Do people wait for love/intimacy?

amorfati601070

RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »

amorfati601070 wrote: »

RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »

I think a lot of people are denial about whether they do this, but it's definitely a thing. I'd rather be alone than in a dysfunctional relationship.

Yes, it's people that are afraid of commitment. They wont even give the relationship a proper chance. As soon as there is conflict they just bail. But it's true, conflict ( and resolution)makes bonds stronger. It takes two to tango my amigo.

Undoubtedly, the partnership is imperative. I'm casting no judgement on the parties involved, but if one person is not committed to the relationship they are less likely to compromise or negotiate.

Yeah but I also think like in the early days of a relationship things are exciting and there’s this electricity. Once that wanes and one of the parties (usually the man) starts to I dunno... get bored for lack of better words and they just crave that excitement from they get from a new partner. I think this is at the core of a lot of affairs. I am certain that there is chemistry at the atomic level responsible too. A surge in dopamine and oxytocin during the early lusty days.

Versicolour

I think I set my standards too high. I am doomed to be alone forever barring an act of divine intervention. But if that's what it takes, at least I know the next time will be the right one. I will not lower my standards again. I deserve more, and so do my children

jennifer_417

There's no one way to do it. If you're one who prefers to take things slow, then maybe it would be better for you to seek out someone of the same preference.

RhiAnLewis17

amorfati601070 wrote: »

RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »

amorfati601070 wrote: »

RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »

I think a lot of people are denial about whether they do this, but it's definitely a thing. I'd rather be alone than in a dysfunctional relationship.

Yes, it's people that are afraid of commitment. They wont even give the relationship a proper chance. As soon as there is conflict they just bail. But it's true, conflict ( and resolution)makes bonds stronger. It takes two to tango my amigo.

Undoubtedly, the partnership is imperative. I'm casting no judgement on the parties involved, but if one person is not committed to the relationship they are less likely to compromise or negotiate.

Yeah but I also think like in the early days of a relationship things are exciting and there’s this electricity. Once that wanes and one of the parties (usually the man) starts to I dunno... get bored for lack of better words and they just crave that excitement from they get from a new partner. I think this is at the core of a lot of affairs. I am certain that there is chemistry at the atomic level responsible too. A surge in dopamine and oxytocin during the early lusty days.

Yes, you're probably right, when the excitement and novelty of a relationship wears off one partner usually withdraws. This might lead the other partner to chase.... And depending on how desperate they are to maintain the relationship they will compromise more than what makes them happy. It really depends on the commitment of both parties to the actual relationship though. A lot of the time people have high expectations for how perfect the relationship is going to be and when reality sets in it becomes too difficult to maintain.

And, yes I think you are right about affairs. There is an addictive element to the initial infatuation stage, which is probably why people either; embark upon affairs or become serial monogamists. Chemistry has a huge impact I'm sure, our bodies are looking for the ideal candidate for reproduction and release hormones that compromise our ability to rationalise.

Unknown

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urloved33

Versicolour wrote: »

I think I set my standards too high. I am doomed to be alone forever barring an act of divine intervention. But if that's what it takes, at least I know the next time will be the right one. I will not lower my standards again. I deserve more, and so do my children

im w you. ill never lower my standards again and im ok w being alone as opposed to being mistreated or coupling w a squatter (someone who works hard to simply become the center of your world - literally sitting in the middle of your couch w technology in their hand while every one else has to live AROUND them. and their posturing. body language alone drives everyone you love away...ugh ugh ugh)

tinak33

Versicolour wrote: »

I think I set my standards too high. I am doomed to be alone forever barring an act of divine intervention. But if that's what it takes, at least I know the next time will be the right one. I will not lower my standards again. I deserve more, and so do my children

Honestly, I dont think anyone's standards are too high. They tend to be intune with each person's individual wants and needs. And those things change and evolve over time, but the core standards stay the same.

I will never "lower" my standards. There are specific qualities and personality traits I look for and I wont compromise on them. If I dont find them, so be it. But like you, I won't change them just to be with someone. I have no fear of being alone. I am quite comfortable being single.
💖💖

Pour_Decisions

I feel I don't have a choice but to wait. I refuse to settle for the first joe blow that comes along simply because I don't want to be single. I was married a very long time and now divorced and back on the dating scene. I want to find "Mr. Really Right" this time or I'll just stay single.

urloved33

Bucknutz247 wrote: »

She did not pay me. Just a favor for a friend of a friend

then tell her to hire you or another pi. its in her best interest.

Unknown

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Pour_Decisions

1sphere wrote: »

Pour_Decisions wrote: »

I feel I don't have a choice but to wait. I refuse to settle for the first joe blow that comes along simply because I don't want to be single. I was married a very long time and now divorced and back on the dating scene. I want to find "Mr. Really Right" this time or I'll just stay single.

I know that it's the norm for men to approach woman, but I believe that women can use subtle one-liners to show that you're interested. If a girl asked me in real life "Do you think that I'm attractive?" I would tell the truth, and it's a yes or no answer. Then I would also have no reason not to connect or date, but I wouldn't do so if it's about ego.

Oh I'm not subtle. When I'm interested in a man, he is going to KNOW it. Now after that, it's up to him what he does with that information. I will NOT chase after any man.

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Pour_Decisions

I can only speak for myself but I have no problem going up to a man and introducing myself, depending on the setting of course. Online dating makes it that much easier. There is always the risk of rejection but so what, people don't die from rejection. If YOU are interested in someone, then shoot your shot. Confidence is very attractive. I'm also a grown woman who has been through A LOT and I did not have this same mentality back in my younger years.

Unknown

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Pour_Decisions

1sphere wrote: »

It's funny how women are so much more spiritually intelligent with these things, and guys go to the effort of doing creepy pointless things either in real life or online. My friend told me before "you can't chase women, they need to find you", I think he's right as well. Things can get messy when you try to force things, and lowering standards isn't necessary.

Agreed, you shouldn't force anything or lower your standards.