Being OK With Not Reaching Goal- How?

New_Heavens_Earth
New_Heavens_Earth Posts: 610 Member
edited December 19 in Health and Weight Loss
I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

Thanks.
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Replies

  • New_Heavens_Earth
    New_Heavens_Earth Posts: 610 Member
    MichelleSilverleaf wrote: »
    Mental health is just as important as your physical health, and if there's concern about a disorder it would be helpful to focus on that at the moment. You say you're worried about health, are there specific health concerns? Have you brought them up to your therapist?

    I was prediabetic, gone now, but my family history of heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes leaves me worried. So far my numbers are great and I was told not to worry. That's why it was suggested I set my current weight as goal for now.
  • New_Heavens_Earth
    New_Heavens_Earth Posts: 610 Member
    brittlb07 wrote: »
    I used to suffer from body dysmorphia syndrome meaning that even at 108 pounds I felt fat and worked out like crazy. I never actually starved myself or vomited but it wasn’t good. I had to be medicated for anxiety which helped. Please don’t let it get to that point. Is it possible you feel “big” but are really perfect for your height? I think you are smart to seek help. How tall are you?

    I'm 5'3" so technically still overweight, but yes I do feel big. I'll discuss this with the therapist too.

    Thanks.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,097 Member
    New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »
    I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

    I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

    I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

    My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

    Thanks.

    Can you give any specific examples of people treating you as fat and hopeless at your current weight? I ask because I find it difficult to imagine that in a society filled with people who are actually obese (not sure where you live, of course), someone who is only slightly overweight is being treated as fat and hopeless.

    I bring this up because it seems to me that in addition to having an unrealistic perception of your own body, you may be projecting that perception on to other people and assuming they view you that way too.

    As others have said, these seem like issues to discuss with your therapist.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    edited February 2019
    Edited because i should've read first.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    I know everyone is different but 147 sounds good to me, maybe you expect too much of yourself. I am 5'4 and weigh 157 and like you I was up to 208 lbs. I am happy to be where I am. I know everyone has different bone structure and my legs are not tiny and I also have boobs.
  • Lillymoo01
    Lillymoo01 Posts: 2,865 Member
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    I learned to be OK with failing to accomplish a college degree.

    I'm in my 40's and am at uni but there are others doing the same degree in their 60's. It is never too late to continue with your education.
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
    Lillymoo01 wrote: »
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    I learned to be OK with failing to accomplish a college degree.

    I'm in my 40's and am at uni but there are others doing the same degree in their 60's. It is never too late to continue with your education.

    I'm a professor in my mid-30s and I have had students older than me. At my university it's not uncommon at all.
  • Silentpadna
    Silentpadna Posts: 1,306 Member
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    I learned to be OK with failing to accomplish a college degree.

    So did I. Though it's never too late. After 4 universities and 35 years since HS I finally got one (only because my company told me I needed one to be promoted to the next level). The point with that is that even when comes to fitness and the like, the process is just as important as the goal - and the goal may change.

    @JeromeBarry1 you can still go get one if you want it, but I would submit it doesn't make you any smarter. I'm betting that you'll likely make some of the instructors and fellow students smarter. :smile:
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    you become okay with it when you have the realization that YOU are not YOUR WEIGHT and people really DO NOT CARE about your weight.

    i may or may not ever reach my 'number' goal. im okay with that. as long as I am healthy, strong, physically able to do the things I want to do, happy with myself as a person, living a good life and enjoying life .... my gravitational relation to this planet is not a big deal.
  • Silentpadna
    Silentpadna Posts: 1,306 Member
    edited February 2019
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    Having put out here that I'm ok with not completing college, I got at least 3 people advocating that as a retired cis white male I should aspire to returning to the academy to get, what? Please understand, I'm not uneducated. I'm uncredentialed. My thinker works fine, and my knower is capacious.

    Given your context, perhaps I would not have "advocated" it had I known. I've read enough of your posts to know your thinker and knower are fine. I was also perfectly fine as an educated person without credentials myself until I got a piece of paper that was requested of me. Otherwise I would have been happy staying as I was. It was meant as a compliment.

    But...being educated (and now with a credential) doesn't mean I always communicate clearly. Carry on sir!
  • SirMxyzptlk
    SirMxyzptlk Posts: 841 Member
    People focus way too much on goals and numbers (all those published numbers and marketed program stuff), and not enough on the process and doing what is right for their body. I am very guilty of this, but have more recently come to terms with better ways to measure my success. So now, I worry less about calorie numbers and weight loss numbers, and more about just doing the right things as much as I can. So I know what too many calories looks like from years back when I was doing the calorie counting here, and I eat within reason each day. As long as most days in a month are moderated, I can lose weight. Maybe a few pounds, and maybe several pounds, but it happens. Then I try to exercise at least a few times a week for actual exercise sessions, but I choose to park my cars futher away from the shop and walk in, I take walking breaks, I never take elevators, and try to stand often, etc. Just little things to stay active in daily life.

    Doing the process and the best you can is enough. The numbers of your body will work themselves out there.
  • emmamcgarity
    emmamcgarity Posts: 1,594 Member
    This thread has taken a very interesting turn with the discussion of a college degree. It is clear to me that the posters encouraging pursuit of a degree were attempting to be encouraging. I would like to parallel that the people who commented on the OPs weight were also trying to be encouraging. As a human being I have sometimes reflected on my choice of words and wish I had stated things differently. And sometimes wished I hadn’t said anything at all. It’s clear that no one here was mean spirited in their comments. And I am hopeful that the OPs aquaintences were not trying to be unkind.

    As to the original topic of this thread I think it’s sometimes smart to redefine your goals. The dietitian has concerns. Take a step back and consider why. How much exercising are we talking about? It might be time to break down into different fitness goals vs weight goals. Counseling can be helpful. You might also benefit from a planned diet break eating at maintenance calories for two weeks.
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