Please tell me if it’s me...
Options
Replies
-
janejellyroll wrote: »jenniferanderson3888 wrote: »Ok. My mother in law is living with us. I do not bring any sweets in the house. But she keeps bringing them in. I think it’s very rude. I struggle with sweets and can’t be around them. Last week I blew my plan because she brought home donuts. My husband says it’s me. I need to have will power. I think they should respect the fact I can’t have them in the house. Is it me? What would u do?
I feel this statement is a way to let you shift blame off of yourself. And I say this in all kindness and understanding because I am prone to blaming others for choices I actually made myself.
It helps me a lot in these type situations to think truth to myself. IE “I chose to eat a donut and blew my calorie allowance for the day.”
I think there is some fault on both sides here. No, it’s not really all that fair to say no one can have sweets in the house. However, your husband and MIL could perhaps make some concessions that other have already mentioned. Keeping the sweets out of eye sight can help. Ask them not to offer you these things. It’s a lot harder to say no when asked vs just perhaps going to another room when you notice people are eating a trigger food near you.
I also keep a variety of low calorie sweets around so I can treat myself on days I have spent too many calories elsewhere. Perhaps make your own stash. I have tic tacs, altoids, some 16 calorie ginger chews, 50 calorie chocolate squares, small halloween size candy bars, all the way up to 150 calorie candy bars in my low cal treat stash. It gives me a variety to choose from if I just really want something sweet and don’t feel like it’s worth going over on my calories that day.
Good luck!
I have had a lot of success with always making sure I have *something* to grab when I'm tempted, even if it's as simple as a flavored tea (I like apple cinnamon or chocolate mint) or a diet soda. I also have a little "treat stash" at work with some single serving candies. It's a lot easier for me to turn something down when I can say "yes" to something else that I enjoy.
I try to keep 50-100 calories for an evening treat and if my husband starts munching on a 450 calorie muffin with his cup of tea late afternoon I just look forward to the 90 calorie chocolate brownie or 50 calorie piece of chocolate I'm going to eat and enjoy after dinner.5 -
I’m with your husband on this.4
-
Without commenting on the relationship dynamics, I personally developed habits before I ever gained weight that led directly to me being in the position to have to unlearn them. Those habits are mine and mine alone. My wife always brings food into the house that I would rather not eat, and that's her choice as it is my choice to open my mouth and eat some of it.
I sincerely hope that doesn't come across as harsh because that's the last thing I intend, but, unless something is going on that isn't being shared, like a wife vs mother ultimatum or abuse, then personal responsibility and how much of it you're accepting ought to be looked at.
My MiL lived with us for some time, so I really do get how uncomfortable that can be, but there's also something extremely liberating about allowing myself to be 100% responsible for my own mis-steps, as well as my own victories.
The others are giving some great advice, like the substitute janejellyroll mentioned.
You'll get this and get through it.
13 -
its her,. ask her to leave them in her car with all the other unhealthy food she may want to eat/ helpful hint - do you feel comfortable asking others to please smoke outside? same thing. if you were an alcoholic would it also be ok to ask people not to bring booze in your house? same thing. its your house/ your safe space/your rules36
-
I don't like to say what is right or wrong with only one side of the story but I don't like that your husband was so dismissive of your situation.
You don't take your mother's side over your wife in normal situations. You just don't.
I am afraid there is not much I can suggest that probably won't end in a major fight. I believe respect is among the core principles of a marriage.
I hope you two are fairly young and he just needs to grow up a little.
My advice is to stand your ground. Tell him that in time you may be able to handle it but until then there will be no sweets left in the house. They can eat them elsewhere. You want your MiL to feel at home but this should not be a big thing to ask.
I would definitely ask this forum for strategies to help deal with your sweets situation.
Edited to remove a bad comparison that should not have been made.
LOL....sounds like a typical husband to me...taking the mother side over the wife. I don't know maybe just me but most men find it hard to confront their mothers.
2 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I don't expect the people I live with to avoid foods just because I don't want to eat them. When my husband brings home something that I'd prefer not to eat, I remind myself that it's his food.
At the end of the day, we've got to develop "survival strategies" to turn down food we don't want if we want our long-term weight management to be a success. Home, work, social events, etc . . . we're often surrounded by food and we can't eat it all.
Totally agree with this...if I "choose" to eat something it is on me 100%.7 -
I had a similar issue with my hubby. He was leaving his treats all over the living room coffee table and I found myself snacking just because I saw them. Finally I grabbed a wire mesh basket and set it uinder the table and that's where he keeps them now. Honestly it was so simple and I am no longer tempted. I agree with those who said give her and hubby a spot to store the stuff so you don't see it. Outside of that you need to just program your head that you don't eat those things or if you can afford the calories and can control yourself allow a treat once in a while. Eventually it gets better and I find others don't even try to push their treats on me anymore because they know I don't eat it. Good luck.9
-
To the OP...seriously blowing a plan because she brought in donuts, you could have just had one and that would not have blown your plan. Yesterday I think I had a good day eating wise and I still ate one chocolate chip cookie and half a kitkit bar...still all good!9
-
its her,. ask her to leave them in her car with all the other unhealthy food she may want to eat/ helpful hint - do you feel comfortable asking others to please smoke outside? same thing. if you were an alcoholic would it also be ok to ask people not to bring booze in your house? same thing. its your house/ your safe space/your rules
Being in the room with a smoker puts me at risk whether or not I choose to pick up a cigarette myself or not. Someone bringing a donut into a home I live in doesn't *do* anything to me physically unless I choose to start eating them too.
I don't know if I agree that a shared family home should be unilaterally made a "safe space" for one member only without discussion and consent from all members of the household. Simply declaring that common items can't be in the home doesn't seem fair or productive. Yes, it's OP's home. It's also the home of at least two other people, people who also deserve consideration, comfort, and respect.47 -
its her,. ask her to leave them in her car with all the other unhealthy food she may want to eat/ helpful hint - do you feel comfortable asking others to please smoke outside? same thing. if you were an alcoholic would it also be ok to ask people not to bring booze in your house? same thing. its your house/ your safe space/your rules
I'm a recovering alky and I never ask anyone to not do anything except drinking and driving. Most of my family enjoys a few drinks. I just smile and drink my coffee. Apples to oranges. Excessive alcohol also impairs judgement and reactions. A donut doesn't.33 -
I'm currently dieting to drop my 8 Lbs of winter fluff...I don't expect my wife and kids to restrict themselves just because I am. We always have sweets in the house because my kids get them for treats. My wife enjoys snacking on potato chips which is one of my favorite "junk foods"...it's up to me to either fit them in or just ignore...I don't expect my family to be on my plan.17
-
its her,. ask her to leave them in her car with all the other unhealthy food she may want to eat/ helpful hint - do you feel comfortable asking others to please smoke outside? same thing. if you were an alcoholic would it also be ok to ask people not to bring booze in your house? same thing. its your house/ your safe space/your rules
None of that equates to bringing doughnuts in the house. Smoking is harmful to everyone around whether they are smoking or not...and alcoholism is a real addiction...doughnuts are not.27 -
I’m with your husband on this.
In theory perhaps, in practice I am definitely not. There are many ways he could have handled that situation that would not have left his wife feeling disrespected. Off the top of my head he could have said "Honey I think this is a problem you need to work on but in the meantime I will ask her to lay off bringing sweets in the house."
15 -
As I sit at my laptop typing this there is a 400g bag of Roses chocolates [my favourite's] on the table that my husband opened and started to devour last night. I have taken out 6 of my favourite choccies and put them in a beautiful little cut glass bowl.....they are 58 calories each and I will have 1 a night until they are gone. On the other hand my husband will gobble down loads of chocolates every night and the big bag will be empty long before my 6 chocs are eaten......hubby will beg me for one of mine and the answer will be *kitten* off lol21
-
suziecue25 wrote: »As I sit at my laptop typing this there is a 400g bag of Roses chocolates [my favourite's] on the table that my husband opened and started to devour last night. I have taken out 6 of my favourite choccies and put them in a beautiful little cut glass bowl.....they are 58 calories each and I will have 1 a night until they are gone. On the other hand my husband will gobble down loads of chocolates every night and the big bag will be empty long before my 6 chocs are eaten......hubby will beg me for one of mine and the answer will be *kitten* off lol
@suziecue25 Are you sure you two are not my wife and I? Because that sounds just like a night at my house!
@NovusDies - I tend to agree with you. The problem with brutal honesty is that it's brutal, poorly thought out words can hurt more than any donut. There are better ways for a man to support his wife.
edit for spelling8 -
@ Phirrgus
Quote @suziecue25 Are you sure you two are not my wife and I? Because that sounds just like a night at my house!
ha ha ....marital bliss
1 -
jenniferanderson3888 wrote: »Ok. My mother in law is living with us. I do not bring any sweets in the house. But she keeps bringing them in. I think it’s very rude. I struggle with sweets and can’t be around them. Last week I blew my plan because she brought home donuts. My husband says it’s me. I need to have will power. I think they should respect the fact I can’t have them in the house. Is it me? What would u do?
LOL. It's 100% you.
Did she hold a gun to your head and force you to eat those foods? No, of course she didn't. You are responsible for what you put in your mouth. You won't get much sympathy for demanding everyone else stop living their lives just because it's easier for you that way. If you want to lose weight, learn some will power, or learn that you can eat small amounts of sweets and offset those calories with extra cardio. If you want a candy bar, go for an hour long walk to offset it. It's that simple.
16 -
I'm with the OP here. While starting a plan, it's very difficult to have tempting food right in front of your face. But you would need to have a nice conversation with your MIL about it. And ask that she only buy one for herself and one for your husband and not a full pack.8
-
OMG this would be hard. MIL should respect you enough to go in another room and not eat that in front of you! My hubby wants to eat at night and I make him scoot somewhere else. I would not drink in front of an alcoholic, same principle. Smokers, same thing, go outside or somewhere else to smoke.17
-
brenn24179 wrote: »OMG this would be hard. MIL should respect you enough to go in another room and not eat that in front of you! My hubby wants to eat at night and I make him scoot somewhere else. I would not drink in front of an alcoholic, same principle.
As has been said before.....alcoholism is a genuine addiction.....liking sweeties and cakes isn't.22
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 393 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 937 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions