actually dx with personality disorders) people.

    The important thing to keep in mind is that anyone who violates your boundary (you have verbally told them you are uncomfortable with the comments), has crossed a line. Technically they bring it up because THEY have issues. They are not your issues as you are quite comfortable and happy with your own weight. This (the fact that it is their issues) however does not excuse their bad behavior. But, it does help to understand that something is wrong with them, not you.

    When someone crosses boundaries, there are a few ways to react. Imo, the best is to simply state the boundary: "Actually I am very happy with my current weight and feel good about it. You, however, are making me feel very uncomfortable with your comments and ai feel like you are trying to shame me and/or judge me. I would feel morecomfortable if we didn't talk about either of our weights and simply concentrated on enjoying our time together". (States boundary). If the bad behavior continues: "Listen, I have already told you I am uncomfortable with our weight being discussed as a topic. If you continue doing so knowing that it is making me feel bad, it will be better if I leave and we can get together another time when we can both enjoy the conversation". (States consequence of boundary violation). If the bad behavior continues you must follow through on the stated consequence. You must leave. Do so calmly and not in a huff. Simply say, "I see you are not taking my request to not discuss this seriously. It appears it will be better if we get together at another time". And leave! Do not let them say anything at this point to sway you to stay. It is past that. The next time they will likely stop the bad behavior.

    If dysfunctional people act like children, they need to be treated like children. It is the only way to get through to them. And please remember, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE..INCLUDING FAMILY..HAS THE RIGHT TO VIOLATE YOUR PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.

    Good luck to you and congratulations on your weight loss!
  • shirley_beans
    shirley_beans Posts: 65 Member
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    I get the impression sometime that some of my family / friends want me to fail to validate their lack of fitness. I'm ok with that. Sounds arrogant, but it is what it is.

    This is, unfortunately, SO true.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
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    Plus people seem to think it's ok to grab and pinch and squeeze and point out every bit of pudge they might find. I've never really been a touchy-feely person in general, and when others get that way with me for the purpose of being critical instead of affectionate...highly annoying.

    My response to that would be "Please get your hands off me NOW. Thank you." Repeat as often as necessary. You don't have to let them treat your body as public property.

    ^^^This.

    It would only happen Once. I can guarantee, it wouldn't happen a second time.
  • Alma_Sana
    Alma_Sana Posts: 453 Member
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    It has taken about a year for me...now the comments center around how long i think I can keep it off...

    I think that's where I am too. When I'm at work people don't say anything unless they haven't seen me. Mostly. Except for one person who said I'd put it back on, watched me take it off and is encouraging but I can see her just waiting for me to regain. And a very good friend who lost and regains and lost and regains and . . . seems annoyed I haven't. What can you do.

    My family tells me I'm too skinny. Thank god my Mom, too, realized I'm back to the weight I was when I was 20 - not back to something I've never been before.

    You have to let it slide off you like syrup off a duck. And yeah, that sometimes sticks. The less you react, the more they'll drop it. It isn't an interesting topic unless you make it one.

    Great advice :)
  • CarmenSRT
    CarmenSRT Posts: 843 Member
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    Plus people seem to think it's ok to grab and pinch and squeeze and point out every bit of pudge they might find. I've never really been a touchy-feely person in general, and when others get that way with me for the purpose of being critical instead of affectionate...highly annoying.

    Uninvited touching? NO. Do whatever they did to you back to them. Ask them - while they're still in shock that THEY were touched uninvited - how they like it. Almost guaranteed they won't do it again.
  • bumblebums
    bumblebums Posts: 2,181 Member
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    I am an introvert but not a shy person, and both uninvited touching and comments on my appearance annoy me, even (or perhaps especially) if they come from relatives. So I can only imagine dealing with this in two ways:

    1. Pinch them back, and say something equally obnoxious about their bodies. If this is not something you do, it should shock them and even cause them to consider what they just did to you. I have done this to male colleagues who have said inappropriate things about my appearance--namely, "Gee, Mr. White, you look so fresh and pretty in that new sweater vest!" That usually nips all the future comments in the bud.

    2. Look at them calmly and say, "Please do not comment on my appearance or touch me without asking for permission first." In those words. Again, that usually freaks people out; they will remember this encounter.
  • IndigoFlowers
    IndigoFlowers Posts: 221 Member
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    I never had comments from my own immediate family, but from my great grandma and my boyfriend's family the comments never seem to stop!! I learned that I had to grow a thick skin around them.

    I'm so sick of weight comments now, I don't want to hear anything about my weight!! Whether it is positive or negative, I do not want to hear it :laugh:
  • MamaMaryC
    MamaMaryC Posts: 142 Member
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    I am in the same boat. For years the comment was about "pushing away from the table". Now every time someone sees me they comment on how I need to stop losing weight. Funny... I have been in maintenance for 6 months now. I have even been told I need to gain a few pounds.

    I figure the only opinions I need to worry about are mine and my husband's. We both are the ones that have to see me naked and the other people don't have to live in my skin. :) Though at times, it does get to be too much and some comments do still hurt. I use positive self-talk.
  • hannamarie88
    hannamarie88 Posts: 231 Member
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    I think no matter where you are, where you get to, where you've come from -- people will never change. Oh, you lost weight, but how long til you gain it back? Oh, your so fat, you should lose some weight. OMG you're too skinny, eat a sandwich.

    I don't and will never understand why people feel it necessary to speak to others directly about their body. They really don't have a right to do so. The old stand by: If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it. ESPECIALLY do not touch me without my permission -- that's an excuse to punch someone in the face in my opinion, kinda.

    The only opinion that matters is your own! But people really need to shove off because they have no right to make such comments. Maybe they are trying to express concern, but really I think they are jealous.

    And to the OP: Congrats on getting to maintenance!!!

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