Being OK With Not Reaching Goal- How?

urloved33

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

Thanks.

are you healthy? is your bio metrics in the healthy range? do you accept your body as is? it is ok to morph your goals to reflect what is reality. its perfectly ok...often times we travel a path and the path leads to another place other than the one we planned ...and its ok to change roads based on where the road led you/

Phirrgus

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

lemurcat2 wrote: »

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

brittlb07 wrote: »

I used to suffer from body dysmorphia syndrome meaning that even at 108 pounds I felt fat and worked out like crazy. I never actually starved myself or vomited but it wasn’t good. I had to be medicated for anxiety which helped. Please don’t let it get to that point. Is it possible you feel “big” but are really perfect for your height? I think you are smart to seek help. How tall are you?

I'm 5'3" so technically still overweight, but yes I do feel big. I'll discuss this with the therapist too.

Thanks.

You aren't unhealthfully overweight, and as someone who is also 5'3, at your weight I didn't feel like I looked my best or like I wanted to (not saying you are the same, I have a small frame), but -- the important part -- I looked totally normal, not noticeably fat at all, especially in the US today, and could find cute clothes that I felt good in and so on. I went to the doctor at that weight (when still losing) and she said "technically you are overweight, but just a tad, and your health markers are great, so no need to change anything, just keep eating well and staying active). At his point your mental health is probably more significant for overall health, and learning to feel good about yourself without requiring certain external things (like 135 lb) and to deal with the anxiety and a possible eating disorder that will make it even harder, so I think it's probably a good idea to take a break and learn to feel good where you are. You may or may not decide later you want to lose more. I've had lots of goals I've put off or reevaluated and changed my mind about.

The fat and hopeless thing is in your head, and one of the things you will be working on. And if people in your life really do treat you that way, learning to deal with that or get them out of your life will be a thing to work on.

Thank you. Taking a break to accept myself where I am now and reframe would help.

Hi OP, I've read the thread a couple of times now and keep coming back to this, because you sound just like my youngest daughter. She had the same struggle and it was hard for her to trust her mother and I when we told her that she was beautiful just as she was.

That didn't mean that if she was uncomfortable with where she was at, wanted to change some things about herself, that it wasn't ok. It meant that her value as a person was every bit as high being overweight as it would be if she lost that weight.

Your value is NOT in that number on the scale.

It's not in other peoples opinions either. You're getting some great support and advice here in this forum, and I'd like to suggest you simply smile at peoples comments and start building a support group around you at home. You mentioned your congregation. Look for other women your age group there too. You'll be surprised how many folks who only look like they have it all together at church...don't.

Stay with it and be kind to yourself.

try2again

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

I How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

I think this is entirely the point of the therapist. You have some disordered thinking that is preventing you from viewing your situation objectively and that is causing you to be unreasonably hard on yourself. That is not likely to change without professional help. And once you've learned to view things in the right context, just think of the possibilities it might open up for you in all areas of your life, not just your weight & health!

I think I may have shared this link with you before, and I'll also leave it here for lurkers:

https://www.smartbmicalculator.com/

It's a tool for realistically assessing your health risk, based on age, weight, & other factors. Of course, it doesn't account for existing health conditions or family history. However, you have been told that your numbers are great and your weight is fine for now. Can you genuinely say if you got to 135 that you would suddenly cease to worry excessively about these issues? Do you truly think 10 lbs would make a critical difference? You are an extremely fit and active person... I would venture to guess that you are far better off health-wise than most sedentary people that are a several lbs lighter.

As to the comments from others- sadly, they are feeding into this weakness you have, but I'm guessing deep down you know these people have a problem, even if it is just thoughtlessness, that ultimately has nothing to do with you. Have you heard this quote before:

"You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do."

You are a beautiful, healthy woman, and I'm so excited for you to get the extra help you need to realize it!

endermako

My goal weight is on the high end of my height range. I set this goal on purpose. So once I reach it I can reevaluate and see if I can go lower. If not, I'll still have met my original goal.

fitoverfortymom

After losing 100lbs, but still being shy of my ultimate goal weight for months now (a year actually), I have to remember that being *slightly* in the overweight category, but having an active, healthy lifestyle is still better than being 100lbs overweight. I would love to drop this last 10-15lbs forever, and I think I'll do it...but it's gonna be hard work of balancing exercise and diet to get there. I think a lot more of my body composition now than I did when I was just trying to shed lbs. I'm overall pretty happy with any progress (even if it's maintaining-ish) as long as I feel good about my body composition and athletic abilities.

If I had to stay at this weight forever? Fine by me.

New_Heavens_Earth

Thanks for your advice everyone. Therapy is a definite.

OneRatGirl

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

Specific examples? Being asked by coworkers why I'm still big (their words) for someone who's always at the gym. Being recommended a certain supplement to take when "I'm finally ready to lose all that weight" by a former friend. A congregation member saying I'm smaller but just not there yet. It gets irritating.

1st sounds like they're jealous that you actually bother to keep going and are finding a way to to bring you down.
2nd, well, is it a supplement they sell with an MLM by any chance?
3rd may just be trying to encourage you to keep going, or just being an *kitten*.


15lbs over your goal isn't that much, it's far less than most people carry. Having people who think it's ok to be that rude to you around isn't because of you, it's the type of people they are. They'll always find something to criticise. Too big, too small, too bulky.

If it'd make you feel better, you could ask your therapist if you could set a small defecit, 100 cals a day or something. Would still keep you losing slowly but not excessively.


But your mental health is really important, every bit as important as your physical health, you've gotten your weight to a point to improve your physical health, taking the time to improve your mental health is a good thing too.

Psychgrrl

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

lynn_glenmont wrote: »

New_Heavens_Earth wrote: »

I've been thinking this over and its very hard. Please bear with me.

I've been trying to get back to 135 for a while, but my weight has been hovering around 147 to 150 for the most part. My highest weight was 208, and I've lost most of it on WW, and got down to 135 here around 2017.

I'm seeing a dietitian (RD) for weight loss, and she referred me to a therapist for a possible eating disorder (binging and excessive exercise). We discussed my weight goals, again I want 135 lbs, and she recommended that I accept my current weight as a goal until things calm down. She also asked how I would feel if I never reached 135. I'm worried about health, I want skin removal surgery, I just want people to stop treating me like I'm fat and hopeless. That's why I'm still pursuing it.

My question is if anyone had to take a hard look at their efforts or life situation and decide if what they've already achieved is enough. Even if it means giving up a goal, or changing a goal. How can I tell myself it's okay to stay where I am for the long haul?

Thanks.

Can you give any specific examples of people treating you as fat and hopeless at your current weight? I ask because I find it difficult to imagine that in a society filled with people who are actually obese (not sure where you live, of course), someone who is only slightly overweight is being treated as fat and hopeless.

I bring this up because it seems to me that in addition to having an unrealistic perception of your own body, you may be projecting that perception on to other people and assuming they view you that way too.

As others have said, these seem like issues to discuss with your therapist.

Specific examples? Being asked by coworkers why I'm still big (their words) for someone who's always at the gym. Being recommended a certain supplement to take when "I'm finally ready to lose all that weight" by a former friend. A congregation member saying I'm smaller but just not there yet. It gets irritating.

I'm sorry people are being so terrible. The simple response is people who act like that towards you don't deserve to have their opinions affect you, especially a former friend. But easier said than done. Because it hurts.

"I'd rather be overweight than rude. Weight can be lost, being a jack*ss is forever" could be a response for these folks that offered their unsolicited opinions/advice that should shut them the *kitten* up.

Or, you could turn the other cheek and be kinder and say something like, "I don't find your comments helpful or motivating, in fact they hurt and I'd appreciate you not making comments about my body in the future."