Parents I need your advice

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  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
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    The_Devil_In_Miss_Jones_ wrote: »
    _Deadman_Walking_ wrote: »
    I vaguely remember December 2004 being the last time I napped, or had a shower without crying for joy at being alone for 5 minutes.

    Good luck.

    You never carried Benadryl in your house? For the kids "allergies"? 😉

    I'm kidding, I'm kidding..

    Lies! :laugh:
  • The_Devil_In_Miss_Jones_
    The_Devil_In_Miss_Jones_ Posts: 2,069 Member
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    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    The_Devil_In_Miss_Jones_ wrote: »
    _Deadman_Walking_ wrote: »
    I vaguely remember December 2004 being the last time I napped, or had a shower without crying for joy at being alone for 5 minutes.

    Good luck.

    You never carried Benadryl in your house? For the kids "allergies"? 😉

    I'm kidding, I'm kidding..

    Lies! :laugh:

    q70mw3wuygdd.gif
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
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    Congrats OP... only advice is you cannot prepare. Every kid is different. I have 6 kids and every single one did things differently.

    More diapers always. Never enough. Be prepared for examining poopy diapers with the care of a brain surgeon 😂🤣

    Good job being a SAHD! I am a SAHM and this job is hard! One last note... take showers when you can get them in peace. I cannot remember the last time I was able to use the bathroom or shower alone and in peace. :laugh:
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
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    RunHardBeStrong wrote: »
    Congrats! I don't have much to add to what's been said. Newborns don't need as much as many think, they are pretty basic. I always ended up buying/receiving way too many toys and clothes for each stage. So much that a lot of it went to waste. If family members insist on constantly buying stuff for your kids try and talk them into putting the money into a college fund instead.

    Omg so much this!! I'm contemplating having another just to use the sheer amount of stuff that never got used/worn. I keed... I keed. :laugh:
  • CoffeeAndContour
    CoffeeAndContour Posts: 1,466 Member
    edited February 2019
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    Have her plan her hospital bag well ahead of time. My son came 4 weeks early and how I really needed that bag. I’ll spare you the disgusting details.


    As for measuring early, I wouldn’t worry, but be ready in case he does make an early arrival.

    And have a birth plan written up. A plan A and B. This way you can make decisions for her is she’s too tired to continue caring.


    Edited to add, and Congratulations! How rude of me. Your life is about to be turned upside down but in all the best ways. Enjoy that bundle of joy.
  • amfmmama
    amfmmama Posts: 1,420 Member
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    When I was pregnant with my first the best pieces of advice I got were this ;
    1. Retailers are put on earth to make you believe you need stuff, lot's of stuff to survive, not necessarily to make your life better! You will find the items that you love, but don't go crazy....it's a waste of space, and a waste of money
    2. The mailbox rule. If you are exhausted, he has not been sleeping, and you find yourself becoming frustrated, it is ok to walk away. You are putting all sorts of thought and effort to creating a safe space for your babe. You can put him down, in his crib, and take a minute, or 5, to pull yourself together. (the funny thing was, when the nurse that told us this, she had no idea my mailbox was a mile away from our house ! .... we strolled the driveway instead)

    Good Luck.... you are clearly already in love!
  • Sunshine_And_Sand
    Sunshine_And_Sand Posts: 1,320 Member
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    Congratulations! You've got a lot of good advice so far. One thing I'd say is that for things that are a personal preference and later on parenting decisions, not saying it's ok to ignore your doctor's advice of course, friends and family will try to preach their way to you as if it's been proven in peer reviewed studies, but this is you and your wife's child and ultimately your decision (again assuming nothing abusive or unsafe for the child).
    Also, it's really easy to want to get through whatever difficult stage your children are in and wish time to go faster. We all do it, but try not to because they are only little once and time already goes too fast.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
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    Oh and I made a bunch of casseroles in the weeks leading up to the birth to put in the freezer. They became lifesavers for a good home cooked meal when I can barely function from lack of sleep.
  • debrakgoogins
    debrakgoogins Posts: 2,034 Member
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    thepainmaker88 wrote: »
    Ok I often wonder about feeding. Since I will be the primary one feeding him is it rational to think if she pumps enough will she be able to get enough milk to last me while she is at work? I really don’t want to give him formula but I’ve never heard of someone pumping all the milk their child gets (most usually nurse quite a bit)

    Every mother and child is different. She definitely may be able to produce enough milk for you to feed the baby, especially if she takes time during her work day to pump. We have a mother here in our office that pumps because her baby was never able to latch for breastfeeding. Her son is fed exclusively with breast milk and only milk that has been pumped. Sometimes a mother can't produce enough milk. It just happens and there is no shame in feeding formula.

    The best advice I ever got was: don't tiptoe and speak in hushed tones; vacuum under the crib; make noise while the baby is sleeping. A baby that can sleep through normal household noises makes your life much easier!
  • anothermfpuser
    anothermfpuser Posts: 84 Member
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    Can't add much more than what's already been said.

    My wife was a stay-at-home-mom for the first 2.5 years and then I was a stay-at-home-dad for the next 2 years of our child's life. It was the greatest experience of my life - also one of the most challenging.

    Enjoy the ride. It goes FAST!!!!
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
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    Its been a hot minute since I have had a new born, and I did not read all the comments so I apoligize if I repeat anything anyone has said. You definitely want to have a car seat, and have it properly installed. Most Fire Departments will show you how to install it properly. The only other extremely useful advice I can give you is to sleep when the baby sleeps. It's hard AF because you feel like you need to do a million other things while you have the time, but for real, that stuff can wait, you need to sleep, and take care of you.

    Congratulations, babies are wonderful.
  • AngryViking1970
    AngryViking1970 Posts: 2,847 Member
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    Burp cloths. SO many burp cloths.
  • RubyDarling
    RubyDarling Posts: 171 Member
    edited February 2019
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    Listen to your gut. And give up any expectations you might have about how things will be because that's how they are for everybody.

    I never even considered the concept that I may not be able to breastfeed. And when my milk refused to come in, I was pumping / BFing / taking prescription drugs to help increase my milk around the clock... but my baby screamed for 6 weeks because I was inadvertently starving her. The doctors, nurses and I kept trying to make BFing work, but it simply wasn't, and I developed PND. It wasn't until we switched to formula that I began to enjoy my daughter.

    Also, you'll have doctors, nurses and other parents telling you (often contradictory) how to do things, which makes it SO confusing for a first time parent. Listen to your gut - do what is best for your family, and you don't need to justify your choices to anyone.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
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    congratulations. wwwhopefeedsbabies.com has great blog posts.
  • rhino665490
    rhino665490 Posts: 8 Member
    edited February 2019
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    Congratulations!! So happy for you both! ❤️

    My parenting advice will be more useful in a year or so but keep it in your memory bank...

    My advice to new parents is... “Don’t wait until your child is 2-3 years old to start correcting inappropriate behavior and establish parental expectations.” In other words, when you start noticing your child exhibiting negative behaviors, you can gently teach them what is/isn’t appropriate behavior at a very young age, even if you just start repeating phrases.

    Ex: Your 18 mth old starts biting, either other children, parents, etc.
    To Do: Start using phrases such as “No biting”... “Biting hurts me/our friends”... “We use our teeth to bite/eat food”... “Does your mouth hurt? Let’s find a cold toy to help it feel better” and offer them a teething toy/pain meds/etc.
    It’s also important for us as parents/caregivers to recognize WHY the child is biting... the child is biting because their mouth hurts from teething and they might not be able to vocalize that to someone. A child might also bite out of frustration with another child for taking their toy— in this case, start using language to label their feelings. A child who bites is not a “bad kid” and shouldn’t be labeled as such; they are just trying to make sense of what is going on and don’t have the language or reasoning skills to know what’s appropriate or inappropriate.

    Ex: You enter a grocery store and as you turn to get a cart, your toddler darts out the door.
    To Do: Run after them of course, then start the dialogue... “Sam, you ran away from Daddy and *that* wasn’t safe”... “I’m your dad and my job is to keep you safe and I can’t keep you safe if you don’t listen”... Then give Sam 2 acceptable choices... “Sam, you have 2 choices... Do you want to get in the cart or walk holding my hand?”... (child chooses walking)...Then follow that with “Okay, Sam you can hold my hand...but if you run away again, I will put you in the cart so I can keep you safe.”
    Also remember to follow through— say what you mean and mean what you say. If you give your child the consequence up front and they choose to ignore it, follow through with the consequence. This will establish parental expectations, teach the child acceptable behaviors, and that there are consequences for our actions.

    Sorry this is so long!! Feel free to friend/message me for additional advice— I have a degree in Early Childhood and many years of working with kids. Plus I have my own 14 year old so I’m learning how to parent a teenager as I go. 😂
  • JeepHair77
    JeepHair77 Posts: 1,291 Member
    edited February 2019
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    Congratulations!

    Our kids are all teenagers now (!!!) and my advice is - this will pass. Every stage you go through, there will be some challenge that seems to consume you. Sleeping through the night, colic, potty-training, toddler tantrums, kindergarten adjustment (oh, lordy), picky eating, homework drama... all of it goes on, and you'll just get to the next stage, with the next set of challenges.

    I'm not saying you should enjoy those challenges. Some well-meaning jerk will tell you to try to enjoy it, but I won't tell you that. It's okay if the screaming of that tiny human makes you want to stab yourself in the ear, and no, you probably won't miss the sleepless nights or the spitup stains on absolutely everything you own, so don't feel obligated to get all sentimental about the stuff that sucks. I wouldn't go backwards for a meeeeeeeelion dollars. I will say - hang in there. Whatever it is, it'll pass. And there will be plenty of good stuff to enjoy, believe me. Newborns are snuggly and sweet, sometimes. 3 and 4-year-olds are absolutely the funniest creatures on the planet. Watching your kid play soccer/dance/play a musical instrument/whatever they've learned and practiced and improved at is the BEST thing in the world.
  • honeybee__12
    honeybee__12 Posts: 15,688 Member
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    I’m dealing with grandkids now but I remember well the exhaustion.
    My advice is to sleep every minute you can.
  • Ralphone
    Ralphone Posts: 1,836 Member
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    Start your college fund now and add 5o % to what you might think your child will need!! Congratulations!!!
  • como_agua1
    como_agua1 Posts: 210 Member
    edited February 2019
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    lots of skin to skin contact when he is tiny is really important whenever possible, esp if it's warm in your place and you just have him lie on your chest and cuddle him up . those are moments you'll never forget. <3

    my boy was very VERY colicky and wasn't up for that unfortunately . don't be too hard on yourself if he gets this way *hoping he does not for everyone's sake! * - but perhaps you can get one of those chairs that are battery operated and kinda subtly shaky to soothe him if he does. *sorry i don't know the name of what it is but i saw it on TV lol*

    i tell you , if i'd have had one of those when my boy was small - it would have saved me a LOT of frustration.

    don't forget self care when he's sleeping. you'll do just fine because it will go past in the BLINK of an eye! i have two who are all grown up and they managed through it all - best of luck :)

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