45 hit me

vmathys845

So I turned 45 not to long ago and I decided that I need to get myself back. In all aspects. I’m a mom of two (15 and 11) daughters, a wife (for almost 20 yrs), a small business owner (for many years) and I’m a punk rocker. My husband was recent told he needs to loose weight so we are trying the Mediterranean Diet. But I also do enjoy my idealshakes.
I am a smoker, but working out has helped me in my goal to eventual quit. (I used to smoke about a pack and 1/2 a day, now down to about 4-6 a day).
I am also the main caregiver of my widowed 84 yr old mother.
We love to cook in this house. We are not organic, but due to husband health issues we avoid processed foods.

I’m completely out of shape and desperately need advice and encouragement.
I recently joined a gym and usually do cardio and some upper body but to be honest, I’m pretty clueless and intimidated. I go at least 3 times a week
Basically I’m hoping that if I look better on the outside I’ll feel better on the inside.

French_Peasant

Welcome to the site! You and I have a few things in common (two kids growing up, long-term marriage and completely out of shape when I started), but I am a year older, and my "illuminating moment" hit me a few years ago. I worked my way down from 180+ to 140 lbs in a bit less than a year, and worked my way up to being able to squat and deadlift a plate (135#...barbell plus two 45# plates) in a couple of years.

You have taken two EXCELLENT first steps--getting on this site to track not just your calories, but other important nutrients (fiber, protein, calcium) and also your exercise. AND, you have gotten started at the gym. Additionally, you have reached out and asked for insights from others, which is another crucial step that should not be underestimated.

From here, first of all, you will want to work at making both logging and working out a long-term habit; the more you do it the more it will become ingrained in you. Second, I would highly recommend you get your butt in the weight room, intimidated or not. There is not a more punk rock space in the gym than the weight room (unless there is a climbing wall--that's punk rock too, but its really hard to climb if you are out of shape, and it's not punk rock to quit 10 feet up. #askmehowiknow).

The particular reason I wanted to respond to you is, this is one of my big regrets, that I did not start lifting when I started losing. My nephew was a personal trainer at the time, in another city, and he had sent me the link to MFP, and I lost most of the weight I wanted to through tracking and cardio. Well, after half a year, they started offering remote training, and I wanted to support him, so he set my macros and calories for me, provided 4 workouts a week over 6 weeks, provided links to demonstrate good form, and was there to answer any questions I had.

That's when I came out to the forums on MFP.

While losing weight was fabulous, lifting heavy changed both my body and my life. The strength, the confidence, pushing my body further and further, carving out my clavicles, revealing abs for the first time in my life (a four-pack, not a full 6-pack, LOL)--it's all awesome. The regret is in thinking amount of muscle I was carrying at 180, and how the cutting and cardio ate away at what I had. If I had been lifting the whole time and hitting my protein goals, I would have preserved a good portion of the muscle--10 or 15 lbs probably--which is like GOLD for an older woman. It is not easy to build, and it is what will give you that "toned" look as you lose. Plus, it makes you really handy around the house for lifting and toting.

If you are interested in bringing your punk rock attitude into the weight room, there are a lot of people that can offer excellent advice on this site (I can offer fair-to-middlin' advice based on personal experience, and give you links to good starting pages). Another option would be to meet with a trainer to get you started for a couple of sessions, which can also help with feeling intimidated. The key is to focus on compound lifts (squats, rows, lunges, DLs, etc.), work your way out of the pink weights with a progressive program, make sure you are always, always, always lifting with correct form, and be consistent with lifting at least 2-3 times a week. Oh, and get a higher amount of protein to help repair and preserve muscle.

Also, remember that you have two young girls watching you as well. My painfully shy and quiet daughter loves sitting in the corner of the weight room like a little mouse--mostly playing on her phone (we don't push her to work out, and anyways she does cross country/b-ball/track so is highly active) but also watching me, and learning to navigate in what can indeed be an intimidating environment for women AND men. One of the most important lessons she is learning is that these huge, muscle-bound, heavily tattooed, grunting guys that will from time to time drop a bar loaded with 10 plates on the DL platform, are actually decent guys who are just there to get their workout done.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck on your journey!

vmathys845

French Peasant: Thank you so much.
I am in need of being pushed. I have big arms as my job used to require a lot of lifting. Not so much anymore.

vmathys845

French Peasant: please oh please send me info links or anything.
I am not so afraid of the weights, just don’t know where to start. What weight to start at as I don’t want to bulk up, I want to tone up.

French_Peasant

vmathys845 wrote: »

French Peasant: please oh please send me info links or anything.
I am not so afraid of the weights, just don’t know where to start. What weight to start at as I don’t want to bulk up, I want to tone up.

First, don’t worry about bulking up...it is difficult for women to add muscle, more so as we get older, especially while eating in a deficit. Your lifting for now will just be to preserve muscle, which you will appreciate down the road if you have any loose skin from losing weight. The toned look you would like to achieve requires a good amount of muscle while paring the fat away.

When it comes to weights, are you planning on starting with dumbbells or do you have access to barbells, squat rack, etc.? I started my lifting with DBs at home, then started at my work’s gym with access to heavier DBs once I gained more confidence, and finally go a Y membership with access to BBs. I started with 5, 10, and 15 lb weights but quickly realized I needed heavier for a lot of the lifts once I got my firm down. I still use lighter weights for lateral raises, flys, and other lifts that are using smaller muscles.

Here is one of the best threads on lifting programs (each section of the forums has a selection of must reads, and this is in the bodybuilding section) https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10332083/which-lifting-program-is-the-best-for-you/p1

Take a look and see if any of these programs sound good to you.

I personally think this one is accessible for a beginner gymming 3x a week, but I would do the 6-12 reps recommended for men, I have no idea why he is recommending higher reps for women. Once you can do 3 sets of 12 reps for a given lift, you move to a higher set of DBs. Start with 5 lb DBs for the upper body stuff and 15 or 20 lb DBs for the lower body things like DLs and squats, and start with a lower amount of reps. I always do Romanian deadlifts because it is easier on my knees and puts the emphasis on the glutes and core. Since your job required lifting you may be able to do a lot more, but ease into it slowly. If you need to do unweighted squats a few times, start there. Listen to your body, but also don’t be afraid to ask for more at the right time.

https://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/dumbbell-only-home-or-gym-fullbody-workout.html

Let me know what you think after you browse through the programs.