Being OK With Not Reaching Goal- How?

New_Heavens_Earth

I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

Thanks.

MichelleSilverleaf

Mental health is just as important as your physical health, and if there's concern about a disorder it would be helpful to focus on that at the moment. You say you're worried about health, are there specific health concerns? Have you brought them up to your therapist?

JeromeBarry1

I learned to be OK with failing to accomplish a college degree.

NovusDies

I think this is something to discuss with the therapist.

BethE238

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

This speaks volumes to me. I personally don’t think other people’s opinions or actions should be determining your weight loss goals or body image. I don’t know you, but I think you’d benefit more from working on tuning out those people before deciding what weight you want to be. Working with a therapist for awhile could help you with that, and holding off on your weight loss to address these feelings seems like a very reasonable and healthy thing to do for yourself. Hugs and best of luck to you!

brittlb07

I used to suffer from body dysmorphia syndrome meaning that even at 108 pounds I felt fat and worked out like crazy. I never actually starved myself or vomited but it wasn’t good. I had to be medicated for anxiety which helped. Please don’t let it get to that point. Is it possible you feel “big” but are really perfect for your height? I think you are smart to seek help. How tall are you?

New_Heavens_Earth

MichelleSilverleaf wrote: »

Mental health is just as important as your physical health, and if there's concern about a disorder it would be helpful to focus on that at the moment. You say you're worried about health, are there specific health concerns? Have you brought them up to your therapist?

I was prediabetic, gone now, but my family history of heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes leaves me worried. So far my numbers are great and I was told not to worry. That's why it was suggested I set my current weight as goal for now.

New_Heavens_Earth

brittlb07 wrote: »

I used to suffer from body dysmorphia syndrome meaning that even at 108 pounds I felt fat and worked out like crazy. I never actually starved myself or vomited but it wasn’t good. I had to be medicated for anxiety which helped. Please don’t let it get to that point. Is it possible you feel “big” but are really perfect for your height? I think you are smart to seek help. How tall are you?

I'm 5'3" so technically still overweight, but yes I do feel big. I'll discuss this with the therapist too.

Thanks.

lynn_glenmont

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

Thanks.

Can you give any specific examples of people treating you as fat and hopeless at your current weight? I ask because I find it difficult to imagine that in a society filled with people who are actually obese (not sure where you live, of course), someone who is only slightly overweight is being treated as fat and hopeless.

I bring this up because it seems to me that in addition to having an unrealistic perception of your own body, you may be projecting that perception on to other people and assuming they view you that way too.

As others have said, these seem like issues to discuss with your therapist.

lemurcat2

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

brittlb07 wrote: »

I used to suffer from body dysmorphia syndrome meaning that even at 108 pounds I felt fat and worked out like crazy. I never actually starved myself or vomited but it wasn’t good. I had to be medicated for anxiety which helped. Please don’t let it get to that point. Is it possible you feel “big” but are really perfect for your height? I think you are smart to seek help. How tall are you?

I'm 5'3" so technically still overweight, but yes I do feel big. I'll discuss this with the therapist too.

Thanks.

You aren't unhealthfully overweight, and as someone who is also 5'3, at your weight I didn't feel like I looked my best or like I wanted to (not saying you are the same, I have a small frame), but -- the important part -- I looked totally normal, not noticeably fat at all, especially in the US today, and could find cute clothes that I felt good in and so on. I went to the doctor at that weight (when still losing) and she said "technically you are overweight, but just a tad, and your health markers are great, so no need to change anything, just keep eating well and staying active). At his point your mental health is probably more significant for overall health, and learning to feel good about yourself without requiring certain external things (like 135 lb) and to deal with the anxiety and a possible eating disorder that will make it even harder, so I think it's probably a good idea to take a break and learn to feel good where you are. You may or may not decide later you want to lose more. I've had lots of goals I've put off or reevaluated and changed my mind about.

The fat and hopeless thing is in your head, and one of the things you will be working on. And if people in your life really do treat you that way, learning to deal with that or get them out of your life will be a thing to work on.

SmithsonianEmpress

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

I learned to be OK with failing to accomplish a college degree.

It is NEVER too late for this. NEVER.

New_Heavens_Earth

lynn_glenmont wrote: »

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

Thanks.

Can you give any specific examples of people treating you as fat and hopeless at your current weight? I ask because I find it difficult to imagine that in a society filled with people who are actually obese (not sure where you live, of course), someone who is only slightly overweight is being treated as fat and hopeless.

I bring this up because it seems to me that in addition to having an unrealistic perception of your own body, you may be projecting that perception on to other people and assuming they view you that way too.

As others have said, these seem like issues to discuss with your therapist.

Specific examples? Being asked by coworkers why I'm still big (their words) for someone who's always at the gym. Being recommended a certain supplement to take when "I'm finally ready to lose all that weight" by a former friend. A congregation member saying I'm smaller but just not there yet. It gets irritating.

New_Heavens_Earth

lemurcat2 wrote: »

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

brittlb07 wrote: »

I used to suffer from body dysmorphia syndrome meaning that even at 108 pounds I felt fat and worked out like crazy. I never actually starved myself or vomited but it wasn’t good. I had to be medicated for anxiety which helped. Please don’t let it get to that point. Is it possible you feel “big” but are really perfect for your height? I think you are smart to seek help. How tall are you?

I'm 5'3" so technically still overweight, but yes I do feel big. I'll discuss this with the therapist too.

Thanks.

You aren't unhealthfully overweight, and as someone who is also 5'3, at your weight I didn't feel like I looked my best or like I wanted to (not saying you are the same, I have a small frame), but -- the important part -- I looked totally normal, not noticeably fat at all, especially in the US today, and could find cute clothes that I felt good in and so on. I went to the doctor at that weight (when still losing) and she said "technically you are overweight, but just a tad, and your health markers are great, so no need to change anything, just keep eating well and staying active). At his point your mental health is probably more significant for overall health, and learning to feel good about yourself without requiring certain external things (like 135 lb) and to deal with the anxiety and a possible eating disorder that will make it even harder, so I think it's probably a good idea to take a break and learn to feel good where you are. You may or may not decide later you want to lose more. I've had lots of goals I've put off or reevaluated and changed my mind about.

The fat and hopeless thing is in your head, and one of the things you will be working on. And if people in your life really do treat you that way, learning to deal with that or get them out of your life will be a thing to work on.

Thank you. Taking a break to accept myself where I am now and reframe would help.

rheddmobile

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

lynn_glenmont wrote: »

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

Thanks.

Can you give any specific examples of people treating you as fat and hopeless at your current weight? I ask because I find it difficult to imagine that in a society filled with people who are actually obese (not sure where you live, of course), someone who is only slightly overweight is being treated as fat and hopeless.

I bring this up because it seems to me that in addition to having an unrealistic perception of your own body, you may be projecting that perception on to other people and assuming they view you that way too.

As others have said, these seem like issues to discuss with your therapist.

Specific examples? Being asked by coworkers why I'm still big (their words) for someone who's always at the gym. Being recommended a certain supplement to take when "I'm finally ready to lose all that weight" by a former friend. A congregation member saying I'm smaller but just not there yet. It gets irritating.

Oh, my goodness!

Say it with me: "Where did you learn it was okay to speak to another person like that?"

Accompany the words with a smile and hold it until the other person looks ashamed. If the other person doesn't have the grace to look ashamed but instead tries to say something back, the second half of the sentence is, "Because you are mistaken, that is not okay to say to anyone." Then you turn your back and walk away.

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this kind of nonsense! Gracious, no wonder you feel bad about yourself. You look beautiful in your photo and not hopeless at all. Wishing you strength and patience.

jennifer_417

Edited because i should've read first.

brenn24179

I know everyone is different but 147 sounds good to me, maybe you expect too much of yourself. I am 5'4 and weigh 157 and like you I was up to 208 lbs. I am happy to be where I am. I know everyone has different bone structure and my legs are not tiny and I also have boobs.

Lillymoo01

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

I learned to be OK with failing to accomplish a college degree.

I'm in my 40's and am at uni but there are others doing the same degree in their 60's. It is never too late to continue with your education.

apullum

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

lynn_glenmont wrote: »

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

Thanks.

Can you give any specific examples of people treating you as fat and hopeless at your current weight? I ask because I find it difficult to imagine that in a society filled with people who are actually obese (not sure where you live, of course), someone who is only slightly overweight is being treated as fat and hopeless.

I bring this up because it seems to me that in addition to having an unrealistic perception of your own body, you may be projecting that perception on to other people and assuming they view you that way too.

As others have said, these seem like issues to discuss with your therapist.

Specific examples? Being asked by coworkers why I'm still big (their words) for someone who's always at the gym. Being recommended a certain supplement to take when "I'm finally ready to lose all that weight" by a former friend. A congregation member saying I'm smaller but just not there yet. It gets irritating.

Coworkers who feel it is appropriate to comment on your body is a matter to bring up with your supervisor and/or HR. There is no reason you should be treated like that by anyone, but at work there are people whose job it is to address it.

apullum

Lillymoo01 wrote: »

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

I learned to be OK with failing to accomplish a college degree.

I'm in my 40's and am at uni but there are others doing the same degree in their 60's. It is never too late to continue with your education.

I'm a professor in my mid-30s and I have had students older than me. At my university it's not uncommon at all.

Deviette

Lillymoo01 wrote: »

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

I learned to be OK with failing to accomplish a college degree.

I'm in my 40's and am at uni but there are others doing the same degree in their 60's. It is never too late to continue with your education.

May I ask why you're trying to encourage someone who is okay with not having a degree, into getting a degree?

Using the words listed previously: Where did you learn it was okay to speak to another person like that?

I know you think you're being helpful and encouraging, but essentially you're saying that what they are happy with, isn't okay. They didn't ask for your comments in the same way that OP didn't ask for others to comment on her weight. Academia isn't for everyone, and no one should be made to feel bad because they don't have a degree.

smolmaus

Deviette wrote: »

May I ask why you're trying to encourage someone who is okay with not having a degree, into getting a degree?

Using the words listed previously: Where did you learn it was okay to speak to another person like that?

I appreciate this. I dropped out of my PhD due to depression and when people go on about what a shame it was I feel just as sick as when I got comments about my weight gain.

To OP: I absolutely agree with everyone saying that this is exactly the thing your referral to a therapist is for. Comments by other people are crossing a line; they're invasive and thoughtless and borderline cruel but it's the internal thoughts that are going to do you harm. Your body can be perfectly happy and healthy at the weight you are now, you just need some help to get the brain to catch up. I really feel for you and I hope you get there.