Do people wait for love/intimacy?

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1sphere
1sphere Posts: 4,112 Member
in Chit-Chat
I think I wrote about this somewhere before. I'm kinda disturbed by the thought that some people rush to find someone or rush back to their ex for no good reason. What about all the guys/girls out there who deserve connection and may deserve your time more? there's a lot of people out there so it makes sense in a way to wait for someone meaningful...makes sense to be independent as well and let something happen years from now. But I don't know if a lot of people wait.
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  • wanderingarcher
    wanderingarcher Posts: 694 Member
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    That seems like an oxymoron to me, “serial monogamist”.
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    wanderingarcher wrote: »
    That seems like an oxymoron to me, “serial monogamist”.

    Doesn't the word serial just mean to follow in a series? So, if you were a serial monogamist you would be in one monogamous relationship after another with very little break in the middle.
    I suppose to some extent anyone who engages in solely monogamous relationships is a serial monogamist, but the material point with this phrase is that the person HAS to be in a relationship all the time and cannot bear to be alone.
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    Quite possibly MGTOW, but I wouldn't say the Feminist movement is about women rejecting relationships with men.
    It does seem that you spend a lot of time contemplating this topic though, and maybe going round and round in circles.
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    Why do you say too fickle?
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    MistressSara wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    wanderingarcher wrote: »
    That seems like an oxymoron to me, “serial monogamist”.

    Doesn't the word serial just mean to follow in a series? So, if you were a serial monogamist you would be in one monogamous relationship after another with very little break in the middle.
    I suppose to some extent anyone who engages in solely monogamous relationships is a serial monogamist, but the material point with this phrase is that the person HAS to be in a relationship all the time and cannot bear to be alone.

    Yeah this is a thing.

    I’d probably frame it differently though.

    Someone who enjoys getting to know a partner within the confines of a semi-committed relationship.

    A relationship that isn’t permanent isn’t a failure by default or definition. It can be a happy, satisfying thing.

    I think

    My personal experience of someone I would call a serial monogamist is a close friend. They are always either in a relationship or on the verge of being in one and repeatedly going back and forth between currents and exes.
    Imo a serial monogamist is different to simply a monogamist due to the actual desperate need to be in a relationship or dating someone all the time.
    I'm not saying it's a bad thing by any means, it's not my place to judge what makes them happy. I'm just saying that it's not something I do currently. I think I've done it in the past though, but self reflection has taught me that I've been in dysfunctional relationships due to that compulsion.
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    1sphere wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    Why do you say too fickle?
    Maybe it's my own problem.. I seem to keep changing my feelings for things, I'm a big mess actually. And I know for a fact that I'm not mentally right to date as of now. But if I noticed a girl sizing me up, I could lose my *kitten* altogether.

    I also recall you mentioning this and it seems that you're in a rough place my friend. This might not be my place, but I'm saying it out of concern for you. I really do feel you would benefit from speaking to someone about this, like a professional. If your concerns are leading you to be so reflective and constantly in flux about how you feel... Questioning yourself, it's a tough path and the sooner you find the right support the better.
  • wanderingarcher
    wanderingarcher Posts: 694 Member
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    I suppose I’d always gone by the definition of one partner in a lifetime, and while that’s rarely a literal thing, I’d expect a monogamist to see that as the goal and therefore take their time to be very thoughtful in their choice and subsequently committed for the long term.
    To jump from one exclusive relationship to another does not deserve the term monogamist imo, but I don’t define the English language, so education for me.
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    MistressSara wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    wanderingarcher wrote: »
    That seems like an oxymoron to me, “serial monogamist”.

    Doesn't the word serial just mean to follow in a series? So, if you were a serial monogamist you would be in one monogamous relationship after another with very little break in the middle.
    I suppose to some extent anyone who engages in solely monogamous relationships is a serial monogamist, but the material point with this phrase is that the person HAS to be in a relationship all the time and cannot bear to be alone.

    Yeah this is a thing.

    I’d probably frame it differently though.

    Someone who enjoys getting to know a partner within the confines of a semi-committed relationship.

    A relationship that isn’t permanent isn’t a failure by default or definition. It can be a happy, satisfying thing.

    I think

    My personal experience of someone I would call a serial monogamist is a close friend. They are always either in a relationship or on the verge of being in one and repeatedly going back and forth between currents and exes.
    Imo a serial monogamist is different to simply a monogamist due to the actual desperate need to be in a relationship or dating someone all the time.
    I'm not saying it's a bad thing by any means, it's not my place to judge what makes them happy. I'm just saying that it's not something I do currently. I think I've done it in the past though, but self reflection has taught me that I've been in dysfunctional relationships due to that compulsion.

    Ah. I see what you’re saying. Shades of meaning.

    I guess anyone who enters more than one relationship in a lifetime can be said to be a serial monogamist. I know that’s not what we’re talking about- just saying definitions trip us up.

    For example

    I have a friend who was married for many years. Loved her home, job, friends, kids, community, but disliked her husband.

    So she replaced him.

    To the outside, to me, it looks like a kind of serial monogamy and I guiltily think, what’s the difference? Everything else is the same! Couldn’t you make do? Or be happily single? That’s what I think I would do. But she likes being in a relationship. She likes being married. And the difference is, she is happy. She’s kinder, she doesn’t make snappish man jokes, she enjoys her children more.

    So, this is my biggest reference point, though there are others. Some people are just happier being hooked up even if it’s not forever.

    BTW, I’m not trying to be argumentative. I genuinely like exchanging ideas with you.

    Absolutely, I totally agree that there are different levels. That's kind of why I differentiate between monogamy and serial monogamy. I'm not sure where the boundary lies in terms of the length of time between relationships to be classed as monogamy or serial monogamy, so that's a grey area as well. Is it days/ weeks/ months, who knows?

    My experience of serial monogamy has always been (from a personal and an outsiders perspective) fairly intrusive on the quality of the rest of the person's life.

    Although, I'm happy to see that it is not always the case. I do believe there are people who thrive when they are in a relationship and those who prefer to be alone. But I guess I compare serial monogamy to an addiction in a way (again, I'm not judging, because I've been there).

    It's an interesting concept, the driving factor behind a lot of human behaviour is procreation and the preservation of genes, so I wonder whether it fits in there somehow.

    No worries, I didn't think you were being argumentative. I'm glad we can have a discussion in which we can have differing opinions and it doesn't become a personal attack.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    Anyone want to talk about oxytocin?

    It appears to me all the rationalizing of relationships goes out the window when the hormones speak.

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